A parent’s main goal in life is to love and protect their kids.
And that starts well before the delivery room… and definitely includes it.
A mom-to-be should be able to decide who is there to support and who isn’t.
Redditor beautifullybroken94_ wanted to discuss her experience and get some feedback, so naturally, she came to the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subreddit.
She asked:
“AITA for refusing to let anyone back in the hospital with me when I give birth except the dad?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“I am 31 F[emale], we’ll call me B, am expecting my first child.”
“After two losses, this is my first full pregnancy that I’ve been able to experience and enjoy.”
“I’m currently 20 weeks and considered high risk due to some medical issues.”
“They’re inducing me at 36 weeks.”
“I’m already stressed and scared, and my child’s father agrees with me, so we made a rule: no visitors in the hospital whatsoever.”
“We decided we wanna spend as much time as we can with the baby, and then make arrangements for everyone to visit AFTER we get out and get settled in.”
“Well, here’s where I wanna know if I’m being cruel.”
“My sister found out and told my other siblings, and it got back to my child’s father’s mom, and now everyone is blowing me up, saying I’m being ‘selfish’ for not wanting visitors right away.”
“His mother even said she was going to make arrangements with her work to come to town to see the baby, but didn’t even ask first, she just assumed she could.”
“I just don’t want my baby overwhelmed and touched by 92930494 different people in her first few hours on Earth.”
“And I just wanna enjoy the time I can alone with her.”
The OP was left to wonder:
“So, AITA?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed in on some options to the question AITA:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Many Redditors declared that OP was NOT the A**hole.
“NTA. Don’t tell them when you’re at the hospital.”
“Let them know baby arrived once you get home.” ~ Actual-Swordfish1513
“It’s time for Dad to step the f**k up.”
“He needs to be a full-blown shield and protect mom and baby at all costs.”
“Mom shouldn’t have to deal with ANY of this garbage.”
“Any additional stress on mom right now is absolute bulls**t and can’t be tolerated.”
“NTA. Obviously.”
“I am a new father myself, and in our birthing classes, it was paramount that dad needs to handle all the things so moms can take care of what’s most important.” ~ DigitalMunkey
“NTA. Congratulations!”
“How exciting!”
“Birth isn’t a spectator sport.”
“You don’t have to allow anyone in unless you want them there.”
“Tell the nurses, and they will enforce it for you.”
“It’s beyond rude for anyone to assume they will be allowed in the delivery room or even to visit the hospital, beyond the baby’s parents.”
“Tell your child’s father to step up and handle his own family.” ~ westgateA
“NTA. You are in charge of who comes into the hospital with you.”
“Fortunately, baby’s dad is on board with your decision, and that makes it easier, but even if not, YOU are considered the patient and in charge.”
“You should be able to be comfortable going into, during, and recovering from birth.”
“It’s a big deal, both physically and emotionally, and anyone present should be there improving your experience.”
“That’s sweet, people want to meet the baby, but they can wait.”
“Congratulations, and I hope everything goes smoothly!” ~ WastingAnotherHour
“NTA and from experience, do not bend or hesitate to exert your boundary, no matter how much of a tantrum they throw.”
“That was by far my biggest regret when I had my first baby.”
“It’s not about them, and they can do things how they choose when it’s them giving birth.” ~ boringllama_
“NTA. During COVID, this was normal policy, and I was told by the nurses it was so much better for the preemies.” ~ BadOpposite1980
“NTA. You’re a person getting a medical procedure, not a public museum exhibit, and you’re entitled to privacy.”
“If various relatives want to throw a tantrum about it, that’s their problem.” ~ Countess_Sardine
“NTA. Honestly, this is simply the policy of many hospitals these days.”
“Babies are out of the hospital pretty quickly these days, so there’s no reason your family can’t wait a couple of days.” ~ BrewertonFats
“You already know this, but NTA – there’s really not anything else to say.”
“It’s a major medical procedure with a newborn extra susceptible to illness.”
“You won’t be able to explain that to your family so being an asshole or not really isn’t the issue (because you aren’t) because they obviously feel a type of way and a Reddit post isn’t going to change their mind.”
