There is possibly nothing more precious than a secret.
Those lucky few who are aware of it may possess valuable knowledge that could give them great power.
The fascinating thing about secrets, however, is that while the protected information often remains under wraps, the existence of the secret itself often has a way of getting out.
Resulting in just about everyone clambering to unlock it.
Redditor Ocampo-Mark tended to blow friends and family members away with a special skill of theirs.
Eventually leading the original poster (OP)'s sister-in-law (SIL) to demand to know what their secret is.
Something the OP was unwilling to share, much to their SIL's frustration.
Wondering if they were being unreasonable, the OP took to the subReddit "Am I The A**hole" (AITA), where they asked fellow Redditors:
"AITA for refusing to share my "secret" recipe with my sister-in-law?"
In a short and sweet post, the OP explained why they were unwilling to share their very special secret:
"I have a specific way of making baked mac and cheese."
"It's the only thing I'm known for at family gatherings."
'My SIL asked for the recipe, and I told her I'd rather keep it a secret."
"She called me gatekeeper-y and says I'm being 'childish' over noodles.'
"My brother says I should just give it to her to keep the peace."
"AITA?"
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation, by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You're The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
While the Reddit community was somewhat divided, they generally agreed that the OP was not the a**hole for refusing to share their mac-and-cheese recipe.
Some simply didn't understand why the OP, or anyone for that matter, refused to share their recipes, feeling it was how it was cooked, and not the recipes themselves, that made the dish special:
"YTA."
"I don't understand gatekeeping recipes."
"Teaching other people your recipes is a great way to connect."
"I still get messages near the holidays from people I haven't seen in years that they made my sugar cookie recipe, and it was a hit."
"That makes me feel better than being the only one who knows the recipe."- Snoobeedo
"I am of a different mindset."
"I won't say YTA but I don't get why people need to keep a recipe 'secret' I am honored when someone has asked for a recipe."
"I will give it to them."
"Chances are their version will not be identical to my own and often they then change it anyway."
"However, for those who feel the need to keep the recipe secret...it is their choice."-Glittering_Role1658
"YTA."
"My ex-MIL refused to share her potato salad recipe with anyone, including my son (her grandson)."
"She said she was going to take it with her to the grave, and she did."
"Why do you care if someone else knows how to make your mac and cheese?"
"Seems selfish to me."- ArtyCatz
While others felt the OP's SIL was overreacting, feeling everyone is entitled to secrets:
"NTA."
"It's just a recipe, not a life-saving treatment for snakebite.'
"If she wants to find a good mac & cheese recipe, she can find one online."
"There are hundreds of them."- No_Difficulty_9365
"NTA."
"She's right you are gatekeeping, but it's over YOUR recipe."
"I am all for sharing recipes with others if that is what you want, but I also don't blame people who don't want to share them."
"I am the same way with my snickerdoodles."
"It's my own recipe that I worked on, and I don't really plan to share it anytime soon bc it's mine."
"Maybe it's a little selfish, but we're all selfish in our own ways."
"People aren't entitled to dictate what you do or don't choose to share with them."- Quirky-Insect-9920
"Are you actually using noodles?"
"Or is it pasta, like it should be?"
"Are noodles the secret?"
"Lol."
"NTA if you don't like your sister in law."- StargazerSayuri
"NTA."
"Your recipe - you decide who gets it."
"And I hate when other people tell you to give in to 'keep the peace'- why doesn't the other person just respectfully accept 'no'?!"- rr_atl
"NTA."
"It's your recipe."
"It isn't hers."
"If being the person that is known for delicious Mac and Cheese makes you happy- good deal!"
"It's your thing."
"You can choose not to share your own recipe."
"I hate when people use 'gatekeeping' when they want something from you."
'Gatekeeping is like, refusing to say what store carries the shoes you're wearing."
"No. It's a complete sentence."
"You don't have to keep the peace because she wants your thing."
"Even if you give it to her, she'll claim you left an ingredient out to ruin it for her."
