No relationship is perfect, and if we’re being totally honest, there might even be some aspect of the relationship that we liked better in a previous relationship, like going on a wider variety of dates or how chores in the home were divided up.
Most things that we wish were better in a relationship should be open to discussion to make the relationship better and stronger, and to keep everyone happy, reasoned the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITAH) subReddit. Where the line needs to be drawn is the discussion of past partners.
Redditor MobileDentist8427 was having a moment with her husband when she decided to ask him about his past partners and thought she might get a nice compliment out of it.
But when he was totally honest about who the best he ever had actually was, the Original Poster (OP) was so angry, she lashed out with her own list of favorite partners.
She asked the sub:
“AITAH for telling my husband he is not my best sex ever after he did the same?”
The OP and her husband were open about their past relationships.
“My husband and I (39 and 36) have been together for six years and married for four.”
“Before we met each other, we had a couple of relationships and have been pretty open about our past to each other.”
But then one night, they became a little too honest with each other.
“When we were getting busy last night, we were discussing some of our past experiences for fun.”
“I asked him what his best sex ever was.”
“Well, when he was younger, by a sheer stroke of luck, he hooked up with a big celebrity. It was a threesome with another guy involved.”
“I asked if it was better than me and he said, ‘Wildly! Nothing can ever come close.'”
“I asked what it was that made it that good, and he said just that she was too beautiful, famous, and way out of his league.”
The OP decided to try to humble her husband.
“Well, he decided to answer with the truth, so I did, too.”
“So I told him my best sex was with some guy in college.”
“He tried to dismiss it as me trying to make him jealous and said it was not fair for me to claim that because his story was with a celebrity and mine was with just another guy.”
“I stood firm on my answer and said, ‘I have been with way more ‘out of my league’ guys, and they all definitely were more memorable.'”
“When I asked him what his best sex ever was, I was expecting me as the answer. I don’t think these questions during intimate times are supposed to be answered with truth. I also gave him a chance to rectify his answer by asking again if she was better than me, and he still messed it up.”
“AITAH for being honest?”
Some rated the OP as NTA and understood her reaction.Â
“NTA for how you answered based on his answer, but you can’t deny you said that, even if it is true, because of his response.”
“His response however was unnecessarily cruel. Does your husband even like you? I would never tell someone I was having sex with that they weren’t the best, especially not my wife.”
“Doesn’t sound like he respects you at a bare minimum.” – iknowsomethings2
“NTA. He set the tone by hyping up his best experience, so you just matched energy. It’s wild he could dish it out but couldn’t handle it. Double standards much?” – xflowie
“NTA. Any dude with a speck of intelligence would know to say the person they are in bed with. He’s not very bright. Honesty isn’t always the best policy. He should have known that his response would hurt you. But you never should have asked that question.” – Wait-What1327
“I can see why you were hurt by his comment, but maybe the timing and way you shared your experience could’ve been handled differently. It seems like you both got caught up in the moment, but honesty is important too. NTA.” – MayaaGreen
“I think if you purposefully said who yours was to get back at him, then yes, you’re the AH, but if you just said it since it was the topic at the moment, then NTA. It just depends on how you meant it and your feelings behind it if that makes sense.” – No-Strange-2657
Others felt that the OP was the AH because of fishing for compliments and validation.
“Frankly, you never should have asked that question in the first place. It is just asking for problems. There is no right answer except, ‘Oh honey, of course you are the best.'” – Charming_Tea_2090
“I say you are the a**hole. You asked for it, you asked him what was the best sex he ever had, and after he gave you the answer, you started to ask more and deeper questions, so you did that to yourself.”
“He didn’t ask you; you just threw it in his face (at least that’s what your post suggests).”
“If you didn’t want to hear that you are his ‘best,’ then don’t ask and maybe ask yourself why you keep pushing him to share more after it probably hurt you already. You did this to yourself.” – DontLeaveMeAlone123
“NTA.”
“But it does kind of feel like you were trying to hurt him. If my wife said she had had better sex before, that’s one thing. If she said she had many guys who were out of her league and were way more memorable than me, that would just hurt.”
“At that point, I’m going to feel like I’m not even worth thinking about if I’m not there.” – MaikuKokoro
“I learned long ago to not ask questions I don’t really want answers to.” – Solid-Philosopher-
“His answer was a once-in-a-lifetime experience that he believes he had no business being in, where the ‘best’ was pretty much pointing out about who it was with and not the actual sex.”
“She just named some random dude to damage him.”
“OP is so far beyond an AH, and has probably irreparably damaged her relationship.” – HeadHunt0rUK
“Well, you ruined that marriage. That’s one of them things that you need to lie about to keep his ego inflated.” – bluesnowflake01
“YTA, for starting this, getting your answer, not liking it, and then hurting him on purpose.”
“In your mind, you’ll probably write off his experience as a wild, one-off thing. In his mind, he will be forever second best to a very easily attainable random dude.”
“Don’t be surprised if you end up with divorce papers in your lap. And before you even suggest it, the answer is no. There is no apologizing your way out of this one. Even if he stays, he’ll never feel the same way about you.” – akillerofjoy
Most felt the proper rating was “ESH” based on everyone’s actions.
“ESH. He was a bit of a jerk about it, but why would you ask a question you don’t want the real answer to? Or did you ask for the sole purpose of expecting him to say it was you?” – Fried-Wontonnn
“What a dumba** thing to ask during sex, what a dumba** answer to give during sex, what a dumba** response to try to hurt him similarly during sex. What a dumba** thing to do EVER.”
“ESH massively. I had to check the ages because it didn’t make sense that grown-a** adults got themselves into this situation.” – SoCalThrowaway7
“Let’s be real, ESH. Anyone with a brain knew that discussion was going to end up with hurt feelings.” – DandalousRoseshade
“ESH, wow, you two have such insecurity and validation issues. You’re a perfect match!” – neverfearc**id
“ESH. He hurt your feelings by being honest, and you hurt his on purpose.” – 1983TheBaldWonder
“There’s a common saying, don’t ask questions you don’t want the answers to. And in the middle of sex is even worse?”
“Sounds to me like you were fishing for an honest answer and the response wasn’t something you wanted to hear. Responding to it, by saying, ‘Oh, nearly everyone I’ve f**ked is better than you,’ sounds like a dig. Like the two of you are being so petty that you need to one-up each other.”
“I think you’re both the a**holes.” – contemporary_romance
“Both are dumb. That’s a question that should have never been asked and never be answered.”
“You’re married. What the f**k does it matter if someone was a better lay? Both should have brain-dumped past experiences and stayed focused on their present and future.” – Kookypatoo
“You’re both a**holes. These are not fun questions to ask before sexy time unless you’re in an open poly relationship, this is FAFO (f**k around and find out) territory, and there’s nothing arousing about it.”
“He decided to be honest and that naturally hurt you so you then decided to hurt him back. And there’s nothing you can say to change my mind as it’s obvious this was your intent.”
“If you want a healthy marriage you can never intentionally hurt your partner like this.”
“You did this out of spite so now you can be a godd**n adult and talk to your husband about it. Apologize for being a petty d**khead, and for asking that stupid question in the first place.”
“Then tell him how it made you feel when he said that, and finally agree on having an indefinite moratorium on all previous sexual experiences from now on. YTA.” – Over-Remove
This is one of those situations where either honesty might not be the best policy or at the very least, careful tact was needed and not once utilized.
Even if both people had experienced better sex with other people, if they really valued their relationship, they would be better off exploring how to improve their time together rather than sticking themselves in the past.