As children get older, they slowly begin to find their own identity, and their own sense of style to go along with that.
However, even if they begin to have a clearer understanding of clothes they like and dislike, they are still dependent on their parents for getting them these clothes.
Arguably leaving their parents responsible for their attire when out and about.
The ex-husband of Redditor darcydidwhat was recently remarried.
The original poster (OP) sent their son to his father's wedding in an outfit she seemed to think was appropriate, based on all the information they were given.
Unfortunately, after looking at the pictures, the OP came to realize their son was badly underdressed.
Much to the OP's surprise, their son blamed them for this unfortunate outcome.
Wondering if they were to blame, the OP took to the subReddit "Am I The A**Hole Here" (AITAH).
Unlike the similar 'Am I The A**Hole' (AITA) subReddit, AITAH allows Redditors to ask for advice on issues that are not permitted on AITA, such as asking for advice or posting about ending relationships. Voting acronyms aren't required, and no final judgment is declared.
The OP asked fellow Redditors:
"AITAH for not buying my son a suit to his dad’s wedding?"
The OP explained why their son blamed them for their inappropriate outfit at their son's recent wedding:
"I have a child with my ex, who got married recently."
"About a month ago, our 13 M[ale] child asked me if he could wear the suit I bought him for my wedding (a blue suit with matching pants) to his dad’s wedding, because he’s part of the entourage."
"My reply: no problem, but you have to ask your dad if your suit would fit the color scheme for his wedding."
"A month passed, there was no update."
"Until a week before the wedding, my son forwarded the wedding colors: beige, pink, green."
"So I told him, best not wear his blue suit as it wouldn’t go well with the colors."
"We ended up with a long sleeved dark green polo and black slacks, because that was the closest he had at home."
"I even brought him a day early to his dad’s so they could buy an appropriate outfit as needed."
"He sent us photos of the wedding."
"I was devastated for my son, because he looked like an afterthought at his own father’s wedding."
"Everybody in the entourage wore suits and formal wear."
"EVEN THEIR DOG HAD A VEST AND BOWTIE."
"My son was the only member of the entourage wearing a different color, and who wasn’t wearing formal attire."
"My son is 13."
"He’s very close to his dad even though I have him majority of the time."
"It wasn’t a big deal to him, but it was a big deal to me."
"If this is how they treat him at the wedding, what happens when they have a child of their own?"
"I talked to my son about it, and somehow he’s blaming me because I didn’t buy him better clothes for the wedding, or brought him to his dad’s way earlier so they could have a suit tailor-made for him like the rest of the entourage."
"Thing is, nobody in his dad’s family even thought to ask me about having him over for suit fittings or any of the sort."
"I have full custody of him, but I allow him to visit whenever they ask."
"This time, not a peep."
"Just sent the dress code and that was all."
"My family’s saying it’s his dad’s fault for not thinking of his son, while his dad’s family is saying I should have provided a better outfit for him, since they sent me the dress code earlier and he’s with me majority of the time."
"The wedding invite that was sent to me said:"
"Dress Code: Semi-Formal with color swatches of the motif: beige, pink, dark green."
"My son wore a dark green long sleeved polo with slacks."
"He fit in as a guest, but not as part of the entourage."
"He was supposed to be the ring bearer."
"AITAH?"
Fellow Redditors weighed in, with some using the voting acronyms:
- NTA - Not The A**hole
- YTA - You're The A**hole
- NAH - No A**holes Here
- ESH - Everyone Sucks Here
The Reddit community agreed that the OP was not responsible for his son lacking an appropriate outfit for his father's wedding.
Just about everyone agreed that as it was the OP's ex's wedding, and their son was the ring bearer, than it was the responsibility of the OP's ex-husband to make sure he was dressed appropriately:
"NTA."
"It's his dad's wedding, his dad should be arranging the clothing."
"Is this a common thing, for his father to fail a responsibility and the blame to be put on you?"- plz_dont_perceive_meNTA,
"It's his dad's wedding."
"His dad pays for the outfit."
"He's just cheap and trying to put that on you."
"If he can afford a tailored suit for his dog, he can afford one for his kid."- AssociationHot2423
"Yikes, NTA."
"Dad needs to have bought the suit."- chief__forever
"NTA."
"He’s blaming you bc your ex blamed you."
"That simple."
"Im sure there was a conversation between them and you were at fault."
"He can be with you the majority of the time, but you seem like the type who would happily take him to his dads so they could go suit shopping."
"Dad dropped the ball bc his new wife is his priority and is able to blame you."- Glum-Mulberry-9430
"They planned the wedding a year in advance and didn’t think of him once?"
"This was deliberate."- enonymousCanadian
"NTA."
"In no world should this be your responsibility."
"You're an easy target to blame."- MK_King69
"NTA."
"Dad's wedding, Dad pays."- Exact_Fox_7100
"NTA sounds like your ex is sh*t talking about you to your son and he needs to grow the f*ck up and be a responsible parent."- fck-rffld
"NTA and honestly you need to stay out of this one."
"It was his dad's wedding and his dad and dad's wife should have addressed your son's clothing for the wedding."
"Next time dad's family says anything to you, remind them that nothing stopped anyone else from buying 'the correct' clothes for the wedding, including them."
"Your job as the coparent is to allow space and time for the other coparent."
"Your job as the coparent isn't to supply everything the other coparent deems as necessary when your son is on their time or at their events."- Wakemeup3000
"NTA and NOT your responsibility."
"When did your ex start to PLAN their wedding?"
"At ANY moment during that time, your ex COULD have (should have) made appropriate arrangements."
"This is something you NEED to stress with your Son, maybe through therapy?"
"ANYTHING related to the wedding is the Groom and Bride's responsibility, especially any children of the couple."
"It's NOT an expense ANY former spouse would reasonably take on, especially not the former spouse that has PRIMARY custody."
"The ONLY situation that would make this different would be if the Dad sent extra funds AND asked for Mom to purchase a specific wardrobe and color to match."- JipC1963
"NTA."
"A divorced dad here, kids at this age tend to lash out at their safe parent and idolize their parent that they don’t have a consistent and secure relationship with."
"You’re the parent that is still there at the end of the day."
"If he takes it out on his dad, he’s going to run the risk of being more of an after thought to his dad."
"Big hugs."- OMG_A_Thing
"NTA."
"Dad should have bought the suit, but I can see why he is an Ex."- FairyFartDaydreams
"You said your son forwarded you the dress colors a week before the wedding, but in the last paragraph you also say 'his dad’s family is saying I should have provided a better outfit for him, since they sent me the dress code earlier' - did they?"
"I mean, did they actually send you the dress code including the colors, or was it entirely down to your son, the 13-year-old, to manage communication?"
"But, NTA anyway."
"His father's wedding, even if you have full custody he's still his father's son and obviously has visitation, it should be down to the father to ensure that he is dressed right for the ceremony!"- Chance-Context-93
"NTA."
"Dad's wedding, Dad's responsibility."
"He needs to do better."- procrastinatorsuprem
"NTA."
"Dad is responsible for his own wedding party, not his ex-wife."
"He's just trying to pass it off so people don't focus on the fact that he forgot about his own SON in regards to his wedding."
Seeing as the OP was conscious of what their son would be wearing to the wedding, they clearly would have made an effort if they felt it necessary.
Even so, since it was the boy's father's wedding, one would have thought he would ensure his own son was dressed appropriately, in keeping with everyone else.
One hopes the OP's ex didn't set them up to fail, as many Redditors predicted he did.
Even if it sadly also wouldn't come as a surprise...
