Many of us have had trouble with our hair at some point, especially when it comes to finding a hairstylist we like and trust.
One woman on the "Am I the A**hole?" (AITA) recently discovered how awkward it is when someone else tried to become her primary hairstylist.
Redditor superlion1083 felt pressured but made the decision that was best for her.
But after receiving feedback, the Original Poster (OP) wondered if she made the right choice.
She asked the sub:
"AITA because I told someone I don't want them cutting my hair?"
The OP was pressured about her hair during a visit with a friend.
"I went over to my friend's yesterday to hang out. Her roommate was there."
"My friend and I were talking about random stuff and I said, 'Ugh, I need to get a haircut. It's so heavy.' (I have thick hair and in summer it's annoying)."
"Well, apparently her roommate is a hairstylist."
"She was like, 'Oh, you should totally come to me and I'll do it.'"
"I said, 'Oh, no thanks, I have someone I go to.'"
"She was like, 'Oh come on, you can come by us once and if you don't like it, you can go back to your old place.'"
"I said, 'No, I'm good. Thanks though.'"
"She still wasn't getting it and started playing with my hair and said, 'I could do so much with this, a new style, maybe some dye. We can set up an appointment now, when are you free?'"
"I felt cornered, so I finally just said, 'I don't want you cutting my hair.'"
The OP received pushback for her response.
"Well, she got offended and went to her room. I left a little bit later."
"My friend called me today and said that her roommate is still upset about what I said and wants to know why I don't want her cutting my hair."
"My friend said she gets it because she knows that I'm picky but I didn't have to be rude about it."
But the OP had a particular wishlist when it came to hiring a hairstylist.
"The thing is, I'm really picky. It took me YEARS to find the girl that cuts my hair. She does it the way that I like and doesn't make small talk."
"That's one thing I HATE is when I go for a haircut and they start asking about my personal life or it becomes a whole event because they get wrapped up talking."
"I don't like when stylists just do whatever they want to my hair, either. It's happened several times before even when I had a picture of what I wanted and they just cut it however they 'thought would look cute.'"
The OP didn't think the roommate would meet those qualifications.
"I'm positive her roommate would do both, just from our prior interactions and how she was already making plans for my hair when she didn't even know how I wanted it."
"I know I'm weird about hair but when I was a kid, I could never have my hair how I wanted it, so as an adult I'm kinda controlling about it."
"AITA for telling her I didn't want her cutting it?"
Fellow Redditors weighed in by declaring:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You're the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Some questioned how good of a hairstylist the roommate must be.
"NTA!!! The roommate is a huge asshole! If she needs to guilt and badger people into making appointments with her, she must not be that good at her job."
"You listed 2 red flags, but her desperation and refusal to drop it, even the next day, is a third red flag. You were polite in your responses. I would have told her this exact reason is why I would not let her near my hair." - DncingBbyGroot
"Honestly, she should recognize this is a thing if she does it professionally. Finding stylist is a journey, and if she doesn't recognize that, she probably doesn't have regulars, which is a bad sign." - kipobaker
"NTA. If she wants to progress in her career, she should definitely start listening to her clients. I would suggest telling her your side of things. If she is still adamant, her loss anyway" - AltruisticAd996
Others said the OP was NTA because she had already been polite... twice.
"NTA."
"You were tactful and polite twice. She insisted on pushing you anyway. She obviously was incapable of hearing your message without it being blunt. You did what you had to do." - computermagic5
"NTA you turned her down nicely twice and then said it firmly once. She was being rude by not accepting your initial answer of no!" - Linzy23
"It doesn't matter what OP would say, the hairstylist would keep pushing until 1. The OP agrees or 2. She (the hairstylist) gets offended."
"OP could not win in this situation. It's the hairstylist's fault she got offended." - umamifiend
A few were really bothered by the roommate touching the OP's hair, too.
"'No and please don't touch me' is a complete sentence."
"The audacity... what if I needed a massage badly and some weird guy whom I don't know comes up to me and start VERY INTIMATELY touching my body - what the heck..."
