Everyone wants to be present at people's weddings.
And lately at many events in life, to ensure this, people have been asked to relinquish or stay off their cellphones.
This way, the focus stays where it should.
But life will intervene, and that may be a more difficult request than originally planned.
Case in point...
Redditor Low_Top_9726 wanted to discuss their experience and get some feedback. So naturally, they came to visit the "Am I The A**hole" (AITA) subReddit.
They asked:
"AITA for going on my phone for an emergency at my best friend's wedding?"
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
"My best friend since childhood got married last weekend."
"She had an unplugged wedding; an unplugged wedding is where you don't go on your phone at all."
"I totally respect that and might even do it for my future wedding."
"The entire morning of her wedding was beautiful, and the ceremony was unforgettable."
"When the reception began, my sister called me."
"I didn't answer but was confused as to why she was calling me because I told my family not to contact me since it was no phones."
"She blew my phone up, sending me around 70 calls."
"It got to the point where I had to answer."
"My best friend is usually understanding so I thought she would be okay with this. My sister told me my mom was in an accident."
"She's okay, by the way, only a concussion."
"Someone saw me on the phone and told my best friend."
"I went to go find my best friend to tell her I had to leave and she yelled at me for being on my phone."
"I explained the situation to her, and she told me that wasn't an excuse and I could have waited till after the wedding."
"I left immediately, not only because of her stupidity but because I also had to go to the hospital."
"She's texted me and cussed me out, telling me that it wasn't that hard to not be on my phone."
"A few of our friends and her husband also called me names."
"My family is saying I'm not the a-hole but I can't help but feel bad."
"I also don't think this is worth losing a lifelong friendship."
"She was like a sister to me."
"Also, for context, I was not a bridesmaid."
"She didn't have any bridesmaids."
The OP was left to wonder:
"So AITA?"
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA:
- NTA - Not The A**hole
- YTA – You're The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH - Everyone Sucks Here
Many Redditors declared OP was NOT the A**hole.
"NTA. You were right to answer your sister's calls about your mom's accident. That's definitely an emergency situation."
"It's a bummer that your friend didn't understand and got upset, even after you explained it."
"Maybe give it a little time for everyone to cool off, then try having a talk with her about what happened."
"It's hard when a long-time friendship hits a bump like this, but honest talks can sometimes clear the air."
"Just take care of yourself, too; dealing with family emergencies and friend drama at the same time is no joke." ~ XoXoXanadu
"You did nothing wrong."
"You know best if that kind of phone blow-up means an emergency or that your sister thought she saw Taylor Swift."
"Weddings can show you the depths of selflessness in friends you thought the world of."
"Hopefully the relationship can be salvaged if that's what you want, when she's no longer the queen of everything."
"But you have nothing to apologize for, and doing so might be a bad precedent to set for the power balance of that friendship." ~ Bluefoot44
"What kind of friend would start yelling and cussing you out, though?"
"At her wedding, no less."
"And then her husband and others calling you names?"
"Doesn't sound like any of these people know what respect means."
"Or self-respect, for that matter."
"Definitely NTA, and do you need this petty drama in your life even after they knew your mom was in an accident?" ~ MichiTheMouse
"So NTA. Why do brides think that every edict must be followed despite extenuating circumstances?"
"(I used to be a wedding photographer... this drama moment doesn't surprise me at all)."
"You were right to answer your sister."
"No one calls that much unless there is an emergency. (glad she's ok)." ~ PW1408
"I had two friends call me the morning of my wedding."
"Their little girl likely had a small UTI, and the only time they could see a doctor was the exact time of my ceremony."
"I told them not to worry about us and to take care of their little one."
"It's not hard to be a nice bride, even with the crazy amount of stuff to do for a wedding."
"OP IS NTA, BUT THE BRIDE SURE IS!" ~ InstanceQuirky
"NTA first off… it's usually unplugged CEREMONIES."
"Not through the entire reception."
"You said the ceremony was unforgettable and noticed the calls at the reception."
"Which means you didn't answer or even look at your phone during the ceremony."
"Therefore NTA. An unplugged ceremony, yes… an entire wedding, no."
"There are probably a bunch of parents who left kids at home with a relative or babysitter- what if a kid had an emergency… would she flip out?" ~ Slow-Company-7711
"Seriously, WTH?"
