The topic of breast milk can be contentious. But we can agree a child should be fed, right?
Redditor tossmeaway48 is in a disagreement with her sister. Despite the original poster (OP)’s support, her sister is upset over OP’s stockpile of breast milk.
OP refuses to “donate” her milk to her sister for her baby, causing a lot of fighting in the family, and making OP question her decision.
She decided to ask the “Am I the A**hole” (AITA) subReddit the titular question about her situation.
“AITA for not wanting to “donate” my breast milk to my sister”
OP and her sister made different choices.
“I’m a mother of a 4 month old baby girl. I breastfeed her exclusively, and have had a fairly good supply. Recently she has been unable to latch on my left breast, and I have been pumping that side, so I have a decent stockpile of milk.”
“My sister also recently had a baby and decided against breastfeeding (which I support. Fed is best)”
“My issue arose when she came over one day and asked if she could take my breast milk. She decided formula was too expensive and she would just take my breast milk that I pump.”
“I told her no, that I was saving that in case baby girl has issues latching again or if I’m not around and she needs to be fed.”
“My sister freaked out and told me I didn’t need that much and I could always pump more so giving her what I have pumped so far wouldn’t matter. We argued for a while and she got our parents involved.”
“Now it’s become a whole family issue and the people who disagree have been blowing up my phone.”
“Am I being unreasonable?”
“A small edit before it gets much traction: my sister decided not to breastfeed because she did not want her boobs to sag. Not exactly the most relevant but I figured someone might ask that question”
On the AITA subReddit, OP explains her situation and is judged for how she reacted.
Other users do this by including one of the following in their responding comment:
- NTA – Not the A**hole
- YTA – You’re the A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everybody Sucks Here
The choice to breastfeed is a personal decision, with some opting for the activity, and others deciding on formula. But so long as the baby is fed, that’s what’s important.
But OP’s sister made the choice to feed formula to her child, and changed her mind. It’s not like she doesn’t have the ability to continue formula for her baby.
The board decided that the sister isn’t entitled to OP’s milk.
“NTA. Your sister feeling entitled to your breast milk is really creepy.” – KittySnowpants
“NTA. Rule of thumb #1. If someone goes whining to others to get them to harass you, they automatically become TA.”
“Please tell all of those other people to mind their business.” – Thia-M
“NTA. This is insane. Your sister can absolutely go buy formula.”
“If she legitimately cannot afford formula she can ask for help and I would hope you and family members would help her by buying formula for her or helping her access resources, but her decision not to buy formula doesn’t entitle her to your breast milk in any way” – rockabillyrosie
“NTA Your sister should’ve researched her options better and known that formula costs and arm and a leg. That’s not your problem.”
“You’re being super vigilant and smart making sure your daughter has a stock pile! Your sister is being very selfish taking that milk from your daughters mouth essentially.”
“And she’s not even taking into consideration that tears and dedication that went into pumping. It’s not easy. That’s YOUR milk, and the fact that she felt entitled to it disgusts me.”
“And not breastfeeding because your boobs will sag is a stupid selfish excuse…news flash to your sister, your boobs will sag either way.😉” – navigatingmama
“NTA. Your baby might need that milk, and pumping sucks so for your sister to just say you could pump more if you need to is just plain rude and disrespectful. Cost of formula is one of the things one should take into consideration when choosing how to feed your baby.”
“I don’t fault your sister at all for choosing formula, regardless of reason (those saying that she prioritised vanity are also out of order. Poor body image after pregnancy can be a factor in mental health issues after pregnancy) but cost is simply one of the consequences of that choice.”
“It isn’t fair to expect you to put yourself out so she can have both.” – Ok_Point7463
OP can absolutely put herself over her sister, if it means taking care of her child. Her sister can still get formula, but OP’s decision to breastfeed is more limiting.
The stockpile is important if any issues arise.
“NTA— pumping is a lot of work! I’d be afraid you give her some and she decides it’s the only thing her baby will tolerate and so you should supply all the other baby wants indefinitely.” – Pumpkinkra
“Plus what happens if you get sick and can’t nurse? Or you have an emergency and need a sitter? You need your milk stash for your baby.”
“You can’t ‘just pump more milk’ that’s not how it works.” – JoKing917
“NTA. imagine if OP didn’t have a newborn at the same time as her sister.”
“would she feel entitled to the breast milk of those around her, or the donated milk that’s normally reserved for mothers who are having legitimate problems with lactating/feeding their babies? how ridiculously entitled and selfish.”
“if money is an issue, the sister should start with asking for financial assistance.” – tulipbunnys
“It’s your milk that feeds your daughter. Your sister isn’t entitled to it. She only wants it because she’s too cheap to buy formula.”
“If she wants breast milk she should use her own. Her excuse for not breast feeding is, quite frankly, vain.” – DinosaurDomination
Whether or not you think OP’s sister’s reason for formula is vain or not, you can’t argue that cost should have been something she considered when she made the decision. But there are programs to help struggling mothers afford formula if she really needs it.
Beginning and end, no one thinks the sister is entitled to OP’s milk, and OP shouldn’t feel ashamed for saying no.