Redditor Ambivalent_Mom12 is a 31-year-old mother expecting her second child who found herself at odds with her husband’s friend during a social gathering.
When she was casually asked a question, the Original Poster (OP) was very honest and found herself being judged by the other women listening to the conversation.
Her in-laws eventually caught wind of what she said and were deeply upset.
So she visited the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA) subReddit and asked:
“AITA for saying I don’t love being pregnant or the baby stage?”
The OP provided started the thread with some background.
“I have always been career-driven. I have a good job (think executive level) and take pride in it. My husband also has a good job but nothing he is passionate about.”
“I was ambivalent about having children to begin with but I was open to the idea as long as I didn’t have to give up my career or most of my lifestyle.”
“Before my son was born, my husband and I had many conversations about this and ultimately decided that he would be the one to step back from his career if and when the time came.”
“Don’t get me wrong, I love my son and will love the new baby too but I really have no interest in staying home with my children.”
“I have a 1.5-year-old son, ‘Connor’ and I am pregnant with my 2nd, due in Sept. My husband, ‘Adam’ and I recently announced this pregnancy to our family and a few friends.”
“We moved across the country for my job right before the pandemic so during my first pregnancy I was not around any of my husband’s family and friends.”
“On Sunday we got together at a friend’s house. Most of these people are friends of my husband who are nice but I’m not very close with them.”
“Most of them knew I was pregnant but a few did not including, ‘Amy’ (30s) who got very quiet when others were congratulating us. I thanked everyone but just sort of moved on from it.”
“Later on, I found myself out on the deck with most of the other wives, including Amy. They started asking me how I was feeling.”
“Then Amy (no kids) started commenting about how wonderful it is to be a mom and be pregnant. I didn’t really say much while some of the other mothers agreed.”
“Amy then turns to me and asked if I disagreed with her. I said that I honestly do not enjoy being pregnant and the baby stage is tough and while I am happy to have another baby I am not really looking forward to taking time off and being stuck at home.”
“Some of the other women started to say that I must have PPD bc I ‘don’t love” my children and that I should take some time off and get into therapy because I ‘won’t be any good to my children if I am depressed.’”
“I told them not to worry that I was perfectly fine and I didn’t need to love pregnancy or the baby stage to be a good parent. I said getting back to work after the baby is born will help.”
“These women were horrified and Amy started crying because she has struggled with infertility and there is no justice since ‘people like me’ get to have 2 kids while she has none.”
“I told her I was sorry about her struggle and I did not mean to offend her but was just speaking honestly about motherhood.”
“Well, word got back to my in-laws (one of the guests is my husband’s cousin and wife) and all hell has broken loose.”
“They are horrified that I do not plan to take more than a few weeks off and that I am ‘forcing my husband’ to do most of the childcare.”
“They are now convinced that I have PPD [postpartum depression]. They also think that saying what I said at the party makes me TA. I feel like I was asked a question and gave an honest answer.”
She later clarified:
“My husband is not a SAHD [stay at home dad] as we have a nanny but he is the one that will have to take time off if/when kids are sick, do homework with them, etc.”
Strangers on the internet were asked to declare one of the following:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
- NAH – No A**holes Here
Redditors weighed in with their mostly “not the a**hole” judgments.
“NTA. Thank you for helping to normalize your opinion, which many share, but few will admit – for just this reason.” – Fleegle2212
“Yes!! I feel like many moms end up feeling somehow defective because they don’t just love the newborn period. Do I wish I could go back and relive the first three months of my kiddos lives? NO. So much no.” – Sleepy_Panda1478
“Yeah, it’s sad the way we treat each other as mothers. I’m a mother who doesn’t feel like OP, but I’m fully aware that a lot of people do share her feelings about pregnancy and the baby stage and that’s okay. It’s hard.”
“We don’t all have to feel the same way about it. The women at the party sound like hard work themselves.” – Captain_Quoll
“NTA – Loving your children and loving being pregnant are two different things!!”
“Don’t listen to them, they are not in your marriage. Do what works for YOUR family.” – cleo4546
“Right? Pregnancy sucked. If I could have gestated them in a tank, I 100% would have.”
“And while I love my kids, I don’t miss the sleepless nights, midnight nursing, endless diaper changes, and so on.”
“Now that they’re older, they can actually tell me what they’re thinking and feeling, and I get to know who they are as people, and it’s honestly my favorite bit of parenting so far.”
“Not liking the drudgery of the baby stage doesn’t make you a bad parent anymore that loving it does.” – merrycat
“Yes, NTA. I love my child and am grateful everyday that I get to be her mother, but I never again want to repeat my experience of pregnancy or the fourth trimester.” – RemarkableResult6217
Overall, a majority of Redditors who are mothers sided with the OP and thought being open about the discomforts of pregnancy had no bearing on how much they love their children.