Everyone looks forward to their lunch break, but for very different reasons.
Some people enjoy it as a way to chat and catch up with their colleagues, possibly learning about the newest office gossip, away from the water coolers.
While others enjoy it as a moment of solitude, and a chance to have some alone time, or catch up on work.
Whatever people's plans are during their lunch break, the one thing everyone has in common is they don't like their lunch plans to be disrupted.
Redditor Maleficent_Reason132 often found themself sharing the break room with a colleague during their lunch break.
Unfortunately for the original poster (OP), this colleague had a very different idea of how a lunch break should be spent.
Eventually leading the OP to use a few choice words.
Wondering if they were being unfair, the OP took to the subReddit "Am I The A**hole" (AITA), where they asked fellow Redditors:
"AITA for telling my coworker to stop asking me what I'm having for lunch?"
The OP explained why they found themselves at odds with a colleague in the office break room:
"One of my pet peeves is when people ask me or comment about what I'm having for lunch."
"Even comments such as 'oh that looks good', 'what are you having?', 'did you make that yourself?' bother me."
"Maybe it's because I don't like to feel judged on what i choose to eat, or maybe I just feel like my privacy is being invaded."
"Whatever the case, I just hate when people talk to me about my food choices."
"One of my coworkers loves to talk about recipes and what everyone is having for lunch."
"I usually eat in my car to avoid being annoyed, but recently the landscapers cut down the tree branches that gave my parking spot shade."
"So I've been forced to eat in the break room this past week."
"Every day this coworker has gone on for at least 10 minutes asking about what I'm eating."
"Yesterday my coworker saw the lunch I had brought, and again she started asking if I made it myself, if it is spicy?"
"If i cook that very often and on and on."
"So I said 'why are you so obsessed with what I'm having? I just want to eat in peace without explaining everything i made for lunch'."
"I tried to say it like in a joking but not joking tone."
"Well she got so offended and simply said 'well sorry, i don't need to know' and she left the break room."
"The rest of the afternoon she ignored me."
"And today she was really short with me."
"I don't want to apologize because I meant it, but AITA?"
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation, by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You're The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
The Reddit community had fairly little sympathy for the OP, and pretty much unanimously agreed they were the a**hole for the way they spoke to their colleague.
Everyone agreed that while the OP's frustrations with constantly being questioned about their food were valid, they were unnecessarily rude in the way they approached her:
"I think the issue is that you skipped a step."
"You went from saying nothing to a harsh comment, which was seemingly out of nowhere, when you should have just politely drawn a boundary that you won't discuss food."
"If you'd snapped after drawing a boundary which was then ignored, that'd be much more understandable, but you didn't do that."
"YTA for the communication style."- Sensitive_Fly_7036
"YTA."
"You went 0 to 100 without ever even bothering to do a baseline mention of saying you don't like talking about your lunch, and instead went straight to passive-aggressive 'joking' about it."
"Now your coworker is going out of her way to avoid talking to you about ANYTHING, and you still wonder if you're the a**hole?"
"Jeez Louise."
"You just sound like a misanthrope."
"Do everyone else in your office a favor and find somewhere else outside to eat."-Playing_Life_on_Hard
"'Oh that looks good' doesn't imply judgment about what you're eating."
"People are just making polite conversation, and making conversation about the things happening in front of you is very common and normal."
"Understand that your pet peeve about chit-chat about lunch is, while valid, out of the norm and therefore no one will know they are upsetting you, and they aren't being rude for asking about your lunch."
"A few strategies you could try:"
"Keep the answers short, and work on tolerating it."
"Turn the conversation back to them."
"'Yes, I made it myself. What are you having? That looks delicious! Did you make it? What's your favorite lunch?'"
"Change the subject entirely."
"'Yes it's yummy, thanks. What are you up to this weekend?'"
"Let the person know you are really uncomfortable talking about what you're eating."
"The way you did this, 'why are you so obsessed... I want to eat in peace...' is accusatory and is absolutely going to put them on the defensive."
"You let your own silent resentment build up so when you finally said something, you snapped and were rude."
"It feels justified to you because you were so fed up, but remember there's no way for them to know that you hate this topic, and they were not being rude to you, they were making conversation."
"Instead, try, 'thanks, yeah, I did make it. Hey, I have a favor to ask - I really hate discussing the food that I'm eating. I appreciate your company and you making conversation, this is just my own thing - it's not a topic I want to talk about. Can we talk about X instead? What did you do last weekend?'"
"Or 'I appreciate your interest, and it's nothing to do with you, but I really prefer to eat in silence and recharge for the rest of the work day, and I'd prefer to save conversations for another time when I'm done eating'."
"Or whatever feels accurate to your feelings, but also kind and not attacking."
"Eat solo. You've already tried this, but it's your best option if you just don't want to talk to people at all, and it isn't really about the "your lunch" specific topic."
"I don't want to apologize because i meant it, but AITA?"
"You meant that you don't want to discuss your food."
"But you can still apologize for holding in your resentment and then blowing up in a way that was rude."
"You can apologize for the impact you had, which was to hurt your co-worker's feelings."
"It's a relationship you can't totally avoid so it's worth repairing, and it might not take much effort to do so."
"'Hey I want to apologize for the other day. I'm really uncomfortable talking about my food while I'm eating it, so I would appreciate it if we don't have those conversations going forward. But I am sorry for blowing up in that way, when I should have just calmly let you know how I felt much sooner. You didn't deserve that anger, and I apologize. I appreciate you as a co-worker and hope we can put this behind us. Thanks for listening'."
"YTA, but you can get back on track."
"You got this, OP!"- SummitJunkie7
"'Hey guys I snapped at someone for asking completely innocuous questions. AITA?'"
"Yes."
"YTA."- jadestem
"YTA."
"Your insecurity about what you eat is unfortunate, but it isn't a reason to be so rude."
"Your colleague was just making totally normal small talk."
"I would just apologize."- Various-Ocelot-2209
"YTA, you don't get to tailor every interaction to the exact way you want it."
"Life involves other people, other people aren't you."
"Sit in your unshaded car if you're that bothered about it rather than upsetting nice people."
"You sound controlling, you can't control everything."
"Apologize to her, eat at your desk, and grow up."- befitzpa
"YTA."
"Grow the f*ck up."- CoolSatisfaction2781
"You being unwilling to engage in a common social interaction is a you problem."
"YTA."- Shortestbreath
"YTA."
"Eating is probably the only good thing every human has in common."
"It sounds like you hate your job."
"Don't make it worse by being rude."- Loydx
"YTA."
"I'm a bit baffled that you even ask."- Stroton
"YTA, and come across as a miserable person in general."
"You are at work where there is an expectation to have to interact to some degree with others, especially your co-workers."
"Plus, by your own description of what bothers you, most of the comments from your co-workers are positive as they comment on how good it looks, so why would a comment like that bother anyone?"
"Go eat in an alley somewhere."- Jboca77
We all have little things that get on our nerves.
Little things that are innocuous in the grand scheme of things.
Had the OP simply told his colleague that being asked what he was eating was one of those things, chances are she would have been understanding.
Instead, the OP will be heading into a tense, potentially hostile work environment for the forseeable future...