"Some people can't take a hint and then take it as personal offense NTA" - Mesapholis
"Also, the roommate started playing with OP's hair! I don't care if you're a stylist, it's incredibly rude and intrusive to start playing with your housemate's guest's hair unless they've given you permission. Did no one ever teach this woman about personal space?" - mercurial_planner
"That bit got me too - it's so rude! I've got thick curly hair, and so many times in my life I've straight up slapped random people's hands away (mostly as a reflex response to seeing hands looming towards my head). Don't touch someone's hair without asking!"
"If the roommate needs to harass and guilt people into making appointments with her, and doesn't understand the concept of bodily autonomy, I don't think it's a stretch to say she'll really suck as a stylist." - i-hate-sultanas
Though the OP may feel bad for being blunt with her friend's roommate, it's still her hair on her head that she can style how she wishes.
If that means going to a different stylist, the subReddit agreed, she should be able to go to another stylist without complaint.
Woman Irate After 'Misogynistic' Date 'Insults' Her In Front Of Waiter For Interrupting Him
While dating is supposed to be fun and the best way to find new love, some people are just not meant to date each other.
Fortunately, people can get out of dating someone, and no reason is too small or petty, members of the "Am I Overreacting?" (AIO) subreddit pointed out.
Redditor Mental_Driver_6134 had been dating a guy on and off for over a year, and while things were okay, there hadn't been a particular reason to make the relationship more serious.
When they went on a date, and the guy publicly insulted her for interrupting him and speaking out of turn, the Original Poster (OP) was not certain it was worth going on another date with him or continuing to string this situationship along.
She asked the sub:
At a restaurant, the OP's date wasn't being clear while speaking with the waiter.
"I went on a dinner date with this guy who I've been with for over a year now, on and off. We discussed the order and were in a good mood overall."
"When the waiter came to take the order, he started explaining him something about his preference for a particular dish. Basically, he didn't want too much garlic in chili burnt garlic noodles."
"Everything was going fine, but I saw that he was taking too much time explaining it and wasn't really getting to the main point, which was less garlic."
"I chimed in and casually said, 'We just want less garlic.'"
"But I couldn't even complete the sentence before he said to me in front of the waiter, 'If you're gonna cut me off like this, I'm not giving any orders, okay?!' in the rudest way possible."
The moment ruined the date for the OP.
"I just went quiet after that. He quickly realized that he made a mistake and tried to cover up by saying that, 'Okay , I won't shout at you next time onwards.'"
"I was really p**sed off but didn't react much to avoid creating a scene."
"On our way back home, he started with his explanation. He said that I tried to make him feel small by cutting him off and lacked basic etiquette and that I should have at least said, 'Can I give my opinion here?- before cutting him off."
"It kept getting worse as he said that since he was the older one and 'The Man,' I should not have interrupted him and let him give the order."
"The whole tone was so misogynistic."
"He even mocked me for not knowing how to use chopsticks properly, which I didn't mind as basic banter, and I told him that there are forks and spoons kept here; it's not necessary to use the chopsticks (he ended up dropping his dumpling while explaining to me how to use chopsticks)."
"When the noodles came, he said that we could use forks then, and I was like, 'No, why not use chopsticks here, as well? You should watch more anime, maybe,' and he then went on to brag about having been to many five-star restaurants, which implied that he knew more than me and that I lacked any 'real experience.'"
The OP was over it by the end of the conversation.
"I was too exhausted from this; it seemed so nonsensical that I left later and told him to maintain a distance."
"Later he was saying that I'm stuck on such a small thing and that he won't shout again, but it was my mistake that I tried to cut him off (which wasn't my intention at all)."
"Also, sidenote: He's like four and a half years older than me. I met him last September and on and off many times with a few months of minimal contact. These offs end with him acting as if nothing happened."
"This incident was the calmest he's behaved if compared to past situations, so you can guess what the worst may have looked like."
"I only gave him a chance cause he was trying to control his anger issues. But I think you can't expect a 29-year-old to fix the misogyny."
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
Some reassured the OP that she was right to be upset.
"He was s**tty, but it was her fault; I just love that. NOR."
