While some people call high school “the time of our lives,” many of us struggled with peer pressure, toxic relationships, and bullying.
What’s worse is if these past experiences revisit us in the present, cringed the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA) subReddit.
Redditor weddingplabber had a terrible bully throughout her high school career who she hoped was at least a decade in the past.
But when she reappeared in her life in a surprising twist, the Original Poster (OP) couldn’t keep quiet about their past relationship.
She asked the sub:
“AITA for exposing my future sister-in-law for bullying me in high school at a family event?”
The OP had a terrible bully during her high school years.
“In high school, I used to be friends with this girl named Annika.”
“We were close until junior year when I discovered she had been spreading false rumors about me.”
“However, even after I stopped being friends with her, she continued to make up lies about me and made my life h**l right up until we graduated.”
“We went to different universities and I’m in my mid-twenties now. My older brother Carter went to the same university as Annika.”
The OP was happy when her brother announced some happy news.
“Recently, he announced that he had gotten engaged to his girlfriend.”
“Our family was happy for him, but we were surprised at the same time since we didn’t know he was dating anyone.”
“He said he’d introduce her at an upcoming family party.”
But the OP deflated when she realized who the bride-to-be was.
“The party rolled around and guess who walked in the door with Carter?”
“Annika.”
“I honestly thought I was hallucinating, and I felt sick seeing her again.”
“Carter left Annika with some relatives and then came over to me and asked to talk.”
“We went to another room and Carter explained he’d met Annika at a party and didn’t recognize her, but it was ‘love at first sight.'”
“But after he found out her full name, he realized it was the same Annika who spread lies about me.”
“He confronted her and she claimed to not remember me or anything she did. He let it go because he really liked her.”
“He then pleaded with me to be nice to her since she ‘didn’t remember’ what she had done and that she was a good person.”
“I just told him I needed a moment to myself to process everything.”
The OP couldn’t do what her brother asked.
“When I eventually went back to the party, I decided I would ignore her. I didn’t say anything rude. I just didn’t talk to her or acknowledge her.”
“She didn’t talk to me or acknowledge me either.”
“But when we sat down to eat, all h**l broke loose. One of my aunts asked me how I felt about my brother getting married.”
“I tried changing the subject, but she kept pressing, so I eventually snapped and said something like, ‘I actually don’t feel great about it, considering his future wife bullied me and never apologized.'”
“Everyone turned to look at Annika. She just started crying and ran out of the room.”
“Carter went after her, and they left early.”
“The rest of the night was chaotic because everyone was asking me what happened (I told them).”
Carter lashed out at the OP for telling the truth.
“Later, Carter called me and said I was a horrible person for embarrassing Annika in front of the whole family, and I was being petty over ‘high school drama.'”
“He demanded I apologize to her.”
“I refused and said HE was the awful one for blindsiding me with this and that if she never bothered to reach out and apologize for what she did while they were dating, I wasn’t going to let it go now that they were engaged.”
“He kept insisting that she didn’t remember, and she can’t apologize for something she doesn’t remember, but I think that’s bulls**t. I ended up hanging up on him.”
“The way I see it, I was asked a direct question, and I provided a direct answer.”
“Also, I don’t think I have any obligation to cover for her when she made my life h**l, especially when she’s obviously lying about not remembering.”
“AITA?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Some reassured the OP the bully shouldn’t have been a bully if she didn’t want to be outed.
“Let’s assume that the fiancée really does not remember, a traumatic brain injury or something.”
“The brother reminded her. Told her that she hurt his sister, badly. Anyone who is not a bully would have reached out and apologized BEFORE the big family meeting. Did she think that everyone would share her amnesia?” – lotus_eater123
“If she were a good person and regretted what she did during her teen years, she would back off and not date OP’s brother. Surely a good person would understand that inserting herself into the life of someone she bullied would only create more drama between the family and make the bullied relive those awful moments.”
