It wouldn't be out of the norm for a tight-knit community to have neighbors helping one another out in a time of need.
Out of sugar? No problem. Just go knock on the Sherwoods' door. They're super sweet.
A Redditor however was slammed for not being so neighborly when he was made a specific request that made him feel apprehensive.
So they visited the "Am I the A**hole?" (AITA) subReddit to seek judgment from strangers online.
There, Redditor Sure-Exit-3600 asked:
"AITA for refusing to let my neighbor use my Wi-Fi after they "accidentally" disconnected their service?"
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
"I (30 M[ale]) had a neighbor (40 M[ale]) knock on my door, asking if they could connect to my Wi-Fi because they 'forgot' to pay their bill, and their internet got cut off."
"I politely declined, explaining that I pay for my service and don't want to risk security issues."
"They got upset and left, but I thought that was the end of it."
The OP continued:
"Turns out, they've been bad-mouthing me to other neighbors, saying I'm selfish and not community-minded."
"A friendly neighbor told me they're calling me 'cheap' and claiming it wouldn't cost me anything to help out. Now I'm wondering if I was too harsh. AITA?"
Anonymous strangers weighed in by declaring:
- NTA - Not The A**hole
- YTA - You're The A**hole
- ESH - Everyone Sucks Here
- NAH - No A**holes Here
Many Redditors thought the OP was not the a**hole (NTA) here.
"In the time it took to rally the flying monkeys they could have PAID their internet bill and had their service restored. Curious, why didn't any of the FMs give the neighbor access to their wifi????????" – celticmusebooks
"My ex gave our router pwd to a friend of his once while we were having a party. Said 'friend' then proceeded to sit on his laptop and torrent sh*t for three hours, including a Roussey fight happening that night, and didn't even bother using any proxies. I found out when I checked the logs."
"Just wide open. So I reported him to LEA myself and told all our mutuals what he'd done so they'd know to not trust him, not because I gaf about copyright infringement, but because a stupid **shole who abuses my goodwill without the barest of precautions to protect us both absolutely deserves whatever sh*t he gets." – KatHasBeenKnighted
"The guy didn't make the call to restore his internet immediately because he doesn't have the money. He is telling OP and his neighbors a BS story because he is ashamed to tell the truth. He is trying to shame the OP, so no one focuses any deeper on why he is even asking to use the OP's internet."
"Plus he is an entitled a**hole, genuinely expected you to just say yes, thinks he has the moral superiority over you, doing the fake moral outrage thing which means he doesn't have to show you any decency or respect, you are subhuman in his eyes."
"Or he is genuinely trying to hack you and steal from you."
"Either is plenty of reason to tell him to F'K OFF!!" – Dirty_Confusion
The OP chimed back in.
"Exactly! If they'd put half as much effort into solving their problem as they did into complaining about me, they'd have their internet back by now. And it's funny how none of the people backing them up offered their own Wi-Fi either—guess they didn't want to deal with the risks and hassle, but it's easier to point fingers at me. Hypocrisy at its finest!"
"Honestly, you're probably right. I doubt any of the other neighbors offered their Wi-Fi either, especially if he's pulled stunts like this before. Kindness doesn't mean being a doormat, and offering free Wi-Fi isn't some moral obligation. If they feel so strongly, they're welcome to help him out themselves."
Reddit continued.
"I feel certain none of the other neighbors offered him their wifi, either. My guess is, they are secretly laughing at him. He has to have pulled something on one of them before. If any one does say something to you about being harsh or selfish, tell them ' yep, sure am…I learned long ago to not be taken advantage of…but you are more than welcome to help him out.'"
"While we all owe others kindness in our shared humanity, we don't owe anyone free wifi. NTA." – Realistic-Animator-3
"NTA (<-- Edited to add)"
"Hey, coming from a cyber security professional:"
"NEVER allow someone you don't really know or trust onto your personal network!
That is very bad practice for many reasons! But particularly, if that neighbor looks up something; your ISP will flag YOU as having that traffic, and frankly, that's not something you ever want to deal with if you can help it..."
