When people are asked to be in wedding parties, they often react with an equal amount of excitement and trepidation.
The excitement stems from the fact that they’ll be supporting one of their closest friends or family members on one of the most important days of their lives.
The trepidation stems from the fact that being in a wedding party involves many duties and responsibilities.
Not to mention wearing clothes that you will likely never be eager to try on again.
Redditor catlover9955_ was particularly nervous about what her attire would be at her sister’s upcoming wedding.
Thankfully, the original poster (OP)’s sister initially ensured that she would be wearing something that she would feel comfortable in.
Until the groom’s mother rejected this plan, demanding that the OP wear the same dress as all the other bridesmaids.
Leaving the OP to wonder if she even wanted to remain a part of this wedding.
After being called selfish by her family for this decision, the OP took to the subReddit “Am I The A**hole” (AITA), where she asked fellow Redditors:
“AITA For Not Wearing a Dress?”
The OP explained why she didn’t feel comfortable remaining one of her sister’s bridesmaids:
“I’m a cis masculine leaning lesbian that’s literally had top surgery. I have not worn a dress or dressed feminine in years.”
“My family is for the most part, accepting.”
“My sister is getting married, and I am in the wedding party.”
“It’s already so incredibly stressful to find formal wear as a 5’1 person who wears men’s clothing, so the plan was me to just wear what the groomsmen are wearing and get it tailored, and than my sister was able to call the company and get some swatches of fabric and make me a tie with the sage green floral print the bridesmaids are wearing.”
“Well, apparently her future mother-in-law doesn’t like the idea of me being in the bridal party and wearing a suit, so my sister wants me to just ‘suck it up and wear the dress,’ and I just responded with, if it’s such an issue, I’m not going to be in the wedding.”
“My entire family is basically insinuating I’m selfish for not ‘sucking it up for one day’ and just wearing the dress to make my sister happy.”
“Should I just put my own comfort aside and wear a dress to make my sister happy?”
“Am I the a**hole here?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation, by declaring:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
The Reddit community resoundingly agreed that the OP was not the a**hole for refusing to wear a bridesmaid’s dress.
Everyone agreed that the OP was not being selfish and that her family shouldn’t have given in quite so quickly to the mother of the groom’s blatant homophobia:
“NTA.”
“The original plan was perfect.”
“Now that your sister is catering to her mother-in-law, watching how the mother-in-law treats you, that can already see this being a problem.”
“And your second option of you stepping down was perfectly fine as well.”
“Because then that would take you out of having to conform to any of the bridal rules.”
“The problem is is the mother-in-law still going to insist that you wear a dress even if you’re not in a wedding party.”
“So your sister needs to understand how this is going to affect you every time you have to deal with them, which hopefully will not be much there’s going to be conflict.”- Future-Nebula74656
“NTA.”
“You should attend in the attire that is most comfortable for you and suited (pun intended) to your identity.”
“Why is your family more concerned about one bigot’s wishes over their own sibling/child?”
“They aren’t asking you to go to a restaurant you don’t like for someone else’s birthday.”
“They’re insisting you erase your identity for the comfort and playability of others in one of the most anti-queer climates in the last twenty years.”
“I’m sorry you are in this position.”
“Whatever happens, I hope the come to their senses and say ‘wow we can believe we asked you to do that’.”
“‘We’re so sorry and apologize’.”
“‘Of course you should still be in the wedding wearing what we originally planned if you want to’.”
“‘We’ll make sure you are shielded from MIL’s BS so you can be part of our big day’.”
“That’s what you deserve.”-cdkmakes
“Your family should be more concerned about why your sister is pandering to a homophobic MIL instead of telling her it’s none of her business.”
“NTA.”- Individual_Metal_983
“NTA.”
“It’s not just your ‘comfort’ they want you to put aside, it’s your identity. her mother-in-law will never be comfortable with your presence in her family.”- gtrena1300
“NTA.”
“Your original plan (groomsman attire in bridesmaid colors) is exactly what I wore in the bridal party for a friend, and everyone was fine.”- MojoShoujo
“NTA.”
“Even though the Mother in Law is contributing financially, it doesn’t give her the right to dictate the dress of adults.”
“It’s not the MIL’s wedding!”
“Additionally, MIL gives me homophobic vibes.”
“Your sister needs to respectfully put her in her place.”
“You shouldn’t have to suck it up.”
“They are disrespecting your identity.”
“If they won’t let you wear a suit, then tell them you won’t be in the wedding party.”
“Don’t let them bully you cuz that’s exactly what they’re trying to do.”- SaturdaysaremyFav2
“Um… why can’t MIL just suck it up for one day?”
“If you were trans, she would be saying the same bigoted crap.”
“What does your sister’s future partner think of this stuff?”
“Ultimately, if they share the sentiment, this won’t be for just one day.”
“Also, why can’t both parties be respected.”
“If MIL can’t handle it, and you are masculine.”
“Why are you not going to such a problem?”
“These conflicts are always illogical.”
“NTA.”- Succyoubus
“Absolutely NTA!”
“I’m masc leaning lesbian who hopes to get top surgery one day.”
“I refuse to wear a dress so much, so when I was trying to be straight, I was going to wear a Tux to my own wedding with a guy, lol.”
“No homie ain’t wearing a dress.”
“It’s just not us.”
“They can say ‘it’s only one day’ but then there’s pictures and that whole day of being completely out of our comfort zone so you won’t ‘enjoy’ the day.”- Rubicon2020
“Sorry, but f*ck that mother-in-law!”
“Your sister should have immediately told her that’s not going to happen.”
“Both are AH.”
“You, are NTA.”
“Stay true to yourself.”
“You’ve come a long way to get there, don’t let anyone ruin it for you.”- AndJustLikeThat1205
“NTA.”
“Your sister should stand up for you and go with the original plan and remind MIL that it’s the bridal party, and each of the two people getting married typically decide what their own attendants will wear, in conjunction with those attendants, and sister already decided with you that a suit with a tie that matches the bridesmaid dresses was the plan.”
“MIL isn’t the bride or in the bridal party and doesn’t get to choose what the bridal party wears.”-lawfox32
“NTA.”
“Usually, I’m in the suck it up for a day camp when it’s just a matter of wearing something that isn’t flattering or your personal style, but this is completely different.”
“MIL is trying to negate who you are as a person.”
“This is worth a conversation with your sister about standing up to MIL about her values.”
“She may as well start her marriage on the right foot, letting MIL know that she makes her own moral judgements, period.”- 17Girl4Life
“NTA, the MIL should ‘suck it up’ to make her DIL happy.”
“All of you have gone through all the effort already to make an outfit that fits the bridal party theme, plus you have the right to back out since wearing something that made you comfortable was taken off the table as an option.”
“If you being part of the bridal party is so important, then you should be able to do it comfortably.”- Ok-Philosopher8251
“NTA.”
“They can’t compromise on a suit that has the colors?”
“They are the AH.”- Lostintranslatin000
“NTA.”
“Your sister and you already found a good solution that matches the aesthetic and respects you.”
“Her mother-in-law needs to butt out, and her husband-to-be needs to be the one to tell her that.”- Ava_Fremont
Very few bridesmaids actually liked their assigned dresses, and they do tend to “suck it up” to support the bride on her big day.
However, there’s a fine line between wearing a dress you don’t like and wearing something that makes you feel genuinely uncomfortable because it’s fundamentally not who you are.
As others have pointed out, the mother of the groom probably won’t be pleased to see the OP in a suit as a bridesmaid or as a guest.
Something the OP’s sister and family will hopefully realize before the big day.