When people feel they have met “the one,” they tend to wait with bated breath for the day they get a proposal.
However, as the big day draws near, some people begin to question whether they are making the right decision.
Especially if they notice things about their partner they hadn’t really noticed before.
This might lead them to wonder if committing to them for life is really the best idea.
Redditor Other-Suggestion1609 recently became engaged to her boyfriend.
However, things took an unexpected turn at a New Year’s Eve Party with her boyfriend’s family.
Leaving the original poster (OP) to question whether marrying this man was a good idea.
Unsure of what to do, the OP took to the subReddit “Am I The A**hole Here?” (AITAH).
While similar to the “Am I The A**Hole” (AITA) subReddit, AITAH allows Redditors to ask for advice on issues that are not permitted on AITA, such as asking for advice or posting about ending relationships. Nor are voting acronyms required or a final judgment declared.
The OP asked fellow Redditors:
“AITAH For questioning my engagement after my fiancé got mad at me for drinking while ‘pregnant’?”
The OP explained why the OP was beginning to seriously reconsider her relationship:
“Ok, so I (22 F[emale]) recently got engaged to my Fiancé (23 M[ale]).”
“We are both still living at home to save money to eventually get our own place.”
“I still live with my parents, but I stay at his place most nights because it’s closer to work and just easier.”
“So, this New Year’s Eve we were at his parents’ house with family and a few friends.”
“Nothing crazy, just a normal family get together.”
“His aunt was passing out champagne to everyone and asked me if I wanted some, but before I could even respond, my Fiancé reached out and took the glass.”
“I kinda thought it was weird, but I just ignored it cuz he can be oblivious sometimes.”
“I ended up just going to the kitchen and pouring myself a drink.”
“When I got back to the living room, he immediately noticed my drink and asked pretty loudly, ‘is that alcohol?'”
“I said yes.”
“He started getting really upset.”
“He said he couldn’t believe I would do that, that he thought I was more responsible, and I was being reckless.”
“I was obviously confused and asked him what he was talking about.”
“He said something like ‘You’re really going to mess things up before they even start?'”
“‘You’re going to hurt the baby’.”
“The room went quiet, and I was so embarrassed.”
“I was thinking he must be drunk or something.”
“I asked him what baby?”
“He said he knew I was pregnant and that he’d been trying to do the right thing.”
“He said he found a pregnancy test in the bathroom weeks ago, and that’s why he’s been watching what I eat and drink, and why he proposed.”
“He said he was stepping up.”
“Then he said he didn’t know if he had made a mistake if this was the kind of mother I was going to be.”
“I was literally so shocked and humiliated.”
“I told him I’m not pregnant.”
“But he just told me I don’t need to lie.”
“I am not pregnant.”
“I ended up leaving and coming to my parents’ house that night.”
“I haven’t been to his place since.”
“He keeps trying to reach out to me to talk about it, but I’m not ready.”
“That brings us to last night.”
“My fiancé’s mom messaged me and asked me to come over and talk.”
“She says relationships take effort, and I shouldn’t ruin my relationship over a little misunderstanding.”
“I don’t know what to do.”
“I love my fiancé, but I can’t stop thinking if he never thought I was pregnant, would he even have proposed to me?”
“I’m really rethinking the whole relationship.”
“I’ve never taken a pregnancy test at his house, so idk if he saw something and thought it was a test or if he’s being crazy and making it up?”
“I just messaged his mom back, and I’m going to go over there to talk and figure out what I want to do.”
“I do really like his family, and I still love my fiancé or boyfriend.”
“Idk what to call him now.”
“He’s never really done things to make me worry before, so I want to at least listen before I throw everything away.”
“AITAH?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in, with some using the AITA voting acronyms:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Everyone agreed that the OP’s concerns were valid, with some even encouraging her to end her relationship, though most were left eager to know who the pregnancy test belonged to:
“Bigger question…who in your house IS pregnant?”
“Because obviously, he is not ready for marriage or kids if he is going to find something like that and not have an ACTUAL conversation with you.”
“As such, you don’t need to be with him.”- JustMe518
“NTA.”
“Do not marry this man.”
“Think about this:”
“He knows you live in a house with other people and at least one of them is also a woman, yet he automatically assumes that something he found in a shared home trashcan belongs to you.”
“He does zero due diligence, just assumes and creates a whole story in his head about you being pregnant.”
“Because of this, without even trying to have a single conversation with you about it, he unilaterally decides what he thinks is right for the BOTH of you that he is going to try ‘step up’ by silently and sneakily controlling what you eat and drink.”
“Then to top it off, he proposed to you.”
“Not because he wants to but because he essentially feels forced to.”
