The advent of the smartphone has allowed anyone to spontaneously snap a pic or record a video without missing a beat.
But sometimes, not everyone is cool with their pictures being taken without consent.
And while it's hard to monitor what people will capture forever in time, Redditor SnooPets7336 tried to reverse a stealth photographer's actions and was met with backlash.
She went to the "Am I the A**hole" (AITA) subReddit to explain the result of her confrontation and asked:
"AITA for not giving my friend enough time to delete a topless photo of me?"
The Original Poster (OP) wrote:
"I was at a party with my friends and everyone was either drunk or high. It was a good time, one thing led to another and a lot of us girls were topless."
"There is a male friend in our group who takes candid pictures of us every time we hang out because he likes to capture the moment. And that's what he did when we were topless."
"I think I was the only one who noticed so I went up to him later in the night and asked him to delete them. He was not sober at all so he says he doesn't remember this conversation."
"Basically, I asked him to delete the photos and he straight up said no. I'm not a confrontational person so I let it go. He went to bed and while i was sitting with everyone else, I told them what had happened."
"They got absolutely enraged and grabbed his phone while he was asleep to delete the pictures off of it."
"The next day, the guy who took the pictures found out what had happened and messaged me and basically told me that I should have asked him directly instead of making a huge deal out of it."
"I told him that I did and he said he didn't remember and I should've waited till he was sober and asked him again before dragging his name through the mud."
"I feel absolutely horrible because maybe he's right and I made a big deal about it for no reason. In the moment, I just wanted the photos deleted because it was stressing me out and as a girl, something like that could ruin my life."
"Am I the a**hole for not asking him a second time and going directly to my friends?"
The OP clarified a few things after Redditors brought some concerns to her attention.
"EDIT : Thank you for all your comments. Somebody recommended that I post an edit letting everyone know that after I left, he said (to the people who had deleted the photo): next time you wanna delete a photo, you should check the trash bin. So I am past the point of feeling bad about what I did because he's just being a dick at this point."
"EDIT 2: A lot of people are saying that if i didn't want my photo to be taken I should've kept my top on. The guys didn't have pants on either and none of their photos were taken. Which is why I felt comfortable enough taking my top off since everyone was getting naked anyway."
Anonymous strangers on the internet were asked if and where guilt belongs by declaring:
NTA - Not The A**hole
YTA - You're The A**hole
ESH - Everyone Sucks Here
NAH - No A**holes Here
Redditors backed up their NTA judgments for the OP by explaining why the guy was TA.
"NTA, inebriation isn't an excuse for being an a**hole." – Raptorblaze
"It's not even that he took the pics and 'didn't remember.' Fine. That's not even the main a**hole move." – Raptorblaze
"The main a**hole move is accusing OP of being dramatic and 'making a big deal' over what was actually a very mature and minimal action. Asking him to delete the pics."
"She didn't call the cops. She didn't throw his phone in the pool. She didn't put him on blast on social media. She directly asked him to delete the pics when it came to her attention."
"OP could not have handled this better, and for this dude to SHAME HER for doing the right and responsible thing, oh man. F'k him for THAT ten times more than just taking the drunk pics to begin with." – nattykat47
"This. Like if he gets hacked, or someone snatches his phone and it ends up online, it's her rep ruined. She'll end up being harassed and slutshamed, because she is woman and apparently has boobs."
"If a guy's photo ends up online without permission, showing his maggot, he puts out a statement and no one bats an eye." – JNBirdy
As this Redditor sees it, the OP was doing her friend a favor.
"Not even that though. SHE saved HIM. She could've launched an all out 'Tom's a perv and takes unauthorized nudes of drunk girls, lets cancel him forever!!!' and ruined his rep. She wouldn't have even been wrong. But she didn't."
"OP came to him with a big ol' gracious Get out Jail Free Card and he couldn't even take it and walk away!!!! He felt embarrassed and ashamed, as he should, couldn't deal with it, so turned around and said OP was 'making a big deal.'"
"She let him save face and he told her to go f'k herself."
"Transferring a man's embarrassment and shame onto a woman... it's a completely toxic tactic that works. Look how it creeped into OP enough for her to have to make this post." – nattykat47
This Redditor didn't buy the guy's excuse feigning ignorance.
"Depending on where OP is he could end up in a lot of legal bother with 'revenge porn' laws if the pictures were to be distributed in any way, too."
