Some families naturally tell more crude and inappropriate jokes than others, and those jokes run through the entire family.
It would be thoughtful for them to consider the feelings of family members who marry into the family, but that rarely happens, cringed the members of the "Am I Overreacting?" (AIO) subReddit.
The Redditor, who has since deleted her account, knew that her husband's family was full of crude jokesters, and usually, the jokes didn't bother her that much.
But when a joke was directed at her and her personal hygiene, the Original Poster (OP) felt uncomfortable, and that was only worsened when her husband shamed her for being too sensitive.
She asked the sub:
"AIO Over MIL's comment that I won't have to worry about "washing my vagina" after being told husband and I aren't coming over?"
The OP was aware that her husband's family liked to joke around a lot.
"For background, my husband and his family all like to use crude humor where one person is the butt of the joke."
"This typically doesn't bother me that much."
"Overall, my relationship with them is good."
But then the OP's mother-in-law (MIL) seriously crossed the line.
"My MIL called my husband to ask us about our plans for the day. He had mentioned earlier in the week that we might stop over, but she brought up that they were thinking about going to their favorite bar."
"My husband said that was fine and that we would stay home."
"Then he (jokingly) said that I would be happy to stay home because I 'don't like them.' I don't know why he would say that, but this is how they all are."
"We spend a lot more time with his family than we do with mine. I mentioned to him prior that I did not want to stay there until midnight like we did last weekend, NOT that I didn't want to go AT ALL."
"She responded by saying, 'Ah, okay, yeah, she will probably enjoy not having to go anywhere or worry about washing her vagina.'"
The OP was shocked by the joke, and it was only made worse by her husband's reactions.
"I don't really get the joke myself, outside of it being really crude, but I think she meant that people don't feel the need to shower or get ready if they aren't going somewhere? Right?"
"Anyway, my husband did not bat an eye at this. They talked for a while longer and eventually hung up."
"I asked my husband, 'Am I just supposed to act like that was normal?'"
"He didn't even know what I was talking about, so I said that comment was really weird."
"He told me I was acting like a child for taking offense, defended her, and said he 'isn't going to deal with this much sensitivity from me for the rest of his life.'"
"Clearly, I'm not overreacting? Right?"
"AIO?"
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NOR: Not Overreacting
- YOR: You're Overreacting
Some agreed with the OP's confusion and were thoroughly weirded out by the joke.
"I read the title and said, 'What the actual f**k?' The full story did not help. NOR. Seriously. What the actual f**k?!" - Born-Bid8892
"Making a casual joke with your adult son about his wife washing her vagina is probably the creepiest thing I've heard in a while."
"And I say this as a momma's boy, I still have the level of self-awareness that it is not appropriate to talk to mommy dearest about your wife's genitals. It is definitely crossing a line." - Snoo_705311
"I mean... how much time does MIL spend thinking about the overall cleanliness of OP's vagina?"
"Did OP's husband make some kind of joke in the past about something in their sex life, and now mom feels like she has the green light to joke about it?" - fakeVivisectionist
"Ask him to explain the joke. If it makes him uncomfortable, it means the joke went too far."
"Do that with your in-laws, too. If you keep asking them to explain their jokes about you, eventually they will realize it isn't fun to make crude jokes about you."
"Just imagine some of the responses... 'Yeah, my mom was basically just jokin' around that your c**chie stinks, sweetie, and that you're too lazy to clean it. Ha ha!! But don't worry! She was only kidding!! Relax!'" - PlusLandscape7703
"Let it be awkward that no one knows how vagina's work, and why wouldn't it be more of a 'joke' to wash up for home time with the husband vs. visiting with the in-laws? Not that any of that would be normal, either, I'm just very interested in unpacking the humor. Really make them squirm in the logic of it all." - Frequent_Class3191
"What does this mean? What does she mean by that?"
"I don't even think the husband laughed at the joke? He acted like that was a normal thing to say. Why? Was it even a joke or just a weird inside joke that became regular family vernacular?"
"Is this something the mom says often? Where did it even come from? WHY IS IT OKAY?"
"There are more questions I have than answers. Honestly, I'm more curious about what this means than I am about any sort of reactions." - caturday_saturday
"I'd be more reacting to the chain-of-events comment about him not 'dealing with this the rest of his life.' One shouldn't make light of divorce with their partner. Ever." - Gunfurr
Others pulled an UNO-Reverse on the husband's comment and questioned if this was the kind of family the OP wanted to be a part of for the rest of her life.
"I still don't get it. Like, what an odd, unfunny joke. What a weird family OP married into." - ReadingSad3228
"They're like a bunch of cavemen... That was my thought about the husband, anyway, like, how very caveman of him and his mom."
"I do NOT see the appeal of crude comments or behavior. In fact, I'll probably just walk away, thinking, 'NOPE,' let alone marry (or stay married) into it." - Candid_Jellyfish_240
"I've met families like this. They have warped senses of humor, and it's so normal to them, they don't get it when someone else is scratching their head over how they're interacting. It probably won't change, seeing as they all participate and think it's normal."
"How long have you been married? Is this a new dynamic, or have they always had a twisted sense of humor (I use 'humor' for lack of a better word)? Do you usually let these things go, or is this the first time they've done this?"
"You'll probably have to ask them to keep you out of their 'jokes.' Hopefully, your husband will understand your wants and stick up for you. If not, you have to think about other ways to deal with this or whether you even want to." - Fantastic-Surprise34
"Do YOU want to deal with this for the rest of your life? NOR, because that is weird as s**t." - DeinoTrainer96
"Your husband and his whole family sound ridiculous. These comments are only funny if you have the emotional intelligence of a 13-year-old, immature-for-his-age, boy." - KathIsMyPal
"Well, trying to find a silver lining here, at least you know if she visits your house, she HAS washed her vagina."
"Maybe next time you see her outside her house, you can announce, 'Ah, it's lovely to see you on a vagina washing day!'"
"And if anyone looks at you funny, you can then explain that she's told your husband that she only washes her vag when she's leaving the house."
"If they can only dish it and can't take it, I'd be questioning my relationship with the lot of them." - loopelly89
"Very immature type family dynamic there. It's normal for them, but it isn't really nice or normal for most people."
"Obviously and all due respect (however little is due), crude humor has its place. And that place is typically around people who you know will appreciate it and join in."
"I feel like the type of people who can't understand that are always the same ones saying that comedy is dead and you can't say anything anymore."
"Even if they're going to make jokes, the family should at least respect the OP enough to apologize if they cross one of her boundaries. But based on the husband's reaction, I doubt they care about her for more than a butt of one of their jokes at all." - Neveronlyadream
The subReddit was just as lost, grossed out, and uncomfortable as the OP was about this joke, and even if it only meant that she didn't need to get herself ready for company, there were far kinder ways of saying that than the joke that her mother-in-law made.
Not to mention, between her husband's gruff reaction to her confusion and his comment about not wanting to put up with her forever, the OP might really want to think about her place in this family and whether it was a place that she actually wanted to hold on to.
