Many of us have had trouble with our hair at some point, especially when it comes to finding a hairstylist we like and trust.
One woman on the "Am I the A**hole?" (AITA) recently discovered how awkward it is when someone else tried to become her primary hairstylist.
Redditor superlion1083 felt pressured but made the decision that was best for her.
But after receiving feedback, the Original Poster (OP) wondered if she made the right choice.
She asked the sub:
"AITA because I told someone I don't want them cutting my hair?"
The OP was pressured about her hair during a visit with a friend.
"I went over to my friend's yesterday to hang out. Her roommate was there."
"My friend and I were talking about random stuff and I said, 'Ugh, I need to get a haircut. It's so heavy.' (I have thick hair and in summer it's annoying)."
"Well, apparently her roommate is a hairstylist."
"She was like, 'Oh, you should totally come to me and I'll do it.'"
"I said, 'Oh, no thanks, I have someone I go to.'"
"She was like, 'Oh come on, you can come by us once and if you don't like it, you can go back to your old place.'"
"I said, 'No, I'm good. Thanks though.'"
"She still wasn't getting it and started playing with my hair and said, 'I could do so much with this, a new style, maybe some dye. We can set up an appointment now, when are you free?'"
"I felt cornered, so I finally just said, 'I don't want you cutting my hair.'"
The OP received pushback for her response.
"Well, she got offended and went to her room. I left a little bit later."
"My friend called me today and said that her roommate is still upset about what I said and wants to know why I don't want her cutting my hair."
"My friend said she gets it because she knows that I'm picky but I didn't have to be rude about it."
But the OP had a particular wishlist when it came to hiring a hairstylist.
"The thing is, I'm really picky. It took me YEARS to find the girl that cuts my hair. She does it the way that I like and doesn't make small talk."
"That's one thing I HATE is when I go for a haircut and they start asking about my personal life or it becomes a whole event because they get wrapped up talking."
"I don't like when stylists just do whatever they want to my hair, either. It's happened several times before even when I had a picture of what I wanted and they just cut it however they 'thought would look cute.'"
The OP didn't think the roommate would meet those qualifications.
"I'm positive her roommate would do both, just from our prior interactions and how she was already making plans for my hair when she didn't even know how I wanted it."
"I know I'm weird about hair but when I was a kid, I could never have my hair how I wanted it, so as an adult I'm kinda controlling about it."
"AITA for telling her I didn't want her cutting it?"
Fellow Redditors weighed in by declaring:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You're the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Some questioned how good of a hairstylist the roommate must be.
"NTA!!! The roommate is a huge asshole! If she needs to guilt and badger people into making appointments with her, she must not be that good at her job."
"You listed 2 red flags, but her desperation and refusal to drop it, even the next day, is a third red flag. You were polite in your responses. I would have told her this exact reason is why I would not let her near my hair." - DncingBbyGroot
"Honestly, she should recognize this is a thing if she does it professionally. Finding stylist is a journey, and if she doesn't recognize that, she probably doesn't have regulars, which is a bad sign." - kipobaker
"NTA. If she wants to progress in her career, she should definitely start listening to her clients. I would suggest telling her your side of things. If she is still adamant, her loss anyway" - AltruisticAd996
Others said the OP was NTA because she had already been polite... twice.
"NTA."
"You were tactful and polite twice. She insisted on pushing you anyway. She obviously was incapable of hearing your message without it being blunt. You did what you had to do." - computermagic5
"NTA you turned her down nicely twice and then said it firmly once. She was being rude by not accepting your initial answer of no!" - Linzy23
"It doesn't matter what OP would say, the hairstylist would keep pushing until 1. The OP agrees or 2. She (the hairstylist) gets offended."
"OP could not win in this situation. It's the hairstylist's fault she got offended." - umamifiend
A few were really bothered by the roommate touching the OP's hair, too.
"'No and please don't touch me' is a complete sentence."
"The audacity... what if I needed a massage badly and some weird guy whom I don't know comes up to me and start VERY INTIMATELY touching my body - what the heck..."
"Some people can't take a hint and then take it as personal offense NTA" - Mesapholis
"Also, the roommate started playing with OP's hair! I don't care if you're a stylist, it's incredibly rude and intrusive to start playing with your housemate's guest's hair unless they've given you permission. Did no one ever teach this woman about personal space?" - mercurial_planner
"That bit got me too - it's so rude! I've got thick curly hair, and so many times in my life I've straight up slapped random people's hands away (mostly as a reflex response to seeing hands looming towards my head). Don't touch someone's hair without asking!"
