A household tends to work best when everybody helps each other out.
Providing they are able, if every member of the household does one thing to help everyone stay one step ahead, chances are life will be drama-free.
In contrast, when one person in a household expects everyone else to serve and kowtow to them, then chances are no one will be happy.
Even the one seemingly reaping the benefits.
Redditor Afraid_Ad_1538 had her hands more than full in her house.
However, in the eyes of her husband, the original poster (OP) wasn’t doing enough, or at least wasn’t doing what was expected of her.
When confronted with this, however, the OP paid her husband no mind, as she found this accusation laughable.
Wondering if she was shirking her duties, however, the OP took to the subReddit “Am I The A**hole” (AITA), where she asked fellow Redditors:
“AITA for not packing my husband’s lunch?”
The OP explained why she felt no guilt about not packing her husband’s lunch:
“AITA for not packing my husband’s lunch every day for work?”
“This has been an ongoing argument between my husband and I.”
“We repeatedly have arguments about finances.”
“For years, he has bought his lunch.”
“Bought coffee in the mornings etc.”
“During our financial arguments, I frequently bring up the fact that he buys lunch daily.”
“That if he was so concerned about money, then he would cut buying lunch every day.”
“I am a paid caretaker for our disabled child.”
“So essentially get paid to be a SAHM to our disabled son.”
“He says that because I am home and not busy, that I can pack his lunch.”
“I am far from not busy.”
“I clean the house daily.”
“Laundry and dishes daily.”
“Pack lunch and backpacks and taxi drive our children everywhere, as well as multiple meetings, Dr’s appt, therapy appts, etc for our disabled son.”
“I don’t feel that I should be packing a lunch for this grown a** man.”
“He is perfectly capable.”
“He’s just unwilling and feels that it’s my job to do this.”
“He works out of the house and commutes over an hour each way.”
“To say that I handle everything on the home front and with our kids would be an understatement.”
“I do not purchase coffee or lunch or anything of the sort.”
When I do, he points out how I’m home and have access to cook my own food at home.”
“The only consistent thing I spend money on is getting my hair done every 6 weeks.”
“Which I told him I would start doing myself to save money.”
“So AITA?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation, by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
The Reddit community resoundingly agreed that the OP was not the a**hole for refusing to pack her husband a lunch.
Everyone agreed that the OP did more than enough in her household, with some even wondering if she should even stay in this marriage:
“NTA.”
“You’ve got your hands full.”
“It might be nice if he packed the lunches for everyone to help take care of his family from time to time.”
“Ffs these comments do not pass the vibe check.”
“Op is managing all domestic responsibilities and is the full-time caretaker of their disabled child.”
“I would bet her husband has more free time and more breathing room in a day than she does.”
“He could be more supportive and stop acting like she’s his personal servant.”- FrontTour1583
“NTA.”
“The man is an adult.”
“He can put together a sandwich and throw it in a bag.”- GratuitousSadism
“NTA, but he sure is.”
“Lunch is expensive.”
“Making lunch is a life skill.”
“You are busy af, and there are many studies showing how much more stressful that SAHM life is than working outside the home.”
“I’m about to throw your husband in the trash for you.”
“Saying he’s an ah is not going far enough for me.”- herefortheshirts
“Obvious NTA.”
“Your arguments are solid.”
“Does he help out with the kids, including your disabled son when he is not working?”
“Does he do other things around the house?”
“He doesn’t seem to realize how much work running a household and care for your children entails of he thinks you’re not busy.”
“Do you often feel underappreciated?”- julesthefourth
“NTA.”
“You need to write a budget together, with an equal amount of discretionary spending for both of you.”
“He can spend his on lunches if he wants.”
“You can spend yours on whatever you want.”
“But you should get an equal amount of money to blow each month, on nails, clothes, lunches, lotto tickets, clothes, whatever non-essential thing you want.”
“If your budget doesn’t have room for both of you to have it, your budget for it needs to be smaller.”
“But I worry that your husband sees himself as the ‘real’ provider, and so he can spend ‘his’ money how he wants.”- sweadle
“NTA.”
“An idea for him is to pack his lunch while finishing up dinner.”
“My dad has done this for decades.”
“He will literally sit at the table and get a container, pack the lunch leftovers, and put it in the fridge. Easy Peasy.”- greenreddew
“NTA.”
“People saying ‘you’re already packing lunches, just pack his’ y’all I doubt he wants to eat what she packs for the kids. I would assume he needs a larger, more substantial meal than children.”
“That’s just extra work for her.”
“And saying ‘she’s home all day’ or ‘I doubt you’re actually busy all day’ she’s literally caring for a disabled child 24/7 and it sounds like other children as well! “
“She is also working a full-time job even if she is working in the house.”
“From the time she gets up to the time she goes to bed.”
“Girl, you deserve to get your hair done, it’s an hour or two of relaxation every six weeks.”
“I’m sure husband gets to relax after work while she entertains and cares for the children.”- AffectionateSun4119
“NTA.”
“You’re a caretaker for your son, not your husband.”
“The fact that he thinks you aren’t busy says a lot.”
“Also, the fact that he feels entitled to free and thankless labor from you.”- NoType83
“NTA.”
“If he were really concerned about money, he would make his lunch.”
“Why should you have to baby him?’
“He gets to drive home from work every day and leave his work outside the home.”
“You don’t get that luxury.”- Spicyyy-Stew
“NTA.”
“He’s a grown adult who can make his own damn lunch.”
“You’re not his mum.”- Totallynaturalvibes
“NTA.”
“I don’t understand the ‘he is my husband and technically I should be making him lunch’ thing.”
“I’ve been married 43 years and I’ve never heard of such a technicality.”
“But there are a couple of things to unpack: As I understand it, your husband would prefer to simply purchase lunch and coffee at work, but because finances are tight and you are arguing about finances, you would prefer him to bring lunch and coffee from home.”
“Have I that right?”
“If it’s your preference for him, and he would prefer to buy lunch, then I understand why he might feel ‘you want me to bring lunch from home, the least you can do is pack it for me’.”
“And if you are packing lunch for kids, I can see where it might seem ‘how hard is it to make an extra sandwich for me and toss it in a bag along with some chips and a piece of fruit?’“
“On the other hand, there’s his ‘you are home and not busy’ comment, which would rot my socks if I were busy stem to stern.”
“It seems that you might need to educate him about everything you do and the time it takes.”
“Maybe note a minute-by-minute diary and just tell him, ‘Sweetie, I’d like to talk to you about what I actually do, because you said “since I’m home and not busy”, and I’m actually quite busy’.”
“‘Let’s sit down and take a look’.”- Constant_Host_3212
“NTA.”
‘Your husband is very misogynistic.”
“I think your relationship has bigger problems than whether or not you make lunch for him..”- happy_bunny_84
“NTA.”
“A grown person should be able to make a pb&j sandwich or toss together a salad.”
“It is their lunch, so they can make it.”
“My partner takes cheese, meat sticks, and hard-boiled eggs.”
“It takes all of 5 minutes to put together, and he will boil enough eggs for three or four days at a time.”
“You are getting paid to care for your disabled son and not a fully functioning grown child.”- Slight-Balance9827
Based on everything the OP says, it seems she lives in a painfully unequal home.
Where her husband gets to do pretty much anything he wants, and the OP has to make sacrifices left and right.
Instead of complaining about her not making him his lunch, maybe the OP’s husband should instead consider thanking her for all he does for their son?
As that simple thank you will likely leave a much bigger impact than he could possibly imagine.