"Unless OP was actually supposed to be doing something, like emcee, singing the first dance song, doing one of those bridal party 'dances,' why couldn't they use their phone? During the reception?"
"I get wanting people not to be obsessed over their phones like a lot of folks are today."
"I'm sitting in a room right now where I haven't talked to the other occupant for hours as they scroll TikTok."
"I've had Thanksgiving with people who won't take their Bluetooth out of their ear."
"And these aren't even young people."
"But people have other friends/families/obligations outside of this wedding."
"And emergencies happen."
"And a concussion can be serious."
"It is an emergency. It's not a sprained ankle."
"NTA and I, if I were OP, I'd let them be mad 'cause I wouldn't want such callous, unfeeling people in my life." ~ Aviendha13
"Yup, concussions are still a traumatic brain injury, and I have had friends who experienced debilitating symptoms that lasted a year or more during recovery."
"For all OP knew when hearing her mum was in a car accident and in the hospital, her mum could be near death."
"Absolutely NTA." ~ RosieAU93
"And at the time, the exact injury was likely to be determined."
"Anyone can have a stroke, skull fracture, intracranial hemorrhage, etc. a head injury might need Tylenol."
"It might need brain surgery."
"If I missed that many calls, I would be freaking the f**k out until I could talk to sister. NTA." ~ GloomyFlamingo2261
"Yeah, the bride is bat crap crazy for insisting on an unplugged reception, too."
"The whole point of unplugged is to be in the moment and not distracted during the ceremony, the actual marriage part."
"The reception is just an excuse to party afterward and not really necessary when you think of what a wedding is actually about. NTA." ~ Environmental_Art591
"NTA. Your mom was in an accident -- you went to the hospital."
"Your friend is not the center of the universe. And you didn't disrupt her wedding from what you describe."
"You want to save the friendship you say: So you're sorry you had to leave/handle a family emergency, but it was necessary. That's it."
"And maybe downgrade your friendship a little -- your boyfriend lacks empathy and is self-involved." ~ midwestyellowmoon
OP came back to chat...
"Just to clear a few things up because if I see one more comment saying I should've gone somewhere more secret, I might lose it, lol."
"I went to the parking lot."
"I tried the bathroom, but a few people were in there."
"The parking lot was empty."
"Also, this is not the first time my best friend has been shi**y."
"There have been other situations where she was the A-hole."
"Like when I couldn't hang out because my sister was having a baby and wanted me there."
"She isn't very considerate when it comes to medical issues if you can't tell."
"Her honeymoon ends on Sunday, so I'll message her then."
"I'll definitely be removing the best part in best friend from now on."
"So I messaged her yesterday asking if we can talk."
"She said she doesn't want to meet in person because 'I might just up and leave if another one of my family members gets hurt.'"
"I asked if we could talk on the phone, and she said yes."
"I basically told her the entire story and my point of view."
"She told me I still was the A-hole and I wouldn't be invited to future events."
"She told me the reason she was so upset was because I stole her attention and light on her day."
"She acted like I planned this and planned for my mom to get into an accident to steal her shine??"
"I basically told her that her point of view is f**ked up and self-centered."
"This incident has just made me realize how bad of a friend she actually is."
"I told her to not contact me and that we weren't friends anymore."
"I also asked her who tattled on me when I was on the phone, and it was her mom."
"Her mom has always been the mom that doesn't like you."
"She always treated me badly, so I'm not shocked."
"She's tried changing her number and reaching out to me this morning, but I told her to stop trying to contact me, or I'll get the police involved."
"I also changed my number so none of her family and friends can contact me."
Well, OP, Reddit is with you. You had an emergency.
What if it had been worse and you missed out on saying farewell to your mom?
Sometimes, friendships just run their course.
Woman Breaks Up With Boyfriend Who Worried People Would Think She Was Trans For Using Stand-To-Pee Device
Content Warning: Transphobia, Transphobic Comments
There are countless different reasons that a relationship might end, and a red flag could arise at any time. Some of these might have been learned in childhood and could improve over time.
Transphobia is absolutely a red flag that should be acted on immediately; however, with no option to fly again, pointed out the members of the "Am I the A**hole?" (AITA) subReddit.
