Everyone has different feelings when it comes to their birthdays.
Some absolutely dread them, finding them nothing but an indication that they are getting older.
Others own it as a day that can be completely about them, with no guilt.
Then there are those who don’t feel strongly about them one way or the other, but still hope for a gesture on their special day.
Be it ever so small.
The birthday of Redditor Halfbirthdya478363’s wife fell on a day that made celebrating it difficult.
As a result, she and the original poster (OP) came up with an alternative plan.
However, when their wife’s birthday came and went, the OP’s wife was not at all happy with how they handled it, and let her displeasure be known.
Confused as to where they went wrong, the OP took to the subReddit “Am I the A**hole” (AITA), where they asked fellow Redditors:
“AITA for ‘missing’ my wife’s birthday and telling her she is acting more spoiled than our three year old?”
The OP explained why their wife was furious with them following her birthday:
“It feels like I am being punished for actually listening to what she said.”
“My wife’s birthday is January 1st.”
“Tbh it is a bad time for a birthday.”
“Since it is so close to holidays, her friend usually doesn’t get her birthday gifts.”
“Because it is the first day of the year, no one wants to do anything since they are all hungover from the night before.”
“In short, she doesn’t like it being that day.”
“We talked this year of celebrating her half birthday as a big event instead of Jan 1st.”
“She is the one who brought up the idea, and I agreed to it.”
“So her birthday celebration is going to be June 2.”
“So when Jan 1st came around, I didn’t do anything.”
“I wished her a happy birthday, and that was it.”
“No cake, no present, nothing the like.”
“I thought the day went well, but she didn’t.”
“We got into an argument because I didn’t do anything for her birthday.”
“She literally told me she doesn’t want to celebrate it on Jan 1st at all.”
“I pointed out multiple times that she wanted to celebrate it on June 2.”
“She told me that’s not the point, and I should have done something.”
“I asked if she didn’t want to celebrate on June 2 nd and she told me she still did.”
“She basically wants two birthdays from me.”
“This has been an ongoing argument, and today I told her she is acting more spoiled than our three-year-old.”
“That our own daughter doesn’t get two birthdays, so why should she?”
“She isn’t talking to me, and I need to know if I am acutely in the wrong on this…”
“Should she get two birthdays?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation, by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
The OP found little to no sympathy from the Reddit community, who resoundingly agreed they were, indeed, the a**hole for not doing anything on their wife’s birthday.
While some acknowledged that their not doing anything was a misunderstanding on the OP’s part, they felt their reaction was completely uncalled for, and they shouldn’t have needed to be told that they could have at least given their wife a card or cupcake:
“YTA.”
“She’s not asking for two birthday Celebrations.”
“You could’ve bought her something small (flowers, chocolate, etc.) and then saved an actual gift for the celebration.”
“She already hates her birthday because her friends ignore it, and now you did too.”-mediocrecrablegs
“YTA.”
“It is very common to do the ‘birthday basics’ on your actual birthday with your family, even if you are having the big celebration (party, dinner, etc.) on another day.”
“A card, breakfast in bed, small cake or something sweet, and a gift definitely is expected.”-discordian_floof
“YTA.”
“My cousin, born on Christmas Eve, does the same with celebrating the birthday in June.”
“He still gets a cake on his actual birthday.”
“That’s not 2 birthdays.”
“That’s acknowledging when he was actually born while allowing other loved ones to spread out their gift buying.”- ApprehensiveBook4214
“YTA.”
“It wouldn’t have cost much to get a small gift or cake.”
“You don’t have to do a big celebration, but only saying happy birthday is sad.”- throwawayacc12e
“YTA.”
“If you’re going to do a half birthday thing, it’s probably better to celebrate the immediate birthday, THEN do a half birthday going forward.”
“Waiting 18 months to be celebrated would hurt.”
“Being told that I was acting spoiled for feeling hurt would put me off of the relationship for awhile.”
“Do you want to be right or do you want to be happy?”
“She’s probably gone her whole life not feeling celebrated, and you’re the one person who she should be able to count on to do it.”- Difficult-Gur-8746
“YTA.”
“Flowers, cake, card professing your undying love for her.”
“Party with friends and family in June.”
“She’s allowed to act a little bit childish because she was cursed with a 1/1 bday which means it has never been properly celebrated in her entire life. Indulge her.”
“YTA x2 for calling both your daughter and wife spoiled.”
“That is some sh*tty gender-biased language and you need to check yourself.”- Wild-Association1680
“YTA.”
“She’s not asking for two birthdays.”
“And if doing any minor thing more than saying ‘happy birthday’ feels like too much bother and reaches full-blown birthday celebration status to you, that might be the crux of the problem right there.”
