The circle of life is such that our parents care for us in our infancy, and then as they reach their twilight years, it's our turn to care for them.
For many, this might simply mean moving them into a nursing home or an assisted living facility.
For others, however, this might mean moving back in with them to provide all necessary help.
No matter the circumstances, however, it's sadly not at all uncommon for this help to be met with anything but appreciation.
Redditor RelativeSomewhere824 and their husband recently moved in with their father-in-law (FIL), specifically to help him out following the death of his wife.
While the original poster (OP) and their husband were more than happy to do so, they were somewhat surprised by a condition the OP's FIL instilled for their moving in.
A condition that the OP and their husband were unwilling to oblige.
Wondering if they were out of line, the OP took to the subReddit "Am I The A**hole Here" (AITAH).
Unlike the similar "Am I The A**Hole" (AITA) subReddit, AITAH allows Redditors to ask for advice on issues that are not permitted on AITA, such as asking for advice or posting about ending relationships. Nor are voting acronyms required or a final judgment declared.
The OP asked fellow Redditors:
"AITAH- refusing to pay my father-in-law $400 a week to live in his mortgage-free home after we moved in to help him?"
The OP explained why they were a bit surprised by a demand their FIL made after they agreed to move in:
"My mother-in-law passed away last year."
"It was devastating for everyone."
"After she passed, my father-in-law asked my husband and I to move into the family home to help him because he didn't want to live alone."
"The plan is to put a granny flat/tiny home out the back and we would live in the main house with our two children."
"For context: when my MIL passed, my FIL received roughly $300,000."
"My husband and I received nothing."
"The home is mortgage-free."
"Now, after we've started organizing the move, he's saying he expects us to pay him a minimum of $400 per week in rent on top of covering all bills."
"Before agreeing to move in, it was clearly my understanding that we would cover all household bills and pay for a cleaner fortnightly for both the main house and granny flat."
"To make this move happen, we have to re-home both of our dogs."
"My children lose access to a backyard because of the granny flat build, We won't be able to use the driveway/carport."
"Most of his and my MIL's belongings will remain in the main house with us, meaning we're sharing space rather than having full use of it."
"He works full-time and receives about 62% pension income."
"The house is fully paid off."
"He is not financially struggling."
"I completely understand it's his property and legally he can charge whatever he wants."
"That's not my argument."
"My issue is that the expectations changed after we committed to uprooting our lives to help him."
"If $400 per week had been said at the beginning we wouldn't have agreed."
"AITAH?"
Fellow Redditors weighed in, with some using the voting acronyms:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You're The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
The Reddit community agreed that the OP and their husband should not need to pay their FIL after they agreed to move in with him to help him out.
Everyone agreed that not only should the OP not pay rent to their FIL, but they also shouldn't move in with him at all, with many shocked that the OP and their husband rehomed their dogs in order to go through with this.
"Tell him to use that money for a CNA because you won't be moving."
"NTA."- stoic_yakker
"NTA."
"Do not go through with it, rent your own place because he'll keep changing the agreement and you will resent your husband because of his father."
"If this isn't sorted out before you move, you'll be back here in 6 months asking if you're the a-hole for wanting to divorce your husband."- Dal-Ron
"Why the hell are you doing this?"- t4ngerinedre4ms
"NTA."
"This is a bad idea I would talk with your spouse and make plans to find alternative living accommodations."- Background_System726
"Stop everything."
"Do not move in with him."
"'Doesnt want to be alone' is code for you will become the one doing everything and he wants you to pay for doing it."
"NTA. If you want to move closer to him, sure, do that."
"But do not move into the 4-months-gone woman's home with all their stuff like you're the ones who fell on difficulty and needed a place to live."- FeistyIrishWench
"NTA."
"It would be a mistake to continue with plans to move in now that he's changing the terms."
"Him asking for more money than originally agreed before you've even moved is a huge red flag."
"This living situation isn't going to work out."
"In addition to the money, the granny flat isn't built yet and he hasn't cleared away belongings to make space for your family."
"Living with him would make you miserable and poor."
"Don't do it."- teresajs
"What positives are there for you and your family in this scenario?"
"Sounds like absolutely '0'."
"This is a terrible idea and I hope your husband sees this too."- hecklenjeckyl
"Stop the move your losing more then it's helping."- HeartAccording5241
"NTA."
"Do NOT do this."
"You are going to pay for the privilege of living in his storage unit and paying for his housekeeper."
"While giving up your pets (what kind of sh*tty people dump their dogs for this?!?!?!) and taking away a yard for your kids."
"Oh and no parking either."
"This is absurd and will be a disaster."
"Why on earth would you do this to yourself or your kids?"- Dachshundmom5
"NTA."
"But this is such a bad idea."- Sunmoon98
"Easy one."
'Don't move."
"There is absolutely no benefit to you or your family."- GonnaBeIToldUSo
"NTA."
"Stay where you are."- FitSprinkles6307
"Gentle YTA to yourself for agreeing to any of this BS."
"Even without paying $400/week this is a terrible arrangement for your family."
"Uprooting kids, losing pets, and any sense of personal space by living among ILs stuff sounds like a nightmare scenario."
"I understand wanting to be closer to help but this isn't the way."
"I'd put a full stop to a move into his house and only consider moving to a separate but closer home unless he's willing to properly downsize and let you have the main house to live in as you wish."
"NTA for refusing to pay."- KingsRansom79
"NTAH."
"Cancel the move."- NagaApi8888
"Seems he's gotten over the passing of his wife, so you should move out."- GMEloser69
"The core problem is not money, it is consent under changing conditions."
"You agreed to one version of shared living built on mutual support."
"He replaced it with a landlord tenant dynamic after you made sacrifices."
"Refusing the new terms is not selfish, it is asserting that help should not require disadvantaging your own family."- Outside_Brush_5795
"YTA for rehoming your dogs."
"FIL could have learned to live on his own and make a new life for himself."
"He works full-time so what does he need your company for?"- Kukka63
"No!"
"Don't get rid of the dogs!"
"This sounds like an awful plan."- Zoomieland
"I guess you and your husband thought that it will be a good sacrifice for a mortgage free house that's not yours without having details in writing."
"FIL is still working full time and may even get remarried, I feel bad for the poor dogs you gave away and your children."- lyretski
"NTA!"
"You should have said no when rehoming your dogs came up."
"Stay where you are and keep your dogs."- Huge-Personality-737
"You say that expectations changed."
"He might argue that this was always the plan and you just didn't understand or realize it."
"Unless there is a written contract it's really just your word against his."
"The important thing, though, is that you haven't made the move."
"It sounds as though you haven't rehomed your dogs yet, and presumably haven't sold your home (or ended your lease, etc)."
"If you aren't on board with paying $400/week rent on top of bills then you shouldn't make the move."
"It's as simple as that."
"If he really just wants someone to help him he can either change the conditions to ones that are more favorable, or he can hire someone."
"You are definitely NTA of you decide not to make the move."
"This is absolutely what I would decide in the situation."
"If you go ahead with it, though, then refuse to pay him the rent he asks that would be a different situation."- PandaMime_421
Had the OP and their husband been moving owing to their own financial distress, their FIL charging them rent wouldn't be so out of the ordinary.
The fact that they are uprooting their lives to ensure he won't be alone, however, is a completely different matter.
It seems a more than likely possibility that the OP and their husband might reconsider, leaving one to wonder if their FIL alone...
A far worse price than $400 a week...
