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White Man Wants Black Wife To Replace Her Black Christmas Decorations With ‘Regular’ Ones

A mixed race couple sit across from one another on a couch, clearly not speaking

When families blend, it can be a bumpy road to unity.

The holidays prove to be quite a stressful time for this.

Certain traditions and certain discussions can’t be avoided.

So maybe it’s time to chat.

Case in point…

Redditor Blacktreeangel wanted to discuss her experience and get some feedback. So naturally, she came to visit the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit.

She asked:

“AITA for not wanting to get a new tree topper?”

The Original Poster (OP) explained:

“I’m a black mother of two 12 year old twins and I remarried my husband in the summer so it’s our first Christmas together.”

“It is important that my husband and his son are Caucasian.”

“Anyway I was putting up our Christmas tree and decorations because it’s time and it’s the last Sunday before the kids get swamped with finals and we like to do it together.”

“I asked my husband and stepson if they’d like to join and they said yes.”

“Now as we’re putting stuff up my husband starts making commentary on how everything is black.”

“I have little black nutcracker ornaments and statues and we have a little Christmas village full of black people.”

“I shrugged it off and we kept going until it was time to bring out the angel tree topper.”

“It was a black angel and my husband stopped me and pulled me to the kitchen.”

“He said we couldn’t have all these ‘black’ decorations when we were now a mixed family and that we had to go and get some regular nutcrackers and people for the village as well as a regular tree topper.”

“This is where I might come off cold but I said no.”

“No discussion, just no.”

“I told him that if we ever left this house, him and his kids would get to see regular decorations and tree toppers and Santa and all that stuff outside.”

“But my kids wouldn’t get the same and the least they deserved was to walk into their house and see decorations that looked like them.”

“Plus it took me a really long time to find all my decorations and I was going to give them to my kids when they moved out. So no.”

“He said I was being selfish and unwelcoming and that it wasn’t fair for his son to have to leave the house to feel like he belonged.”

“I told him it wasn’t the same and he asked me to explain how.”

“But I wasn’t in the mood to have such a heavy discussion so I just shook my head and told him to read a book.”

“I don’t know, was I too harsh?”

“Should I go get some non black decorations?”

“Will this really affect my stepson negatively?”

“I don’t want him to feel like he doesn’t belong but I don’t think that’s even possible.”

“So AITA?”

Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA:

  • NTA – Not The A**hole
  • YTA – You’re The A**hole
  • NAH – No A**holes Here
  • ESH – Everyone Sucks Here

Many Redditors declared OP was NOT the A**hole.

“Did he really say ‘regular’ when he meant ‘white’… oh my… oh my. NTA.”  ~ TheLovelyMadamToh

“A few years ago, I (white) was dating a black guy.”

“My mom got the guys in the family nutcrackers for Christmas.”

“The black nutcracker was in a sparkly, purple suit.”

“He put it center on his mantle.”

“We all thought it was hilarious.”

“We’ve been broken up for a few years now, but it’s something my family still laughs about.”

“It was the only P[erson] O[f] C[olor] one they had, so that’s what she got.” ~ leftiesrox

“First off, I think it’s wonderful that OP worked hard to find ornaments that represent her family, and built a collection she can pass along to her children.”

“But her family has changed and grown now, so is it unreasonable for the collection to grow as well, including a few white people in the village to represent the white members of her family?”

“I agree that her husband went about it wrong asking her to get a ‘regular’ tree topper, but maybe there’s a compromise to be had.”  ~ LoriPeace9Art

“EVERYTHING is representative for OP’s husband and stepson.”

“Movies, books, magazines, computer games, guaranteed almost every single one will have white males.”

“I get that this is now their home but if they can’t handle not being represented in Christmas decorations for longer than an hour, that they had to go to the store RIGHT AWAY to rectify this injustice, they probably don’t deserve to be living in a predominately Black household.”

“That OP’s husband felt so strongly about the lack of representation was an opportunity for him to sit with those feelings and realize how much he took that representation for granted or how much it means.”

“And it could have been an excellent teaching moment for his son.”  ~ EtainAingeal

“POC have lived with white Christmas decorations forever and we’re fine.”

