Mornings can be grueling.
Though it is a blessing to wake up and be alive, waking up itself can be cumbersome and difficult.
Being comfy in bed and sleeping is a dream come true for many.
But life has to go on day by day.
And the struggle of hearing that alarm is an issue for many.
Redditor Consistent_Act4575 found himself in a personal dilemma regarding his stepmother’s bad behavior, so he turned to the “Am I The A**Hole” (AITAH) subreddit for feedback.
Similar to AITA, the AITAH subReddit allows posters to ask for advice and post about ending relationships—both things that are banned on AITA. However, there are no required voting acronyms—only suggested ones—and no official final judgment declared.
He asked:
“AITAH for choosing to stop waking my stepmother up every morning?”
The original poster (OP) explained:
“I am 17 (M[ale]) and for maybe the past 3 years I have regularly gotten up at 6 am because that is the most active time in the morning.”
“My brothers have to wake up at that time to get ready for school, and since they are up and making noise, it just worked better.”
“Since the beginning of my junior year, though, I have realized that I simply don’t have to wake up so early and have wanted to change my alarm to a better time that works for me.”
“Here is where the conflict with my stepmother comes in.”
“She sleeps through her alarm almost constantly.”
“Despite being the adult in the house who takes the kids to school, she frequently sleeps through her alarm in the morning.”
“Now I was originally being nice.”
“I would wake her up on time just to make sure she is up.”
“That was in October.”
“It kept happening.”
“At least two or three times a week,”
“I would have to go wake up my stepmother in the morning to make sure she can do what she is responsible for doing.”
“Now, I finally got sick and tired of it.”
“I said pretty straightforwardly that it isn’t my responsibility to be waking up my stepmother in the morning (as I am a teenager and she is a 36 year old women).”
“I was called disrespectful, and a few of my devices were taken away because of it.”
“I eventually gave up and just changed my morning alarm, so now I wake up after they are supposed to be up, currently 6:30, but I am eventually going to change it to 7:00.”
“This morning, though, she once again slept through her alarm, and since I was not up to wake her, she ended up being 30 minutes late to take the kids to school.”
“She instantly pinned the blame on me after I said that, ‘I changed my alarm to wake up later,’ and said to me, ‘Oh, so you just don’t give a s**t anymore.'”
The OP was left to wonder:
“So am I the a**hole for believing that my stepmother should be a responsible adult, waking up on time, and dealing with her consequences if she doesn’t wake up on time?”
Some Redditors weighed in by using the AITA voting acronyms:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors decided the OP was NOT the A**hole here.
“NTA, she’s a grown woman.”
“Put her words back to her, she doesn’t wake up, ask her if she doesn’t give a s**t anymore?” ~ Sternsnet
“This. Keep what you really think in your head and take a diplomatic approach, because you have to live with this person, and she has control until you are 18 and/or can move out.”
“Waking up and getting her kids to school on time absolutely is her responsibility – but you have no power to make her do this, and pointing out her failures will only result in retribution, so keep those thoughts inside, plan your exit, and be as politically careful in how you address her behaviour as possible.”
“Think of it as training for one day when you are working for a bad Manager and have to cover your backside against their poor Management and attempts to blame you for mistakes that they make (which will involve making a different kind of exit strategy).”
“Good luck.”
“And to add NTA for not wanting the responsibility of waking up early to wake your step-mother when you wouldn’t otherwise need or choose to be up at that time.” ~ Cautious-Job8683
“You’re nearly an adult, but even if you were already an adult, it’s still not your job to parent your stepmom or your siblings.”
“She’s angry at you because she doesn’t want to have to make any changes, and she wants you to keep doing s**t for her. NTA.” ~ RanaMisteria
“NTA. You are a child as well.”
“Do you have another parent in the house?”
“How old are the kids?”
“Why are they not setting alarms?”
“I would never expect my kids to wake me as the parent.” ~ hbh915
“Holy crap.”
“I’m sorry your family is completely dysfunctional.”
“When you are 18, move to another bank with all of your money and make sure your parents cannot touch these accounts, then make a plan to move out of your home.”
“There’s no saving them.”
