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Bar Manager At A Loss After Threatening To Fire Pregnant Fiancée Who’s ‘Dropped The Ball At Work’

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Work/life balance is a difficult issue for most American workers. But when a pregnancy is thrown into the mix, it’s downright impossible for all but the lucky few workers.

A guy on Reddit came up against this issue when his eight-months-pregnant fiancée, who also works underneath them at their job, began falling short of expectations.

He wasn’t sure about how he’d chosen to handle things, so he went to the AITA (Am I The A**hole) subReddit for input.

The Original Poster (OP), who goes by the username Ok_Struggle_3081 on the site, asked:

“AITA for threatening to fire my fiancée”

He explained:

“I (35M[ale]) and my fiancé (25F[emale]) work at the same bar together.”

“That’s actually how we met was when she started working there 4 years ago. I asked her on a date not long after and we’ve been together ever since.”

“Currently, my fiancée is 33 weeks pregnant. While I understand working and being on her feet is very hard for her, she just has really dropped the ball at work.”

“Ever since she found out that she’s pregnant she’s been sleeping in, showing up late, missing shifts, trying to leave early, giving away shifts last minute, and just having a bad attitude towards work in general.”

“Yes it’s difficult for her to work now and she gets tired easily, but I really don’t think it excuses her behavior.”

“She’s been named in multiple negative reviews and it’s been brought up by the owners more than once.”

“Over the weekend, she was working during brunch and she decided to leave early without being approved to do so.”

“I had to come in to cover her because no one else was available.”

“By time I got there, multiple tables had walked out from waiting for so long since we were understaffed to begin with.”

“I didn’t get home until late since I was scheduled to close anyways and I was furious.”

“I slept on the couch and when she tried to get me to come to bed I sat her down and told her how she couldn’t pull something like that again, or she would be fired.”

“She obviously didn’t like this and threw a fit, calling me names and crying about how she needs this job. She ended up going to her friends house for the night.”

“I know she’s going through a lot, but I’m just tired of picking up the slack for her at work. So, AITA?”

OP then came back to the post to add a bit more context.

“Edit: I was not her boss when we were first dating. We were both bartenders and I didn’t get promoted until 2 years ago.”

“Her hours have been cut back significantly to the bare minimum and I do most of the housework at home to try to help out.”

“I even told her that we would be fine if she just quit or took leave early but she doesn’t want to do that”

People on Reddit were then asked to judge who is in the wrong in this situation based on the following categories:

  • NTA – Not The A**hole
  • YTA – You’re The A**hole
  • ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
  • NAH – No A**holes Here

And while opinions varied, people were nearly unanimous that this situation is fundamentally inappropriate on multiple levels.

“You probably shouldn’t be your fiancé supervisor. You two probably shouldn’t be working together. It’s not really possible to separate your personal life and work life.”

“What do you think happens if you actually go through with firing her? I don’t agree with her behavior but that dynamic is just not workable.”

“Edit: your boss, the owner, is ok with you supervising your fiancé?”

“That’s a whole lot of liability. I suggest you formally transfer oversight of her to the owner and no longer be involved.” —Lildiar

“it’s unfortunate that she would bear the brunt of their relationship but one of them seriously needed to leave – especially after one of them was promoted.”

“you’re living with someone you supervise to handle money.. this is so inappropriate” –Morri___

“Everything in this thread is so spot on. But to the work-life blur: he told her AT HOME that he would have to fire her.”

“Not only did he bring the fight home (sleeping on the couch and being grouchy) but he had a ‘sit down’ with his fiancée AT HOME that he should have (except not, bc it is so unethical that he is her supervisor) had with his employee (again, so innappropriate) AT WORK.” –Express-Stop7830

“Besides the obvious, she’s also carrying OP’s child. Since when is pregnancy supposed to be a walk in the park?”

“Men can’t even stand a cold without being wusses about it.”

“Imagine growing a watermelon in your tummy, that sucks half the life out of you, until you ultimately have to squeeze it out between your legs.” –Jakeofheart

“I cannot believe what I’m reading..”

