There isn’t really a wrong answer to how a new mom should take care of her newborn as long as the baby and mom are happy and healthy.
But some people can’t seem to see it that way, or keep their thoughts to themselves, admitted the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA) subReddit.
Redditor PeppaandGeorge123 realized this unfortunate truth about her sister when she would not stop commenting on her postpartum body and parenting.
When she saw her sister’s reaction to finally snapping back, the Original Poster (OP) wondered if she was wrong to speak up.
She asked the sub:
“AITA for telling my sister it’s not my fault she can’t stop eating?”
The OP and her sister didn’t have the same views on self-care.
“Anna (26 [Female]) and I (27 [Female]) both had our first baby in May of this year. She had a boy and I had a girl.”
“2 months after giving birth, I started working out and watching what I eat to get my pre-pregnancy body back.”
“I was blessed enough to have a supportive husband who agreed to only eat sweets and fatty food when I’m not around.”
“My sister on the other hand struggled to lose weight.”
“And she’s started to criticize me for going to the gym. She said new moms should prioritize their babies more than themselves.”
At a family BBQ, the OP’s sister continued commenting.
“Last week we had a family BBQ. When we arrived, my brothers commented on my weight loss and asked how I managed to get in shape again.”
“I shared with them my diet and workout routine. Anna made a snide comment, saying I am not looking after my daughter well.”
“I just ignored her comment and proceeded to say hi to my baby nephew.”
“During mealtime, Anna said something along the lines of, ‘My poor niece is not getting nutritious breast milk because her mom is so selfish by only eating salad.'”
“I saw my husband’s reaction and I can tell he’s holding his anger in, I squeezed his hand and told Anna that I also eat meat and other nutritious food so she has nothing to worry about.”
“She replied with, ‘Whatever, you are putting yourself first by being vain instead of taking care of your daughter.'”
The OP finally had enough.
“This time, I admit, I got p**sed, so I told her to stop body shaming me and it’s not my fault that she can’t stop eating.”
“She left the table and my comment made everything awkward throughout the BBQ.”
The family had mixed reactions.
“Mom said I never should’ve been so harsh to my sister because she’s obviously insecure, and I should’ve just ignored her.”
“On the drive home, my husband said what I did was warranted and he would have said something worse if my sister continued shaming me.”
“My BIL said I made Anna more insecure and I need to apologize to her for being harsh.”
“Will I be an a**hole if I don’t apologize?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Some said the OP’s sister had it coming after the body- and mom-shaming.
“Will she apologize for body-shaming you? For the nasty comments about your care for your daughter?”
“In my country, we have a saying: ‘Speak what you want, hear what you don’t want.’ That’s what’s happened with your sister.”
“That being said, talk with your mother, tell her how you felt with your sister’s comments, explain that you’ve already ignored some comments, but enough is enough. Just because she’s insecure doesn’t mean she can put you down, that’s bullying.”
“And make yourself available to share your training routine and food planning.” – Technical_Lawbster
“NTA. Honestly, the whole thing surrounding losing weight after having a baby is already loaded enough, your sister didn’t have to keep mentioning it.”
“These are her insecurities, and although she’s completely justified in having them, she doesn’t have to antagonize you because of them. Don’t dish what you can’t take.” – anakarg
“Insinuating she’s a bad mom for taking care of herself is s**tty. A new mom should focus on her mental and physical health so she can be there 100% for her baby!” – Its-Lili
“Sis wasn’t just body-shaming, she was mom-shaming. She accused OP of neglecting and under-feeding her baby. Why is the family so focused on the superficial comments when far worse was said? OP’s comeback was so minor in comparison to her sister’s attacks” – Seeker131313
A few thought the OP could have taken the high road, though.
“You don’t need to fat shame someone. You can use your words like an adult, or walk away.”
“To take it to a polar extreme to demonstrate the principle of why it’s wrong and obliterate any nuance; If someone is acting racist to you, do you suddenly get an [n-word] pass? No, because fighting fire with fire makes you an a**hole. You know it’s wrong, that’s why you don’t do it.”
“But beyond all of that, I ask you again; did the comment make the situation better or worse?” – hukgrackmountain
“It would have been fine to call the sister out on her s**t but ‘it’s not my fault you can’t stop eating’ is a nasty thing to say.”
“It’s not ok to say mean things just because someone else started it. You can confront mean behavior without making personal attacks yourself.” – groostnaya_panda
Most of the subReddit completely understood where the OP was coming from and why she ended up snapping at her sister. Body-shaming and mom-shaming are both serious social offenses, and the OP’s family really should have been as ready to step in and quiet her sister as they were willing to quiet the OP.
But some of the subReddit, like the family, did not see it the OP’s way and insisted she could have taken the high road and made a milder response.
Whether the OP will end up apologizing for what she said is unclear, but it’s obvious the shaming will likely continue as long as one sister is allowed to perpetuate it.