"If the roommate needs to harass and guilt people into making appointments with her, and doesn't understand the concept of bodily autonomy, I don't think it's a stretch to say she'll really suck as a stylist." - i-hate-sultanas
Though the OP may feel bad for being blunt with her friend's roommate, it's still her hair on her head that she can style how she wishes.
If that means going to a different stylist, the subReddit agreed, she should be able to go to another stylist without complaint.
Woman Breaks Up With Boyfriend Who Worried People Would Think She Was Trans For Using Stand-To-Pee Device
Content Warning: Transphobia, Transphobic Comments
There are countless different reasons that a relationship might end, and a red flag could arise at any time. Some of these might have been learned in childhood and could improve over time.
Transphobia is absolutely a red flag that should be acted on immediately; however, with no option to fly again, pointed out the members of the "Am I the A**hole?" (AITA) subReddit.
Redditor funnelfuss was in the car with her boyfriend when they got stuck in a traffic jam.
She really needed to use the restroom, so since she had a device with her to make the process easier, she decided she'd step out of the car.
But when her boyfriend panicked and thought people might mistake her for a man, the Original Poster (OP) realized that her boyfriend was not who she thought he was.
She asked the sub:
The OP had to use the restroom while stuck in a traffic jam.
"My (26 Female) boyfriend (25 Male) and I got stuck in an insane traffic jam. My boyfriend was driving."
"We were at a standstill. Found out later on, they had closed the highway."
"I had to pee really bad, like bad bad bad. I saw that a couple guys had run to the side of the road to pee, and I decided to do the same."
"It was super open, with a few bushes by the side of the road, really not much cover."
The OP's boyfriend became uncomfortable when he realized she had a pee-to-stand device.
"I have a stand-to-pee device in my car, but when I grabbed it, my boyfriend got all weird."
"He said people would see me pee standing up and think I was Trans."
"I said no one would think that, plenty of women have pee funnels, and that also I didn't care. I have no beef with Trans people!"
"He said I should squat, just to put his mind at ease."
"I said I didn't want to get my butt and c**ch out on the highway in front of everyone, or get pee on my shoes, and I just wanted to be quick and clean."
"He said he didn't want people to look at the girl he was dating and think she was Trans and that I should squat, like GIRLS do."
The OP decided she was over it.
"I was dying by this point. I couldn't hold it anymore, and I really didn't want to show the world my butt, so I ran to the side of the road and slipped the device into my jeans and just peed standing up with my back to traffic."
"No one could see anything; it just slides through the zipper. But I guess maybe if someone was looking, they would be confused? But also, who's LOOKING?!"
"When I got back to the car, my boyfriend wouldn't talk to me. He says I disrespected his feelings. But it was 100% an emergency, and I don't get what his problem was."
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
Some reassured the OP that there was nothing wrong with using the restroom how she wanted.
"OP, don't think for one more second about this. Your boyfriend is being ridiculous."
"As if you will ever see any of those people again! Plus, holding it in for too long can cause a whole host of issues."
"It's actually genius that you have something like that in your car, just in case. I'm going to order one too now! NTA." - m_alice88
"'Honey, please show all these strangers your c**ch and a** so they know I'm not gay, mmmm'kay?'"
"A weak man, a very weak man." - lefteyedcrow
"You must have a she-wee! Those are so great for women."
"Tell your boyfriend to get over himself. You had to pee. He does not understand that squatting can suck and leave you exposed."
"If he is that upset you did this, rethink this relationship. I would find it hysterical."
"NTA." - Oktodayithink
"NTA, OP. You just needed a makeshift restroom."
"Your boyfriend apparently thought that it was normal for people to stare at strangers who are trying to pee to evaluate who they are, who they're with, and what the status of their relationship is."
"You know, to pass the time while in gridlock traffic." - Pixichixi
"You did nothing wrong, OP! When you have to go, you have to go. It's healthier to go."
"And don't apologize! We're so wired to reduce conflict, even to the point of downplaying how we feel to keep the peace or end the silence. Don't do it."
"It's a him issue. He thinks his feelings on this are more important than your discomfort about showing your naked body on the side of the road. If he can't figure that out for himself and apologize, it would be a dealbreaker for me." - lelawes
Others agreed and pointed out that the ex-boyfriend was very transphobic.
"NTA. Your boyfriend is clearly transphobic. That is 100% on him. And who cares if people think you are Trans?"
"'He said he didn't want people to look at the girl he was dating and think she was Trans.' And you don't want people to think you're dating someone bigoted and hateful." - GreekAmericanDom
"He may not consider himself transphobic ('I don't hate Trans people! I just don't want to be associated with them or have anyone think I'm with a Trans person!'), but he absolutely is, probably with a healthy side helping of homophobia."
