Choosing the name for a child is never as easy as we might hope it will be.
While some people grow up knowing what their children’s names will be from a very young age, they are often surprised to discover that their spouse might not share their excitement for that name.
Then too, even if spouses are in agreement and excited about what their children’s names will be, they might have a sudden change of heart when the names earn a new, less than celebratory association.
Or if someone beats them to the punch.
Redditor kd0236 was expecting her first child, a daughter, and she and her husband had picked the perfect name for her.
The original poster (OP)’s sister was also expecting a baby girl, and the OP was more than a little surprised by her choice of name.
What’s more, the OP’s sister shared her chosen name with their entire family, much to the OP’s chagrin.
Wondering if her frustrations were justified, the OP took to the subReddit “Am I The A**hole” (AITA), where she asked fellow Redditors:
“AITA for telling my SIL that I don’t want to share a baby name.”
The OP explained why her sister’s shared excitement of baby names caused a rift in their relationship:
“My SIL and I are both pregnant with girls due within 2 months of each other, I’m first.”
“We shared with them the baby’s middle name before they found out they were having a girl and they recently told us they were considering a nearly identical first name and the same middle name.”
“When I was surprised that it was almost the same exact name she acted surprised like we haven’t previously shared the name.”
“Which we did on multiple accounts.”
“She said she was ok naming them the same if she decided on that name I said it could be confusing and not ok with it.”
“She’s now been sharing with everyone that they decided to name the baby that name and I feel extremely pressured and manipulated into going along with it.”
“I feel like she took the name (it’s not significant to her in anyway, I asked) and when my husband and I previously shared the name we explained the significance etc.”
“AITA?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation, by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
- NAH – No A**holes Here
The Reddit community was somewhat divided as to whether or not they felt the OP was the a**hole for not wanting to share a baby name with her sister.
Some felt that her frustrations were justified, as it seemed that her sister did steal the name with no regrets, even if they felt that if the name meant that much to the OP, she should have kept it a secret:
“NTA.”
“But why are you going along with it and letting her pressure you?”
“Use the name you and your husband have planned for your daughter and let her name hers whatever she wants.”
“You’re giving birth first so it’ll look like she copied you and I suspect she’ll backtrack and if she doesn’t, that’s her choice.”- ThatOneGirlyx05
“NTA.”
“But for future reference, don’t share baby names until birth if you are that protective of it.”
“Sil is doing it to get under your skin, which she succeeded.”- Shichimi88
“NTA.”
“This is exactly why ppl don’t share baby names til after the baby is born.”- Scrubtech-123
“NTA.”
“Does she often try to compete with you like this?”
“Maybe you should get some healthy distance from her for a while.”
“I bet you’ll be happier.”- fiercequality
“NTA.”
“Pick another baby name.”
“And keep quiet about it.”
“Put this relative at a distance from you/your family.”
“She/They are selfish.”- JustAGal_Love
“NTA.”
“To what you’re asking—it’s okay to tell her you don’t want the girls to share a name.”
“You’ll give birth first and you get to choose the name first, but you can’t control what comes after that.”
“Yes it will look weird and yes it will look like she copied you, which makes me feel like she’ll get cold feet and change her mind.”
“But then who cares!”
“Your daughter will go on to have her own friend group and her own life; it’s annoying and weird of them but it really won’t impact anything that much.”
“Totally fair to feel annoyed and NTA for sharing your opinion.”- FalconAlternative282
“Your kid is born first.”
“So her kid is gonna get some stupid nickname or go by a middle name anyway and you’ll look normal.”
“NTA, no one can take a name from you.”
“It’s significant to your family and you’ve already decided.”- sourdough_s8n
“NTA.”
“Name your kid whatever you want.”
“Sounds like a jealous SIL.”- yeah_no5796
“NTA.”
“However, no one owns a name.”
“Your child will be born first.”
“It will be up to Sil to explain why the names are so similar.”- redditavenger2019
While others didn’t think the OP’s sister necessarily did anything wrong, as plenty of people share names with other family members:
“NAH.”
“It’s fine to feel however you want.”
“And they’re allowed to name their child whatever they want.”
“No one is pressuring or manipulating you.”
“They get to name their kid whatever they want.”
“How you feel about it simply isn’t their problem.”
“Also, you’re the only one who will be confused.”
“As someone with the most common name during a ten year period when I was born, not once was I confused.”- Disastrous-Nail-640
“NAH.”
“‘She said she was ok naming them the same if she decided on that name I said it could be confusing and not ok with it. She’s now been sharing with everyone that they decided to name the baby that name and I feel extremely pressured and manipulated into going along with it’.”
“.. SHE has set her baby’s name.”
“Nothing wrong with that.”
“You have two options:”
“Find another name (and don’t tell her).”
“Or accept that you will share the name.”- k23_k23
Then there were those who had trouble sympathizing with the OP, feeling she was making this whole thing a much bigger deal than it actually was:
“YTA.”
“You are making a big deal out of this.”
“Call your baby what you want and stop worrying about things that are not important.”
“What difference is it going to make to your life or your daughter’s?”
“You are choosing to feel insulted and ruining what should be a happy time in your life.”- Mrs_B-
“YTA.”
“No one owns a name.”
“They have the right to choose whatever name they want for their child.”
“You have the same and equal right to choose any name you want for your child.”- irenehollimon
“YTA.”
“Not in your realm of control.”
“You have no right to dictate the names of others’ kids.”- Initial-Read-5892
“YTA.”
“She can name her baby whatever she wants just as you can.”
“You don’t get to gatekeep a name.”- asurkhaib
“YTA you cannot claim a name.”
“No one has a right to dictate to someone else on what to name their kid.”
“Your not being pressured or manipulated either, your SIL said she’s ok with her kid having the same or similar names to your kid, and you’re not ok with it.”
“That’s all that’s happening here.”
“She’s been honest.”
“It’s unclear if you’ve expressed your opinion to your SIL but if you haven’t I’d say you’ve been dishonest.”
“Not that your feelings should have any bearing on her name choice anyway.”
“Grow up.”
“Sometimes people have the same name, your kid isn’t unique because they’re not closely related to anyone else who shares their name.”- BigBear92787
“YTA.”
“She is doing to spite you or she finds it great bonding between family to have a similar name.”
“Like they do with kids.”
“There is nothing wrong with naming their kids a name that they want.”
“You should not dictate to others to not name their kids.”
“It is usually taken as manipulating behavior.”- Sea_Sea1573
While a few had trouble sympathizing with either the OP or her sister:
“ESH.”
“I get that you are not excited about this but you do not own the right to a name.”
“Everybody sucks here.”- SaltyPlan0
The OP later returned with an update, sharing where things stood with her sister, and how she and her husband planned on proceeding:
“Had a follow up conversation with my brother and they’re backing off the middle name (my brother admitted he heard us sharing the name) but basically said they are naming her the same first name because that’s what my SIL wants.”
“So after the advice here and talking to my husband we are going with a different first name (AND NOT TELLING ANYONE).”- kd0236
There are plenty of people who share a name with their cousins, aunts, uncles, mothers, and fathers.
Leaving one to wonder what exactly the OP’s frustration is, that her sister “stole” her baby name, or that her baby name won’t be unique.
Her frustrations in either scenario are certainly valid.
At least it seems clear that, seeing how much this matters to her, the OP will leave this experience a bit more cognizant of what information is with sharing to others…