"NOTE: I used that as an example, but there are other things ISPs are supposed to alert authorities if traffic is found to/from particular online sites." – Hero0vKvatch
"NTA."
"If they download something illegal while connected to your Wi-Fi, the authorities will come knocking on your door." – BlueGreen_1956
"NTA - Facts. We had to tell a homeless family member no for the same reason. They have knowledge of networks and stuff that's beyond us. Besides the issue of illegal downloads, we were worried about them installing Spyware etc through our network too. They're more knowledgeable than we are, and we know just enough to know to watch ourselves." – Brickthedummydog
"NTA. 'Can I have a key to your house so I can use your bathroom? My water is off temporarily, and water is almost free. Don't be a d*ck.' " – repairmanjack2023
"NTA!"
"I've actually done this for my neighbor. It was at the beginning of covid & she said her daughter just needed to submit her assignment bc they were doing all that virtual classroom stuff. Idk if she said hers had gotten cut off or was down but we'd had a pretty friendly report up until this point, so I didn't think too much of it."
"Fast forward about 2 months later. My already spotty wifi service is now UNBEARABLE! I finally decide to log into my router & do some connectivity testing. One other feature it has is showing you ALL devices connected! 😐"
"This heffa had connected 4 different phones, 2 laptops, 1 tablet, and a damn Xbox! I couldn't believe her! And to make matters worse, my router was located at the front of my house, furthest away from my bedroom, so my router was actually giving her connections priority due to proximity and signal strength!"
"Never again!" – Insomnsdreme0905
"NTA."
"Unless you create a separate network on your router just for guests, their devices are going to share the same local network as yours. Today a lot of devices connect to Wi-Fi, like TVs, and cameras. A lot of these are low security, so he might take over casting to your TVs with a little effort."
"This is not a security risk you want exposure to. Also, there's no telling whether he's gonna keep the password to himself. He could be sharing it to everybody he knows, especially because it's 'free' (for him)."
"Secondly, you don't know the kind of volume that he does. He could be running game servers in his basement and constantly streaming multiple 4K movies, which may slow you down."
"Asking for free Wi-Fi from a neighbor is cringy, complaining when not getting it is pathetic."
"Any neighbor who thinks he deserves free Wi-Fi should share their password with him." – Redcarborundum
"NTA. You are not required to share the Wi-Fi that you paid for. You also politely declined explaining to them reasons why you do not want to share it. Instead of understanding your situation and bad-mouthing to other neighbors, they could have called their internet service provider and pay the bill which they 'forgot' to solve the whole problem." – Busy_Purpose_9705
"If your neighbors feel so strongly, they are free to share their WiFi. I'm sure they'd love to give access and their password to people who 'forget to pay their bills.' Clearly if that's all it was, they would pay it and have it back? I've never been through it myself, but I find it hard to believe that they weren't notified that service would be cut if they didn't pay their overdue bill."
"I also find it hard to believe that anyone is taking their side. I also find it hard to believe that you and your neighbors are that into each other's business. I live in a pretty friendly neighborhood, but I still don't understand these stories about neighbors running to each other's houses to bad mouth each other." – legallychallenged123
Overall, Redditors sided with the OP, and if he was still on the fence about the situation, they strongly advised him against sharing the password.
The OP's instincts about security concerns were accurate. Who knows what this person would do once he gains access to the internet through another user's connection?
Woman Breaks Up With Boyfriend Who Worried People Would Think She Was Trans For Using Stand-To-Pee Device
Content Warning: Transphobia, Transphobic Comments
There are countless different reasons that a relationship might end, and a red flag could arise at any time. Some of these might have been learned in childhood and could improve over time.
Transphobia is absolutely a red flag that should be acted on immediately; however, with no option to fly again, pointed out the members of the "Am I the A**hole?" (AITA) subReddit.
Redditor funnelfuss was in the car with her boyfriend when they got stuck in a traffic jam.
She really needed to use the restroom, so since she had a device with her to make the process easier, she decided she'd step out of the car.
But when her boyfriend panicked and thought people might mistake her for a man, the Original Poster (OP) realized that her boyfriend was not who she thought he was.
