Many brides have dreamed of their wedding day for most of their lives. So when it comes to sharing attention on the big day, any shift in focus can cause major drama.
A woman on Reddit learned this the hard way when she proposed to her partner the day before her sister’s wedding, sparking major drama.
She wasn’t sure about how she’d handled things, so she went to the AITA (Am I The A**hole) subReddit for perspective.
The Original Poster (OP), who goes by the username daybeforewedding on the site, asked:
“AITA for proposing to my boyfriend day before my sister’s wedding?”
She explained:
“Hello.”
“My partner and my five-year anniversary was on the 21st, a day before my sister’s wedding.”
“I had decided to propose on the day of the anniversary to make it even more memorable.”
“After I came home, I announced our engagement in our group chat, with consisted of six people- my parents, sister, her then-fiancé now husband, brother and grandma.”
“Everyone congratulated us heartily, including my sister.”
“But then, my sister sent me a private text saying that she was hurt that I stole her thunder by proposing on the day before her wedding.”
“She said that I should have at least waited till after her wedding to announce the news.”
“I was frankly shocked and told her that I wasn’t planning on announcing the engagement at her wedding or something stupid like that, I just told family, but she didn’t listen to me.”
“I was bridesmaid the next day, and she acted really cold with me throughout, especially when the people from the group chat privately congratulated me enthusiastically.”
“AITA here?”
People on Reddit were then asked to judge who was in the wrong in this situation based on the following categories:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
- NAH – No A**holes Here
And this one sparked a lot of debate among Redditors, with many feeling OP was definitely in the wrong.
“YTA.”
“No issue getting engaged on a memorable date for you!”
“But you’re TA for not waiting 48 hours to make the announcement. Announcing the day before her wedding was a mean thing to do.” –PeggyHW
“YTA, not for proposing the day before, but like your sister said, because you could have waited to tell people the day after the wedding.”
“What you did was in bad taste.” –Primary-Criticism929
“Hopping on top comment to add that proposing usually takes planning as well.”
“So, I feel like a lot of this drama could have been avoided by simply telling you’re going to propose in advance to family or discuss it prior with your sister to get her thoughts.”
“I get that you’re excited as anyone would be, but the fact that you waited till the night before I would say YTA.”
“Because it waited this long, you could wait another 24 hours until after the wedding and focus on your sister.” –unsure-panda
“I’ve specifically discussed with my partner that he shouldn’t propose before my brother’s wedding because I don’t want to steal anyone’s thunder, and I know my parents (specifically mom) wouldn’t be able to keep a secret but also I can’t keep a secret so it’d be a disaster all around.”
“Like… Maybe have an awareness of people around you I guess.” –NoIdeaWhatImDoing097
But others thought OP’s sister was overreacting.
“I disagree. It was one thing if she would’ve announced it AT the wedding, or even in a bigger group chat with more wedding guests, but she basically only told her family.”
“She didn’t steal anyone’s thunder. I don’t really get this entitlement around weddings, where you can’t even handle someone saying “congrats” to your sibling the day before. NTA” –addangel
“Ridiculous. How many days must people refrain from expressing life events before the holiest of holy wedding days? A wedding is not the center of the universe” –confetticake-unicorn
“OP didn’t announce it AT the wedding, they just announced on the family group chat… which is totally fair. I’m sorry but I have to disagree here.”
“If OP had proposed at the wedding or announced their engagement at the wedding I’d be inclined to agree. But it’s fairly normal to tell your family like the moment it happens.” —Afreshnewsketckbook
“Hard disagree.They did it in a private family group chat.”
“It didn’t impact sister in any way except to offend her sense of entitlement.”
“NTA”
“A good sister, imo, would have just been happy to heat. Anything short of announcing on the day is fair and reasonable.”
“And then holding a grudge all the next day? Sister is TA” –nottheonlyone007
“Is this an American thing?”
“I’m from the Balkans and 2 cousins of mine got engaged/married around the time I did.”
“One got married the month before me, another the week after me. We were all in different states and so family had to split up to be able to attend the weddings.”
“None of us got mad. We were all happy for eachother and only upset we couldn’t all make it to each other’s weddings.”
“Life is hard though, and everyone has different schedules.”
“I dont understand why I should get angry at my cousins for living their life? We are different people with different schedules.”
“I’m not going to rain on someone’s parade just becuase they have a special event near mine.”
“Honestly, it was nice to have family to talk to about hectic wedding crap is.”
“I don’t understand why Americans think they own an entire month or year and nothing should happen to anyone else in that time.” –iamnoking
“Nope, I soo disagree. It’s not a big public announcement, she told her immediate family the day before the wedding.”
“Firmly NTA” –CatsAreWhatHappens
“And if they waited but the family saw a ring on OP’s fiancee’s finger at the wedding? I can pretty much guarantee the bride would have lost it and people would still call OP TA.” –Impressive__Web
“The announcement doesn’t take anything away from anyone else. Anyone who thinks it does is being selfish and self-centered.”
“People’s lives don’t stop while we’re waiting for another big event. I get their wedding is the focus for the couple getting married, but preventing any other good news from being shared because of the wedding is ridiculous.” –basementmatt
“The tradition is you don’t propose, or announce any major life event (engagement, pregnancy etc) on the day of the wedding or at the wedding itself.”
“It has nothing to do with the day before, the day after, or any other of the 364 days of the year that make up the rest of the calendar year.”
“‘Told close family in a group chat the day before a wedding’ in no way runs afoul of this.”
“Weddings already have enough entitled nonsense associated with them, let’s not add more.”
“Also, NTA” –EntrepreneurAmazing3
“This is absurd wedding culture, I can’t believe this type of BS has been accepted in this sub. She told her close family in a private group chat.”
“People need to stop pretending that the existence of other life events is somehow upstaging someone else. Also, who cares if it got around beyond the initial group chat?” –Disdain690
“I feel like the wedding overshadows the engagement bc like, a celebration is more memorable than a text message?”
“Day of would be TA, day after would actually overshadow the event that just happened imo. I feel like as long as it wasn’t on the wedding day, it doesn’t really matter.” –Apprehensive_Map_284
And still others felt like both sisters had messed up.
“I think OP should have told their sister first in private, that way she would get a head’s up. Her sister could also have privately told her that she wanted her to wait.”
“It doesn’t mean that she absolutely has to keep quiet, but both parties are a little less blindsided this way.”
“I’m kind of wondering if there’s some sort of sibling rivalry dynamic going on here as well. Was one favored over the other? Is this a potential LGBT issue?”
“I’m leaning towards OP being kind of TA here, but more of an oblivious TA.”
“I don’t think she intended to hurt her sister’s feelings or take away her spotlight exactly, but she also didn’t really think about how her sister would feel about this.” –SquirrelGirlVA
“Since there was a proposal, I presume OP and/or their fiance is now wearing an engagement ring. Are they supposed to take the ring(s) off until the wedding is over?”
“We agree announcing the engagement to everyone can wait until after the wedding, but OP’s immediate family? OP’s own mom?!” –Publius246
“Why is it in bad taste to propose at their anniversary? Anyone could turn that around to say they scheduled the wedding the day after OPs anniversary and that they are the AHs.”
“I say NAH, one can understand the sisters point of view, but let’s face it, nobody owns the rights to a given day for when they can propose. Overall this topic is just childish.” –markdmac
Hopefully OP can patch things up with her sister.