Woman Called Out For Coming To Friend's Cosplay-Themed Birthday Dressed As Phoebe From 'Friends'

Cosplay—a portmanteau of the words "costume" and "play" is a hobby that began with fans of science fiction, fantasy, comic books, manga, and anime. While many attribute the hobby's origin to Japan in the 1980s, there are instances of cosplay dating back to the 1930s.

Trekkies were doing cosplay by the end of the first run of Star Trek in 1969, with people creating their own costumes, accessories, and the alien prosthetics to become Vulcans, Andorians, and Romulans.

First popularized at conventions for the core interests for cosplayers, the hobby really took off in the digital age with the expansion of the internet allowing people to share their creativity from their own home.

Today, some people are even able to make a living off cosplay, either through their own participation in the hobby or through sales of costumes and accessories.

The increased popularity means you'll see cosplay of characters from all sorts of sources and genres.

But can dressing as any fictional character be called cosplay?

A woman who also wonders about this question turned to the "Am I The A**hole" (AITA) subReddit for feedback.

Relative_Set_388 asked:

"AITA for showing up to my friends cosplay themed 30th as Phoebe Buffay?"

The original poster (OP) explained:

"My friend Rachel's 30th birthday was this past weekend. (Obviously not her real name). We've been friends since college and work in the same industry (a boring one), so we've stayed close."

"I helped with some of the logistics for the party, but was not a host or anything."

"Rachel has always been into fandom stuff, always has shows she's watching, fanfiction she's writing or reading, fan theories and fan projects. I am not much of a fandom person."

"When I watch shows, I don't get very invested or engage with fan theories. I also don't tend to like shows where there's a big fan following."

"From what I can tell, it's mostly stuff that's like fantasy, science fiction, or paranormal that has that happen. Forums for shows I like tend to all be, 'This character is over, hate her' or 'X is a bad person'."

"The closest I've come to anything like that is watching a few episodes of Star Trek with my dad as a kid. I usually like real life dramas or fun light-hearted shows like Sex and the City or Friends."

"I know the 'cool' thing these days is to make a big show about how you don't find Friends funny, and truthfully I haven't seen an episode of it in years, it's just an example."

"For her birthday, she asked everyone to show up in cosplay from your favorite series. I will say most of our social group is similar to her in that they like this sort of thing."

"I'm one of the few odd ducks. Anyone, from any of the series I like, would have just been your average woman from real life."

"I tried to think of something I could dress up as and I saw some Tiktok of a girl showing off her Phoebe Buffay inspired outfits. I had a few similar things in my closet, so I went with that."

"I have long blonde hair that's already like Phoebe's, which is why I figured it would work."

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"The characters are all just average people for the shows I watch. Emily In Paris, Ginny & Georgia, and Younger. I didn't dress as any of them because I felt like it would have been even more confusing on who it is."

"I thought about not doing the series part of it and trying to pick like, a Taylor Swift Eras costume. I'm not a huge Swiftie, but the outfits she wears are recognizable. But she said TV series."

"When I showed up, Rachel greeted me and then asked me what I was dressed as, because she didn't recognize it. I told her I was Phoebe Buffay."

"She didn't know the name, so I explained who she was, and she made a funny face and said, 'I guess that kind of counts?'."

"I didn't think about it again until later in the evening when Rachel was talking to everyone and thanked them for coming and saying she'd had fun talking about the cosplay costumes with everyone and how everyone did such a good job, 'Except Jessica… but it's okay, you definitely might have tried!'

"It's not like everyone laughed or anything, but it was so awkward. I ended up leaving a little while later because it just felt… off."

"A couple of days later, Rachel and I were texting and she said, 'BTW, next time I'll help you pick, so you aren't embarrassed'. I feel like she's implying that I SHOULD be embarrassed."

"It was her birthday and she was super excited. Everyone else was in these cosplay costumes that I'm guessing they did for their conventions or social media."

"We're closer than some of the other people who attended, so I'm worried she thinks I think I'm 'too cool' for something or that I look down on her for being into that sort of thing. Which I don't!"

"And her reaction, and calling me out, is what made me think it was a bigger deal to her than she's letting on."

"AITA?"

The OP summed up their situation.

"I dressed as Phoebe Buffay for a cosplay themed party."

"This wasn't the kind of cosplay my friend meant, and I was really just dressed as a normal person instead of something fun and cool like a Harry Potter wizard or zombie."

Redditors weighed in by declaring:

• NTA - Not The A**hole
• YTA - You're The A**hole
• NAH - No A**holes Here
• ESH - Everyone Sucks Here

Redditors also debated whether the OP was doing cosplay, but felt her intentions were good.

"I mean... Did you dress up as Phoebe Buffay? Long blonde wig? Guitar as a prop?"

"Or did you more come as yourself, but just wearing some Phoebe-ish clothing?" ~ StAlvis

"I think this is a fair question. Was the issue with your choice of series, or did everyone else go way harder on the costuming than you did?"

"If it's the latter, I mean I still wouldn't have said it, but I kind of get it." ~ riontach

"I mean, it is Rachel's birthday and she can ask for what she wants but also she should be taking into account that OP isn't into cosplay when she makes that request."

"Like, by the sounds of it, everyone else she invited is into that and it is probably a lot easier for them to put together a 'proper' cosplay, and thus look like they've put more effort in."

"It doesn't really feel fair to rag on the person who is trying to follow the dress code when it's not something they have any experience with doing and everyone else does it frequently." ~ exitstrats

"There's a difference between cosplay and Halloween. I'm assuming OP came off more Halloween version than cosplay version and Rachel didn't like that."

"That's kind of a Rachel Problem, but if OP is interested, it never hurts to ask a cosplayer to help! You'd kill it at the next Halloween party, anyway!" ~ TangledUpPuppeteer

"Actually, we used to call this a closet cosplay! A very cheap inspired version of the character based on things you already have in your closet."

"This used to be the casual term for the type of cosplay OP did and I personally see nothing wrong with it. It's often an entryway into full cosplay, which is what I grew up calling a complete screen accurate costume."

"Cosplay is just short for costume play and in my opinion can be taken as seriously or not as you want. One of my favorite cosplays I did in my early twenties, was one of the animatronics from Five Nights at Freddy's where I wore pants and a shirt in the right color and just painted my face and wore a wig."

"I didn't even try to make a full suit to mimic the character and everyone at the con I went to knew exactly who and what I was and I even had pictures taken of me!" ~ cosmiczibel

"Truthfully, cosplay can be a set of animal ears, clothes the color of the character and some face paint. The difference isn't in the outfit, but how much you care about it."

"Officer Hops cosplay can be bunny ears, a painted nose and Halloween store cop outfit and boom, you're Judy Hops from Zootopia!"

"It's a bit silly to invite people to a cosplay party knowing they aren't into cosplay and get upset they didn't care as much as you."

"If you invite your friends to an 'everyone dress as a Star Wars character' party and know your friend isn't into Star Wars, don't be upset when they show up with a button-up shirt and toy cowboy gun and go, 'I'm Han'."

"They won't care as much as you. They put at least a little effort into it, weren't buying a huge amount of stuff and came out to see you and hang and didn't wear a hoodie and jeans." ~ DefinitelyNotAliens

"So she was expecting people who aren't into cosplay to source wigs and props just to attend her birthday party? OP is definitely NTA." ~ kathybatesmotel

Whether or not the OP's costume was cosplay depends on who is asked. But it sounds like this could be solved with a conversation between the OP and their friend.