People are familiar with breast augmentation that increases a woman’s bust size as a wholly cosmetic procedure, but people associate breast reduction with medical procedures only.
That’s not true.
While women with overly large breasts can suffer from back and neck pain, some women aren’t comfortable with the size of their breasts and the attention they attract.
A woman who has wanted smaller breasts since she was in her teens turned to the “Am I The A**Hole” (AITAH) subReddit for feedback.
Similar to AITA, the AITAH subReddit allows posters to ask for advice and post about ending romantic relationships—both things that are banned on AITA. However there are no required voting acronyms—only suggested ones—and no official final judgment declared.
Salt_Leg_7235 asked:
“AITAH for refusing to listen to my husband about my breasts?”
The original poster (OP) explained:
“I (42, female) want to have a breast reduction surgery. I will not be asking him (40, male) to spend any money on me. We both work and we put aside equal amount of money for private accounts for private savings and spendings, so please do not make it about money.”
“I have been talking about this surgery since I turned 40, but I have dreamed about it since I was 15. Whenever I spoke about it, he would sit silent and listen (supported me I thought).”
“Then he asked if I wanted him to go to my first consultation and I was very happy. Consultations are usually private here, but he wanted to tag along for the first part of the consultation.”
“When I talked to the doctor (who is an internationally respected doctor), my husband sat silent at first, then he asked when the psychological evaluation would happen. The doctor was puzzled and explained that I am an adult.”
“My husband got irritated and almost yelled ‘so you would not mind operating on people with body dysmorphia’. The doctor and nurse were shocked and I was livid.”
“When we got home I was destroyed. I am scared I have lost my opportunity with the best surgeon in the country and probably one of the best in the world.”
“My husband insisted I needed therapy and that he will not allow me to have the surgery because I look perfect. I asked him what he meant ‘not allowing me’.”
“I was very angry and crying. He said ‘well, I will do anything, tell your family you are mentally unstable and I will leave you’.”
“Thankfully I made a new appointment and the doctor was too kind. I have my new appointment on Wednesday.”
“My husband is livid and said he will never look at or touch me again. I was shocked by his reaction and anger. He wasn’t supportive at all.”
The OP later added:
“My reasons might be silly to you but I am tired of wearing loose clothes all the time. And here’s a small example of something that happens more than I care for.”
“We wear uniforms at work. Our clients are 99% men. Even if the shirt is modest, many of the men don’t even realize that they are taking alternate looks at the chest area and actually the face while they’re talking.”
“My office has a glass wall and near the reception desk. One time I heard one client talk to the guys at the reception about having an appointment and he wasn’t sure of my name so he, with a grin, said ‘you know she with…’. Then he made a big breasts gesture and both he and the receptionist laughed and both did the gesture again.”
“I know this is a problem not exclusive to me. I know it is a problem every woman has faced, but it doesn’t mean that because it happens to everyone that I can’t find it seriously hurtful.”
“I wear 75E-F European. I think it is 34E in the US. I am 167 cm (5’5″) and between 58-62kg (127-136 lbs). I wear a size small or medium if it’s not stretchy.”
“I don’t like how I look or to be described as she with and ‘gesture of big breasts’ with a mocking smile or laugh.”
“Haven’t had tight clothes since I was a teenager. I am not saying this is a problem for all women with bigger breasts, but it is a sensitive issue for me.”
Some Redditors weighed in by using the AITA voting acronyms:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors decided the OP was definitely not wrong to want to have control of her own body (NTA).
“You might lose an extra couple hundred pounds in emotional baggage along with the extra breast tissue, and I could consider that to be a good thing. Men truly don’t understand what it’s like to have large breasts.” ~ theCaityCat
“This. Your body, your choice. He’s allowed to be bothered by it—he does like you and your body the way you are. He’s allowed to leave if he can’t handle it. But you don’t have to tolerate him being a dick about it.”
“Wanting a reduction isn’t mental illness. I’d wager you’ve got a larger than average bust (even by American standards), and that can come with back pain, expensive and hard to find bras that wear out far too quickly, ill-fitting clothing, boob-sweat, social stigma, or fetishization, and who the hell knows what else.”
“I’m a dude and, much as I might want, not an expert on boobs. He’s way off base about that and threatening to lie to the people around you is completely uncool. Kick him out until he gets his sh*t together.” ~ iamanerdybastard
“If your whole marriage is contingent on the size of your breasts, he’s got to go. Personally, after he said that, I would have shown him the door. At 40 some years-old he can go and try to find the perfect body he wants. Good luck, Buddy! Unless he’s got real money, he’s gonna be very lonely, and deserves to be. He’s a real piece of work.” ~ ShadowDancer1975
“Exactly. Boobs change and sag, hell, I’m almost 40 and mine have gone lopsided and succumbing to gravity. And (God forbid) if OP gets cancer and needs a masectomy.” ~ Difficult_Regret_900
“I don’t know a woman who has had a breast reduction who has regretted it. They were all very well endowed, even post reduction. Back & shoulder pain was always a factor and improved as a result, so daily quality of life issue.”
“If the doctor had any concern that the reduction was a body dysmorphia situation, they would have gently asked more probing questions about your reasons.”
“NTA for not listening to your husband on this, but you need to seriously assess how he reacted. It isn’t a difference of opinion, it was a temper tantrum with a threat to withhold love and affection if you dare go against his wishes.”
“As someone said, what happens if you get breast cancer and need a mastectomy? You would need support and care, but he’d be silently (hopefully silent) sulking his funbags were going away.” ~ PerspectiveKookie16
“Please consult a really really good shark attorney and freeze your credit and accounts so that snake of a husband can’t drain you dry and he will try. Large breasts can be very painful for women and cause back issues over the years.”
“Many years ago I worked as a medical assistant for a general practice doctor. One patient had very large breasts after having a bunch of kids. She was miserage as she was quite petite and thin and those humungous boobs were painful and made clothes shopping very challenging.”
“Her wonderful husband worked tons of overtime in order to afford the surgery (she was a SAHM to their 7 kids) and she took on sewing side work. She had her surgery and was like a new woman. Hubby also took her out shopping for new clothes, bathing suits and was so happy for her. That’s a real man. Your husband is a D*CK.” ~ Catfish1960
The OP provided an update:
“So, yesterday I was here complaining about my husband, and my gut feelings were right after seeing the reactions here. My husband is crossing a boundary by trying to control how my body looks.”
“So this morning I told him this. He just sat silently and listened to me. Then he said that he wasn’t trying to control me or coerce me, but in the same breath, he said he loved my body, and if I am not taking his opinions into consideration, then he knows that I don’t care about his opinion.”
“He would not look at me the same way or touch me if I get a breast reduction. I said that I didn’t want to be married to someone who doesn’t want to touch me, and he said that then we won’t be married.”
“He added, ‘But remember that I love you and you are breaking up with a man who loves you, because of superficial changes I want to do to my body’. He would stay for the recovery then he moves out after Christmas.”
“I said I was going ahead with my surgery, and he just shook his head. He cried later in the garden.”
“I can’t believe him. He sounds final, like he has been thinking about divorce for a while. I have been waiting for this surgery for 2.5 years because of how busy this doctor is.”
“And my preliminary surgery day is in November. I have a consultation soon. I am going ahead with my plans, and he can go with his.”
“According to him, if I am free to choose what I do with my body, then he is free to leave when my body doesn’t suit him anymore.”
Good riddance to a man who only loves her because of her body.