We can be in a relationship with people for quite some time and still be surprised and shocked by their behavior.
We don’r always have to agree.
But there are some awkward topics we should be able to discuss.
Like the treatment of one’s co-workers.
Case in point…
A deleted Redditor wanted to discuss her story for some feedback. So naturally she came to visit the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit.
She asked:
“AITA for calling my boyfriend sexist?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“My b[oy]f[riend] came home from work very frustrated and began to rant about the horrible meeting he had due to an annoying female account executive.”
“I asked why was she annoying and he said she talked out of turn.”
“I asked why it was out of turn and he said there were C level executives present so she shouldn’t talk unless they gave her permission to.”
“I asked, well is she the account executive for their account (this is a meeting between a tech company that handles their software and bf’s oil and gas company) and he said yes.”
“I asked, well what did she say, he said she introduced everyone and then began to talk about the purpose for the meeting and then began to lay out the agenda.”
“I was confused because I’m an account manager and this is pretty standard and asked him then who else was suppose to do that.”
“He said well she was suppose to do that but she wasn’t suppose to say anything until the C level gave her the go ahead.”
“Maybe this is different in oil and gas but I never waste time to start meetings by getting permission from my boss to start if everyone is present.”
“I asked if he talked before he was asked to and he said yes to ask questions but it was ok because he was an analyst.”
“I’m like yes but the account executive is suppose to do intros etc so why was she annoying?”
“He argued she was taking charge in a room full of executives and she should let them take the lead.”
“I was getting suspicious because I know C level people and I asked was there a single women in C level and he said no.”
“I told him he was only annoyed because the account executive was a woman and if she was a man he wouldn’t think she did anything wrong.”
“He argued no it’s because she spoke out of turn.”
“And I told him account executives and account manager are suppose to do that and he was just annoyed a woman was talking over a bunch of men.”
“He argued that was ridiculous and he just didn’t like how she took charge when everyone else was higher than her.”
“He got annoyed with me and avoided me for the rest of the night.”
“AITA?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA?:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors declared our OP was NOT the A**hole.
It’s a tricky situation.
Let’s hear some thoughts…
“NTA. His language.”
“’Annoying’ and ‘spoke out of turn’ are phrases that seem to be used disproportionately against women in the workplace.”
“Unless he’s in the military – I’ve never come across a corporate workplace that requires permission from superiors to speak.”
“I’m a much lower level than an accounts manager and if I’m hosting/running a meeting – I just do it.”
“My bosses don’t want to micro-manage – they just want me to do my job.” ~ Sword_Of_Storms
“NTA, agreed.”
“I’m male, and host meetings daily.”
“Often they include people above me, but as the host it’s my meeting, my agenda, I’m the lead.”
“Don’t care what sex they are or what job title they have.”
“I have an agenda I need to run through and nobody thinks anything other than it’s normal.”
“He definitely feels he has a reason to grumble, and it does indeed sound like it’s because she’s female.”
“He’s an a**.” ~ A_Very_Shouty_Man
“I’m British and female and have spent my working life in office environments.”
“As such, I will never downplay sexism in the British workforce.”
“But I also worked in a similar environment in the US and the sexism was pretty breathtaking.”
“My last boss was Financial Director in an international accountancy firm, very good at her job and experienced.”
“And I watched her male counterparts demean her every day, almost treating her like a secretary at times.”
“She kept her head down and got on with it because the culture was so sexist.”
“The last female Finance Director I worked with here was treated as an equal colleague by her male counterparts and would have rightly ripped their heads off if had it been otherwise.” ~ thisisgettingdaft
“NTA. I’m a male account manager and I’ve handled meetings where EVERYONE was more senior than I was.”
“This is actually required if the subject is your account.”
“He also misused ‘annoying’ I mean we had a female account manager who liked to interrupt people and stick her religion into everything.”
“She was annoying. Oddly enough she had a male counterpart in another team.”
“Same MO, though there is that point because we had a less flattering description for him.”
“It doesn’t translate well and ‘a**hole’ is a bit mild. Is that sexist, I wonder.” ~tango421
“Some words of wisdom for OP’s bf: If the logic you use to criticise women doesn’t hold up when applied to a man in the same scenario, it’s not criticism it’s sexism.”
“NTA.” ~ alittlebitiffy
“NTA. Your boyfriend is telling you who he is…”
“Someone who believes that women must obtain permission to speak from higher ranking men, even when they are doing exactly what they’ve been hired to do.”
“AKA, a sexist. I would venture a guess that this isn’t the only red flag he’s waving.” ~ vodka7tall
“The worse part is he probably doesn’t know he is sexist.”
“For him his feelings are ‘normal,’ he knows he is uncomfortable but doesn’t know exactly why because he has never had to think about it.”
“Not defending him but I have seen so many people exhibit prejudice without even realizing it.”
“For example a person might feel uncomfortable if their kids have an interracial marriage.”
“They don’t know why.”
“It just doesn’t feel right and if you call on their racism they will get offended but their brains were wired to do that.”
“It is insane.”
“If I were OP, I would look closely on how he acts in different scenarios where women are in charge.”
“Even his comments on movies/series.”
“It is really revealing when you pay attention to the little details.”
“Of course OP is NTA.” ~ onlytexts
“I’m going with NTA because expressions like ‘annoying’ and ‘spoke out of turn’ are just not expressions one generally hears men using about other men.”
“It’s not impossible that this is really about workplace hierarchy and her gender is not relevant.” ~ Chilli_Civily
“How dare this female start the meeting without being given permission to speak by her better overloads!!”
“Work-place misogyny is exhausting and demoralizing.”
“Just cause your bf is in oil & gas, that doesn’t give him a pass to be a misogynist.”
“NTA.” ~ No_Beyond_1995
“You would not be doing him any favors by smiling and nodding instead of providing your honest feedback.”
If he vented like that to other professionals it would make him look unprofessional and un-promotable because nobody wants to take on a walking liability for a future sexual harassment claim.”
“NTA.” ~ psatty
“NTA. Out of curiosity, what does your bf do? Is he also a c-level exec?”
“I don’t know what your job is like, but where I’m at, the person running the meeting starts it and doesn’t wait for ‘permission.'”
“I can’t imagine having an executive who can’t make the decision to start a meeting on their own.” ~ Dangerous-Project672
“NTA. I work with all men and am a subordinate, but I lead the majority of the meetings.”
“I’ve had men who were sitting in on one offs give me side eye for interrupting the boss, but only bitched to others after the meeting.”
“My job description legitimately is to interrupt my boss and keep meetings on track, otherwise we’d be sitting there for HOURRRRSSSSS.”
“Also- laying out the intent reminds folks why they’re there.” ~ cynthea12
“I don’t understand why he was ‘allowed’ to ‘speak out of turn’ to do his job but she wasn’t?”
“Also does he realize that you don’t actually need to kiss your bosses’ a** at all times?”
“I’m just baffled that there are people out there that really think you need your boss’s permission to speak at a meeting you were invited to.”
“If you have something to contribute, speak.”
“If you don’t, be quiet. He’s being weird. NTA.” ~ whof**kingknows2020
“NTA. That’s that old school corporate-grade sexism.”
“He’d probably say the same if a woman CEO had the nerve to breathe in the presence of a male intern.”
“If he’s the never gonna change type he should keep that cap to himself.”
“It’s not the Mad Men days anymore and a lot of business would not hesitate to yeet him into the sun for this type of stuff.” ~ teddytwelvetoes
Looks like Reddit has OP’s corner.
Maybe she should have a chat with her man and red over this thread.
It sounds like some issues need to be ironed out.