"Why would he care, unless a) Trans women are not women in his eyes, or b) it somehow would be emasculating or embarrassing to his ego to be with a Trans woman."
"Also, you're in a traffic jam. Who the f**k is even watching close enough to care, and who of those people matters enough to give two s**ts about what they think."
"Not to mention, he's being weirdly controlling about your behaviors and how they reflect on him in a scenario where arguably he's never going to interact with a single person he's worrying about." - maladicta228
"This post reminds me of the time I got dressed to go to a function. It was a casual gathering. My kid (this was solidly on their father, my ex, as he's gotten insanely bigoted as he's aged) said, 'Mom, you're dressed like a Lesbian.'"
"Me: 'Lesbians have great fashion sense, I'd love to be mistaken for one.'"
"They paused for a second and realized that I truly wasn't dressing for men (despite it being my husband's work function), and that being seen as a lesbian was a good thing. I'm so glad I raised them to think for themselves, and realize that one can be wrong, admit it, and work on being a better person every day. They've never said anything like that since." - baconbitsy
"He's so insecure (and transphobic) that he cares more about what some strangers in a traffic jam might wrongly assume about you (and thereby him) than YOUR needs, comfort, and health."
"He expected you to prioritize his insecurities (feelings) above that and then punished you when you prioritized your health."
"You sure you want to be with someone like that?? NTA." - molotovmerkin
"Your boyfriend is so transphobic that he wants you to expose your genitalia on the side of the road to prove that you're not a Trans woman because he can't stand the idea of a total stranger, in a neighboring car, whom he will never speak to or see ever again, thinking he MIGHT be SHARING A CAR (because the strangers in other cars have no idea that you're dating) with a Trans woman."
"You're NTA, but get a better boyfriend." - HighCsummer
"Literally, you have to be super transphobic to think people in traffic are gonna judge you if your girlfriend is standing to pee. Like come onnnnnn, this is some insane insecurity." - Responsible-Pickle-2
Some pointed out that not only was the ex-boyfriend transphobic, but also controlling.
"This won't be the last time he expects OP to sacrifice things or make her life worse so that she can conform to his ideal of feminine stereotypes and keep up appearances for his fragile masculine ego."
"And that he gave her the silent treatment for not obliging his transphobia and misogyny disguised as 'feelings' is also problematic." - blancamystiere
"He's insecure and transphobic. He also puts his insecurity and transphobia above your comfort."
"NTA, and honestly, you can do better than this specimen." - PetersMapProject
"NTA. Your boyfriend would have preferred for everyone to see your a** and vagina than have a random stranger think his girlfriend is Trans. He would rather you expose yourself for his personal gain."
"Get a better boyfriend." - Amaze-balls-trippen
"The transphobia? The insecurity? And the silent treatment when he doesn't get his way?"
"So many red flags!" - CarolynDesign
"He also puts his insecurity and transphobia above your comfort and safety."
"He would rather you invite unwanted attention and risk by exposing your private parts to the world than have people think he (who most of the onlookers couldn't even see) might be dating a Trans person."
"NTA. OP, he's too insecure, self-centered, and immature to be a good partner to you, given that he's willing to compromise your safety to avoid a single twinge of discomfort. Dump him." - Hari_om_tat_sat
After receiving feedback, the OP was reassured and shared some positive updates.
"UPDATE: Thank you, everyone, for helping me feel sane again!"
"I got quite a few questions about which device I use, and honestly, it's about what fits you best. There are a ton of options. It's what fits you. Check out pStyle, Freshette, and EllaPee."
"I tried peeing standing up in a toilet, and it worked fine. I think my aim was pretty good, but then I saw little droplets on the floor. No thanks, don't need that. Also, it's loud? Awkward."
"But for the outside, it's pretty fun! I drive a lot, that's why it was in my car. Lifesaver."
"Also, I guess in this case it brought out an ugly side of my (ex) boyfriend and clarified some stuff for me. A winner all around."
"And to all the commenters asking, YES, he is an ex-boyfriend now."
"And yes, there were other red flags."
"Ditched the man, kept the pee funnel. Gonna laugh at him every time I pee standing up."
There's no way to imagine just how awkward the rest of the car ride was after using the restroom and returning to the now-silent and very entitled boyfriend, still stuck in a traffic jam.
But fortunately for the OP, she learned something vital about her relationship during a moment that should have been a total non-issue.
By being concerned about this and expecting the OP to prioritize her ex's pride over her comfort, safety, and cleanliness, her ex told her everything she needed to know.