She asked the sub:
The OP had to use the restroom while stuck in a traffic jam.
"My (26 Female) boyfriend (25 Male) and I got stuck in an insane traffic jam. My boyfriend was driving."
"We were at a standstill. Found out later on, they had closed the highway."
"I had to pee really bad, like bad bad bad. I saw that a couple guys had run to the side of the road to pee, and I decided to do the same."
"It was super open, with a few bushes by the side of the road, really not much cover."
The OP's boyfriend became uncomfortable when he realized she had a pee-to-stand device.
"I have a stand-to-pee device in my car, but when I grabbed it, my boyfriend got all weird."
"He said people would see me pee standing up and think I was Trans."
"I said no one would think that, plenty of women have pee funnels, and that also I didn't care. I have no beef with Trans people!"
"He said I should squat, just to put his mind at ease."
"I said I didn't want to get my butt and c**ch out on the highway in front of everyone, or get pee on my shoes, and I just wanted to be quick and clean."
"He said he didn't want people to look at the girl he was dating and think she was Trans and that I should squat, like GIRLS do."
The OP decided she was over it.
"I was dying by this point. I couldn't hold it anymore, and I really didn't want to show the world my butt, so I ran to the side of the road and slipped the device into my jeans and just peed standing up with my back to traffic."
"No one could see anything; it just slides through the zipper. But I guess maybe if someone was looking, they would be confused? But also, who's LOOKING?!"
"When I got back to the car, my boyfriend wouldn't talk to me. He says I disrespected his feelings. But it was 100% an emergency, and I don't get what his problem was."
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
Some reassured the OP that there was nothing wrong with using the restroom how she wanted.
"OP, don't think for one more second about this. Your boyfriend is being ridiculous."
"As if you will ever see any of those people again! Plus, holding it in for too long can cause a whole host of issues."
"It's actually genius that you have something like that in your car, just in case. I'm going to order one too now! NTA." - m_alice88
"'Honey, please show all these strangers your c**ch and a** so they know I'm not gay, mmmm'kay?'"
"A weak man, a very weak man." - lefteyedcrow
"You must have a she-wee! Those are so great for women."
"Tell your boyfriend to get over himself. You had to pee. He does not understand that squatting can suck and leave you exposed."
"If he is that upset you did this, rethink this relationship. I would find it hysterical."
"NTA." - Oktodayithink
"NTA, OP. You just needed a makeshift restroom."
"Your boyfriend apparently thought that it was normal for people to stare at strangers who are trying to pee to evaluate who they are, who they're with, and what the status of their relationship is."
"You know, to pass the time while in gridlock traffic." - Pixichixi
"You did nothing wrong, OP! When you have to go, you have to go. It's healthier to go."
"And don't apologize! We're so wired to reduce conflict, even to the point of downplaying how we feel to keep the peace or end the silence. Don't do it."
"It's a him issue. He thinks his feelings on this are more important than your discomfort about showing your naked body on the side of the road. If he can't figure that out for himself and apologize, it would be a dealbreaker for me." - lelawes
Others agreed and pointed out that the ex-boyfriend was very transphobic.
"NTA. Your boyfriend is clearly transphobic. That is 100% on him. And who cares if people think you are Trans?"
"'He said he didn't want people to look at the girl he was dating and think she was Trans.' And you don't want people to think you're dating someone bigoted and hateful." - GreekAmericanDom
"He may not consider himself transphobic ('I don't hate Trans people! I just don't want to be associated with them or have anyone think I'm with a Trans person!'), but he absolutely is, probably with a healthy side helping of homophobia."
"Why would he care, unless a) Trans women are not women in his eyes, or b) it somehow would be emasculating or embarrassing to his ego to be with a Trans woman."
"Also, you're in a traffic jam. Who the f**k is even watching close enough to care, and who of those people matters enough to give two s**ts about what they think."
