It's understandable to try and cut corners when planning your wedding.
Weddings are very expensive, so if there's a way to save even a few cents, it's hard not to say no.
Unfortunately, when people decide to go the cheap route, they realize why certain things are as expensive as they are, as the payoff to saving money is often very low.
Friends of Redditor Icy-Reserve6995 decided to use their services as a cost-cutting measure for their wedding.
The original poster (OP) had their doubts about this, as it wasn't something they'd ever done on a professional level.
When the big day arrived, however, it became abundantly clear that the OP had made a mistake in saying yes.
Concerned they didn't handle the situation as well as they could have, the OP took to the subReddit "Am I The A**hole" (AITA), where they asked fellow Redditors:
"AITA for deleting my friend's wedding photos in front of them?"
The OP explained how after providing a service for their friends on a "friend's rate", the way they were treated was anything but friendly.
"I'm not really a photographer, I'm a dog groomer."
"I take lots of photos of dogs all day to put on my Facebook and Instagram, it's 'my thing' if that makes sense."
"A cut and a photo with every appointment."
"I very seldom shoot things other than dogs even if I have a nice set up."
"A friend got married a few days ago and wanting to save money, asked if I'd shoot it for them."
"I told him it's not really my forte but he convinced me by saying he didn't care if they were perfect: they were on a shoestring budget and I agreed to shoot it for $250, which is nothing for a 10 hour event."
"On the day of, I'm driving around following the bride as she goes from appointment to appointment before the ceremony, taking photos along the way."
"I shoot the ceremony itself, and during the reception I'm shooting speeches and people mingling."
"I started around 11am and was due to finish around 7:30pm."
"Around 5pm, food is being served and I was told I cannot stop to eat because I need to be photographer; in fact, they didn't save me a spot at any table."
"I'm getting tired and at this point kinda regretting doing this for next to nothing."
"It's also unbelievably hot: the venue is in an old veteran's legion and it's like 110F and there's no AC."
"I told the groom I need to take off for 20min to get something to eat and drink."
"There's no open bar or anything, I can't even get water and my two water bottles are long empty."
"He tells me I need to either be photographer, or leave without pay."
"With the heat, being hungry, being generally annoyed at the circumstances, I asked if he was sure, and he said yes, so I deleted all the photos I took in front of him and took off saying I'm not his photographer anymore."
"If I was to be paid $250, honestly at that point I would have paid $250 just for a glass of cold water and somewhere to sit for 5min."
"Was I the a**hole?"
"They went right on their honeymoon and they've all been off of social media, but a lot of people have been posting on their wall asking about photos with zero responses."
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You're The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
The Reddit community wholeheartedly agreed that the OP was not the a**hole for leaving the wedding and deleting the photographs.
Everyone agreed that the OP friends took terrible advantage of them, with others pointing out how they simply, and correctly, called their bluff by doing exactly what they told them to do.
"Should have kept the photos and sold them for $1,000."
"The $750 extra is the butthead customer surcharge."- Haggis_with_Ketchup
"They wanted mates rates but didn't even save you food?"
"NTA."
"The dogs are much better people than these 'friends'."-Cat_got_ya_tongue
"NTA."
"He told you to leave without pay and you called his bluff."- type1error
"NTA."
"Who refuses to allow someone water or food?"- MeykaMermaid
"NTA."
"They took you off the guest list for this without mentioning it to you in advance."
"You went in with the expectation of $250 to take high quality pictures."
"While also being a guest at their event, including a place to sit, eat & drink."
"And realistically, you did nothing but follow the grooms suggestion."
"Either continue being a photographer or forfeit your $250."
"What did the groom think that entailed?"
"He would get all that work for free?"
"Play stupid games win stupid prizes."
"I would seriously reconsider this friendship."- AbbyBirb
"NTA."
"That sounds horrible."
"I understand making rash decisions like this and then regretting them."
"But IMO that was not an asshole move."
"Nobody who gives ultimatums can then fault people for choosing one of the two options presented."
"Like what kind of logic is that?"
"Groom: 'OP you either choose 1. Or 2'."
"OP: 'I choose 2. Groom: shocked pikachu'."-6ofh
"NTA at all."
"You could have risked your health and they treated you like sh*t."- mon0chrom
"NTA."
"How do people like this even exist?"
"Didn't know becoming a photographer meant you didn't need food or water."-Agreeable-Froyo-603
"NTA at all."
