As much as we might try to be the better person and not admit that events impact us, none of us can deny that breaking up with someone is hard.
What might be harder, though, is having to interact with them after the fact and act like everything is okay, reasoned the users of the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITAH) subReddit.
Redditor Big-Winner-3213 was excited to be a part of her sister’s wedding, but as the details continued to role out, she found out that not only was her long-term ex-boyfriend going to be in the wedding, but they were going to have to interact quite frequently throughout the event.
Discovering this, the Original Poster (OP) was no longer certain that she could participate, despite her sister’s insistence that she wanted her to be involved.
She asked the sub:
“AITAH for not attending my sister’s wedding because she made my ex the best man?”
The OP was excited for her sister’s wedding but not looking forward to seeing her ex there.
“I (29 Female) was with my ex (31 Male) for almost seven years. We broke up two years ago; it was not messy, but not friendly either. It was one of those ‘we want different lives’ situations, and while I’ve mostly moved on, I don’t love being around him.”
“Here’s the issue: my younger sister (27 Female) is marrying his best friend. Yes, my ex and the groom have been besties since high school. So obviously, he’s the best man.”
“My sister told me early on that he’d be involved, and I told her I was uncomfortable but would still come and just emotionally prep for it.”
But then the OP found out they’d have to interact much more than she was comfortable with.
“But last month, she asked if I’d give a speech at the rehearsal dinner. I agreed, assuming it would be light and fun.”
“Then she sent me a schedule, and guess what? The best man and I are paired up in the wedding party. For everything. Entrance, walk down the aisle, speeches, seating arrangements.”
“She even joked that it would be ‘just like old times.'”
“I told her honestly that this wasn’t okay. I didn’t sign up to feel like a prop in someone else’s nostalgia trip.”
“She said I was being selfish and ‘making it about me.'”
The OP decided she couldn’t go through with it.
“So I backed out. Told her I love her and I’ll support her in other ways, but I won’t be at the wedding.”
“Now she’s furious. Our mom says I’m being immature. A few friends think I should’ve just sucked it up for one day.”
“But I feel like I had boundaries, voiced them, and was ignored.”
“So… Am I wrong for skipping my sister’s wedding because she chose my ex as best man?”
“AITAH?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Some pointed out that the bride didn’t pick the Best Man; the groom did.
“Your sister didn’t choose your ex as best man. That’s not how best man works.”
“Her fiancé chose his best friend to be his best man, and it’s kind of silly that you didn’t expect that to happen.” – Noodlefanboi
“She didn’t make him best man. Her future husband did. But if you are uncomfortable, then don’t go.” – I_am_Reddit_Tom
“Erm, correct me if I’m wrong here (joking, I know I’m not wrong) but the Groom picks the best man, not the bride, so your sister did not choose your ex as best man and likely had no choice in the matter.”
“Also, are you by any chance the Maid of Honor in the wedding party? Because if so, then it is standard for the maid of honour and the best man to be paired up for speeches, photos, and for walking down the aisle.” – Internet-D**k-Jokes
“OP would have known as soon as she was asked to be the Maid of Honor that this would be expected, and is kicking off now.”
“Also, you’re ignoring all of the other issues that would be caused; let’s say the Best Man and Maid of Honor walk separately, who walks first? If the Best Man walks first, you can guarantee that OP would kick off, but OP forcing her sister to make her husband’s best friend, who is the Best Man, walk later in the ceremony would be a huge AH move on OP’s part and would cause drama in her sister’s relationship.”
“OP was YTA the SECOND that she accepted the Maid of Honor position, knowing who the Best Man would 100% be and that she is incapable of being a mature adult for one day.” – persephonepeete
“Not sure what all these people are on about. He’s the groom’s best friend. You’re the bride’s sister. Who did you THINK you were going to be paired with?”
“The groom shouldn’t be expected to drop his best friend just because you used to date him. Don’t go if you don’t want. But you don’t get to control your future BIL’s friendships or wedding party.” – FormSuccessful1122
Assuming the OP was the Maid of Honor, others agreed and called her an AH.
“If you are the Maid of Honor, then you are definitely the AH here. These are the duties of a Maid of Honor. You are making this about you, and you really need to grow up!”