Redditor funnelfuss was in the car with her boyfriend when they got stuck in a traffic jam.
She really needed to use the restroom, so since she had a device with her to make the process easier, she decided she'd step out of the car.
But when her boyfriend panicked and thought people might mistake her for a man, the Original Poster (OP) realized that her boyfriend was not who she thought he was.
She asked the sub:
The OP had to use the restroom while stuck in a traffic jam.
"My (26 Female) boyfriend (25 Male) and I got stuck in an insane traffic jam. My boyfriend was driving."
"We were at a standstill. Found out later on, they had closed the highway."
"I had to pee really bad, like bad bad bad. I saw that a couple guys had run to the side of the road to pee, and I decided to do the same."
"It was super open, with a few bushes by the side of the road, really not much cover."
The OP's boyfriend became uncomfortable when he realized she had a pee-to-stand device.
"I have a stand-to-pee device in my car, but when I grabbed it, my boyfriend got all weird."
"He said people would see me pee standing up and think I was Trans."
"I said no one would think that, plenty of women have pee funnels, and that also I didn't care. I have no beef with Trans people!"
"He said I should squat, just to put his mind at ease."
"I said I didn't want to get my butt and c**ch out on the highway in front of everyone, or get pee on my shoes, and I just wanted to be quick and clean."
"He said he didn't want people to look at the girl he was dating and think she was Trans and that I should squat, like GIRLS do."
The OP decided she was over it.
"I was dying by this point. I couldn't hold it anymore, and I really didn't want to show the world my butt, so I ran to the side of the road and slipped the device into my jeans and just peed standing up with my back to traffic."
"No one could see anything; it just slides through the zipper. But I guess maybe if someone was looking, they would be confused? But also, who's LOOKING?!"
"When I got back to the car, my boyfriend wouldn't talk to me. He says I disrespected his feelings. But it was 100% an emergency, and I don't get what his problem was."
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
Some reassured the OP that there was nothing wrong with using the restroom how she wanted.
"OP, don't think for one more second about this. Your boyfriend is being ridiculous."
"As if you will ever see any of those people again! Plus, holding it in for too long can cause a whole host of issues."
"It's actually genius that you have something like that in your car, just in case. I'm going to order one too now! NTA." - m_alice88
"'Honey, please show all these strangers your c**ch and a** so they know I'm not gay, mmmm'kay?'"
"A weak man, a very weak man." - lefteyedcrow
"You must have a she-wee! Those are so great for women."
"Tell your boyfriend to get over himself. You had to pee. He does not understand that squatting can suck and leave you exposed."
"If he is that upset you did this, rethink this relationship. I would find it hysterical."
"NTA." - Oktodayithink
"NTA, OP. You just needed a makeshift restroom."
"Your boyfriend apparently thought that it was normal for people to stare at strangers who are trying to pee to evaluate who they are, who they're with, and what the status of their relationship is."
"You know, to pass the time while in gridlock traffic." - Pixichixi
"You did nothing wrong, OP! When you have to go, you have to go. It's healthier to go."
"And don't apologize! We're so wired to reduce conflict, even to the point of downplaying how we feel to keep the peace or end the silence. Don't do it."
"It's a him issue. He thinks his feelings on this are more important than your discomfort about showing your naked body on the side of the road. If he can't figure that out for himself and apologize, it would be a dealbreaker for me." - lelawes
Others agreed and pointed out that the ex-boyfriend was very transphobic.
"NTA. Your boyfriend is clearly transphobic. That is 100% on him. And who cares if people think you are Trans?"
"'He said he didn't want people to look at the girl he was dating and think she was Trans.' And you don't want people to think you're dating someone bigoted and hateful." - GreekAmericanDom
"He may not consider himself transphobic ('I don't hate Trans people! I just don't want to be associated with them or have anyone think I'm with a Trans person!'), but he absolutely is, probably with a healthy side helping of homophobia."
"Why would he care, unless a) Trans women are not women in his eyes, or b) it somehow would be emasculating or embarrassing to his ego to be with a Trans woman."
"Also, you're in a traffic jam. Who the f**k is even watching close enough to care, and who of those people matters enough to give two s**ts about what they think."
