Being part of a wedding party isn't quite as exciting as being the bride or the groom, but it's an honor nonetheless.
It shows that you mean enough to someone to share their special day with them.
Some people find themselves surprised to discover they weren't asked to be in someone's wedding party, especially after discovering who was asked.
While others are brave enough to ask a bride or groom-to-be if they will be a member of their wedding party, or even if they can be.
Redditor Perfect-Basil6977 thought she had her wedding party all set.
Until a friend of her's asked, in a very public manner, if she could make a slight adjustment to it.
An adjustment that the original poster (OP) was in no way interested in making.
Wondering if she was being unreasonable, the OP took to the subReddit "Am I The A**hole" (AITA), where she asked fellow Redditors:
"AITA for not asking my friends daughter to be my flower girl?"
The OP explained how a friend caught her off guard at her engagement party:
"Hey Reddit, I need some perspective on something that happened recently."
"My partner and I celebrated our engagement with a small gathering of friends, and one of our couple friends' daughter (7y/o) is going to be our flower girl because she loves both me and my partner dearly."
"When we were all sitting around enjoying the party another friend of ours, who also has a daughter (1y/o) (but one who isn't close to my partner), asked me in front of everyone if her daughter could also be the flower girl."
"I felt like this was more out of envy than a genuine request because she probably felt left out."
"I didn't respond to her question right away, because I felt it was an inappropriate thing to ask in front of the group, especially when we'd already made our decision, and not something I feel you ask someone."
"I feel like it was really rude and inconsiderate to spring that question on me like that."
"Since the engagement party, she asked me to meet one-on-one, and I'm guessing she's going to bring up her jealousy (displayed as being upset that she feels left out of the friend group) and probably the flower girl situation again."
"I'm just not sure how to handle it without it turning into an argument, and I don't want to come off as rude, but at the same time, it's hard to ignore how inappropriate I think her behavior was."
"I'm literally dreading meeting up with her because I do not think her daughter should be the flower girl and cannot imagine how awkward this is going to be if I say no."
"As a separate note, she does not let her child's face anywhere on social media due to AI dangers, which is absolutely fair, however the thought of my wedding photos with an emoji over the kids face is not how I want my photos to look."
"I also feel a one-year-old is pretty freaking young to be walking down the aisle."
"So, Reddit, am I the a**hole for feeling frustrated and angry about the flower girl situation and her general jealousy?" Or am I leaving her out and should let her daughter be a flower girl?"
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation, by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You're The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
There was no doubt in the minds of the Reddit community that the OP was not the a**hole for refusing to allow her friend's toddler to be her flower girl.
Everyone agreed that not only was a one-year-old much too young to be a flower girl, but asking to be in someone's wedding party is presumptuous and wrong:
"A 1-year-old is too young for that responsibility, even a very smart 1-year-old."
"They will more than likely get overwhelmed and throw a fit, or forget what they're supposed to do."
"The added aspect of you having to change your wedding to be respectful of her no pictures online rule is another headache."
"Just tell her the baby is too young."
"NTA."- Amethyst-talon91
"You have two very valid reasons to not include her - her age and social media stance."
"If you want to preserve the friendship, focus on those reasons."
"But if someone tried to bully me into making their kid a flower girl, I'd question my friendship."
"Either way NTA."- mummagun
"NTA."
"A 1yo is too little for that job."- Obvious_Feedback_894
"NTA."
"The audacity of asking someone to make their child a part of a wedding instead of waiting to be asked."
"Your wedding, your wedding party, your choice."- wanderingstorm
"NTA."
"As a mom, one is way too young to be a flower girl."
"She hasn't even been walking a whole year yet."
"Also, it is incredibly rude to ask you. It's your wedding, it's your decision."
"I would just tell her straight up, 'I really don't appreciate that you asked that in front of our group of friends. '"
"'It was inappropriate and rude.'"
"'I already have chosen a flower girl and I wasn't planning on having two, not to mention your daughter just started walking, and can not follow simple instructions yet'."- october_rust_
"NTA."
"'Hi, I appreciate the offer to have your little one as our flower girl, however we have already chosen a flower girl'."
"Honestly, having a 1yo as a flower girl sounds cute, but it could go sideways quickly."-CrabbiestAsp
"Her: 'can my daughter be a flower girl?'"
"You: 'oh. I thought you wanted to meet up so that you could apologize for being rude & inappropriate at our engagement party. However the answer is no. We have planned how we want our day to go & are not comfortable changing it up to please other people'."
"Heck, I've seen 5-year-olds freeze, refuse to move & start crying when their actual moment comes."
"A 7-year-old is perfect!"
"NTA."- Individual-Paint7897
"Even if you get married in 2 years' time, your friend's daughter still would be too young to be an actual flower girl."
"I had an honorary flower girl, who was 2 at the time, but she was our niece, and she was just sitting on her mom's lap."
"I think she asked in front of everyone so she can pressure you to say yes."
"NTA, your friend is."- No_Signal2006
"NTA."
"Most one-year-olds are too unpredictable to be up to the task."
"I also think it's a lot to ask of the seven-year-old to share her role if that wasn't established before."
"Let the other flower girl have fun without having to worry if she needs to check on if a toddler is keeping up with doing what they are supposed to do."- Kris82868
"NTA."
"If you don't want to meet up with her (I wouldn't), just text and ask, 'Is this about Daughter being flower girl?'"
"If she says yes, text her then and there and say, 'We've already chosen Other Girl as flower girl and we're going to stick with that decision'."
"Don't say one is too young, she'll say 'But she'll be older when the wedding occurs'."
"And don't say you don't want an emoji on her face for social media, because suddenly she'll be okay with her being in pictures."
"You don't want her, period."
"Tell the mom no."- IHaveBoxerDogs
"NTA."
"1 is way too young to be a flower girl, you already have one and don't need two, and being in someone's wedding is the ultimate example of 'you don't ask, you get asked'."
"You have to say no, hopefully it won't be too bad!"- Individual_Check_442
The OP later came back to thank everyone who took the time to respond and validate her decision:
"Thank you guys all so so much for your input."
"I did not at all expect this post to get so much attention so I'm sorry I can't get back to you all."
"It's been really nice to see all of your thoughts and confirm that I am not being unreasonable here."
"I'm super excited for our wedding, and this has put a real stress on me and tarnished my early excitement, so to know this kind of behavior is indeed unfair makes me feel a little more at ease."
"I'm not sure when we will meet, but I will keep you posted on how it goes!"
One of the more unfortunate aspects of nearly every wedding is the number of people, apart from the bride and groom, who are under the impression that the wedding is about them.
Seeing as she had the gall to ask the OP if her daughter could be a flower girl, it seems this friend is one of those people.
As her daughter is only one year old, she thankfully has many chances to be a flower girl.
Hopefully, next time she'll be asked, rather than asking.
