Many of us have had trouble with our hair at some point, especially when it comes to finding a hairstylist we like and trust.
One woman on the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA) recently discovered how awkward it is when someone else tried to become her primary hairstylist.
Redditor superlion1083 felt pressured but made the decision that was best for her.
But after receiving feedback, the Original Poster (OP) wondered if she made the right choice.
She asked the sub:
“AITA because I told someone I don’t want them cutting my hair?”
The OP was pressured about her hair during a visit with a friend.
“I went over to my friend’s yesterday to hang out. Her roommate was there.”
“My friend and I were talking about random stuff and I said, ‘Ugh, I need to get a haircut. It’s so heavy.’ (I have thick hair and in summer it’s annoying).”
“Well, apparently her roommate is a hairstylist.”
“She was like, ‘Oh, you should totally come to me and I’ll do it.'”
“I said, ‘Oh, no thanks, I have someone I go to.'”
“She was like, ‘Oh come on, you can come by us once and if you don’t like it, you can go back to your old place.'”
“I said, ‘No, I’m good. Thanks though.'”
“She still wasn’t getting it and started playing with my hair and said, ‘I could do so much with this, a new style, maybe some dye. We can set up an appointment now, when are you free?'”
“I felt cornered, so I finally just said, ‘I don’t want you cutting my hair.'”
The OP received pushback for her response.
“Well, she got offended and went to her room. I left a little bit later.”
“My friend called me today and said that her roommate is still upset about what I said and wants to know why I don’t want her cutting my hair.”
“My friend said she gets it because she knows that I’m picky but I didn’t have to be rude about it.”
But the OP had a particular wishlist when it came to hiring a hairstylist.
“The thing is, I’m really picky. It took me YEARS to find the girl that cuts my hair. She does it the way that I like and doesn’t make small talk.”
“That’s one thing I HATE is when I go for a haircut and they start asking about my personal life or it becomes a whole event because they get wrapped up talking.”
“I don’t like when stylists just do whatever they want to my hair, either. It’s happened several times before even when I had a picture of what I wanted and they just cut it however they ‘thought would look cute.'”
The OP didn’t think the roommate would meet those qualifications.
“I’m positive her roommate would do both, just from our prior interactions and how she was already making plans for my hair when she didn’t even know how I wanted it.”
“I know I’m weird about hair but when I was a kid, I could never have my hair how I wanted it, so as an adult I’m kinda controlling about it.”
“AITA for telling her I didn’t want her cutting it?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in by declaring:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Some questioned how good of a hairstylist the roommate must be.
“NTA!!! The roommate is a huge asshole! If she needs to guilt and badger people into making appointments with her, she must not be that good at her job.”
“You listed 2 red flags, but her desperation and refusal to drop it, even the next day, is a third red flag. You were polite in your responses. I would have told her this exact reason is why I would not let her near my hair.” – DncingBbyGroot
“Honestly, she should recognize this is a thing if she does it professionally. Finding stylist is a journey, and if she doesn’t recognize that, she probably doesn’t have regulars, which is a bad sign.” – kipobaker
“NTA. If she wants to progress in her career, she should definitely start listening to her clients. I would suggest telling her your side of things. If she is still adamant, her loss anyway” – AltruisticAd996
Others said the OP was NTA because she had already been polite… twice.
“You were tactful and polite twice. She insisted on pushing you anyway. She obviously was incapable of hearing your message without it being blunt. You did what you had to do.” – computermagic5
“NTA you turned her down nicely twice and then said it firmly once. She was being rude by not accepting your initial answer of no!” – Linzy23
“It doesn’t matter what OP would say, the hairstylist would keep pushing until 1. The OP agrees or 2. She (the hairstylist) gets offended.”
“OP could not win in this situation. It’s the hairstylist’s fault she got offended.” – umamifiend
A few were really bothered by the roommate touching the OP’s hair, too.
“‘No and please don’t touch me’ is a complete sentence.”
“The audacity… what if I needed a massage badly and some weird guy whom I don’t know comes up to me and start VERY INTIMATELY touching my body – what the heck…”
“Some people can’t take a hint and then take it as personal offense NTA” – Mesapholis
“Also, the roommate started playing with OP’s hair! I don’t care if you’re a stylist, it’s incredibly rude and intrusive to start playing with your housemate’s guest’s hair unless they’ve given you permission. Did no one ever teach this woman about personal space?” – mercurial_planner
“That bit got me too – it’s so rude! I’ve got thick curly hair, and so many times in my life I’ve straight up slapped random people’s hands away (mostly as a reflex response to seeing hands looming towards my head). Don’t touch someone’s hair without asking!”
“If the roommate needs to harass and guilt people into making appointments with her, and doesn’t understand the concept of bodily autonomy, I don’t think it’s a stretch to say she’ll really suck as a stylist.” – i-hate-sultanas
Though the OP may feel bad for being blunt with her friend’s roommate, it’s still her hair on her head that she can style how she wishes.
If that means going to a different stylist, the subReddit agreed, she should be able to go to another stylist without complaint.