If you speak to anyone who’s had a menstrual cycle, they can attest to the unpredictability.
Even the most regular of cycles can yield surprises by starting early or late, leading to needing period products ASAP while out and about. Unless a person is at home or in a store, many a menstruating individual has had to ask if anyone can spare a tampon or pad.
If any are available, they’re usually freely given. It’s just common courtesy.
A young woman turned to the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit for feedback after their roommate got upset that they gave one of their tampons to a visiting friend with a period emergency.
Notverymuchthought asked:
“AITA for letting my friend borrow a tampon that I didn’t buy?”
The original poster (OP) explained:
“This is the most bizarre situation I have literally ever been in, and the more I think about it, the more I start to overthink.”
“I (19, female) live in a dorm with my roommate ‘Alyssa’ (19, female). We have a bathroom inside our dorm. Basically, I had my friend ‘Claire’ (19, female) over today, and we were just hanging out in the common area.”
“Alyssa wasn’t there. So Claire goes to use the bathroom, and five minutes later she texts me and says she started her period and asks if she could borrow a tampon (which is right next to the toilet on the shelf Alyssa and I built). I told her, of course.”
“I thought absolutely nothing of this because I’m f*cking normal, until Alyssa gets back to the dorm and goes to the bathroom. She immediately comes back out and asks me if I ‘got off the depot shot’. I was confused and told her no.”
“For reference, I’m on the depot shot, which is a method of birth control, so I don’t get any form of period, therefore I don’t use period products.”
“We split all our expenses when we started the school year. She bought feminine hygiene products for both of us.”
“I stopped using them a few weeks into the year when I went on BC, and she continues to buy them for herself. But they’re out in the open in a basket in our shared bathroom, not privately kept away for only her.”
“Anyway, Alyssa huffs, looks concerned as f*ck, and says that one of the ‘tampons is missing’. I was very taken aback, and I told her that I let my friend use one earlier.”
“Alyssa immediately started giving me this condescending a** speech about how I always should ask her before I ‘give away’ the items that she paid for, and I had no right to offer one to my friend without letting her know.”
“I thought it was ridiculous, so I said something to this effect: ‘You bought those products for both of us to use before I got on the shot. I guarantee your friends that you’ve invited have used them before at some point. I’m not going to tell my friend she’s forbidden from borrowing a tampon when she starts her period OUTSIDE of her dorm.”
“In literally every other scenario, I would never allow my friends to borrow something of my roommate’s/allow them to borrow something that just isn’t mine, especially without asking for permission.”
“But, oh my god, they’re period products. I understand they’re expensive. I understand SHE bought them. But telling my friend Claire ‘No, you can’t borrow a tampon’ is fucking absurd, isn’t it?”
“I offered to go buy a box of tampons, and that did not seem to help.”
“After the ordeal, I went to the bathroom to see how many products were left because I assumed, by Alyssa’s reaction, that we were running low. Nope, the basket was full, and I knew she hadn’t filled it.”
“Anyway, ever since this happened earlier, I’ve been really overthinking and have actually questioned if I was an a**hole or not. Does this make me a careless roommate/friend person? Did I overstep?”
“If I had OWNED any period products at the moment, I would’ve just given Claire mine instead, but I don’t.”
“I don’t know, AITA?”
The OP summed up why they might be the a**hole in their situation.
“I may be the a**hole because I didn’t ask for permission, and I didn’t buy them. That’s generally considered to be rude.”
Redditors weighed in by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors decided the OP was not the a**hole (NTA).
“It’s like saying someone needs to have your roommate’s permission before using a barf bag or toilet paper. A mess is actively happening while the person is waiting for her permission.”
“It’s logical—and common decency—to give them permission so they’re not soiling themselves, then replace it later if your roommate requires a replacement. NTA.”
“Only a selfish a** would look at their basket full of tampons and tell someone they need to walk back across campus and get one of their own.” ~ MohawMais
“You’re obviously NTA. But your roommate must have missed a lesson on girl code because I’ve never met a girl who wouldn’t offer up a pad or tampon, if they have one on hand, to even a stranger.” ~ PushPopNostalgia
“It’s a tampon! Like who cares, ALWAYS give another girl a tampon or pad unless you’re wearing the only one you have.” ~ Small-Professor-7015
“You paid for a certain amount at the beginning of the year, you should still get to use what you bought. It’s generous that you just lumped them in, but she’s being stingy and I’d take out whatever I paid for but didn’t use. NTA.” ~ think_mark_TH1NK
“OP offered to buy one entire box for one tampon?! The first box wasn’t half used by OP, so even at the most nitpicking level, OP is entitled to some from the current box.” ~ definitelynotjava
“How did she know one was missing, and what made her even look in the first place? Does she happen to count them every day? This is so weird.” ~ theglorybox
“I keep a little basket on my toilet tank that has tampons in it.”
“One reason is that my sons got desensitized to feminine products, and the other reason is for any woman to be able to find them if they needs one.”
“I’ve always felt bad rooting through someone’s cabinets and drawers looking for a tampon in an emergency situation.” ~ rubies-and-doobies81
“Maybe I’m old, but if I put a box of any kind of paper product on the counter or shelf in the bathroom, I expect it’s for anyone’s use. If it’s purely mine, I put it away. Out of the box and in a basket, why would you do that if you don’t want anyone to use them?” ~ RestingLoafPose
“Honestly, if the basket was visible, I wouldn’t have even asked!”
“It is standard girlhood protocol that if you start your period unexpectedly, you rummage until you find something to handle it. Full strangers would have been less weird about this than the roommate is being!” ~ Lanky_Hovercraft6075
“I would guess the wrapper was in the trash can, and the roommate saw it. But it seems so wild to go off on your roommate for a tampon. I keep a box at work in case someone needs one.” ~ 1234-for-me
“NTA, but I would go buy a small box, replace the one that your friend used, and put the others away in your dresser, in case you have this issue in the future. That way, your friends are covered in emergencies, and your roommate can zip her lips about one stupid tampon.” ~ fierydoxy
“Does she also track how much toilet paper your guests use?” ~ AcanthisittaSharp946
“Buy her a single tampon to replace the one you took. Then tell her she has nothing to complain about. What a weirdo.” ~ aquagurl84
“I feel like period products are just shared by all period-having people as a free for all. Obviously, only taking what you need in that moment, but I’d never tell someone they can’t have a tampon or pad.”
“I’d be very weirded out if someone just refused to share one in an emergency. Like I know they are expensive and people are on a budget, but it’s like toilet paper or a tissue, when you need it, you need it, and it’s a simple kindness to share one.” ~ lavender_poppy
“I’m of an age where I don’t have to worry about it anymore, and my husband never has, but in every bathroom we still keep a lobster basket called the menstruation crustacean station. Because I heard it somewhere and it tickled my bones, and because Girl Code is deep lore.”
“You never deny another a period product in their time of need. That’s forsaken.” ~ peppermintmeow
“NTA! Jesus Christ, this girl is anal! If she only had two in there and then one was left, I might understand it, but if there were plenty then she is just a pain in the a**.” ~ IJustWantADragon21
“OP and roomie had a situation where tampons had been previously treated as ‘shared’ supplies, and it’s pretty poor form to get all worked up about one tampon given (you can’t say ‘borrowed’ for tampons) to a friend (or a friend of a friend or even a stranger FFS) in need. NTA.” ~ hellouterus
The OP may need to reevaluate their living situation if they can’t resolve this issue with their roommate.
But at least they know others would have been generous in her friend’s time of need.