Some people are just a drag. They change the atmosphere with their negativity, complaining or criticizing constantly.
At times, others are forced to spend time with them because of their job or familial obligations. But if there’s a chance to avoid them, people take it.
Yet somehow, the person dragging everyone down rarely realizes they’re the problem—even when they’re told why no one wants to be around them.
A woman with a person she’d prefer to avoid turned to the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit for feedback.
PenNeat5247 asked:
“AITA for not inviting my sister-in-law (SIL) to an event I know she would have enjoyed because she’s too judgy?”
The original poster (OP) explained:
“I’ve always wanted to like my SIL Macey, but she’s judgy about weird sh*t, like, oh, it’s superficial to get a designer bag when you should just go to the thrift store and get a $2 bag.”
“But spending $600 on collectibles is okay. They’re BOTH fine. Sadly, this makes her the perfect partner for my brother. You can imagine the kind of personality he has.”
“The best example was when my sister Bee and her wife and a bunch of their friends were going to the Eras tour a few years ago. They’re all queer women too, so they love Taylor Swift.”
“Macey thought that because I didn’t go I would be ‘on her side’ and sh*t talk them, call them vapid, and stupid cult members. I said I didn’t go because I’m just.. not a fan.”
“I said she was behaving like a mean girl and to stop. She took offense because SHE was the victim of bullying as a kid.”
“I said, ‘well, I guess you didn’t learn from it because look at who you’ve become’. She wouldn’t talk to me for months.”
“Well, a few weeks ago, I got a ton of free tickets to the Renaissance festival. I invited Bee and some other friends.”
“Macey has said in the past she loves Ren Fests. She loves to get dressed up in period accurate costumes.”
“I asked Bee if we should invite Macey and Bee said no—Macey would inevitably make some snarky comments about costumes not being accurate or something and ruin the mood for everyone. I thought about it, and in the end agreed.”
“We had a lot of fun seeing everyone’s costumes. There were a lot of very intricate ones, but also ones that looked like Spirit Halloween costumes and I just know she would’ve had something to say.”
“Bee posted pics, Macey saw, and asked us why we didn’t invite her. In the end, I told her that it was because I never knew what she was going to judge next.”
“She said that we were bullying her. Bee brought up the Eras tour thing and how nasty Macey was about it and Macey defended herself by saying she never said that stuff TO her and I was wrong for telling her in the first place.”
“My brother thinks we should have invited Macey and that we’ve gone out of our way to not be supportive and make her part of the family. I’ve literally had her over for baking Xmas cookies, movies, brunch.”
“She’s never returned the favor. I just did not want to have a day where the mood was soured because of someone being judgy.”
“He did not care about Macey ragging on Bee, either.”
“AITA?”
The OP summed up their situation.
“I didn’t invite my sister-in-law to an outing that I knew she would have liked.”
“This was purposely excluding her from something that she liked, and sending a message that we don’t like her, which made her feel bad.”
Redditors weighed in by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors decided the OP was not the a**hole (NTA).
“NTA. And I love Macey’s ‘justification’ of since she didn’t say something to someone’s face, then it didn’t matter.” ~ One_Ad_704
“Right‽ ‘It’s not like I said it to her face—I just ran her down behind her back!’.”
“NTA—sounds like Macey’s just seeing her actions have consequences. Funny how that works, huh?”
“If you’re constantly negative, putting things/people down, and always bringing the vibe down, you can’t be surprised when people stop wanting you around.”
“This is Macey’s own doing. Maybe she can go online and look up some of the mean girls she went to school with: sounds like she’ll fit right in with them now—assuming they’re also stalled in that high school mentality.” ~ acegirl1985
“I don’t get how she thinks that the argument that she talked sh*t about them behind their backs is actually a defense.” ~ kikazztknmz
“Right? It’s actually worse. She’s not only judgmental, she’s two-faced.” ~ RazzmatazzOk7185
“Macey’s like, ‘I didn’t say it to your face! Only to your sister, who is, for some weird reason, closer to you than she is to me. I could never have imagined that YOUR sister, that you also happen to be friends with, would actually tell you what I said!’.”
