One always wants to help their families when they fall on hard times.
And people like to help in several different ways, including lending money, giving them a temporary place to live, or helping them find work so they can get back on their feet.
But should struggling family members always expect help from others in their family?
After hitting a bout of bad luck, the sister of Redditor Uncle-Victor-Throway made a request which would help her family, namely her teenage son.
A request the original poster (OP), was completely unwilling to oblige, greatly angering their sister.
But when their parents also accused them of being insensitive, the OP took to the subReddit “Am I The A**hole” (AITA), where they asked fellow Redditors:
“AITA for not letting my nephew use my camper to have his own room?”
The OP shared how their sister and her family found themselves in a less than desirable living situation as a result of a financial struggle.
“My sister and her husband fell on hard times because of the pandemic.”
“They went from renting a nice house to having to rent a room from a friend.”
“It was supposed to be temporary, but they’ve been in his house for an entire year.”
“And he didn’t have more than one room to spare to rent to them.”
“I have a family of my own, and my house is full.”
“So I didn’t want them living with me.”
The OP’s sister however, felt there was a way that they could help her teenage son, but the OP knew this wouldn’t be a good idea for a number of reasons.
“I have a vintage camper trailer in my back yard.”
“One of those small ones they called a Canned Ham type.”
“It’s had various repairs over the years, including redoing the floor and ceiling, as well as getting a new axle.”
“And it’s in pretty decent condition for being over 50 years old.”
“I take this camper on yearly trips with friends, and on camping trips with my family.”
“And I’m very anal about its upkeep.”
“My sister though has asked to borrow the camper numerous times to put in her friend’s back yard, so her teenage son could have some privacy and use it as a personal bedroom.”
“But I know my nephew.”
“He’s destructive with everything, and would turn my camper into a total mess.”
“And I’m certain they wouldn’t want to give it back whenever I need it because he’d already be living in it.”
“I know they can’t simply go out and get a camper of their own because ones in usable condition are not cheap.”
“And right now they are trying to save every extra dime to get back on their own feet.”
“Recently my sister has gotten our parents involved.”
“And they think I should just lend them the camper.”
“But I’ve still refused.”
“They won’t let up and seem to think that if they keep hounding me as a collective, that I’ll give in.”
“But I haven’t.”
“My wife is on my side, and has refused to let my sister and brother-in-law in when I wasn’t home.”
“They have a vehicle that can tow the camper.”
“So I don’t trust them not to take it if they can get in my back yard.”
“My house also has cameras, and my sister and BIL are aware of them now.”
“They say I’m TA because I only use the camper a few times a year, and they need it now. “
“But I worry that they wouldn’t want to give it back, much less return it in the same condition.”
“I firmly believe I’m in the right.”
“But with my parents and sister constantly breathing down my neck, I thought I’d come here for an unbiased opinion.”
“AITA for not lending them the camper?”
“I did suggest they get my nephew a tent. But they shot that idea down and called a tent temporary.”
“If anything that just felt like another red flag to me.”
“Our parents do not live close anymore. They moved several states away to retire a few years ago.”
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
The Reddit community agreed the OP was not at all the a**hole for refusing to lend their camper to their teenage nephew.
Everyone felt based on their nephew’s bad track record, not to mention the camper was rightfully theirs, they had every right to say no to their sister, particularly for an indeterminate amount of time.
“Obviously. It’s not like they’re asking to borrow it for a few days.”
“It would be indefinite.”
“And like you said, he’s messy and destructive.”
“No way I’d let them take it.”- MisterHazeee
“I think you are correct in believing that you would basically be giving them the camper.”
“It is pretty bad that they seem to be considering stealing it from you.”
“It is not much of a solution to their real problem.”- cinnamngrl
“It is your property and you are perfectly within your rights to use it as you see fit.”
“If you know that your nephew is destructive then why on earth would you allow him unrestricted access to it.”
“It is not your fault that his parents cannot provide for him.”
If your parents are concerned then they can purchase a vehicle for them to use/stay in.”- walnutwithteeth
“Of course you are NTA.”
“This is another one of the many many posts that are ‘You have XYZ.”
“I need your XYZ.”
“Give it to me.”
“There are so many unbelievably entitled people out there.”
“You would not be the AH even if you never used your camper.”- NoxWild
“If Beavis and Butthead have taught us anything, it’s that teenagers should be kept away from campers and tool sheds.”- Haunting_Being
“NTA, your camper your rules.”-Lopsided-Fan8176
“You know what will happen and have wisely chosen to refuse.”
“If your parents are so upset about things, then they can chip in and help your sister and BIL get into a place sooner.”
“It’s always so easy to volunteer other people’s possessions.”
“I would text/email/tell them all one final time ‘no, I am not letting you borrow the camper’.”
“‘I will not listen to anymore about it and I will hang up and block you if you continue to hound me’.”
“My sister and nephew fell on hard times back in 2020, not due to the pandemic, and have struggled a bit.”
“They wanted to move into my house.”
“I said no.”
“I have a modest 3 bedroom, 2 bath ranch and both of my adult kids moved back when the pandemic hit.”
“My house is full.”
“I told her that there is no place for them to sleep, no place for the clothes, possessions, etc.”
“I offered to help with a deposit and rent help if they could get a place.”
“And that’s what I did.”
“My sister lived with us previously and it was not good.”
“Unfortunately, my nephew is addicted to electronics and has tried to steal some of my charging cords and wireless things.”
“I couldn’t have them in my house because there would be issues within an hour.”-CaliStrange
The OP later shared this thread with their family, which did little to help ease tensions with their parents and sister.
“I showed my sister and BIL this post after getting the verdict.”
“My parents have seen it as well.”
“They are all very unhappy with me.”
“But my parents have backed off and say they won’t bother me with it again.”
“I also spoke with my sister alone, and went through the rough estimates of what possible repairs to the camper would be, should my nephew damage it.”
“My sister was not happy to see those numbers.”
“Then I called her out on how they’d likely not want to return the camper when I need it, but they also tried to come to my house when I wasn’t home to take it without permission.”
“And I told her I’d have no problem calling police if they ever try that.”
“My sister still tried to say her son needs the camper.”
“But when I went through the comments on this post with her.”
“She became incredibly embarrassed and then got very angry.”
“She left saying she won’t bother me for the camper anymore.”
“But still stated she thinks I’m a jerk.”
“I didn’t reply because I knew she was waiting to gaslight me.”
“Just waved her goodbye and she left.”
“My BIL called me shortly after to yell at me.”
“But he had no leg to stand on other than they want it.”
I told him I’d contribute $100 for a tent. But they’re on their own for the rest. They actually agreed to the $100. So I guess my nephew is getting a tent to live in.
Of course, one can’t help but sympathize with the OP’s sister and her family, going through a struggle far too many people are going through as a result of the pandemic.
But it is still somewhat entitled for her to expect the OP to simply hand over their trailer, free of charge.
Let alone to her teenage son for the forseeable future.
Here’s hoping they can get back on their feet, and mend things with the OP.