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Redditor Accused Of ‘Disrespecting’ Mom By Playing Music On Speaker Three Months After Her Death

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Everyone grieves differently after losing a loved one.

And while there is no right or wrong way, or a time limit, on how an individual processes a devastating loss, Redditor Expert-Inevitable-73 found themselves questioning their method after hearing about a complaint.

The Redditor visited the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA) subReddit and asked:

“AITA for playing music on my Bluetooth boat speaker just 3 months after my mother’s death?”

The Original Poster (OP) explained:

“My mother passed away 3 months ago and it was a really really hard for me to accept her passing away.”

“I cried for weeks after her death and spent most of the time by myself, I just didn’t want to talk to anyone.”

“A month and a half passed and I was starting to feel better and music was what helped me. I’ve always loved listening to music and singing. It calms me down, it brings out all the pain.”

“I cried myself out listening to songs(till we meet again, nearer my god to thee) so that I’ll be able to accept my mother’s passing away and it really helped me finally move on with my life.”

“Now I have a boat speaker with which I listen to music and it’s especially helpful when I’m doing household chores or when I’m exercising.”

“Now my house was at a little distance from my aunt’s house (25-30 metres), and that day I was listening to music when my cousin came and asked me to stop the music as Aunt ordered.”

“I was confused at first, wondering how can such a small Bluetooth speaker cause problem all the way over where my aunt was sitting.”

“I went and asked them and they said that ‘I shouldn’t be playing songs on speakers’ I asked for the reason and they replied ‘You’re being really shameless and don’t even care about your mother, it hasn’t even been 3 months properly and you’re already disrespecting her.'”

“I stopped the music and went back home and was upset but then again, reddit AITA?”

“I had no bad intention and I would never ever want to hurt my mother or disrespect her in any way. Did I do wrong by playing music in my boat Bluetooth speaker just 3 months after my mother passed away?”

Strangers on the internet were asked to declare one of the following:

  • NTA – Not the A**hole
  • YTA – You’re the A**hole
  • NAH – No A**holes Here
  • ESH – Everybody Sucks Here

A majority of Redditors thought the OP was not the a**hole in the situation.

“NTA. How dare they gatekeep your mourning.”

“Trust me, your mom doesn’t care. You mourn in your way and let them mourn in theirs. There is no dishonor or disrespect in anything you did.” – GreekAmericanDom


“Music is how you’re coping with this. There’s no problem with that. If it helps you, you should continue to do it.”

“Your aunt clearly just copes differently and doesn’t understand you, but that doesn’t mean you’re in the wrong. Maybe, to have a solution for all, play your music at a softer volume or through headphones.”

“I’m very sorry to hear about your mother. I’m sure she’s incredibly proud of you every day.” – motherbread666

“NTA. Oh my goodness. That was so was insensitive and callous of your aunt and cousin to say such things!!”

“I’m sure your mother would want you to find pockets of joy and be happy and be able to listen to music and enjoy your life even after her death.”

“Mourning is a very complicated process. And it’s never easy or streamlined.”

“There’s going to be days where you feel awful and sad and other days where you feel angry or happy. Let yourself feel whatever you are feeling.”

“There is no right or wrong way to grieve. Don’t ever feel that you didn’t love your mother or are disrespecting her. I’m sorry for your loss, OP.” – KimmyKibbles

“NTA, I think 3 months of inactivity, lack of social interaction and sadness seems enough. I can understand these people, but you can’t just feel down for the rest of your life, you have to move on instead of falling apart right when you see a big enough obstacle.”

“Plus, ‘pretending’ to be sad just for the sake of ‘respecting’ a dead person seems very detrimental to you (and even others, negativity spreads just like positivity can).”

“And to be fair, I think your mother would prefer to see you this way rather than a lifeless soul walking melancholically on the path of life.” – Side_Speech

“NTA. I don’t see how it could be a problem. Are you part of a culture which has a very traditional grieving process?”

“When my grandma passed away, I spent all week listening to songs from the musicals we always watched with her – Mary Poppins, 7 brides for 7 brothers – it helped a lot to remember her when she was healthy.” – kwnofprocrastination

“NTA, they’ve really overstepped telling you how to mourn. Now that you’ve had time to think I think you should explain to your family why listening to music is an important part of the grieving process.”

“Write it in a note and send it to them if you have to, but I think it’s important to set the record straight. You’ve already suffered a terrible loss and you don’t need the added strain of family members being upset with you for such a silly reason.” – Samsassatron

“NTA. They have no right to dictate how you or anyone should mourn. This is wrong stand up for yourself simply and politely.”

“Let them know that music has been helping you and your mum would be great full for that, That they have made and awful time worse. I am so sorry for your loss.” – Sweet-Interview5620

“NTA- what??? I don’t understand how playing music can be hurting your mother?? That’s just really weird since MOST funerals or life celebrations play music and people sing.”

“BUT I’d suggest getting blue tooth ear buds so your music isn’t setting the relatives off.” – shadow-foxe

Redditors continued offering their sympathies for the OP’s loss, and a majority of them agreed the OP was entitled to their own process of mourning during a difficult time.

Written by Koh Mochizuki

Koh Mochizuki is a Los Angeles based actor whose work has been spotted anywhere from Broadway stages to Saturday Night Live.
He received his B.A. in English literature and is fluent in Japanese.
In addition to being a neophyte photographer, he is a huge Disney aficionado and is determined to conquer all Disney parks in the world to publish a photographic chronicle one day. Mickey goals.
Instagram: kohster Twitter: @kohster1 Flickr: nyckmo