"Not to mention, he's being weirdly controlling about your behaviors and how they reflect on him in a scenario where arguably he's never going to interact with a single person he's worrying about." - maladicta228
"This post reminds me of the time I got dressed to go to a function. It was a casual gathering. My kid (this was solidly on their father, my ex, as he's gotten insanely bigoted as he's aged) said, 'Mom, you're dressed like a Lesbian.'"
"Me: 'Lesbians have great fashion sense, I'd love to be mistaken for one.'"
"They paused for a second and realized that I truly wasn't dressing for men (despite it being my husband's work function), and that being seen as a lesbian was a good thing. I'm so glad I raised them to think for themselves, and realize that one can be wrong, admit it, and work on being a better person every day. They've never said anything like that since." - baconbitsy
"He's so insecure (and transphobic) that he cares more about what some strangers in a traffic jam might wrongly assume about you (and thereby him) than YOUR needs, comfort, and health."
"He expected you to prioritize his insecurities (feelings) above that and then punished you when you prioritized your health."
"You sure you want to be with someone like that?? NTA." - molotovmerkin
"Your boyfriend is so transphobic that he wants you to expose your genitalia on the side of the road to prove that you're not a Trans woman because he can't stand the idea of a total stranger, in a neighboring car, whom he will never speak to or see ever again, thinking he MIGHT be SHARING A CAR (because the strangers in other cars have no idea that you're dating) with a Trans woman."
"You're NTA, but get a better boyfriend." - HighCsummer
"Literally, you have to be super transphobic to think people in traffic are gonna judge you if your girlfriend is standing to pee. Like come onnnnnn, this is some insane insecurity." - Responsible-Pickle-2
Some pointed out that not only was the ex-boyfriend transphobic, but also controlling.
"This won't be the last time he expects OP to sacrifice things or make her life worse so that she can conform to his ideal of feminine stereotypes and keep up appearances for his fragile masculine ego."
"And that he gave her the silent treatment for not obliging his transphobia and misogyny disguised as 'feelings' is also problematic." - blancamystiere
"He's insecure and transphobic. He also puts his insecurity and transphobia above your comfort."
"NTA, and honestly, you can do better than this specimen." - PetersMapProject
"NTA. Your boyfriend would have preferred for everyone to see your a** and vagina than have a random stranger think his girlfriend is Trans. He would rather you expose yourself for his personal gain."
"Get a better boyfriend." - Amaze-balls-trippen
"The transphobia? The insecurity? And the silent treatment when he doesn't get his way?"
"So many red flags!" - CarolynDesign
"He also puts his insecurity and transphobia above your comfort and safety."
"He would rather you invite unwanted attention and risk by exposing your private parts to the world than have people think he (who most of the onlookers couldn't even see) might be dating a Trans person."
"NTA. OP, he's too insecure, self-centered, and immature to be a good partner to you, given that he's willing to compromise your safety to avoid a single twinge of discomfort. Dump him." - Hari_om_tat_sat
After receiving feedback, the OP was reassured and shared some positive updates.
"UPDATE: Thank you, everyone, for helping me feel sane again!"
"I got quite a few questions about which device I use, and honestly, it's about what fits you best. There are a ton of options. It's what fits you. Check out pStyle, Freshette, and EllaPee."
"I tried peeing standing up in a toilet, and it worked fine. I think my aim was pretty good, but then I saw little droplets on the floor. No thanks, don't need that. Also, it's loud? Awkward."
"But for the outside, it's pretty fun! I drive a lot, that's why it was in my car. Lifesaver."
"Also, I guess in this case it brought out an ugly side of my (ex) boyfriend and clarified some stuff for me. A winner all around."
"And to all the commenters asking, YES, he is an ex-boyfriend now."
"And yes, there were other red flags."
"Ditched the man, kept the pee funnel. Gonna laugh at him every time I pee standing up."
There's no way to imagine just how awkward the rest of the car ride was after using the restroom and returning to the now-silent and very entitled boyfriend, still stuck in a traffic jam.
But fortunately for the OP, she learned something vital about her relationship during a moment that should have been a total non-issue.
By being concerned about this and expecting the OP to prioritize her ex's pride over her comfort, safety, and cleanliness, her ex told her everything she needed to know.