"Not to mention, he's being weirdly controlling about your behaviors and how they reflect on him in a scenario where arguably he's never going to interact with a single person he's worrying about." - maladicta228
"This post reminds me of the time I got dressed to go to a function. It was a casual gathering. My kid (this was solidly on their father, my ex, as he's gotten insanely bigoted as he's aged) said, 'Mom, you're dressed like a Lesbian.'"
"Me: 'Lesbians have great fashion sense, I'd love to be mistaken for one.'"
"They paused for a second and realized that I truly wasn't dressing for men (despite it being my husband's work function), and that being seen as a lesbian was a good thing. I'm so glad I raised them to think for themselves, and realize that one can be wrong, admit it, and work on being a better person every day. They've never said anything like that since." - baconbitsy
"He's so insecure (and transphobic) that he cares more about what some strangers in a traffic jam might wrongly assume about you (and thereby him) than YOUR needs, comfort, and health."
"He expected you to prioritize his insecurities (feelings) above that and then punished you when you prioritized your health."
"You sure you want to be with someone like that?? NTA." - molotovmerkin
"Your boyfriend is so transphobic that he wants you to expose your genitalia on the side of the road to prove that you're not a Trans woman because he can't stand the idea of a total stranger, in a neighboring car, whom he will never speak to or see ever again, thinking he MIGHT be SHARING A CAR (because the strangers in other cars have no idea that you're dating) with a Trans woman."
"You're NTA, but get a better boyfriend." - HighCsummer
"Literally, you have to be super transphobic to think people in traffic are gonna judge you if your girlfriend is standing to pee. Like come onnnnnn, this is some insane insecurity." - Responsible-Pickle-2
Some pointed out that not only was the ex-boyfriend transphobic, but also controlling.
"This won't be the last time he expects OP to sacrifice things or make her life worse so that she can conform to his ideal of feminine stereotypes and keep up appearances for his fragile masculine ego."
"And that he gave her the silent treatment for not obliging his transphobia and misogyny disguised as 'feelings' is also problematic." - blancamystiere
"He's insecure and transphobic. He also puts his insecurity and transphobia above your comfort."
"NTA, and honestly, you can do better than this specimen." - PetersMapProject
"NTA. Your boyfriend would have preferred for everyone to see your a** and vagina than have a random stranger think his girlfriend is Trans. He would rather you expose yourself for his personal gain."
"Get a better boyfriend." - Amaze-balls-trippen
"The transphobia? The insecurity? And the silent treatment when he doesn't get his way?"
"So many red flags!" - CarolynDesign
"He also puts his insecurity and transphobia above your comfort and safety."
"He would rather you invite unwanted attention and risk by exposing your private parts to the world than have people think he (who most of the onlookers couldn't even see) might be dating a Trans person."
"NTA. OP, he's too insecure, self-centered, and immature to be a good partner to you, given that he's willing to compromise your safety to avoid a single twinge of discomfort. Dump him." - Hari_om_tat_sat
After receiving feedback, the OP was reassured and shared some positive updates.
"UPDATE: Thank you, everyone, for helping me feel sane again!"
"I got quite a few questions about which device I use, and honestly, it's about what fits you best. There are a ton of options. It's what fits you. Check out pStyle, Freshette, and EllaPee."
"I tried peeing standing up in a toilet, and it worked fine. I think my aim was pretty good, but then I saw little droplets on the floor. No thanks, don't need that. Also, it's loud? Awkward."
"But for the outside, it's pretty fun! I drive a lot, that's why it was in my car. Lifesaver."
"Also, I guess in this case it brought out an ugly side of my (ex) boyfriend and clarified some stuff for me. A winner all around."
"And to all the commenters asking, YES, he is an ex-boyfriend now."
"And yes, there were other red flags."
"Ditched the man, kept the pee funnel. Gonna laugh at him every time I pee standing up."
There's no way to imagine just how awkward the rest of the car ride was after using the restroom and returning to the now-silent and very entitled boyfriend, still stuck in a traffic jam.
But fortunately for the OP, she learned something vital about her relationship during a moment that should have been a total non-issue.
By being concerned about this and expecting the OP to prioritize her ex's pride over her comfort, safety, and cleanliness, her ex told her everything she needed to know.