Maintaining a healthy relationship with one's neighbors can be a delicate issue.
Particularly if these neighbors continue to cause a nuisance or even go so far as to trespass or damage your property.
Sometimes, these conflicts can be resolved with a simple conversation. Other times there might not be any solution other than to call the police.
Redditor SalaryEnough3672 found himself and some friends being accused by a neighbor of breaking the law.
Even after proving that he and his friends were well within their legal rights, this neighbor wouldn't have it, eventually becoming physically aggressive toward them.
Having finally had enough, the original poster (OP) called the authorities, resulting in a somewhat ironic conclusion for his complaining neighbor.
Having doubts as to whether or not this was the right thing to do, the OP took to the subReddit "Am I The A**hole" (AITA), where he asked fellow Redditors:
"AITA for getting someone arrested and fined over my boat?"
The OP explained how his neighbor's complaining ultimately resulted in her getting arrested.
"Two weeks ago I (27 M[ale]), along with two other friends, did our annual week-long trip to our mutual friend Alex's cottage."
"For years, one of our longest-running jokes was that I should bring my 46ft saltwater fishing boat to the lake."
"This year, after looking up the lake's policies, we decided to make it a reality."
"To make this happen we all split the costs of both the permit and the marina fees."
"The first four days of fishing/boating went very well; however, the same couldn't be said for the fifth."
"The issues started over some fishing we did in the same bay as Alex's cottage."
"After using my fish finder, we found a prime spot on the other side of it."
"Roughly an hour into us being there, a woman (20-30s) we didn't know kayaked across the bay to us."
"When she got she asked to speak to the owner of the boat."
"When I introduced myself to her, she started going off about how the boat isn't allowed on the lake."
"My response to her was to point at the lake permit in the windscreen before asking her to leave and not disturb us anymore."
"This made her furious, and she started cussing and screaming at us."
"For safety reasons, Alex started recording her in case she did anything stupid."
"This only made things worse as she started trying to pull up our fishing and anchor lines."
"In doing this, she wound up breaking my 3,000-dollar rod."
"This was when her demeanor did a 180, and she began to plead with us not to call the police."
"As collateral, she offered to not only replace it but pay for next year's permit."
"I rejected the offer and used my VHF to call for police assistance right in front of her."
"The result of this was her getting fined for angler harassment and arrested for felony destruction of property."
"Two days after all of this happened, Alex and his parents found themselves being visited by the woman's mother."
"From what he told me, she started going off on them and saying we are a**holes for getting her daughter arrested."
"She believes we should have accepted her apologies and offers to replace it."
"Looking back, I am conflicted as what I did could be considered vengeful as she did legitimately offer to make amends."
"Am I the a-hole for getting her arrested?"
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You're The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
The Reddit community unanimously agreed that the OP was not the a**hole for calling the police.
Everyone agreed that the OP did exactly the right thing, believing they were the only appropriate consequences for the woman's behavior.
"NTA."
"She destroyed your property."
"If you'd accepted her offer, there's no guarantee she'd have followed through."- Quiet_Nerd_2148
"NTA."
"I'd call the station and complain that they're harassing the family. It's a big no-no in most places."-ILGardenmom
"You do not owe grace to someone initiating violent, destructive, and unpredictable behavior."
"Who cares what their mother thinks? Perhaps she should have raised her daughter better (or ensured she would not harass others if she had an issue where she can't control herself)."
"NTA."- Brainjacker
"NTA."
"Of all of the situations similar to this that I have been in, the times that I did not call the police came back to bite me in the butt."
"It sucks that she got charges and fines."
"Maybe next time she will think twice before being a terror."- nowayshmose
"The way the daughter acted, and then how the parents acted towards you, would have only solidified my confidence that calling the police was the right action."
"It's clear that the daughter never faced consequences from the parents and therefore grew up entitled and not thinking she should have to deal with the consequences of her actions."
"NTA."- StonewallBrigade21
"NTA."
"She should have thought of that before violating the law and breaking your gear."
"She's the one who 'escalated' it from a friendly float up to an incident that invited police actions."
