When we have guests, it is our duty to be hospitable to them.
Even if sometimes, hospitality has to be earned.
While we want to ensure that our guests feel at home and comfortable while they are staying in our home, it’s also not unreasonable for us to expect them to be gracious guests.
Nor should we be expected to cater to their every need.
The sister-in-law of Redditor This-Relief1 recently had an extended stay at the original poster (OP)’s home, with her children.
While this visit was a mostly happy one, sharing meals proved to be a major point of contention.
Specifically owing to the fact that the OP’s nephew.
Having some doubt about how to handle this, the OP took to the subReddit “Am I The A**Hole” (AITA), where they asked fellow Redditors:
“AITA for not catering to my nephews pickiness?”
The OP explained why dinners with her in-laws were proving anything but harmonious:
“My sister in law is staying with us for a few months while they move and it’s been tough.”
“I work from home while she’s a stay at home mom so she’s home with me and her kids.”
“Honestly, I don’t mind them here much.”
“My kid loves her cousins and it’s nice having someone to talk to at home during the day.”
“But the tough part is cooking for them.”
“Not only am I cooking for the double the amount I’m used to, I also have to figure out what to make for them!”
“Usually, I cook one dish and we all eat it.”
“No complaints or choice otherwise because that’s how I grew up and I never saw a problem with it.”
“I don’t force feed, just set the bowl in front of them and they eat as much as they want.”
“It’s great, my daughter eats everything and rarely expresses she doesn’t like something.”
“(As a 3 year old, she does occasionally lol).”
“My sister in laws kids… are very picky.”
“They don’t like tomato sauce, they don’t like veggies, they don’t like melted cheese, they don’t like mayo on their burger but sandwich is fine, they don’t like soggy cereal, I can go on and on.”
“Every day, I try to make something they like.”
“I made pancakes, my sister in law is like oh… what recipe did you use?”
“My oldest only eats a specific recipe… when he walks in, she goes over the top to explain to this 6 year old that this is a different recipe and he’ll have to try it.”
“He refuses to try it until she forces him to take a bite and he throws a fit because he doesn’t like it.”
“The rest of the kids are eating quietly at the table.”
“Any meal I make, I’m already expecting her to say something about it.”
“Yesterday, I made sliders hoping that would be fine… nope, she asked me to make half of them specific to the older child’s taste.”
“No cheese or sauce.”
“Just bread and meat.”
“He still didn’t eat it.”
“Because he ‘didn’t know’ about the taste.”
“Anyway, I’ve been already cooking with way less vegetables than I usually do and I’m at my wits end.”
“But I refuse to cook Mac and cheese boxes and no sauce pizza every night.”
“My freezer and pantry are all filled with processed food and snacks that we usually don’t have because her kids don’t snack on fruits and veggies.”
“They snack on chips and donuts.”
“I wish I was kidding but I haven’t seen her kids consume any fruit or veggies for the past few days.”
“So, AITA for not catering to their pickiness? I’m trying to keep balanced meals for my own family and I refuse to change that just because they don’t want to eat it.”
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation, by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
The Reddit community unanimously agreed that the OP was not the a**hole for refusing to cater to her nephew’s picky diet.
Everyone agreed that if the OP’s nephew was such a picky eater, then it was her responsibility to feed him and cook for him, which many people felt she should be doing regardless, as a thank you for the OP hosting them:
“Why are you the one cooking when she’s a stay-at-home Mom staying with you for free?”
“NTA.”- Only-Ingenuity7889
“NTA.”
“But let her feed her own kids.”
“You’re housing them already, why are you responsible for feeding them too?”- lihzee
“‘She goes over the top to explain to this 6-year-old that this is a different recipe and he’ll have to try it’.”
“Not going to get on the soapbox, but I think we both see the same thing.”
“Lets mmhmmm togther: mmmmmmmhmmmmm.”
“NTA.”
“SIL gotta start cooking for her kids.”
“Try to better mask your disdain, you don’t want to reverse mirror her actions by going too far to the other extreme.”
“If you wanna do some good though, you could really help the kids by slowly getting fruits and veggies into life.”
“I find going from fruit snacks to fruit leather to dried friuit to canned/package fruit, to finally fruit really lets you handwalk a natural fruit adverse person to yea, this is what they are trying to copy…oh…this is cheaper…you can pretty much always have it and the adults will cheer you for having it.”- pottersquash
“They don’t like melted cheese.”
“Are they defective?”
“When he walks in, she goes over the top to explain to this 6-year-old that this is a different recipe and he’ll have to try it.”
“There’s the issue.”
“She’s the one basically training him to be picky.”
“NTA.”- TetraThiaFulvalene
“NTA.”
“If SIL is that invested in her kids being picky eaters, she needs to be the one to feed them.”
“There’s no reason why you need to be running a short-order kitchen.”
“Cook the meals that you would normally prepare, and ask SIL if she and her kids will be joining you for supper.”
“If she decides that what you’re offering won’t do, don’t alter your menu.”
“Just let her know that she’ll need to make something different, & give her the opportunity to do that.”
“I have to wonder if her kids will eventually follow your kids lead, if SIL isn’t constantly making this such a power struggle.”- Mira_DFalco
“Why are you cooking for them?”
“Isn’t your SIL a SAHM?”
“Why can’t she cook for her kids?”
“Even for you sometimes, like a thank you for letting us stay at your home?”
“NTA.”
“Stop being their private chef.”
“Do what you always did.”
“If they don’t like it, they can cook for themselves.”- ExpressionMundane244
“NTA.”
“I think the solution is that you cook the way that you would normally cook, give SIL advance notice of what the menu is for each day, and if SIL feels that her children won’t eat it, she can either enforce ‘this is what’s available’ or plan to prepare something else’.”- JadieBugXD
“NTA.”
“If the kid is that picky, his mom needs to do the cooking for him, plain and simple.”-WarpedHumorIsTheBest
“NTA.”
“You need to ask, ‘So when will your new place be ready?'”- the_dark_viper
“NTA.”
“But why on earth would you cook for them if it’s extra work?”
“She’s a SAHM, so she can keep doing her job of taking care of her own kids.”
“You’re already doing them a massive favor letting them stay, why are they acting so entitled?”
“You’re not their personal chef on top if your actual job.”- RiverSong_777
“NTA.”
“She is a SAHM staying for free.”
“Her family should be in charge of dinner if their kid is that picky.”
“Or, you could split it, where you are each in charge of 3 dinners with a free for all once a week, or whatever works for your situation.”- Lurker-78
“NTA.”
“If she wants to cater to her picky kids, she’s welcome to make their food.”
“Has she not done any cooking while staying at your house?”- Scared_Ad2563
“NTA.”
“Stop feeding her children and stop providing snacks to them.”
“SIL can provide food for her own children if she wants to cater to their pickiness.”- Witty-Cat1996
“NTA.”
“When your SIL and her kids are at their own house, they get to eat what they prefer.”
“When they’re at your house, they eat what you make.”
“That’s common sense.”
“If they don’t like it, they can either rent their own place or go out to eat on their own.”-SomeoneYouDontKnow70
“Why are you cooking for her kid if she is a stay at home mum?”
“NTA.”- Average_Iris
No two people have the same taste in food.
However, if anyone is as picky an eater as the OP’s nephew, then it should be the responsibility of his mother to make sure there will be food he will eat.
She also might want to follow the OP’s lead and try to sneak some fruits and vegetables into his diet…