“Doing your MOH role doesn’t mean you have to get back with your ex, so do the job and ignore him the rest of the day! Grow up again! YTA.” – MoreSobet1999
“I would just suck it up but you do you. If you don’t do it, you’ll have to deal with the fallout. One day of bulls**t vs months (or years?) of bulls**t. Not your fault, but that’s just how it is.” – faraday_of_netham
“If you are maid-of-honor, then YTA. Everything you are describing suggests you are the maid of honor, and being paired off with the best man is pretty standard for the maid of honor.”
“If you are not the maid of honor, then ESH. You shouldn’t be paired off with the best man, but also you should be adult enough to attend the wedding.” – Long_Assistant8873
“Are you the Maid of Honor? That’s the only reason I see her pairing you up with him through the whole wedding, because traditionally that is how it would work anyway.”
“If you’re not the MOH, then she’s doing this on purpose, in which I would say you’re NTA. but if you’re mad because she’s doing her wedding how it should be traditionally done and can’t be there for your little sister’s wedding and suck up being with your ex through the ceremony and some pictures’ then I’d say YTA.” – honeyedhufflepuffle
“OP YTA. It’s been two years since the breakup. It was a mutual breakup. Her ex seems to be mature enough to stand up at his best friend’s wedding despite seeing OP there.”
“Maybe it’s because I only have one ex that I’m not on good terms with, but I can’t see why you can’t all just be adults for a couple of hours. I certainly wouldn’t let that one ex push me out of my sister’s wedding. I’d push him under a train first.”
“Channel your inner Princess Diana, rock your dress, hair, and makeup. Don’t drink too much. Be polite to your ex and then ignore him, focus on your sister. It’s her wedding, and she chose you and needs you to support her.”
“Make her take you out and pay for a girls’ night when she gets back from the honeymoon.” – EfficientAd3625
“Go to the wedding if you want to, but don’t be in the bridal party. Problem solved. Her alliance is to her husband-to-be, not you. Hard to swallow, but that’s life.”
“If you choose not to go, fair enough. She will have to suck that up, like she expected you to. Do what you feel is right for you. She certainly is, so you do you.”
“Personally, I would probably go to the wedding but not be close to him. More people should elope, weddings are a giant pain in the a**.” – Bubbly_Claim5247
But a few empathized with the OP.
“This could all have been solved if she cared about your feelings a little. Didn’t pair you up with him and seated you away from him. She brought this on herself.” – 18k_gold
“NTA. Your sister knows your history with this guy. Your mom should know better, too.” – armyofant
“Nope, definitely in my opinion not the AH. You’re not a clown to entertain the crowd. You have feelings like everyone else. I hate when people don’t respect other people’s wishes and want to decide for you. F**k them all.” – babytsunami
“NTA, she knew what she was doing based on the ‘like old times’ quip. Play s**tty games, win s**tty prizes. It’s messed up to do that to you after you’d already expressed discomfort, you don’t have to put up with it.”
“Sister is clearly the AH.” – Cool-Falcon5093
“So, your mother needs a recap of how wedding etiquette works.”
“The Bride and Groom can run the wedding however they want. Decorations, guest list, dance list and music, the lot.”
“Individuals may decline the invitation if they are unhappy with those conditions. It’s a wedding, not community service.”
“If your sister wants you there, she’ll have to make changes. If she doesn’t want to make changes, she can assign your role to someone else.”
“If the rule really was that everybody has to follow the wedding plan and nobody can nope out, I’d have had half the wedding party in Pokémon onesies. And I’d have forced Andrew Lincoln and Emma Stone to come; I’ve never met either of them, but I’d have used the magical powers of wedding to have them there, as Charmander and Jigglypuff.” – chrestomancy
While it’s undeniably uncomfortable in most situations to have to work together with an ex, especially for a whole day of wedding duties, the subReddit was divided on whether or not the OP should suck it up or call off for the day.
After all, this was her sister and someone who wanted her there in a special position for her special day. More than likely, she could go through the motions with her ex to fulfill the role without ever really talking to the guy, and at least then, she could be a part of her sister’s day.