“OP’s NTA, obviously. And Anikka 100% remembers what she did, and the brother is lying to himself and to the family, saying he believes his fiance’s nonsense.” – _thatbluebox
“I don’t give a lot of credence to the idea that she doesn’t remember. But even giving her the full benefit of the doubt, there is a proper way to make an apology in this situation, along the lines of, ‘I was s**tty to a lot of people in high school. I honestly don’t remember the specifics with you but I was in a bad place in my life/family etc and took it out on others.'”
“…’I feel terrible about the way I behaved then and apologize for anything I did to you. I understand if you have difficulty accepting my apology but hope you will come to see me as a better person today, trying to make amends.’ Etc. and etc.”
“A person who is unable to have some f**king humility and remorse in this situation, or the decency to handle it more gracefully, is going to make a terrible partner for your brother. Apologizing to her is in no way called for and certainly wouldn’t make a difference – you’re signing up for a life of this. NTA.” – gc1
“I do not remember anything before my twenties because of trauma. The memories that I do have are more like a movie that I’ve watched enough to know all the lines, but they do not feel like personal memories of events I was present for.”
“This is genuinely my biggest fear. That I was an a-hole, and someone will want to hold me accountable for actions I have no memory of. Or that we will have had some profound connection that I cannot remember, and that will hurt them.”
“But if someone says you hurt them, F**KING APOLOGIZE! Even if you don’t remember it! Just say you’re sorry and try to move on! Don’t be a child, like ‘it only counts if mom catches me, so haha!'”
“You’re responsible for ALL of your actions. Even if you are drunk, or stoned, or young, or old, or angry, or hungry, or horny. Even if you regret doing it afterward, you still need to be responsible for the sh*t you decided to do.” – Reflection_Secure
“It’s the ultimate middle finger to the one ‘Annika’ bullied in school, to bed the brother and ultimately become part of the bullied girl’s family, to continue the bullying, but now in a psychological way.”
“Getting under OP’s skin, saying she doesn’t remember, then shedding tears when OP forcefully tells everyone what happened at school… The tears are/were to try and get the family to be on her side and turn bullied into the bully in the family’s eyes.”
“OP, you have a manipulative, soon-to-be Sister-in-Law (SIL) in the making. NTA in my opinion.” – dadoftriplets
Others agreed and questioned the brother’s priorities.
“NTA. I don’t buy she doesn’t remember. Plus your brother did and choose to ambush you at the family event.” – Voidg
“She, and the brother, are both bullying OP now. If she’s such a good person now, why hasn’t she tried to reach out to OP to apologize and smooth things over? Instead, she’s trying to push through it, just now with a poor-me act. And the brother deliberately blindsided OP.” – calling_water
“I’m most angry at the brother. You KNOW what Annika did to your sister. THE MOMENT you realize that, you break it off. I would NEVER EVER EVER stay with a person who I learned hurt my brother.”
“He WANTS to believe Annika doesn’t remember but come on. He knows she does. It would possibly be true if it was a large school and they weren’t friends at all. THEY WERE FRIENDS, FOR F**K’S SAKE. Of course, she remembers exactly what she did.”
“And OH MY GOD, to date the brother of the girl you spread rumors about, how awful can one person be?”
“NTA and honestly I’m not into ultimatums, but OP seriously tell your brother: it’s her or me. What he is doing is so beyond not ok.” – Jedisilk015
“Here is what gets me. He knew her first AND last name, knew how badly she had devastated his sister, knew how close she’d been with OP, and went right the h**l ahead with everything.”
“And how the h**l would he be that aware of who she was, but she would not have recognized his surname, asked about family, seen family names and images on social media… that’s way too much convenient amnesia for a sibling and a former best friend to have at the same time about the same person, but nothing else. NTA.” – SaskiaDavies
“No better way than to really bully someone than to eff her brother. Maybe they did meet and not recognize each other. but right after, she knew exactly who he was and what she did to OP. She knows what she’s doing and OP’s brother is playing right into it.” – Gorgeous_Saurus_Rex
The subReddit did not fault the OP for having mixed feelings about her brother’s news or how she handled the situation when her family kept pressuring her for her thoughts.
They were much more concerned about what this meant for the OP in the future and what this marriage would do to her relationship with the family.