"If she hadn’t interrupted his highness, none of this would have happened. Why can’t she just admit it?"
"I’m so glad I’m long out of the dating pool. There is no bar anymore; it’s what can I get from you while I treat you like s**t. Man, the good old days of dating are long over." - Shadow4summer
"NOR. The 'I'm the man' line revealed everything OP needs to know about him. He couldn't handle a simple, harmless interruption, so he tried to humiliate her in public to regain control. Taking his own dumpling dive while trying to act superior is peak karma, honestly." - virelaczi
"NOR! If a 'small' man tries to put you down in public on a date, run the eff away! It doesn’t matter if it’s two dates, two months, or two YEARS!" - Delicious_Winner_819
"Not overreacting, this man is clearly insecure and controlling. Not to mention a misogynist. Instead of being on and off, just be off. It's better to be single than to be with someone who tries to make you feel less than." - curiouscuriel
"'I know better than you.'"
"Should tell you ALL you need to know about this 'man'. Go and find somebody who will treat you as their person... and not an object. That is what is not sitting right with you."
"NOR. And bloody run!!! I wouldn't even give him the time of day after an experience like that." - pootling_1976
"My ex would constantly say, 'You're interrupting me.' I was not. He was a psycho."
"This is how it went, for example:"
"Him: I am ordering chicken and snow peas and white rice [long pause]."
"I start to say ANYTHING (the place is on effing fire!), and he would berate me, 'You interrupted me, you ALWAYS do that, I can never speak, blah, blah blah.'"
"I say, 'Lucifer (what I call him behind his back), you took a long pause. I waited, and I thought you were done.'"
"Then THAT becomes a pile of s**t convo, more berating... He was so manipulative and verbally abusive; I cannot even scratch the surface here."
"So, no. That date is a Lucifer, and you should never even speak to him again." - Belmontisnowhideous
Others pointed out that the OP didn't have to keep dating him if this is how she felt about him.
"Great news! You do not need to spend any more time with this guy." - Blue-flash
"If you marry this guy, this behavior will only get worse. He doesn’t respect women, and he probably never will. I'd stop dating him now before you waste more time." - Additional-Start9455
"NOR. Don’t waste another minute of your life on an angry man. He’ll get worse, not better. Just find a guy who doesn’t need fixing." - Broad_Pomegranate141
"I mean, him being an insufferable smug jerk is not a small thing."
"'I went on a dinner date with this guy who I've been with for over a year now, on and off.' But this strikes me as an elephant in the room."
"It isn't often that good, healthy relationships are on and off again. And given how profoundly rude he was, how immediately he doubled down, how condescending, etc., I can't help but think this isn't the first time he's been gross as a partner."
"NOR, but really ask yourself what you're doing here. This can't be the life you hoped for, and you know he isn't going to change as well." - Traeyze
"NOR. There's no way to live with this kind of man, honestly, and OP should definitely leave this guy."
"A year of on and off with kind of behavior is basically a preview of the next ten." - NoEar4226
"NOR. I've broken up with guys like that by telling them they were right all along. I'm just not smart enough for him. He deserves someone on his own level..."
"Hopefully he picks up the hint and does some self-reflection for his future dates (with other women)."
"For what it's worth, I have two post-graduate degrees." - PomeloPepper
"When someone treats you like s**t, you do NOT have to stay with them, no matter how long you've been together."
"Unfortunately, my therapist had to explain this to me a short time after I started seeing her because my parents never gave me any autonomy to make my own decisions. I didn’t know that I could just leave places that I didn’t feel safe in because it wasn’t an option for me until then."
"Some people do need to be given permission to do what’s best for them because of the way they were treated by their parents."
"Hopefully she does leave him because he sucks, and with the way he treats her, things will likely get worse for her." - Accomplished_Dig284
We've all heard the advice to not cry over spilled milk, but clearly, this date must fuss over garlicky noodles.
To the subReddit, it wasn't worth continuing to date a man who clearly had anger and control issues, especially given everything going on in society right now.
The OP would be better off staying single for a while or dating someone new, preferably someone who respects their differences about noodles and chopsticks.