"Money may be trivial to these people, so allowing them to buy their way out is just letting them continue their bad behavior with no real ramifications."- whorfin2022
"NTA."
"There is no reason to believe a woman harassing you to pay you back what she broke."
"Also her mom is witness intimidating, and I think you should call the cop on her too for giggles."-Willing_Second1591
"NTA."
"Without a police report, it's highly unlikely she'd pay for the damage."- Pepper-90210
"NTA."
"She has clearly never gotten to the Find Out stage of F*cking Around. I'm glad you gave her a lesson."- Kingalthor
"NTA."
"The second someone starts destroying/vandalizing your property, the only correct response is to get police involved."
"Taking care of it yourself is how people get themselves into legal gray areas."- guntonom
"You were law-abiding, you looked up the regulations for having a boat your size on the lake, you had the permit posted, and you listened to her and then corrected her misinformed self."
"She was old enough to know better, and yet she destroyed your property, and she could have caused even greater damage to your boat by fussing with your anchor."
"She was attempting to intimidate you, and when she couldn't, she became destructive."
"What are the chances that this is the first time she destroyed someone else's property when she didn't get her way?"
"My guess: slim."
"You're NTA."
"She's an entitled, destructive, and unstable person."
"I would have called the police, too."- timetowakeuptoday
"NTA."
"You should call the cops on the mom too, intimidation of a witness, lmao."- perfumebathwater
"NTA."
"She f*cketh around, and she findeth out."- Ingwall-Koldun
"As a paddler, I fracking hate power boats."
"The noise, the air and water pollution, the casual way they inflict wakes on everyone."
"I'll take a powerboat-free waterway any day of the week."
"But it's breathtakingly stupid to attack one by hand."
"She's lucky a fishing pole is all she managed to break."
"There's expensive. Then there's boat expensive."
"NTA."- AuntieDawnsKitchen
"AHs usually want to backtrack and make amends once they step over the line, but that doesn't stop them from being a-holes."
"Nothing wrong with what you did."
"Hope she learns her lesson."
"NTA."- ReviewOk929
"Oh, if it isn't the consequences of her own actions."
"NTA."- MischievousShallot
"NTA."
"If you play stupid games, you win stupid prizes."- Maventee
"NTA."
"You have nothing to force her to make amends once you leave, and she's clearly a loon."-MennionSaysSo
"NTA."
"She is for harassing you guys and touching your sh*t."
"She got what she deserved."- Lil_Philosophy1595
"Obviously, NTA."
"She was an interfering busybody who broke your expensive equipment. She should have kept her hands to herself."- heatherlincoln
"NTA."
"The woman was going to break your stuff."
"Of course, she deserved to be thrown into prison."- Apart_Repair_4945
"NTA."
"Unless you fail to also report the mother for harassment."
"Some folks need to learn some boundaries."- changelingcd
"NTA for calling for police assistance when somebody is a potential danger to you and themselves."
"Has she been charged for destruction of property?"
"If you tell the police you do not support prosecution provided she covers your costs, she may escape conviction."
"Seek legal advice if possible."- amlyo
"NTA."
"This woman 100% brought it on herself."
"Don't do the crime if you can't do the time."- ZucchiniCalm9926
Perhaps this young woman was frustrated by the noise the OP and his friends were making.
However, that she could have possibly thought verbally attacking the OP and his friends, let alone breaking his expensive fishing rod, was going to end well is curious indeed.
The fact that she begged them not to call the police is only an acknowledgment that she knew she went too far.
Hopefully, she learned her lesson.
Woman Breaks Up With Boyfriend Who Worried People Would Think She Was Trans For Using Stand-To-Pee Device
Content Warning: Transphobia, Transphobic Comments
There are countless different reasons that a relationship might end, and a red flag could arise at any time. Some of these might have been learned in childhood and could improve over time.
Transphobia is absolutely a red flag that should be acted on immediately; however, with no option to fly again, pointed out the members of the "Am I the A**hole?" (AITA) subReddit.
Redditor funnelfuss was in the car with her boyfriend when they got stuck in a traffic jam.
She really needed to use the restroom, so since she had a device with her to make the process easier, she decided she'd step out of the car.
