When we find ourselves indisposed, all we want is love and support from our friends and family.
On the other hand, when we hear that a dear friend or family member has gotten themselves into trouble or a difficult situation, all we want to do is rush to their side.
Sometimes that simply isn’t possible, as we can’t plan around accidents or sudden turns of events.
Even if not everyone is quite so understanding of these matters.
The girlfriend of Redditor Fancy-Entertainer-79 needed to be hospitalized.
And all she wanted was the original poster (OP) by her side.
Unfortunately, the OP had another commitment that made doing so difficult.
Having some difficulty deciding the correct course of action, the OP took to the subReddit “Am I The A**hole” (AITA), where they asked fellow Redditors:
“AITA for missing my girlfriend’s minor surgery for an important business trip?”
The OP explained why they felt they had more important matters than being by their girlfriend’s side in the hospital:
“My girlfriend of two years (37 F[female]) decided to ride her bike while drunk last weekend, got into an accident, and broke her arm. It’s (by any measure) a minor break and it requires a (by any measure) minor surgery to fix it.”
“I’ve been very supportive and very nice to her the last few days, even though I’m really (more than a bit) mad at her for riding her bike while drunk.”
“She is having the surgery next week.”
“I have a business trip coming up next week, which I’ve already rescheduled to avoid going away during the surgery.”
“But the surgery date has now changed to the exact date I rescheduled my business trip to.”
“She really wants me to stay for the surgery, and of course I want to, but this is a very important trip and my job pays for the vast majority of our expenses.”
“Sometimes I feel like she has no respect for that.”
“If I cancel or reschedule the trip again, it will really negatively affect my reputation at work and will be a big missed opportunity.”
“If it were another circumstance, like a totally unpreventable accident or a more serious illness of course I would make every effort to be there.”
“But saying to my colleagues, ‘sorry, my girlfriend rode her bike drunk and broke her arm, so I can’t go to the very important meeting,’ doesn’t seem like a good look.”
“She’s really making me feel bad about it.”
“AITA for thinking, as a 37yo adult, she should live with the consequences of her stupid action and not make me feel bad about it and jeopardize my job and our overall well-being?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation, by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole]
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
The Reddit community, for the most part, agreed that the OP was not the a**hole for going ahead with their business trip instead of being there for their girlfriend after her surgery.
Many felt the OP was doing nothing wrong by going ahead with their business trip, but also felt that they may have been undermining their girlfriend’s injury, pointing out that no “minor injury” would require surgery.
“I just want to say that no, it’s not a minor break.”
“Minor breaks get casted and you move on.”
“I’ve had a minor break.”
“My kid has had a minor break.”
“Minor breaks do NOT require surgery.”
“NAH.”
“I don’t think you’re an AH for not wanting to reschedule a work trip you’ve already rescheduled.”
“I also don’t think she’s an AH for being upset that you’re not going to be there.”- Disastrous-Nail-640
“NAH, how many times can you reasonably postpone a business trip without facing some sort of professional consequences?”
“A lot of people can be affected by that, depending on whether they have to travel.”
“I get wanting you there, but at a certain point, it isn’t a reasonable request from her.”-Forsaken_Ad_1453
Some, on the other hand, didn’t think anyone looked good in this situation, feeling the OP wasn’t taking their girlfriend’s injury seriously, but feeling their girlfriend needed to reflect on her behavior as well:
“Honestly, ESH.”
“She should not have driven her bike drunk, and by the sound of it, should consider your job/income more, in case the trip actually is as important as you make it out to be.”
“You, meanwhile, downplay her situation and really talk like you don’t even like her.”
“A ‘minor break’ wouldn’t need a surgery, and no surgery truly is ‘minor’, they all have risks, and that she doesn’t want to be alone is justified, that you downplay her situation and low-key punish her for driving her bike drunk is just disrespectful.”
“Also it would make a difference if this is her main hand/arm being affected.”
“And your work wouldn’t even need to know that she drove her bike drunk, why are you so eager to make it known?”- Joubachi
While others felt the OP wouldn’t be the a**hole for going on their business trip, but simultaneously was the a**hole for the way they responded to their girlfriend’s injury:
“You are NTA for not being able to reschedule a work trip for the second time.”
“That’s life.”
“You do need to make sure she has someone to drive her to and from, and be with her til you get back.”
“YTA for acting like you are punishing her for being drunk when she had the accident.”
“And, no way people at your work should be told she was drunk.”
“Hopefully this mishap has been enough of a consequence for that bonehead move.”
“What you are doing is acting like she needs to be punished even more for it.”
“You can express disapproval without adding to the damage.”
“You can also have a conversation about her drinking habits and insist on counseling or AA if that is a factor.”- Random_Association97
“NTA for not rescheduling a second time, but the a**hole for how you keep throwing her mistake in her face.”
“She was stupid, I think that is clear even to her, but she is also in pain, so stop being mean about it.”
“And to be fair, you wouldn’t have to mention the drunk cycling at work, so that’s BS.”
“You could just mention how the hospital had to change the date, how inconvenient and yada yada.”
“But I understand that it wouldn’t give a good impression, and I don’t want to do that.”
“Doesn’t your GF have anyone else to support her?”
“Friend, sister, mother?”
“Perhaps someone else can come with her.”- InvestigatorLeft7022
“NTA for going on the trip, YTA for your tone/attitude.”
“It’s a work trip, you rescheduled once, it’s reasonable that you might not be able to reschedule again.”
“You don’t mention whether there’s someone else who can take care of her needs in your absence, but I hope you’re taking that into account in making your decision.”
“But like – there’s no such thing as a “minor” broken arm.”
“And I’m not sure why you’re saying you’d be behaving differently if the cause of the accident was different.”
“That’s irrelevant to whether you need to be there.”
“If you were to reschedule, of course, you wouldn’t announce ‘my girlfriend rode her bike drunk’, you’d just say your girlfriend is having surgery.”
“Rein in the judgment and condescension, maybe.”
“Go on the trip because you need to maintain your livelihood, not to punish her.”-ConflictGullible392
Then some felt the OP was not the a**hole, as they weren’t abandoning their girlfriend out of malice or spite, even if they too agreed they could have been more sympathetic:
“NTA, You made an honest effort to be there, and circumstances beyond your control changed the schedule.”
“It’s unprofessional to constantly change your plans at work when others are expecting you to do something.”
“However, I had surgery for a broken ankle 2 years ago, and it was done under general anesthesia.”
“The hospital made it clear that if I didn’t have someone picking me up (no uber or taxi) I wouldn’t be allowed to leave.”
“If this is the case, you need to make sure she has a reliable pickup when it’s done.”
“Also, yes, she made a big, stupid mistake.”
“It sounds like you’ve already vented about it, so you might want to drop the hostility already and work with her to make a recovery plan.”- Hammerhil
“I vote NTA, largely because you rescheduled the trip, then the surgery was rescheduled to this date.”
“You didn’t make a deliberate choice here.”- JGalKnit
It’s not doing anyone much good for the OP to dwell on how their girlfriend broke her arm.
Nor do they seem to be truly accepting the severity of their girlfriend’s situation.
That being said, their work is essential, and if cancelling this business trip for a second time would affect their job, then the OP’s girlfriend will have to accept that.