The advent of the smartphone has allowed anyone to spontaneously snap a pic or record a video without missing a beat.
But sometimes, not everyone is cool with their pictures being taken without consent.
And while it’s hard to monitor what people will capture forever in time, Redditor SnooPets7336 tried to reverse a stealth photographer’s actions and was met with backlash.
She went to the “Am I the A**hole” (AITA) subReddit to explain the result of her confrontation and asked:
“AITA for not giving my friend enough time to delete a topless photo of me?”
The Original Poster (OP) wrote:
“I was at a party with my friends and everyone was either drunk or high. It was a good time, one thing led to another and a lot of us girls were topless.”
“There is a male friend in our group who takes candid pictures of us every time we hang out because he likes to capture the moment. And that’s what he did when we were topless.”
“I think I was the only one who noticed so I went up to him later in the night and asked him to delete them. He was not sober at all so he says he doesn’t remember this conversation.”
“Basically, I asked him to delete the photos and he straight up said no. I’m not a confrontational person so I let it go. He went to bed and while i was sitting with everyone else, I told them what had happened.”
“They got absolutely enraged and grabbed his phone while he was asleep to delete the pictures off of it.”
“The next day, the guy who took the pictures found out what had happened and messaged me and basically told me that I should have asked him directly instead of making a huge deal out of it.”
“I told him that I did and he said he didn’t remember and I should’ve waited till he was sober and asked him again before dragging his name through the mud.”
“I feel absolutely horrible because maybe he’s right and I made a big deal about it for no reason. In the moment, I just wanted the photos deleted because it was stressing me out and as a girl, something like that could ruin my life.”
“Am I the a**hole for not asking him a second time and going directly to my friends?”
The OP clarified a few things after Redditors brought some concerns to her attention.
“EDIT : Thank you for all your comments. Somebody recommended that I post an edit letting everyone know that after I left, he said (to the people who had deleted the photo): next time you wanna delete a photo, you should check the trash bin. So I am past the point of feeling bad about what I did because he’s just being a dick at this point.”
“EDIT 2: A lot of people are saying that if i didn’t want my photo to be taken I should’ve kept my top on. The guys didn’t have pants on either and none of their photos were taken. Which is why I felt comfortable enough taking my top off since everyone was getting naked anyway.”
Anonymous strangers on the internet were asked if and where guilt belongs by declaring:
NTA – Not The A**hole
YTA – You’re The A**hole
ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
NAH – No A**holes Here
Redditors backed up their NTA judgments for the OP by explaining why the guy was TA.
“NTA, inebriation isn’t an excuse for being an a**hole.” – Raptorblaze
“It’s not even that he took the pics and ‘didn’t remember.’ Fine. That’s not even the main a**hole move.” – Raptorblaze
“The main a**hole move is accusing OP of being dramatic and ‘making a big deal’ over what was actually a very mature and minimal action. Asking him to delete the pics.”
“She didn’t call the cops. She didn’t throw his phone in the pool. She didn’t put him on blast on social media. She directly asked him to delete the pics when it came to her attention.”
“OP could not have handled this better, and for this dude to SHAME HER for doing the right and responsible thing, oh man. F’k him for THAT ten times more than just taking the drunk pics to begin with.” – nattykat47
“This. Like if he gets hacked, or someone snatches his phone and it ends up online, it’s her rep ruined. She’ll end up being harassed and slutshamed, because she is woman and apparently has boobs.”
“If a guy’s photo ends up online without permission, showing his maggot, he puts out a statement and no one bats an eye.” – JNBirdy
As this Redditor sees it, the OP was doing her friend a favor.
“Not even that though. SHE saved HIM. She could’ve launched an all out ‘Tom’s a perv and takes unauthorized nudes of drunk girls, lets cancel him forever!!!’ and ruined his rep. She wouldn’t have even been wrong. But she didn’t.”
“OP came to him with a big ol’ gracious Get out Jail Free Card and he couldn’t even take it and walk away!!!! He felt embarrassed and ashamed, as he should, couldn’t deal with it, so turned around and said OP was ‘making a big deal.'”
“She let him save face and he told her to go f’k herself.”
“Transferring a man’s embarrassment and shame onto a woman… it’s a completely toxic tactic that works. Look how it creeped into OP enough for her to have to make this post.” – nattykat47
This Redditor didn’t buy the guy’s excuse feigning ignorance.
“Depending on where OP is he could end up in a lot of legal bother with ‘revenge porn’ laws if the pictures were to be distributed in any way, too.”