But when her boyfriend panicked and thought people might mistake her for a man, the Original Poster (OP) realized that her boyfriend was not who she thought he was.
She asked the sub:
The OP had to use the restroom while stuck in a traffic jam.
"My (26 Female) boyfriend (25 Male) and I got stuck in an insane traffic jam. My boyfriend was driving."
"We were at a standstill. Found out later on, they had closed the highway."
"I had to pee really bad, like bad bad bad. I saw that a couple guys had run to the side of the road to pee, and I decided to do the same."
"It was super open, with a few bushes by the side of the road, really not much cover."
The OP's boyfriend became uncomfortable when he realized she had a pee-to-stand device.
"I have a stand-to-pee device in my car, but when I grabbed it, my boyfriend got all weird."
"He said people would see me pee standing up and think I was Trans."
"I said no one would think that, plenty of women have pee funnels, and that also I didn't care. I have no beef with Trans people!"
"He said I should squat, just to put his mind at ease."
"I said I didn't want to get my butt and c**ch out on the highway in front of everyone, or get pee on my shoes, and I just wanted to be quick and clean."
"He said he didn't want people to look at the girl he was dating and think she was Trans and that I should squat, like GIRLS do."
The OP decided she was over it.
"I was dying by this point. I couldn't hold it anymore, and I really didn't want to show the world my butt, so I ran to the side of the road and slipped the device into my jeans and just peed standing up with my back to traffic."
"No one could see anything; it just slides through the zipper. But I guess maybe if someone was looking, they would be confused? But also, who's LOOKING?!"
"When I got back to the car, my boyfriend wouldn't talk to me. He says I disrespected his feelings. But it was 100% an emergency, and I don't get what his problem was."
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
Some reassured the OP that there was nothing wrong with using the restroom how she wanted.
"OP, don't think for one more second about this. Your boyfriend is being ridiculous."
"As if you will ever see any of those people again! Plus, holding it in for too long can cause a whole host of issues."
"It's actually genius that you have something like that in your car, just in case. I'm going to order one too now! NTA." - m_alice88
"'Honey, please show all these strangers your c**ch and a** so they know I'm not gay, mmmm'kay?'"
"A weak man, a very weak man." - lefteyedcrow
"You must have a she-wee! Those are so great for women."
"Tell your boyfriend to get over himself. You had to pee. He does not understand that squatting can suck and leave you exposed."
"If he is that upset you did this, rethink this relationship. I would find it hysterical."
"NTA." - Oktodayithink
"NTA, OP. You just needed a makeshift restroom."
"Your boyfriend apparently thought that it was normal for people to stare at strangers who are trying to pee to evaluate who they are, who they're with, and what the status of their relationship is."
"You know, to pass the time while in gridlock traffic." - Pixichixi
"You did nothing wrong, OP! When you have to go, you have to go. It's healthier to go."
"And don't apologize! We're so wired to reduce conflict, even to the point of downplaying how we feel to keep the peace or end the silence. Don't do it."
"It's a him issue. He thinks his feelings on this are more important than your discomfort about showing your naked body on the side of the road. If he can't figure that out for himself and apologize, it would be a dealbreaker for me." - lelawes
Others agreed and pointed out that the ex-boyfriend was very transphobic.
"NTA. Your boyfriend is clearly transphobic. That is 100% on him. And who cares if people think you are Trans?"
"'He said he didn't want people to look at the girl he was dating and think she was Trans.' And you don't want people to think you're dating someone bigoted and hateful." - GreekAmericanDom
"He may not consider himself transphobic ('I don't hate Trans people! I just don't want to be associated with them or have anyone think I'm with a Trans person!'), but he absolutely is, probably with a healthy side helping of homophobia."
"Why would he care, unless a) Trans women are not women in his eyes, or b) it somehow would be emasculating or embarrassing to his ego to be with a Trans woman."
"Also, you're in a traffic jam. Who the f**k is even watching close enough to care, and who of those people matters enough to give two s**ts about what they think."