"You say this was a friend?"-Punkernose
"NTA."
"Giving a hungry person an ultimatum is a HUGE mistake."
"I hope they enjoy their memories, because the photographs aren't on the way."- RoyallyOakie
"Did they want you to take pictures of everyone while they're eating?"
"'Oh look, here's Aunt Mary shoveling a piece of chicken into her mouth!'"
"I think you could've just walked out and quit, then asked for your $250 when they asked for their photos and held them ransom until payment, I don't think going nuclear right off the bat was the right way to go here, but I'm kind of impressed."-secret_identity_too
"NTA."
"I work weddings as a videographer and I insist on a meal and a break."
"Regardless; I would never film guests eating!"
"It's not enjoyable for the guests, and the footage is meh."-tangl3d
"NTA."
"You were working ridiculous hours without a break."
"Labor laws require breaks for employees at companies, so why not for you?"
"No breaks for a 10 Hour event is insane, and 20 minutes is not unreasonable."
"You were taken advantage of, a professional would have known to negotiate a break in the contract."
"Unfortunately you now know why it is bad to mix friendship and business."- bamf1701
"I am getting married next year, and on a short budget too."
"As a favor, 2 friends, not that close, of mine (professional photographers) offered to take care of the photos."
"We kindly agreed and I plan on paying for their flights, their hotel, their food and drinks, some cash and at some point let them enjoy the party and leave the cameras aside."
"Your friend is not your friend and you should go NC."
"NTA."
"If you want to be treated with dignity, you have to treat people as such."- mpuchito
"NTA."
"You're my idol!"
"Lol."
"Slave labor ended years ago were they trying to revive it?"
"You should make a post explaining the situation before they get back and blame it all on you."-Front_Thought_9988
"(Former) wedding photographer here."
"NTA."
"$250 is nothing for the amount of hours you worked."
"Unfortunately the people who pay the least are usually the ones who want the most."
"When I shot weddings, I was literally forced to sit down and eat/drink by my brides/grooms, not just because it was in my contract, but because they respected me as a human being."
"I'm sorry you've been burned by this 'friend'."
"If you'd like to save the photos, and you haven't reformatted the card(s) they were on, you can most likely get them back by using a recovery software."
"EaseUs is a pretty good one, but it's roughly $90."-princessbuttercup21
"NTA."
"I also read that you were originally invited to the wedding and RSVP with a food choice so it wouldn't have cost them anything extra to allow you to eat."
"The groom is a total AH and I'm curious if the bride knows what he did."- Starwarzmom
"NTA."
"For that price I wouldn't even consider it as a job, it was more like a favor."
"And that you were an invited guest that got uninvited for doing them a favor is just mind-boggling."- junkiecreppermint
"Have DJed for weddings in the past, a meal and time to eat that meal is worked into the contract."
"In one particular case where the ceremony required sound, then hopping in a canoe with equipment, setting up, playing cocktail hour, and watching as everyone else was served."
"Maid of honor was the real bridezilla directing who should be served and when."
"I let her know I couldn't go on till I'd had my meal since we'd been working since 1pm, it was now 6pm which she ignored."
"She got upset when I let her know I couldn't get started at 7pm as it would be 10pm when I finished working."
"She then tried to explain to me how I could eat while having my hands constantly busy on highly expensive equipment."
"The bride was roped in, a meal was snagged, and I explained to the bride this is typically why the staff working the venue handles the meal service."
"You didn't have a contract, this was supposed to be a favor to to friend."
"They likely didn't bother to consider meals for people 'working' the event."
"This is why I don't heavily discount services for friends, they get a break but my time is going to be valued/I'm going to be treated as a human being."
"These guys didn't have the budget to behave like a**holes, they shouldn't be surprised when the loss of $250 isn't so much money you're willing to forgo your dignity/health for their big day."
"They'll blame you and say you needed to be a bigger person etc but thats simply not true."
"Honestly cut ties, these are the type of folks to make their marriage/adventures as a married couple the center of everyone's lives, the 'main characters' no one asked for."
"NTA, and I'd be sure to tell any mutual friend who wants to hear the story."
"God knows they'll be."- fortifythenuclei
It's not terribly unreasonable to seek help from friends to save money on your wedding.
If you choose to do so, however, it's important to remember that they are your friends, and to treat them as such.
Something the OP's friends rather shockingly forgot to do, and their complete lack of wedding photos will serve as their unfortunate reminder.
