It’s clear people need a reminder sometimes that the world doesn’t revolve around what they want, especially for a couple of grandparents who value their desire for a “male heir” over the adopted granddaughter they already have.
Redditor “ILovePizza_32” wrote into the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA) subReddit, wondering if they were in the wrong after defending their brother, his sister-in-law and their adopted daughter.
The Original Poster (OP) asked the thread:
“AITA for siding with my brother and [sister-in-law] (SIL) over my parents?”
The OP shared first their brother and sister-in-law’s journey into parenting.
“My brother and my SIL have been married for 6 years. I love them both dearly. They adopted a little girl about a year ago.”
“My parents were happy about this too, at first.”
“They got really angry when my brother and SIL announced recently that their daughter would be their only child and they do not want biological kids.”
After the couple announced their plans to only have one child, family drama has been on the rise.
“My mom and dad lost their sh*t.”
“They told my brother he had to get my SIL pregnant.”
“He was the family’s male heir and he would have to have a biological son to carry forward the family name.”
“This makes no sense to me, nor my bro and SIL. It’s not as if we’re a family of European royalty. Who gives a f**k about the family name in this day and age?”
“Well, my parents do apparently. They’ve been berating my brother and guilt tripping my SIL, making her feel like she’s taking something away from our family.”
“On one occasion they actually suggested that my brother leave my SIL if she didn’t want to get pregnant and have a son with another woman.”
But to make matters worse, the grandparents are also taking the decision out on their granddaughter.
“What’s even worse is that they’ve stopped paying attention to my niece.”
“Earlier, they would call and talk to her almost every day. But ever since they were told about my bro and SIL’s decision, they’ve stopped calling her.”
“This p*sses me off and has deeply saddened my bro and SIL. The child is 3 years old and doesn’t deserve this kind of treatment.”
During their last phone call with their brother, they discovered their parents are being worse than ever.
“Yesterday, when I called my brother, he seemed very upset.”
“He told me that mom and dad had called him and they had talked about something unrelated.”
“When he asked if they wanted to talk to their granddaughter, they said they’d talk to their real grandchild when my brother came to his senses and decided to give them one.”
The OP couldn’t take any more and called their parents.
“I was angrier than I’ve been in a long time.”
“I called my parents and unloaded on them. I told them how selfish and cruel they were being and how dare they take out their anger on my niece, along with a lot of other things I can’t even remember.”
“My mom started crying as she’s not used to being yelled at.”
The OP reached out to the thread, wondering if they were wrong for reacting this way.
“I understand that yelling at them may have been a bit much, but I just can’t believe how awful they are being towards a kid.”
“So am I the a**hole? Or are they?”
Redditors commented on the OP’s situation, using the following scale:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Most were upset on the granddaughter’s behalf.
“Did you miss the comment about ‘leave SIL and have a son with another woman’? Or if he has a low count I’m guessing they’d pay for IVF.”
“These people are so bananas and hung up on a possible grandbaby that they don’t care about destroying their own children for it.”
“NTA.”
“Oh, you’re mum’s not used to being yelled at? Pretty sure your niece isn’t used to suddenly not being loved and abandoned by her previously loving grandparents.” – PepperFinn
“Having been that girl, I can tell you that your grandparents will treat you like you’re an annoying puppy, and insist that whenever they visit you need to sit in a chair silently the entire time.”
“Also, when a couple of years pass and the grandson they wanted comes along, they will shower him with attention and money and random expensive gifts, and encourage him to ‘run and play’, while yelling that you are being ‘childish’ and ‘unladylike’ if you try to join him.” – sweettalkerssweettalker
“NTA. Your parents can be disappointed that they don’t have a ‘biological’ grandchild, but you were absolutely right to call them out on how cruel they’re being to your niece.”
“What if your brother or SIL weren’t physically able to have children? I wonder if your parents would have thrown a fit about carrying on the family name then.”
“Either way, they need to come to terms with their disappointment and stop taking it out by being so mean to everyone, especially their granddaughter.” – ParapaPalace
Not to mention how they’re treating their son’s wife.
“Or even if the brother and SIL had had biological kids, and they’d all been girls. Would they expect them to keep churning out kids until one of the brother’s Y swimmers got the gold?” – foibleShmoibile
“Short answer – Yes. They clearly only see SIL as a baby making vessel.” – peachesthepup
“Slightly longer but worse answer. They might not expect her to churn out more kids. They might decide she can’t and want him to move on to the next wife.” – Dsnake1
“It’s horrible how they’re treating the grandchild that they do have, and also that they see OP’s SIL as some kind of child vessel, treating her as if her only purpose is to bear their grandchildren” – dumb_f**k69
“They would have – especially if brother and SIL couldn’t have biological children because of some problem that SIL has. They already told the brother that he should leave her for a more ‘breeding ready wife version’. Their behaviour makes me want to vomit.”
“And yes, they can be disappointed but it’s still not their decision and pestering about or trying to force your kids to have children is rude and way out of line.” – DocSternau
Others could not believe how far some people are still willing to go to have a boy in the family.
“Some friend of my family growing up had a friend who had like 10 girls trying to get a boy or something crazy like that. I don’t know if they ever stopped trying.” – leftiesrox
“For people who care so much about the family name, they care awfully little about their family” – VandientLavellan
“Totally NTA, they deserved a dressing down. What they are doing is disgusting. Were they only nice to your niece because she was just a temporary stand-in until they got their ‘real’ grand baby?! Eurgh.”
“Please do reach out to your SIL and Bro, you sound like a good sister and it was good of you to step in, it must be taking its toll on them.”
“Please speak with them about setting boundaries for your parents. This little girl is at an age where she will pick up what they are saying and it would be awful if she was privvy to this.”
“Family are who you share your life with. They are who you make them.”
“No one gives a s**t about their name.”
“But they sure will remember the parents who disowned their granddaughter.” – _Yalan
Redditors agree, this clearly isn’t the way to treat your family, let alone a way to make it bigger.
These grandparents need to reevaluate their priorities, especially if they want any access to the granddaughter they already have or any future grandchildren any of their children may decide to have.