“If the person doesn’t want to improve/change, nothing will work.”
“The only thing you can do is remove yourself from them (move out of home) and fly with your own wings.”
“It will be rough, but it’s feasible.”
“Of course, if you can keep saving your money and continue your studies while being a parent to 4 kids, you can stay, but that would also be rough for you mentally.”
“Good luck, OP.”
“Take care of yourself first.”
“You are NOT responsible for your parents or your siblings.”
“They might hate you if you leave, or they might realize why you left later on, but do what you must for your sanity, future, and health.” ~ goddessofthewinds
“NTA. My husband has health issues that sometimes leave him exhausted, and there are times (maybe two to three a month) I need to wake him up to get to the doctor or another commitment on time.”
“I do it because I love him and I know the exhaustion isn’t his fault its due to his medications and health issues, it’s still really annoying, and in the moment it’s frustrating.”
“I can’t imagine needing to do that for someone thats supposed to be an authority figure in your life and has no excuse other than ‘I can’t hear my alarm.'”
“I’m sorry you need to do this.” ~ goddessofgoo
“NTA. Obviously.”
“Is there anyone trusted around you that you can speak to about this?”
“Her behavior is wildly unfair and manipulative, and if she won’t listen to reason, an adult needs to take her to task about it.”
“Where’s your dad in this??”
“Or bio mum?” ~ Glad_String_5141
“NTA – She is a real piece of work for trying to pin the blame on you instead of her lack of responsibility.” ~ GrammaIsAWhore
“NTA. She’s a grown woman.”
“She can figure out a way to wake herself up in the morning.” ~ ParticularAd1735
“NTA. My mother was like this, and all through my childhood, I would panic because she overslept and was late for work.”
“I got myself up and rode the bus to school on my own for years, and I was only ever late if I couldn’t wake her up and I didn’t want her to miss work.”
“Being parentified to take care of your siblings is bad enough; the adults in your life should take care of themselves.” ~ falling_grace
“NTA. I’m 33, and my whole life, I’ve never been able to consistently wake up with an alarm.”
“When I was in high school, my mom woke me up.”
“As I got older and needed to wake up in the morning, I’ve had to set multiple alarms.”
“As of this year, my son started kindergarten, and I’d like to get up at 7 am.”
“I have 5 alarms at 15-minute intervals starting at 645 and an Amazon echo that goes off at 7, we usually get up by 715.”
“It’s not practical, it’s annoying, and I hate having to do that.”
“I’ve tried going to bed earlier, like at 9 right after my son goes to sleep, I just end up waking up at 12 wide awake, unable to go back to sleep for 2 more hours.”
“My point is it’s not your responsibility, your step mom is an adult like me and needs to figure out how to wake up as I did.” ~ MissReadsALot1992
“NTA. It isn’t your responsibility to wake up an adult.”
“Had this issue years ago where the mother of 4 kids wasn’t waking up to take care of her kids, thus the kids would then be late for the bus and need a ride to school.”
“We’d sit the mother down, tell her she had to step up, she would for like a week, and then she’d start slipping.”
“Either she wasn’t waking up the kids, or she did, but then went to sleep on their beds while the kids went about getting themselves ‘ready.'”
“She advocated for ‘it takes a village,’ since the house was like a small commune, but then got pissy when we tried to correct bad behavior with her kids.”
“It was exhausting, and I eventually moved out.” ~ Ocearen
“NTA. Tell her she is the responsible adult, not you.”
“As an adult, she should be able to figure out a solution to her problem of sleeping through her alarm that doesn’t involve other people.”
“After all, when you kids are all grown and moved out, she will have no one else to rely on.”
“Just because, for a short time, when you were already up and chose to be kind and wake her up, doesn’t mean that it’s now your permanent responsibility to continue to do so.”
“You need more sleep, and you are able to sleep longer and therefore adjusted your morning routine to reflect that.’
“If she needs more sleep, then perhaps she should adjust her sleep schedule as well.” ~ Purple-Rose69
Reddit has your back, OP.
Your stepmother needs to get it together.
It is her responsibility to get herself up and moving.
Sorry that you’re lacking support.
Good Luck.