Woman Breaks Up With Boyfriend Who Worried People Would Think She Was Trans For Using Stand-To-Pee Device
Content Warning: Transphobia, Transphobic Comments
There are countless different reasons that a relationship might end, and a red flag could arise at any time. Some of these might have been learned in childhood and could improve over time.
Transphobia is absolutely a red flag that should be acted on immediately; however, with no option to fly again, pointed out the members of the "Am I the A**hole?" (AITA) subReddit.
Redditor funnelfuss was in the car with her boyfriend when they got stuck in a traffic jam.
She really needed to use the restroom, so since she had a device with her to make the process easier, she decided she'd step out of the car.
But when her boyfriend panicked and thought people might mistake her for a man, the Original Poster (OP) realized that her boyfriend was not who she thought he was.
She asked the sub:
The OP had to use the restroom while stuck in a traffic jam.
"My (26 Female) boyfriend (25 Male) and I got stuck in an insane traffic jam. My boyfriend was driving."
"We were at a standstill. Found out later on, they had closed the highway."
"I had to pee really bad, like bad bad bad. I saw that a couple guys had run to the side of the road to pee, and I decided to do the same."
"It was super open, with a few bushes by the side of the road, really not much cover."
The OP's boyfriend became uncomfortable when he realized she had a pee-to-stand device.
"I have a stand-to-pee device in my car, but when I grabbed it, my boyfriend got all weird."
"He said people would see me pee standing up and think I was Trans."
"I said no one would think that, plenty of women have pee funnels, and that also I didn't care. I have no beef with Trans people!"
"He said I should squat, just to put his mind at ease."
"I said I didn't want to get my butt and c**ch out on the highway in front of everyone, or get pee on my shoes, and I just wanted to be quick and clean."
"He said he didn't want people to look at the girl he was dating and think she was Trans and that I should squat, like GIRLS do."
The OP decided she was over it.
"I was dying by this point. I couldn't hold it anymore, and I really didn't want to show the world my butt, so I ran to the side of the road and slipped the device into my jeans and just peed standing up with my back to traffic."
"No one could see anything; it just slides through the zipper. But I guess maybe if someone was looking, they would be confused? But also, who's LOOKING?!"
"When I got back to the car, my boyfriend wouldn't talk to me. He says I disrespected his feelings. But it was 100% an emergency, and I don't get what his problem was."
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
Some reassured the OP that there was nothing wrong with using the restroom how she wanted.
"OP, don't think for one more second about this. Your boyfriend is being ridiculous."
"As if you will ever see any of those people again! Plus, holding it in for too long can cause a whole host of issues."
"It's actually genius that you have something like that in your car, just in case. I'm going to order one too now! NTA." - m_alice88
"'Honey, please show all these strangers your c**ch and a** so they know I'm not gay, mmmm'kay?'"
"A weak man, a very weak man." - lefteyedcrow
"You must have a she-wee! Those are so great for women."
"Tell your boyfriend to get over himself. You had to pee. He does not understand that squatting can suck and leave you exposed."
"If he is that upset you did this, rethink this relationship. I would find it hysterical."
"NTA." - Oktodayithink
"NTA, OP. You just needed a makeshift restroom."
"Your boyfriend apparently thought that it was normal for people to stare at strangers who are trying to pee to evaluate who they are, who they're with, and what the status of their relationship is."
"You know, to pass the time while in gridlock traffic." - Pixichixi
"You did nothing wrong, OP! When you have to go, you have to go. It's healthier to go."
"And don't apologize! We're so wired to reduce conflict, even to the point of downplaying how we feel to keep the peace or end the silence. Don't do it."
"It's a him issue. He thinks his feelings on this are more important than your discomfort about showing your naked body on the side of the road. If he can't figure that out for himself and apologize, it would be a dealbreaker for me." - lelawes
Others agreed and pointed out that the ex-boyfriend was very transphobic.
"NTA. Your boyfriend is clearly transphobic. That is 100% on him. And who cares if people think you are Trans?"
"'He said he didn't want people to look at the girl he was dating and think she was Trans.' And you don't want people to think you're dating someone bigoted and hateful." - GreekAmericanDom
"He may not consider himself transphobic ('I don't hate Trans people! I just don't want to be associated with them or have anyone think I'm with a Trans person!'), but he absolutely is, probably with a healthy side helping of homophobia."
"Why would he care, unless a) Trans women are not women in his eyes, or b) it somehow would be emasculating or embarrassing to his ego to be with a Trans woman."