“So you’ll just have to be ready for the family backlash… or let them be there, I guess, which is really what your problem is.” ~ whale188
“NTA. Birth is not a spectator sport.”
“It’s your baby.” ~ yellowjacket1996
“NTA. No one even needs to know you’ve given birth until you’re ready for visitors.”
“Want a whole month?”
“Just tell them the doctor messed up your due date.”
“Want everyone off your back?”
“Agree that they can visit, but then just don’t tell them you went into labor. Just make sure that your husband knows not to spill the beans.”
“This is private medical information.”
“You’ll be going through a major medical event.”
“And then recovering from a major medical event.”
“You don’t owe anyone s**t.” ~f ashionably_punctual
“NTA. Your baby, your rules.”
“Don’t tell anyone your induction date.”
“Let your partner handle his mom.”
“Let everyone know that as a pre-term baby, your PEDIATRICIAN recommends very limited contact for the first few weeks.”
“Whether your ped says that or not, it’s a good idea.”
“So that doesn’t mean it’s an open house for anyone and everyone.”
“Once visitors do arrive, enforce strict rules.”
“No illnesses at all, and everyone has to thoroughly wash their hands before holding the baby.”
“Some people have no common sense, so you have to decide for them.” ~ Fabulous-Anywhere-22
“NTA, my daughter waited six weeks before welcoming visitors, and I was totally supportive because that’s what people who love you do.”
“Pay attention to those who feel their experience with your baby is more important than yours.” ~ Dogmom_3
“NTA: This is the time for your child’s dad to shine.”
“You focus on being well, and his job is to contact extended family and say something like, ‘We are excited about the baby. Stand by for my call to let you know when we are ready for visitors.’ That’s it.”
“Nothing more.”
“No explaining.”
“And when you are ready for visitors, he can then call.” ~ houseonpost
“NTA, there’s a time for everything, visiting is suitable a week or two later, not during birth.” ~ Illustrious-Unit-636
“NTA. You don’t know how you will feel post-birth.”
“Also, it’s your decision, and I’m disappointed in your family for not understanding where you are coming from.”
“I hope the rest of your pregnancy goes smoothly!” ~ sideglancegirl
“NTA… and don’t let anyone pressure you to do anything you’re not comfortable with (this stands for all parenting because, as it turns out, opinions are like a**holes- everyone has one, and they all stink)!”
“Congratulations and best wishes for a safe delivery. 🙂 “ ~ RIVERL0TUS
“NTA. Set up boundaries and stick to them now.”
“You don’t give a s**t if they decide to invite themselves- they will not be allowed in.”
“This is not about them and their feelings.”
“It’s about the safety and well-being of you and your child.”
“Honestly, if they keep it up, block the numbers and tell them they are the ones being selfish. Making YOUR delivery and the trauma that comes with it about them.”
“And you’ll not be tolerating that or responding to any messages about the matter any longer.”
“You need to focus on your well-being.”
“Not their unwanted opinions.” ~ WhatTheActualFck1
“NTA. This is a deeply personal experience between you, your partner, and your baby.”
“Enjoy those special days or weeks before anyone else visits.”
“Sorry that your family is putting you through this instead of understanding and respecting your boundaries.” ~ Unfair-Enthusiasm581
“NTA at all.”
“It’s your baby, your medical care, and your recovery.”
‘Do what you feel is comfortable for you and your new family.”
“My family member recently had a baby, and they sent a message saying the wife was in labor – didn’t say which hospital – and said they would not answer calls or texts and they would send a group message after delivery.”
“And then they were not allowing any visitors for the first month after the baby was born.”
“They needed time to settle into their new lives and for new moms to have some recovery time.”
“They sent a couple of photos every week, and that was it.”
“In this day and age, people can get photos and videos directly, and they can even FaceTime if they have to do that.”
“There is absolutely no reason why anyone needs to crowd up on them while they’re trying to learn the ropes with a newborn and healing from childbirth.”
“I was so proud of them for standing for standing their ground on this.” ~ AirportPrestigious
Reddit is with you, OP.
You need time as a family to bond.
It would be nice if your loved ones were making this as “stress-free” as possible for you.
You take care of your own health.
That is what’s most important right now.
Reddit was loud and clear.
Good Luck and Congratulations!!!