Friendships can be a delicate balance.
There are always bound to be disagreements, moments of conflict and tension, and conversations we’re bound to regret.
Even with the one we consider our “best friend.”
Such was the case with Redditor, Ninosch_, who found her friendship with her longtime “best friend” strained after a heated conversation.
But concerned about her behavior, the original poster (OP) took to the subReddit “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) asking fellow Redditors:
“AITA for telling my best friends secret after he made a sexist and insulting comment?”
The OP first gave readers a brief history about her relationship with her longtime best friend.
“Me (f[emale], 21) and my best friend ‘Ben’ (m[ale], 21) know EVERYTHING about each other.”
“Ben joined our school when we were 15 as he changed schools after being bullied.”
“We quickly became good friends – I introduced him to my friends and they got along well.”
“After High School everyone moved for university.”
“Ben and I were the only ones that stayed, so we became even closer as it was only the two of us.”
“When I was dating my boyfriend, I spent most weekends with him and his friends.”
“Most of the time I also brought Ben along.”
“But they were my ex’s friends not mine.”
“So after the break up it was just the two of us again.”
“It was an ugly break-up, my ex texted me and immediately blocked me.”
“I was so heart-broken, especially because I didn’t even know WHY he broke up.”
The OP then revealed how when Ben finally branched out and started making new friends, it put an unexpected strain on their friendship.
“About a year ago, Ben met two guys at the gym.”
“They became friends and Ben became part of this friend group.”
“He often brought me with him and I got along very well with all of them.”
“But somehow Ben didn’t like that… “
“He stopped asking me to come.”
“Luckily, the others wanted me to come and invited me.”
“When I asked him if I did something wrong, he just said that he doesn’t treat me different than usual.”
“I believe that he felt like he never had many friends of his own… “
“It has always been my friends and I brought him along.. “
“So now that he has his ‘own’ friends he doesn’t want to ‘share’ them with me.”
But in addition to a change in the dynamic of their friendship, there also came an unwanted change in Ben’s behavior.
“He also started to act COMPLETELY different.”
“Always acting cool and tough, bragging about money, wanting to be in the center of attention.”
“He often told mean jokes and embarrassed me.”
“One night, we were all pretty drunk and us girls had a deep talk about the pill.”
“Some said they are still taking the pill and some said that they do not want to take it.”
“It was a great convo with good vibes.”
“The boys could hear us but they weren’t really paying attention.”
“Suddenly Ben said ‘Ew who wants a girlfriend that doesn’t take the pill? I am definitely not gonna wear a condom when I am f*cking my girl. Feels better to smash raw, right boys?'”
“Clearly, he wanted to act cool in front of the boys.”
“No one laughed and it was just awkward silence.”
“I couldn’t believe he said that…”
“I answered ‘Well I definitely wouldn’t take a pill that causes depression, hair loss and acne, so some boy can ‘smash raw.'”
“I am still shocked by his answer:”
“‘Well, I guess we know now why your ex boyfriend ghosted you. Who would want to wear a condom every time he had sex with his girlfriend.'”
“That really hurt, especially because he knows best how devastated I was.”
“This joke was tasteless and made my furious.”
“And thats when I told his secret…I said ‘How would you know? You never even had sex before! “
“‘A Virgin shouldn’t brag about this.'”
“Now we barely even talk anymore.”
“AITA for telling our friends Ben is a virgin after he made a sexist comment about girls that do not want to take the pill and joked about my heartbreak?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they felt the OP fell in this particular situation by deciding:
- NTA – Not the A**hole
- YTA – You’re the A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everybody Sucks Here
The OP was met with fairly unanimous support, with just about everyone agreeing that she was in no way the a**hole in this situation.
Many felt that Ben opened the door by initially taking such a low blow at the OP, and that he deserved to be taken down a peg or two after his degrading comments.
“If Ben didn’t want to play, he shouldn’t have started it.”
“NTA he had it coming.”- NUT-me-SHELL.
“Men love to act disgusting towards the women in their lives then get butt hurt when you retaliate and hurt their masculinity. “
“You did good kid.”- Bitchimnasty69.
“Not really the biggest thing to be a virgin, especially with his comments practically broadcasting it.”-TheLavenderAuthor.
“Oh boy, sounds like he is overcompensating to make sure he appears as idk ‘man’s man’/’alpha’ to other guys… not cute.”
“Anyone that feels the need to put you down to raise himself is someone you need to stay away from, especially if it comes with side dish of misogyny.”
“What you are witnessing is what some sociologists call ‘toxic masculinity’.- EchoesInTheAbyss
There were a few who wondered if Ben’s angry behavior was an effort to disguise some other feelings he might have.
“Also, I think he likes you.”
“Well, liked you.”
“Hence the whole macho alpha act.”- Urechi
“Here’s what happened.”
“Ben was bullied to the point that he had to change schools.”
“As a result of the bullying, his self-esteem was in the toilet.”
“You and he became friends, but after awhile, he wanted more.”
“But, you were in a relationship with your ex-boyfriend.”
“When he broke up with you, Ben was there as a shoulder to cry on.”
“He was expecting that a Rom-Com would happen.”
“You would suddenly realize that the man you have been looking for your whole life has been right there in front of you.”
“That didn’t happen and now he’s become resentful.”
“So he’s lashing out at you for not reading his mind.”
“It doesn’t matter to him that you never knew his feelings because he never worked up the courage to tell you.”
“In his mind, it’s your fault.”
“Guy really needs counseling to work through issues he has as a result of his childhood bullying.”
“Until then, he will never find a healthy relationship.”
“Sadly, his destructive behavior towards you, OP, probably means he will not be receptive of that suggestion coming from you.”- BlueRFR3100.
Whether or not Ben’s feelings toward the OP are more than platonic, it seems it will take a lot of forgiveness on both sides for this friendship to ever come close to what it once was.