"Also, you're in a traffic jam. Who the f**k is even watching close enough to care, and who of those people matters enough to give two s**ts about what they think."
"Not to mention, he's being weirdly controlling about your behaviors and how they reflect on him in a scenario where arguably he's never going to interact with a single person he's worrying about." - maladicta228
"This post reminds me of the time I got dressed to go to a function. It was a casual gathering. My kid (this was solidly on their father, my ex, as he's gotten insanely bigoted as he's aged) said, 'Mom, you're dressed like a Lesbian.'"
"Me: 'Lesbians have great fashion sense, I'd love to be mistaken for one.'"
"They paused for a second and realized that I truly wasn't dressing for men (despite it being my husband's work function), and that being seen as a lesbian was a good thing. I'm so glad I raised them to think for themselves, and realize that one can be wrong, admit it, and work on being a better person every day. They've never said anything like that since." - baconbitsy
"He's so insecure (and transphobic) that he cares more about what some strangers in a traffic jam might wrongly assume about you (and thereby him) than YOUR needs, comfort, and health."
"He expected you to prioritize his insecurities (feelings) above that and then punished you when you prioritized your health."
"You sure you want to be with someone like that?? NTA." - molotovmerkin
"Your boyfriend is so transphobic that he wants you to expose your genitalia on the side of the road to prove that you're not a Trans woman because he can't stand the idea of a total stranger, in a neighboring car, whom he will never speak to or see ever again, thinking he MIGHT be SHARING A CAR (because the strangers in other cars have no idea that you're dating) with a Trans woman."
"You're NTA, but get a better boyfriend." - HighCsummer
"Literally, you have to be super transphobic to think people in traffic are gonna judge you if your girlfriend is standing to pee. Like come onnnnnn, this is some insane insecurity." - Responsible-Pickle-2
Some pointed out that not only was the ex-boyfriend transphobic, but also controlling.
"This won't be the last time he expects OP to sacrifice things or make her life worse so that she can conform to his ideal of feminine stereotypes and keep up appearances for his fragile masculine ego."
"And that he gave her the silent treatment for not obliging his transphobia and misogyny disguised as 'feelings' is also problematic." - blancamystiere
"He's insecure and transphobic. He also puts his insecurity and transphobia above your comfort."
"NTA, and honestly, you can do better than this specimen." - PetersMapProject
"NTA. Your boyfriend would have preferred for everyone to see your a** and vagina than have a random stranger think his girlfriend is Trans. He would rather you expose yourself for his personal gain."
"Get a better boyfriend." - Amaze-balls-trippen
"The transphobia? The insecurity? And the silent treatment when he doesn't get his way?"
"So many red flags!" - CarolynDesign
"He also puts his insecurity and transphobia above your comfort and safety."
"He would rather you invite unwanted attention and risk by exposing your private parts to the world than have people think he (who most of the onlookers couldn't even see) might be dating a Trans person."
"NTA. OP, he's too insecure, self-centered, and immature to be a good partner to you, given that he's willing to compromise your safety to avoid a single twinge of discomfort. Dump him." - Hari_om_tat_sat
After receiving feedback, the OP was reassured and shared some positive updates.
"UPDATE: Thank you, everyone, for helping me feel sane again!"
"I got quite a few questions about which device I use, and honestly, it's about what fits you best. There are a ton of options. It's what fits you. Check out pStyle, Freshette, and EllaPee."
"I tried peeing standing up in a toilet, and it worked fine. I think my aim was pretty good, but then I saw little droplets on the floor. No thanks, don't need that. Also, it's loud? Awkward."
"But for the outside, it's pretty fun! I drive a lot, that's why it was in my car. Lifesaver."
"Also, I guess in this case it brought out an ugly side of my (ex) boyfriend and clarified some stuff for me. A winner all around."
"And to all the commenters asking, YES, he is an ex-boyfriend now."
"And yes, there were other red flags."
"Ditched the man, kept the pee funnel. Gonna laugh at him every time I pee standing up."
There's no way to imagine just how awkward the rest of the car ride was after using the restroom and returning to the now-silent and very entitled boyfriend, still stuck in a traffic jam.
But fortunately for the OP, she learned something vital about her relationship during a moment that should have been a total non-issue.
By being concerned about this and expecting the OP to prioritize her ex's pride over her comfort, safety, and cleanliness, her ex told her everything she needed to know.