“Think about it – your poor wife has probably never, ever had a birthday party that included all the people she wants.”
“She also realizes that’s not likely to ever happen on Jan. 1, so party time needs to shift if she’s going to get that.”
“Done.”
“But, her birthday is still her birthday.”
“Of course she really wants to really be seen by you, her #1 person, on her actual birthday.”
“Maybe a little cake or a handmade present from your daughter that you orchestrate.”
“Then, a more elaborate something on her half birthday to include a wider audience.”- Illustrious-Shirt569
“My birthday is Jan 2.”
“I didn’t pick that day any more than your wife did.”
“We grow up getting ignored on that day, being told it won’t be celebrated because people are ‘celebrated out’, no one has money for gifts, etc.”
“YTA for making her even think about needing a ‘half birthday’.”
“Just celebrate the day she was born.”- Keils-and-Thrills
“YTA.”
“In my book, a celebration is separate from an acknowledgement.”
“My birthday is on a holiday.”
“We never celebrate on the holiday and usually celebrate a week or two after.”
“But on my birthday my husband acknowledges my birthday by getting me a card, some flowers and we share an oversized cupcake or similar small sweet from our local bakery.”
“A week or two after, we celebrate with my friends by going out and, if he gets me a gift that year (we don’t do birthday presents but sometimes he may have an idea and decide to get something) it’s usually given to me on the day I decided to celebrate.”
“It would have been a NAH if you just took the feedback and adjusted.”
“‘Im sorry honey, I thought you meant we don’t really do anything on your real birthday and just wait until June. Now I know that you still want something small on the actual day’.”- UpOnZeeTail
“NAH for not doing anything on Jan 1.”
“It was a miscommunication.”
“You thought she wanted to act as if her literal birthday was a different day.”
“I’ve actually done this, and thought it was awesome & sweet that my dad sent me a card for my ‘new bday’ in October instead of my real bday in Sept.”
“I don’t think it was an AH move to think that’s what she wanted.”
“But you were wrong.”
“You misunderstood, and are major YTA for your reaction.”
“Let her have two damn birthdays.”
“Don’t call your wife a child.”
“Is a card & a cupcake really too much to ask for?”
“Judging by your daughter is ridiculous.”
“I’m hoping you don’t get salty about Mothers’ day because your daughter doesn’t get one.”
“If anyone needs to grow up, it’s you.”- glib_result
“Hmmm.”
“Based on the events, this seems like a misunderstanding, and I was thinking maybe N.A.H.”
“That was, until I got closer to the end and your tone started to register.”
“Do you even like this woman?”
“You seem pretty determined to make sure your life partner and mother of your child doesn’t ‘get two birthdays’ from you—as in like, one extra day of care and attention this year.”
“Now I don’t know how she expressed her disappointment or what she was expecting, but if I made this arrangement with my husband I would expect any party/present/cake situation to be on the half-birthday, and just a little something on the actual day of my birth.”
“Such little somethings could be: a card, a nice cupcake, breakfast in bed, a love letter, lunch out, an afternoon off from childcare—I’ll bet any combination of one or two of these nice little gestures would have satisfied your wife.”
“What really makes this a YTA for me, though, is how you responded to her when she told you she was feeling disappointed and hurt that you did literally nothing.”
“Now, I do understand that based on your conversation you understood that nothing was needed or expected, but sometimes people—even adults, believe it or not—think they will be fine with things and then they aren’t.”
“Instead of listening and learning you chose to demean her.”
“My husband is autistic.”
“In the lead up to our first Christmas as a couple, he asked me what I wanted for Christmas, and I, like most women will after less than a year, smiled and said ‘you don’t have to get me anything!’”
“When he literally got his new girlfriend nothing for Christmas, I was obviously hurt—not because I wanted to get something out of him but because he didn’t take the time and energy to pick out a little something.”
“When I explained this, he didn’t get angry, but he was confused.”
“I acknowledged that I had said that I didn’t want anything, but I explained that that was just what people say!”
“The situation resolved with me promising to try to be direct about my expectations AND him saying that he now understands that ‘you don’t have to get me anything’ is just one of those things people say.”
“Never once did he shame me for my feelings, even though he genuinely didn’t understand why I was hurt.”
“So,YTA for turning an emotional misunderstanding into an opportunity to demean and shame your wife.”- Rick_Steves_Khakiis
It would be one thing if the OP’s wife were demanding two lavish parties to celebrate her birthday.
But she wasn’t, she was saving the big celebration for her half-birthday, and a bit of acknowledgement on her actual day.
Would it really have been so hard for the OP to get their wife a card?
Let’s hope they truly up their game on June 2…