“Plus I don’t really buy the ‘I was too drunk to remember’ excuse. Taking those photos in the first place is really creepy!” – ASDowntheReddithole
This Redditor believes there needs to be some sort of regulation against unauthorized nude photography.
“To add on to how she’s NTA:”
“It’s no longer JUST about her. It’s about every girl that was topless in that. Maybe she was okay with giving the next 12 hours and not knowing if he sent to friends or not. May she was okay with not knowing if his friends stole the picture off his phone.”
“BUT those other girls weren’t. They were in their rights to remove them as well. Because THEIR LIVES could have been just as ruined as OPs.”
“OP is NTA, but neither she nor the guy seemed to understand what the other girls probably felt like too. Because they weren’t comfortable waiting for him to sober up.”
“They didn’t know he took the pic (which I find creepy as F). IDK but I swear there has to be a law about taking pictures like that of people who don’t know you’re doing it too. Because OP also made it sound like no one else knew until she told them.” – EX_Tenn
This Redditor had a different label for the guy in mind.
“I wouldn’t say a**hole. I’d say sexual predator.” – ProbablyNotAJ
This “Ignite!” award-winning Redditor warned the OP to keep her distance from this “friend” in the future after pointing out everything that made him TA.
“NTA. He should never have taken those photos in the first place.”
“If taking non-consensual photos of women in the nude and then refusing to delete them is how he behaves when he’s drunk, he should never drink again.”
“If he had any decency at all, he’d acknowledge that he deserved every bit of criticism for his atrocious behavior, and apologize profusely for everything – taking the photos, denying your request to delete them, ‘forgetting’ what he did the next day – instead of getting upset at you.”
“There are many people out there who use being drunk or high to duck out of accountability for behavior that was actually self-aware and intentional. Beware of people who jump to the ‘I was drunk’ excuse instead of taking responsibility.”
“Your drunk self is not some alien being, it’s a less inhibited version of your sober self. I’d bet money that if you waited until he was sober, he would have saved those photos somewhere.”
“Never let your guard down around this guy again, and keep your distance.” – flowerfall
At the risk of being slammed for their candor, some Redditors declared that ESH.
“ESH. Seems like alcohol interfered with everyone’s judgment.” – mockingbird82
“I’m prepared to get destroyed for this.”
“You were topless at a party. I’m guessing you didn’t get everyone’s consent (maybe you did, I don’t know) before you took your breasts out. You just decided everyone gets to see them. Whatever.”
“This guy is taking pics at the party. Nothing wrong with that. But, uh-oh now you’re topless. So now he has to stop? I don’t get it. You’re fine with him taking pictures of you clothed.”
“You’re fine with him seeing you topless. You’re not fine with him taking pictures of you topless. I get it—it could hurt your career. But if that’s an issue for you, don’t you think it’s reckless to get topless at a party?”
“You asked him to delete the pictures and he said no. Which (and I think people will hate this) he has the right to do. They’re his pictures. He took them. Is it creepy that he took them? Yeah. But they’re his. You got naked in public without his consent, and he took the pictures of it.”
“Also, you are non-confrontational so you just dropped it? If it was that huge of an issue for you, I feel like you’d have made it clear and made a big fuss. It sounds like you were scared to push the issue so you enlisted the help of the other girls, who took his property without his permission and deleted his pictures.”
“All in all, you all sound immature and shallow. I hate to be that way, but ESH.” – fry8951
This person pointed out something that would make the OP TA.
“NAH. Just more hijinks from the ‘get drunk, make bad choices, start drama’ set.”
“I mean, if you don’t trust yourself to keep your top on when you’re drunk, and you don’t trust your friend to stop taking photos when you take your top off, but you keep hanging out with him and you keep getting drunk with him even though you don’t trust him or yourself… Then you’re the a**hole.” – lucia-pacciola
And this Redditor shed some light on the truth about the lack of privacy out in public.
“I’m going to go against the grain and probably get destroyed for it as say SLIGHT YTA.”
“We live in a huge social media so if you are at a party or really in any public space you should expect no privacy. I’m not saying it’s right but to be shocked that someone took a picture of you topless at a party is naive.”
“I do agree your friend absolutely should have deleted the pictures no questions asked but like you said he was intoxicated and if he actually is a friend you should have followed up in the morning.”
“That being said you were also intoxicated so he can’t really blame you for being worried and telling the other about the photos.” – ladyllama49
While judgments were mixed, most Redditors agreed that the friend was creepy for documenting his bare-breasted lady friends in the first place.