"Plus I don't really buy the 'I was too drunk to remember' excuse. Taking those photos in the first place is really creepy!" – ASDowntheReddithole
This Redditor believes there needs to be some sort of regulation against unauthorized nude photography.
"To add on to how she's NTA:"
"It's no longer JUST about her. It's about every girl that was topless in that. Maybe she was okay with giving the next 12 hours and not knowing if he sent to friends or not. May she was okay with not knowing if his friends stole the picture off his phone."
"BUT those other girls weren't. They were in their rights to remove them as well. Because THEIR LIVES could have been just as ruined as OPs."
"OP is NTA, but neither she nor the guy seemed to understand what the other girls probably felt like too. Because they weren't comfortable waiting for him to sober up."
"They didn't know he took the pic (which I find creepy as F). IDK but I swear there has to be a law about taking pictures like that of people who don't know you're doing it too. Because OP also made it sound like no one else knew until she told them." – EX_Tenn
This Redditor had a different label for the guy in mind.
"I wouldn't say a**hole. I'd say sexual predator." – ProbablyNotAJ
This "Ignite!" award-winning Redditor warned the OP to keep her distance from this "friend" in the future after pointing out everything that made him TA.
"NTA. He should never have taken those photos in the first place."
"If taking non-consensual photos of women in the nude and then refusing to delete them is how he behaves when he's drunk, he should never drink again."
"If he had any decency at all, he'd acknowledge that he deserved every bit of criticism for his atrocious behavior, and apologize profusely for everything - taking the photos, denying your request to delete them, 'forgetting' what he did the next day - instead of getting upset at you."
"There are many people out there who use being drunk or high to duck out of accountability for behavior that was actually self-aware and intentional. Beware of people who jump to the 'I was drunk' excuse instead of taking responsibility."
"Your drunk self is not some alien being, it's a less inhibited version of your sober self. I'd bet money that if you waited until he was sober, he would have saved those photos somewhere."
"Never let your guard down around this guy again, and keep your distance." – flowerfall
At the risk of being slammed for their candor, some Redditors declared that ESH.
"ESH. Seems like alcohol interfered with everyone's judgment." – mockingbird82
"I'm prepared to get destroyed for this."
"You were topless at a party. I'm guessing you didn't get everyone's consent (maybe you did, I don't know) before you took your breasts out. You just decided everyone gets to see them. Whatever."
"This guy is taking pics at the party. Nothing wrong with that. But, uh-oh now you're topless. So now he has to stop? I don't get it. You're fine with him taking pictures of you clothed."
"You're fine with him seeing you topless. You're not fine with him taking pictures of you topless. I get it—it could hurt your career. But if that's an issue for you, don't you think it's reckless to get topless at a party?"
"You asked him to delete the pictures and he said no. Which (and I think people will hate this) he has the right to do. They're his pictures. He took them. Is it creepy that he took them? Yeah. But they're his. You got naked in public without his consent, and he took the pictures of it."
"Also, you are non-confrontational so you just dropped it? If it was that huge of an issue for you, I feel like you'd have made it clear and made a big fuss. It sounds like you were scared to push the issue so you enlisted the help of the other girls, who took his property without his permission and deleted his pictures."
"All in all, you all sound immature and shallow. I hate to be that way, but ESH." – fry8951
This person pointed out something that would make the OP TA.
"NAH. Just more hijinks from the 'get drunk, make bad choices, start drama' set."
"I mean, if you don't trust yourself to keep your top on when you're drunk, and you don't trust your friend to stop taking photos when you take your top off, but you keep hanging out with him and you keep getting drunk with him even though you don't trust him or yourself... Then you're the a**hole." – lucia-pacciola
And this Redditor shed some light on the truth about the lack of privacy out in public.
"I'm going to go against the grain and probably get destroyed for it as say SLIGHT YTA."
"We live in a huge social media so if you are at a party or really in any public space you should expect no privacy. I'm not saying it's right but to be shocked that someone took a picture of you topless at a party is naive."
"I do agree your friend absolutely should have deleted the pictures no questions asked but like you said he was intoxicated and if he actually is a friend you should have followed up in the morning."
"That being said you were also intoxicated so he can't really blame you for being worried and telling the other about the photos." – ladyllama49
While judgments were mixed, most Redditors agreed that the friend was creepy for documenting his bare-breasted lady friends in the first place.