"Just don't do it."- Mysterious_Peas
"NTA For years, I refused to let my kids even see my recipe for pecan pie or know where I kept it."
"Reason?"
"I am a Yankee and my ex-husband once said my pie was better than his mother's."
"I refused to let that SOB have my pie after we split."
"I have gladly shared my recipe with friends."- fourlittlebees
"And we wonder why so many men, even women, believe people shouldn't have bodily autonomy, when people are already this authoritarian and controlling over f*cking recipes."
"NTA, society really needs to check their entitlement culture."- Kittenscute
"NTA."
"Wow."
"She got offended and resorted to name calling rather quickly, didn't she?"
"It's called a secret recipe for a reason."
"My family member also has a secret recipe for baked Mac n' Cheese."
"It's yours."
"You decide who gets it and when, as is you're Right."
"She's doesn't get to demand it from you."
"The audacity on this broad lol."- LadyOfThePolarBears
"NTA."
"She is quick to diminish it by saying you're 'being childish over noodles' and whenever anyone says that it immediately goes both ways."
"If she thinks you're being childish because they're just noodles, then she's also being childish by making a fuss over noodles."
"Let her keep the peace, she's the one who disrupted it."- GeneStarwind1
"NTA, it's yours… but you can do a half way thing that many chefs do."
"Explain that this recipe matters to you."
"She's not ever supposed to bring it to an event you will be bringing it."
"This is YOURS in the family."
"No head to head nonsense."
"She can make it for her own family, and in her home, for friends, but with attribution 'this is Auntie Ocampo's special recipe!'"- catscausetornadoes
"So, if you share this recipe with SIL, what are the chances that she'll bring it to the next family gathering?"
"If you think they're high, NTA."
"If you think they're low, NTA."
"It's your recipe and if you created it, it's kind of like intellectual property."- athiestvegan
"NTA."
"My sister is a baker and her recipes are her intellectual property and for a long time, we're her livelihood."
"She has a handwritten cookbook full of recipes that she worked on for years and they are perfect."
"I have one of them - ONE - and I will never, ever, part with it."
"I feel honored to have it and I only have it because she was out of the country and I made it for her kiddo that was missing her."
"I even go as far as to ask if I can make it for specific things if other people will be having it."
"School fundraisers, etc."
"It's about respect for her time invested, and I know that's why she trusted me with the recipe to begin with."
"What's funny is I'm known as the baker among my colleagues and friend groups and I've never even considered making her recipe for them."
"I have specialties that I'm known for and it works for us."- Ready_Revolution5023
"She called it noodles… enough reason to not give it to her."
"I'm assuming there's more to this story than just a recipe."
"Either way, I'm going with NTA."- poets_pendulum
"NTA."
"Give her the wrong version, when she complains all you have to say is that it must be her!"- G-reeper66
"Clearly the fact that you're known for the recipe is something that you hold close."
"I would say NTA. Its your personal recipe and you don't have to give it to anybody."
"People are so entitled nowadays."
"You are an adult, as is she."
"Nobody should force you into anything you don't want to do."
"I have a special recipe that my grandmother passed down to me and I don't share it at all and have been begged for it a million times."
"No is a full sentence."
"Also anybody immediately calling names after you gave an answer is not somebody I would ever share a special recipe with."
"She proved right there why she doesn't deserve it."
"She can get online and figure out how to make mac and cheese and tweak the recipe until she finds one she likes."
"Not your problem."
"Personally Id tell my brother f*ck off and buy her cooking class lessons if he cares so much."-keepitcutesis
While others didn't find anyone particularly at fault:
"NAH, honestly people act like you have to share everything."- emmiec1717
What family doesn't have a "secret family recipe, passed on from generation to generation"?
From the sounds of it, the family of the OP's SIL.
It would indeed be silly if a relationship became fractured "over noodles."
Something that both the OP and their SIL should carefully consider, rather than prolonging this feud.
