Yes children need discipline.
But there is a line between discipline and abuse.
When do you cross the line because your personal feelings are being infused into your parenting.
That can cause a lot of family strife.
Case in point…
Redditor makeupisokay wanted to discuss her story for some feedback. So naturally she came to visit the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit.
She asked:
“AITA for telling my wife no more unsupervised visits between our kids and their grandparents?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“My dad is very, very anti-makeup.”
“He hates it and looks down on women who wear it.”
“According to him, women who wear makeup are (1) only doing it for men and are therefore attention seekers or…”
“(2) are doing it to hide ‘ugliness’ and are therefore ‘scamming’ men by hiding how they truly look.”
“Even my mum hides her makeup from him and only wears light makeup that makes it appear as though she’s not wearing any at all.”
“My younger sister and I had all these ideas drilled into our heads our entire lives and it’s taken me a long time to begin unlearning it.”
“I’m 18 now and for the majority of my life I never wore makeup.”
“But recently I’ve started experimenting with things like lip-gloss, blush, nail polish (I know that doesn’t count as ‘makeup’ necessarily but my dad was heavily against that too lol) etc.”
“I don’t wanna throw myself into the deep end and wear too much too fast, but watching tutorials is helpful and I’m easing into it.”
“My sister is still completely against it and doesn’t like that I’m going behind our dad’s back.”
“Well recently I went out with a couple friends who suggested we go makeup shopping.”
“I was obviously aware that I’d have to hide all the products I bought from my dad.”
“We bought a bunch of stuff that I was excited to use and then headed to one of my friend’s houses to chill for a bit.”
“Long story short, my friend ended up doing my makeup – she also gave me a bunch of tips on how to apply certain products, which order to do things in, etc.”
“It wasn’t heavy makeup at all (like I said, I’m still easing into it and don’t want too much too fast) and looked pretty minimal in my opinion.”
“After that we hung out for a while longer and then I went home.”
“Since I was wearing makeup and was also carrying a bunch of makeup products that I’d bought that day in my bag, I planned on just beelining it up to my room because I didn’t feel like explaining myself to my dad.”
“But luck wasn’t on my side and I ran into him on the way up to my room and he saw my face and immediately put 2 and 2 together.”
“Even knowing how he feels about makeup I didn’t think he would get this upset.”
“He yelled, called me a disappointment, blamed my mum for not ‘keeping an eye on me’ and letting me turn into ‘one of those girls.'”
“He even dragged my sister into it (who did nothing wrong) and called her a disappointment too.”
“It devolved into him claiming that if I’m willing to go behind his back and wear makeup, then it’s only a matter of time before I start ‘having sex and getting pregnant’ instead of going to Uni.”
“I was floored and didn’t know how to respond.”
“I knew he hated makeup but didn’t think he would say all of this stuff to me.”
“I didn’t think it was this serious.”
“I’m not allowed to leave the house without supervision now and all the makeup products I bought are being returned.”
“AITA?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA?:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors declared our OP was NOT the A**hole.
It’s a tricky situation.
Let’s hear some thoughts…
“NTA.”
“Your father doesn’t hate makeup. He hates women.” ~ SuccessValuable6924
“This is exactly what I was thinking.”
“I don’t like make up and don’t wear it at all but I’m not gonna stop my daughters from wearing it.”
“Also lip gloss and nail polish???”
“Those aren’t even slightly the same as wearing make up.”
“At the most I would let my daughters know the reasons I don’t think make up is good for the skin and I’ll let them make their own decision.”
“She needs to try to get out of that house asap.” ~ ritakitri
“Agreed. I never wear makeup.”
“One of my daughters wears the heaviest and brightest makeup ever.”
“My body my choice. Her body her choice.”
“End of story. NTA OP.” ~ waffles_are_yummy
“Dear internet, my father is a misogynist. AITA?”
“Seriously OP, your dad is the problem here and a huge problem.”
“I suspect the makeup is just the tip of his misogynistic ice berg.”
“Start paying attention to how he talks to your mom and how your mom behaves around him vs other adults.”
“Get yourself to Uni, make friends and build a solid support system, and get the hell out of that house. NTA.” ~ johnny9k
“OP, your dad probably talks about ‘those mouthy *itches’ and says things like, ‘she deserved what she got,’ am I right?”
“Don’t worry, I already know. He hates women.”
“Doesn’t like them telling men what to do when it’s a professional setting.”
“Doesn’t like them having any autonomy in personal settings.”
“And resents them for not giving way to his ‘natural god-given role as a man.'”
“Your dad resents you for not being a boy.”
“He hates seeing you grow up and reject his authority, and he hates knowing that his power over you has an expiration date.”
“You’re 18. If you’re able, get out.”
“Go live on a friends couch and work at whatever job you can.”
“Get away from this man.”
“He’s a bad, but too common, example of what men are.” ~ kevwelch
“He sees make-up as a tool of those evil women to blind the innocent men and fool them.”
“The problem isn’t make-up, it is his view of women!”
“They just want to get pregnant and live a lazy life after they tricked a man.”
“OP, you should try to get out there as fast as possible and don’t listen to anything he says.”
“You didn’t make anything wrong.”
“His views are just disgusting and awful.” ~ Sheeps_n_Birds
“This. OP, you are NTA.”
“Your father is misogynistic and controlling.”
“He labeled you a wh*re for wearing light makeup.”
“And has now locked you in the dungeon and decided you, an 18 year old woman will be supervised at all times.”
“Lest you dab on blush and get pregnant before he finds you a suitable mate who brings him 3 cows.” ~ LeolaBlue
“I’m sorry to tell you this, but your dad is a misogynist.”
“His view of women is awful.”
“What you do with your body is your choice, and however you express yourself with your body—whether it be makeup and nail polish or tattoos and piercings—is okay.”
“The sooner you can move out and put some space between you and your dad and to get to know different kinds of people and learn different perspectives, the better you’ll be for it.”
“NTA.” ~ ImSoTiredReallyIAm
“NTA. The fact your mother has to hide her makeup from her own husband is insane.”
“Your dad is controlling.”
“If you’re still having to stay at home it’s going to be difficult, hopefully you have plans to move out when you go to Uni.” ~ Electrifli
“Controlling? Op’s dad is ABUSIVE.”
“Making your spouse afraid to be themself is straight up abuse.”
“Healthy companionship is about helping each other grow as people, and sure, sometimes that means admitting hard truths.”
“But in this case, Op’s dad isn’t trying to help the women in his life, he’s trying to control how they look and how they act.”
“Not only can they not wear makeup around him, they can’t OWN makeup and wear it AWAY from him. “
“The biggest red freakin’ billboard is that he sees makeup as a scam to men.”
“Huge incel energy to be honest.” ~ effervescenthoopla
“NTA and you’re being abused, along with your mother and sister.”
“18 is fully an adult.”
“Rather than accepting the grounding, I’d start planning where you’re going to live.”
“Once you’re out, please make sure you keep lines of communication open with your sister, because your dad will likely double down on her next.”
“Your dad is a huge AH.”
“You need to run, honey. Good luck!” ~ SuzieQbert
OP gave us an update…
“I plan to move out when I start Uni.”
“My first choice of Uni is in a city way too far away for me to commute so my dad can’t force me to continue living at home.”
“Since it’ll be unreasonable for me to commute for several hours every single day.”
“I have permission to move out from my mum but my dad wants me to get into a university closer to where we live so I can commute.”
“I still plan on moving out though.”
Sounds like OP has a plan.
And Reddit has OP’s back.
Good luck to you and your colorful future.