“It’s not like the decorations are literal representations of each family member.”

“I just find it funny how this is normal for us to not be represented but it’s a meltdown for a white person.”

“I remember it being a huge deal when my mom found a Black angel for our tree because they were extremely hard to come by as a kid.”

“Just like it was a big deal that my Barbie comforter set was Black ballerinas.”

“If you’ve never had that experience, maybe sit in why you just have to have white decorations.”  ~ SilverFringeBoots

“This reminds me of how offended so many people were over a Black woman playing Ariel or how offended people were that the Rings of Power included characters of color.”

“It’s a fictional story about fictional people- why does Santa have to be white?”

‘Representation matters and OP’s kids literally ONLY get to see Black Christmas characters at home.”

“I literally can’t figure out white people who enter into interracial relationships and then essentially act upset that their partners aren’t white.”

“It’s very weird.” ~ sukinsyn

“I wasn’t even half way through the post when the problem became very obvious: Husband, like many white people, sees whiteness as the default or ‘normal’ setting, and everything else is “other” and not as good.”

“OP- NTA!”

“I mean, I’d let them ADD a few ornaments to the tree if they wanted to.”

“But I wouldn’t remove anything to make room for it, nor would the topper be up for discussion.”  ~ 217EBroadwayApt4E

“I’m white, my Christmas decorations have people with white faces.”

“If I married a black man and he provided all the Christmas decorations and they had darker skin than mine I’d be totally fine about it.”

“I’d also wonder where he got them from as I’ve never seen People of Colour or ethnicities other than my own, represented in Christmas decorations which makes me realise how very s**t that is. NTA.”  ~ Agitated_Cheek4890

“Totally agree! I’m white.”

“I know a lot is geared towards me.”

“I would be in awe to see anyone with a collection that represents them (black in this case).”

“I’m glad OP has all these and her kids are probably super happy they can see themselves in this too.”

“And the angel is probably super beautiful.”

“OP, NTA. At all.”

“Keep the angel on the tree, do not back down.”  ~ thewolfstale

“NTA. I do think it’d be nice for you both to compromise with mixed decorations, if that is what he is proposing instead of entirely replacing your decorations,”

“But your husband is being weirdly sensitive about it—what on earth does ‘regular nutcracker and people’ even mean?”

“I guess Black people aren’t regular?”

“Imagine feeling excluded on the basis on your race, that’s insane.”

“A white kid likely won’t suddenly feel ostracized from one tree with different decorations, and to claim as much is very strange.”

“Perhaps your husband has some of his own biases that need addressing.”

“If he’s concerned about having his son feeling welcomed, then that is a conversation he needs to be having with him instead of relying on his own feelings and assumptions.”  ~ laxitaxi

“NTA. White people are not underrepresented in the media in any way.”

“Him referring to white people on ornaments as ‘regular’ proves this point.”

“Him also going on to try and compare your Christmas tree and what it represents for your children to his child feeling not represented in the same way a person of color might feel (has to go outside to be represented) is beyond me.”

“I bet you if the tree had all white ornaments he wouldn’t even notice because to him that’s HIS standard.”  ~ perpetuallyyanxious

OP came back with an update…

“Edit for the most asked questions.”

“My step son is 10.”

“We spent Christmas together but never at my house because I usually spend it with my family.”

“My kids and I did Christmas at my mom’s and then I would go be with him that night.”

“I’m hosting Christmas this year because my mom says I’m finally married again and so it’s my turn.”

“He didn’t have any decorations at his apartment and when I asked he said he just wasn’t a big decorations guy.”

“Also yes he did say ‘regular’ that wasn’t inferred.”

“That word is straight from his lips to this post.”

“Also when he said ‘we need to go out and get regular decorations’ I don’t know if he meant as replacements or as an add on but I took it to mean ‘as a replacement’ to make his son more comfortable which is why I shut it down immediately.”

“He went out with some friends tonight so I’ll see if we can have a conversation about it when he gets back.”

“Thank you for all your comments :)”

Well OP Reddit is with you.

This is a delicate conversation that can lead to learning and healing, not anger.

Hopefully y’all can get to the Christmas spirit and find understanding.