"Not to mention, he's being weirdly controlling about your behaviors and how they reflect on him in a scenario where arguably he's never going to interact with a single person he's worrying about." - maladicta228
"This post reminds me of the time I got dressed to go to a function. It was a casual gathering. My kid (this was solidly on their father, my ex, as he's gotten insanely bigoted as he's aged) said, 'Mom, you're dressed like a Lesbian.'"
"Me: 'Lesbians have great fashion sense, I'd love to be mistaken for one.'"
"They paused for a second and realized that I truly wasn't dressing for men (despite it being my husband's work function), and that being seen as a lesbian was a good thing. I'm so glad I raised them to think for themselves, and realize that one can be wrong, admit it, and work on being a better person every day. They've never said anything like that since." - baconbitsy
"He's so insecure (and transphobic) that he cares more about what some strangers in a traffic jam might wrongly assume about you (and thereby him) than YOUR needs, comfort, and health."
"He expected you to prioritize his insecurities (feelings) above that and then punished you when you prioritized your health."
"You sure you want to be with someone like that?? NTA." - molotovmerkin
"Your boyfriend is so transphobic that he wants you to expose your genitalia on the side of the road to prove that you're not a Trans woman because he can't stand the idea of a total stranger, in a neighboring car, whom he will never speak to or see ever again, thinking he MIGHT be SHARING A CAR (because the strangers in other cars have no idea that you're dating) with a Trans woman."
"You're NTA, but get a better boyfriend." - HighCsummer
"Literally, you have to be super transphobic to think people in traffic are gonna judge you if your girlfriend is standing to pee. Like come onnnnnn, this is some insane insecurity." - Responsible-Pickle-2
Some pointed out that not only was the ex-boyfriend transphobic, but also controlling.
"This won't be the last time he expects OP to sacrifice things or make her life worse so that she can conform to his ideal of feminine stereotypes and keep up appearances for his fragile masculine ego."
"And that he gave her the silent treatment for not obliging his transphobia and misogyny disguised as 'feelings' is also problematic." - blancamystiere
"He's insecure and transphobic. He also puts his insecurity and transphobia above your comfort."
"NTA, and honestly, you can do better than this specimen." - PetersMapProject
"NTA. Your boyfriend would have preferred for everyone to see your a** and vagina than have a random stranger think his girlfriend is Trans. He would rather you expose yourself for his personal gain."
"Get a better boyfriend." - Amaze-balls-trippen
"The transphobia? The insecurity? And the silent treatment when he doesn't get his way?"
"So many red flags!" - CarolynDesign
"He also puts his insecurity and transphobia above your comfort and safety."
"He would rather you invite unwanted attention and risk by exposing your private parts to the world than have people think he (who most of the onlookers couldn't even see) might be dating a Trans person."
"NTA. OP, he's too insecure, self-centered, and immature to be a good partner to you, given that he's willing to compromise your safety to avoid a single twinge of discomfort. Dump him." - Hari_om_tat_sat
After receiving feedback, the OP was reassured and shared some positive updates.
"UPDATE: Thank you, everyone, for helping me feel sane again!"
"I got quite a few questions about which device I use, and honestly, it's about what fits you best. There are a ton of options. It's what fits you. Check out pStyle, Freshette, and EllaPee."
"I tried peeing standing up in a toilet, and it worked fine. I think my aim was pretty good, but then I saw little droplets on the floor. No thanks, don't need that. Also, it's loud? Awkward."
"But for the outside, it's pretty fun! I drive a lot, that's why it was in my car. Lifesaver."
"Also, I guess in this case it brought out an ugly side of my (ex) boyfriend and clarified some stuff for me. A winner all around."
"And to all the commenters asking, YES, he is an ex-boyfriend now."
"And yes, there were other red flags."
"Ditched the man, kept the pee funnel. Gonna laugh at him every time I pee standing up."
There's no way to imagine just how awkward the rest of the car ride was after using the restroom and returning to the now-silent and very entitled boyfriend, still stuck in a traffic jam.
But fortunately for the OP, she learned something vital about her relationship during a moment that should have been a total non-issue.
By being concerned about this and expecting the OP to prioritize her ex's pride over her comfort, safety, and cleanliness, her ex told her everything she needed to know.