Woman Breaks Up With Boyfriend Who Worried People Would Think She Was Trans For Using Stand-To-Pee Device
Content Warning: Transphobia, Transphobic Comments
There are countless different reasons that a relationship might end, and a red flag could arise at any time. Some of these might have been learned in childhood and could improve over time.
Transphobia is absolutely a red flag that should be acted on immediately; however, with no option to fly again, pointed out the members of the "Am I the A**hole?" (AITA) subReddit.
Redditor funnelfuss was in the car with her boyfriend when they got stuck in a traffic jam.
She really needed to use the restroom, so since she had a device with her to make the process easier, she decided she'd step out of the car.
But when her boyfriend panicked and thought people might mistake her for a man, the Original Poster (OP) realized that her boyfriend was not who she thought he was.
She asked the sub:
The OP had to use the restroom while stuck in a traffic jam.
"My (26 Female) boyfriend (25 Male) and I got stuck in an insane traffic jam. My boyfriend was driving."
"We were at a standstill. Found out later on, they had closed the highway."
"I had to pee really bad, like bad bad bad. I saw that a couple guys had run to the side of the road to pee, and I decided to do the same."
"It was super open, with a few bushes by the side of the road, really not much cover."
The OP's boyfriend became uncomfortable when he realized she had a pee-to-stand device.
"I have a stand-to-pee device in my car, but when I grabbed it, my boyfriend got all weird."
"He said people would see me pee standing up and think I was Trans."
"I said no one would think that, plenty of women have pee funnels, and that also I didn't care. I have no beef with Trans people!"
"He said I should squat, just to put his mind at ease."
"I said I didn't want to get my butt and c**ch out on the highway in front of everyone, or get pee on my shoes, and I just wanted to be quick and clean."
"He said he didn't want people to look at the girl he was dating and think she was Trans and that I should squat, like GIRLS do."
The OP decided she was over it.
"I was dying by this point. I couldn't hold it anymore, and I really didn't want to show the world my butt, so I ran to the side of the road and slipped the device into my jeans and just peed standing up with my back to traffic."
"No one could see anything; it just slides through the zipper. But I guess maybe if someone was looking, they would be confused? But also, who's LOOKING?!"
"When I got back to the car, my boyfriend wouldn't talk to me. He says I disrespected his feelings. But it was 100% an emergency, and I don't get what his problem was."
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
Some reassured the OP that there was nothing wrong with using the restroom how she wanted.
"OP, don't think for one more second about this. Your boyfriend is being ridiculous."
"As if you will ever see any of those people again! Plus, holding it in for too long can cause a whole host of issues."
"It's actually genius that you have something like that in your car, just in case. I'm going to order one too now! NTA." - m_alice88
"'Honey, please show all these strangers your c**ch and a** so they know I'm not gay, mmmm'kay?'"
"A weak man, a very weak man." - lefteyedcrow
"You must have a she-wee! Those are so great for women."
"Tell your boyfriend to get over himself. You had to pee. He does not understand that squatting can suck and leave you exposed."
"If he is that upset you did this, rethink this relationship. I would find it hysterical."
"NTA." - Oktodayithink
"NTA, OP. You just needed a makeshift restroom."
"Your boyfriend apparently thought that it was normal for people to stare at strangers who are trying to pee to evaluate who they are, who they're with, and what the status of their relationship is."
"You know, to pass the time while in gridlock traffic." - Pixichixi
"You did nothing wrong, OP! When you have to go, you have to go. It's healthier to go."
"And don't apologize! We're so wired to reduce conflict, even to the point of downplaying how we feel to keep the peace or end the silence. Don't do it."
"It's a him issue. He thinks his feelings on this are more important than your discomfort about showing your naked body on the side of the road. If he can't figure that out for himself and apologize, it would be a dealbreaker for me." - lelawes
Others agreed and pointed out that the ex-boyfriend was very transphobic.
"NTA. Your boyfriend is clearly transphobic. That is 100% on him. And who cares if people think you are Trans?"
"'He said he didn't want people to look at the girl he was dating and think she was Trans.' And you don't want people to think you're dating someone bigoted and hateful." - GreekAmericanDom
"He may not consider himself transphobic ('I don't hate Trans people! I just don't want to be associated with them or have anyone think I'm with a Trans person!'), but he absolutely is, probably with a healthy side helping of homophobia."
"Why would he care, unless a) Trans women are not women in his eyes, or b) it somehow would be emasculating or embarrassing to his ego to be with a Trans woman."