“he wants to fire his pregnant wife who ‘dropped the ball’ who is about to drop a ball out of her body and he’s mad because of her work quality?” –Anonynominous

“Sadly I have had numerous servers work until they’re literally about to go into labor.”

“I had one go into false labor during one of my shifts, called the ambulance had her lay down and asked another server (who has children) to watch her and I took care of the restaurant.”

“The amount of complaints was staggering, she isn’t here to get our refills, our server sucks, sh*t like that. This is America.” –Rationaljackass

“You really downplayed that she’s 33 week pregnant. A job like that where she’s on her feet is probably pushing her to her limits and she’s barely coping.”

“You really need to be more compassionate toward her. She should be at home, kicking her feet up, not worrying about losing her job.” –JHawk444

“I worked two jobs, 12-15hours a day until I was 36 weeks pregnant. It was truly horrible, I was in constant severe pain basically everywhere.”

“But I did it because I had an intense fear that if I didnt work, I wouldn’t be able to provide for my baby. This might be how she’s feeling” –Odd_Sky7809

“He has already offered her so many solutions and of course doing most of the chores around the house while also picking up the shifts she dropped.”

“He’s already giving her the bare minimum hours and offered for her to take leave.”

“She’s the one not showing up for work without notifying anybody, leaving early without notifying anyone, and coming in to work late leaving all of her co workers to be scrambling.”

“From what I can see in his post he was showing great compassion to her.” –jay-jay-baloney

“YTA. Don’t sleep with your subordinates, especially ones 10 years younger than you then bi*ch about her being immature and irresponsible.” –Worth_Raspberry_11

“Dude went after one of his employees who is ten years his junior, impregnated her, and is now bi*ching about how in her third trimester she’s struggling to keep up with the work. Jesus Christ, that poor woman.” –avoarvo

“ESH. Yeah she can’t just leave work without telling anyone, etc, despite being pregnant.”

“But why the fu*k are you her supervisor?”

“Going wish ESH because that situation should never have been allowed and as a manager you should know better than to date and impregnate people you supervise.” –poeadam

“IDK, it’s not like it’s a conflict of interest in practice, since OP is a heartless AH.”

“His pregnant fiancée is crying about how she needs the job, while she’s having great difficulty doing it because she’s pregnant with his kid.”

“He needs to be stepping up to cover things financially so she isn’t disadvantaged by being the one who’s pregnant.”

“Instead he’s shrugging his shoulders at how bad the mat leave provisions are (which they are), as if he has no responsibility.” –calling_water

“Did anyone ever point out the fact that she clearly is having bad morning sickness? Like i honestly think its messed up that yer own partner is treating her this poorly.”

“I can’t even cast judgment here because I feel so strongly about this.”

“I had terrible morning sickness and suffered through the firt 6 months of pregnancy, luckily I had a good manager and he was understanding of my situation. ….”

“Edit: morning sickness can literally be all day sickness for some woman.” –Desperate_Chip_343

“This here. Both my pregnancies I was sick all the way through, the nausea was terrible.”

“It got to the point where if I felt like I was going to throw up I would force myself to just to feel better for the rest of the day” –amcheesegoblin

“I believe there could be a couple of lawsuits against the company on this one. You might be the one losing your job.” –Mountain_Monitor_262

“Right? This is screaming lawsuit to me no matter how it pans out. Op should probs hop on legaladvice and make sure he can’t lose his job over this craziness” –Lobster-mom

“YTA. You became the a**hole the minute you came into a position of power and still continued the relationship (which 10 year age gap 🚩🚩🚩)”

“Also at 33 weeks pregnant- she’s about to pop literally any week now, why wasn’t maternity offered to her???”

“She shouldn’t be working this late in the game to begin with” –ColdSeason2019

Hopefully OP can learn a lot of lessons from this experience.

Written by Peter Karleby

Peter Karleby is a writer, content producer and performer originally from Michigan. His writing has also appeared on YourTango, Delish and Medium, and he has produced content for NBC, The New York Times and The CW, among others. When not working, he can be found tripping over his own feet on a hiking trail while singing Madonna songs to ward off lurking bears.