“I, for one, am always baffled when people talk sh*t about someone to the people who are close to them. Vent, if you must, to your OWN people, not theirs.” ~ Ryuugan80
“I make it a habit to never say something behind someone’s back that I wouldn’t say to their face. It ensures that if feelings get hurt, I meant them to.”
“NTA. Macey needs to get over herself.” ~ baconbitsy
“If she wants to be treated like a friend, she should act like one. Meanwhile, NTA for wanting to enjoy yourself. Which means going without her.” ~ ScarletNotThatOne
“Right‽ Like was she really bullied or did ppl just not want to be her friend because she was a judgy B…?” ~ Ok-Sympathy-7848
“I wondered this when she accused OP of bullying her, when OP was NOT bullying her. There are people out there who claim to have been bullied, whose definition of bullying is … questionable.”
“Of course, there are many genuine victims too, and I wouldn’t have questioned Macey’s experience had she not acted like this.” ~ regus0307
“A lot of people who are genuinely bullied are also bullies. They were horribly bullied over their weight, looks, interests, but are also just toxic a**holes themselves. Bit hard to tell which came first because the bullying started young.” ~ DefinitelyNotAliens
“NTA! Unfortunately, judgy people need to be confronted rudely.”
“I love that you said this: ‘I said well I guess you didn’t learn from it because look at who you’ve become’.”
“Make sure that your brother and SIL know you won’t tolerate her bad behavior.”
“Then be prepared with a sh*t load of INSTANT comments when she relapses, like: ‘Stop insulting people. It’s rude, I’m not going to listen to your bad mouthing today. Seriously, stop with the insults. It’s childish and I’m not interested in hearing your rude opinions. You can hang out with us and keep your negativity to yourself, or you can be negative and leave. You can’t stay AND be negative’.”
“Make it clear that you understand she enjoys being judgmental and she has the right to her opinions. You just refuse to listen to them. Good luck!” ~ Ravenmn
“NTA. What, does your brother expect you to invite Macey to everything you do that she might like? Take her with you on dates if she might like the restaurant? Bring her on your vacations with you? Get real.”
“Even if she was the nicest person on the planet, you’d be allowed to have your own social activities with your own friends without her. That she’s obnoxious is more justification than you even need.” ~ oliviamrow
“It’s helpful when you have examples of annoying behaviors. Being bullied as a child isn’t an excuse to be a bully or AH as an adult. Macey is using her past experience as a reason to be sh*tty to people. And sadly she won’t take accountability for it.” ~ Winter_Raisin_591
“Tell her no one enjoys hearing her tear people down behind their backs. Call her out for being a hateful, vindictive backstabber.” ~ Electrical-Act-7170
“Seriously, no one likes to hear someone talk sh*t about YOUR SISTER behind her back. That’s so gross.” ~ agoldgold
“You are required to be civil to your family members. You aren’t required to take them with you every time you do something.”
“Social media starts more family fights than beer. Set your accounts for privacy and block people you don’t enjoy, including contentious family members.”
“Your SIL doesn’t seem like a lot of fun. It’s okay to tell her when she does things that you don’t appreciate, as long as you do it in a civil manner. If she doesn’t want to speak to you because of that, well…appreciate the gift of peace for as long as it lasts.” ~ LazyAd622
“NTA, Macey turned into the same girls who used to bully her, and she sees nothing wrong with it, just like her bullies, she is doubling down.”
“Even if you and your sister did try to talk to her about it, she’ll automatically accuse you of ganging up and bullying her. There’s no win anywhere in sight, so the best thing you can do is live your own life and let her stew in the mess she created.” ~ crocodilezebramilk
If Macey wants to be invited, she should work on being someone people want to spend time with.