"Also, you're in a traffic jam. Who the f**k is even watching close enough to care, and who of those people matters enough to give two s**ts about what they think."
"Not to mention, he's being weirdly controlling about your behaviors and how they reflect on him in a scenario where arguably he's never going to interact with a single person he's worrying about." - maladicta228
"This post reminds me of the time I got dressed to go to a function. It was a casual gathering. My kid (this was solidly on their father, my ex, as he's gotten insanely bigoted as he's aged) said, 'Mom, you're dressed like a Lesbian.'"
"Me: 'Lesbians have great fashion sense, I'd love to be mistaken for one.'"
"They paused for a second and realized that I truly wasn't dressing for men (despite it being my husband's work function), and that being seen as a lesbian was a good thing. I'm so glad I raised them to think for themselves, and realize that one can be wrong, admit it, and work on being a better person every day. They've never said anything like that since." - baconbitsy
"He's so insecure (and transphobic) that he cares more about what some strangers in a traffic jam might wrongly assume about you (and thereby him) than YOUR needs, comfort, and health."
"He expected you to prioritize his insecurities (feelings) above that and then punished you when you prioritized your health."
"You sure you want to be with someone like that?? NTA." - molotovmerkin
"Your boyfriend is so transphobic that he wants you to expose your genitalia on the side of the road to prove that you're not a Trans woman because he can't stand the idea of a total stranger, in a neighboring car, whom he will never speak to or see ever again, thinking he MIGHT be SHARING A CAR (because the strangers in other cars have no idea that you're dating) with a Trans woman."
"You're NTA, but get a better boyfriend." - HighCsummer
"Literally, you have to be super transphobic to think people in traffic are gonna judge you if your girlfriend is standing to pee. Like come onnnnnn, this is some insane insecurity." - Responsible-Pickle-2
Some pointed out that not only was the ex-boyfriend transphobic, but also controlling.
"This won't be the last time he expects OP to sacrifice things or make her life worse so that she can conform to his ideal of feminine stereotypes and keep up appearances for his fragile masculine ego."
"And that he gave her the silent treatment for not obliging his transphobia and misogyny disguised as 'feelings' is also problematic." - blancamystiere
"He's insecure and transphobic. He also puts his insecurity and transphobia above your comfort."
"NTA, and honestly, you can do better than this specimen." - PetersMapProject
"NTA. Your boyfriend would have preferred for everyone to see your a** and vagina than have a random stranger think his girlfriend is Trans. He would rather you expose yourself for his personal gain."
"Get a better boyfriend." - Amaze-balls-trippen
"The transphobia? The insecurity? And the silent treatment when he doesn't get his way?"
"So many red flags!" - CarolynDesign
"He also puts his insecurity and transphobia above your comfort and safety."
"He would rather you invite unwanted attention and risk by exposing your private parts to the world than have people think he (who most of the onlookers couldn't even see) might be dating a Trans person."
"NTA. OP, he's too insecure, self-centered, and immature to be a good partner to you, given that he's willing to compromise your safety to avoid a single twinge of discomfort. Dump him." - Hari_om_tat_sat
After receiving feedback, the OP was reassured and shared some positive updates.
"UPDATE: Thank you, everyone, for helping me feel sane again!"
"I got quite a few questions about which device I use, and honestly, it's about what fits you best. There are a ton of options. It's what fits you. Check out pStyle, Freshette, and EllaPee."
"I tried peeing standing up in a toilet, and it worked fine. I think my aim was pretty good, but then I saw little droplets on the floor. No thanks, don't need that. Also, it's loud? Awkward."
"But for the outside, it's pretty fun! I drive a lot, that's why it was in my car. Lifesaver."
"Also, I guess in this case it brought out an ugly side of my (ex) boyfriend and clarified some stuff for me. A winner all around."
"And to all the commenters asking, YES, he is an ex-boyfriend now."
"And yes, there were other red flags."
"Ditched the man, kept the pee funnel. Gonna laugh at him every time I pee standing up."
There's no way to imagine just how awkward the rest of the car ride was after using the restroom and returning to the now-silent and very entitled boyfriend, still stuck in a traffic jam.
But fortunately for the OP, she learned something vital about her relationship during a moment that should have been a total non-issue.
By being concerned about this and expecting the OP to prioritize her ex's pride over her comfort, safety, and cleanliness, her ex told her everything she needed to know.