When entering a new relationship, one thing no one looks for in a significant other is approval.
For no one should have to measure up to someone’s expectations to be their romantic partner, all that should matter is love and chemistry.
Which doesn’t mean one doesn’t still struggle with approval in every new relationship.
Something everyone has to earn from their partner’s parents and, perhaps even more frighteningly, their friends.
Redditor Umyasssqueen29 was having trouble earning the approval of her boyfriend’s friends, likely owing to the fact that she was not a doctor, like the rest of them.
Indeed, the friends of the original poster (OP)’s boyfriend were so dismissive of her, that they even asked her to leave a party.
A request she absolutely refused to oblige, as she threw and paid for this particular party herself.
Seeing how much her conduct upset her boyfriend, however, the OP took to the subReddit “Am I The A**hole” (AITA), where she asked fellow Redditors:
“AITA for refusing to leave my boyfriend’s birthday party that I arranged for because his doctor friends wanted to discuss ‘Medical stuff’?”
The OP explained how her fraught dynamic with her boyfriend’s friends came to a head at the birthday party she threw for him.
“So for context my (29 F[emale]) boyfriend (34 M[ale]) is a doctor.”
“Most of his friends are from work and they all seem to dislike me and act distant maybe cause I’m not a doctor too?”
“Idk and don’t care honestly.”
“Since we started dating they’ve been asking to hang out without me and they leave any event I’m at.”
“My boyfriend said they’re just taking their time to get used to me.”
“Anyways, His B-day was days ago.”
“I’d arranged for the party and paid for everything.”
“It wasn’t a surprise since the party was held at the restaurant, and he needed heads up so he could invite his doctor friends.”
“We got there then his friends started arriving, They came to greet him and started shaking his hand and hugging him while completely ignoring me though I was there next to him!”
“The tension started when one of them started making remarks about the way I dressed, I sucked it up but another friend started interrogating me about my degree then implying I was an ignorant for my food choice, wtf?”
“An hour later another one asked if I could leave because they wanted to discuss work stuff and it’s confidential.”
“I was so shocked I laughed asking why he thought it was appropriate to discuss work during a party and he replied that I had an ‘attitude’.”
“An argument ensued and they ‘demanded’ that I leave but I said absolutely not.”
“My boyfriend finally spoke up after it escalated and asked that I keep the peace and go home but I refused and reminded him and let his friends know that I’d arranged for this party and paid for it and so they should leave since they’re just ‘guests’.”
“He pulled me aside and begged I go home after they said if I don’t leave then they will but I still refused.”
“They left, all of them and the party was cut short. my boyfriend was upset and started complaining at home that I ruined his B-day the minute I started arguing with his friends.”
“I told him they were being disrespectful to me but he said I was wrong too cause they said they wanted to discuss medical stuff and I should’ve respected that and not made it ‘personal’.”
“He’s not speaking to me now, I was so hurt I couldn’t argue anymore, I felt like I ruined his birthday by making a scene like he said and acting pass-aggressive.”
“The reasaon I refused to leave was because I figured they used the ‘medical stuff discussion’ as an excuse to get me to leave early.”
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
The Reddit community unanimously agreed that the OP was in no way the a**hole for refusing to leave her boyfriend’s birthday party.
Everyone agreed that the friends of the OP’s boyfriend were beyond rude and condescending, with many urging the OP to consider whether or not it’s healthy to remain in this relationship.
“You know your bf doesn’t respect you, right?”
“He clearly cares more about his doctor friends.”
“If you remain together, he will keep hiding you in his backroom.”
“He should be the one to apologize for not standing up to you.”
“Dump his sore butt, he can have his doctor friends, you can do better.”
“If you take him back for some reason, make sure he pays for your bday party and then ask him out to have a girls only night.”- tatasz
“What the hell.”
“Who in their right mind walks into the party as a guest and asks the birthday boys girlfriend to leave because you want to talk about a certain topic, the actual audacity of it all why would anyone go somewhere that is public with other people there and expect everyone to just f*cking leave at your convenience.”
“Then your BF asks you to leave too wtf, just change the topic.”
“He needs to grow a backbone stand up to them and also treat you with respect.”- GreenHedgehog2
“Are you dating Satan?”
“What type of boyfriend asks you to leave the birthday dinner you paid for!”
“Feel the joy that you ruined his stupid birthday and dump him ASAP!”- woodsj06
“When someone shows you who they are, believe them.”
“He chose his ‘friends’ although you arranged everything.”
“Asking you to leave was incredibly rude, and that is without you hosting.”
“You deserve someone who treats you better.”- tarnishau14
“Use that red flag as a cape and fly away.”
“The problem isn’t your bf’s friends.”
“It’s your bf.”
“He doesn’t respect you and he’s unwilling to stand up for you.”
“If someone had talked to my wife that way, he’d be tossed out of the house, but your guy couldn’t even bother to argue in your favor.”
“Maybe find someone else who actually likes and respects you.”- Hi_Im_Dadbot
“Your boyfriend’s colleagues are TA for discussing confidential medical information in a public setting.”- CallieB3rry
“What is your bf thinking?”
“By the title I thought that you meant they were discussing ‘doctor stuff’ as being too graphic, and I was still siding with you because it’s true that people involved in the medical field can get a quite graphic at times due to being desensitized to talk about guts, feces, and blood.”
“But it wasn’t even that, it was way worse.”
“I would consider this a turning point in your relationship.”
“You tried to talk to him and he doubled down and tried to make it your fault.”
“This is something that will keep on happening, not just the part criticizing you but also telling you to leave from get togethers and excluding you.”
“Stop and think if this is the future you want for yourself.”
“I hope you give him a last bday gift by adding an ex in front of bf.”- Slow-Bumblebee-8609
“Your boyfriend (+ friends) doesn’t respect you because it seems you aren’t as educated as he is.”
“I would walk away from this so they can discuss confidential things in public settings in peace (+ get in trouble for doing so) whilst you can go and live a happier life with someone who sees you as their equal regardless of your education.”
“Run OP run.”
“Don’t stay in this toxic bullsh*t.”- Sk8tingpanda568
“Yeet that man into the sun.”
“He’s actively allowing his friends to disrespect you without standing up for you and taking their side.”
“They aren’t ‘getting used to you’ they’re actively trying NOT to get to know you.”
“You didn’t ruin his birthday, they ruined it by being disrespectful pricks.”- Zealousideal_Elk_918
“NTA but your boyfriend is the issue, not his friends.”
“He doesn’t have your back.”- happybanana134
“Instead of thanking you for the party and sticking up for you, he decided to join his friends in trying to kick you out.”
“Things will only get worse from here.”- amylynn83
“He picked his friends over you, it will continue to happen.”
“I’d cut ties now unless you want to be treated like this all the time.”
“He isn’t going to dump his friends.”- amaryca
It’s not an obligation to become best friends with your partner’s friends, and vice-versa.
That being said, it’s simply common courtesy to be civil and polite when in each other’s company.
And asking the host of a party to leave is far below even the smallest standards of civility.
The fact that the OP’s boyfriend seemed to take the side of his friends, and not the OP, makes one wonder if the majority of the Reddit community was correct, and the OP would indeed be better off getting out of this relationship.