“Again, rather than trying to have a singular, private conversation with you (the supposed soon-to-be mother of his child and future wife), he instead decides to ‘out’, shame, and embarrass you in front of his family and friends and admits in front of all of them that he is only marrying you out of perceived obligation to ‘step up’.”
“Then instead of actually listening to you, he doubles down when you tell him that you aren’t pregnant and sends his mommy after you when you don’t come groveling back and asking for forgiveness.”
“He knows he f*cked up big time, but rather than be a man and own that giant f*ck up and the likely irreversible damage it’s caused your relationship, he is choosing to try and guilt you into going back to him and using his family to do it.”
“Do not fall for this.”
“The fact that his mommy is even intervening at all says so much about what your future will look like if you are to marry into that family.”
“Every time you and he have a slight, she will be there to defend ‘her baby’.”
“I know that it doesn’t look like it now, but you have been given such a beautiful gift with this situation playing out as it did OP.”
“Your fiancé, and his family, have given you a sneak preview of exactly who they are and what you will be marrying into before any legal documents have been signed.”
“So many people only get to see this side of their spouse, and their spouse’s family, once the paperwork has been signed and once there are children on the way.”
“Basically, once they think they have you trapped.”
“Get out now before it becomes much harder and much more expensive to do so because this behavior will not get better with time.”- Lost_Babe
“I’d give back the ring and explain how he humiliated you.”
“Tell him you never thought you were pregnant and the test wasn’t yours.”
“You don’t want to be with someone who feels forced to marry you.”- jjj68548
“‘I don’t know what to do. I love my fiancé but i can’t stop thinking if he never thought i was pregnant would he even have proposed to me. I’m really rethinking the whole relationship’.”
“Not just that, but he thought the moment you got engaged, he could start making choices FOR YOU.”
“Yes, no one should drink if they are pregnant; but he not only decided you were, he then made this grand display of taking alcohol away from you and questioning ‘the kind of mother you will be’ in front of every one’.”
“Dude.”
“This isn’t your person.”
“What a creep.”
“NTA.”- intolerablefem
“For the life of me, I cannot understand why his first move upon finding the test wasn’t asking ‘hey, is this yours?’”- Missing-the-sun
The OP later returned with an update on the Redditor Updates subReddit, sharing where things currently stood in her relationship, and giving some closure as to whose pregnancy test it was:
“Yesterday I went over to my bf’s house, and IT DID NOT GO AS EXPECTED. I honestly don’t even know what I was expecting, but after reading some of your comments about whose test it was or if it even was a pregnancy test, I had to find out.”
“My bf was really happy to see me when I got there. I don’t think his mom told him I was coming.”
“He seemed really genuine and kept apologizing.”
“His mom asked us to sit down, and she started crying and saying she doesn’t want to ruin our relationship, and she loves both of us and wants the best for us.”
“Then she shows us a sonogram.”
“IT WAS HIS MOM’S TEST.”
“Literally all of this stupid drama because my bf is an idiot.”
“He said he didn’t think his mom could get pregnant anymore because she’s in her 40s, so the only other possibility was for it to be mine, but he didn’t want to ask me, so I could tell him myself.”
“I love surprising people so honestly that does make sense, but like it had been WEEKS.”
“He could have said something after all that time.”
“His mom said she didn’t say anything at the party because she didn’t know what she was going to do yet and didn’t want everyone at the party finding out.”
“But it still bothers me that she let me take the embarrassment instead.”
“Or at least tell us after in private instead of letting us not talk for over a week.”
“I do kinda feel bad now that my bf really thought I was pregnant and thought I wasn’t taking it seriously.”
“I talked to him about the engagement and if he meant what he said about ‘stepping up’.”
“He said he had already had the ring for a while but was waiting for the right time, and when he saw the test, he thought of it as a sign and got excited thinking of us as a little family.”
“He says he only said what he said at the party in the heat of the moment, thinking I was someone who would risk ‘our baby’ like that, and he didn’t actually mean it.”
“I think I believe him.”
“As of now, we aren’t engaged anymore, but we are still together.”
“I told him we really need to work harder on communication if we want to make our relationship last.”
“A lot of comments were saying he’s a red flag and stuff, and I can see where you’re coming from, but this was really the only time he’s been like that.”
“I think his intentions were sweet, but came off wrong.”
“Also, a lot of people say we are too young to get married, but my parents got married young and are still together, so I think it depends.”
“If we do get engaged again, I told him to actually wait until he’s ready and not when he thinks he needs to.”
The behavior of the OP’s, now ex, fiancé was alarming on a number of levels.
Not only did he not find a way to privately ask her if the pregnancy test was her’s, but he also chose to yell at her and humiliate her in front of his whole family.
It was probably wise of the OP to tell her fiancé to wait to propose until he feels ready.
Whether or not she will decide they’re meant for one another before then remains to be seen.