Money has a terrible way of getting in-between people, and many couples find themselves arguing about who makes more money or how the money is spent.
But some people tend to exaggerate the details, pointed out the "Am I the A**hole?" (AITA) subReddit.
Redditor louisethechance had enough of listening to her boyfriend's jokes about how much money he made.
But when he reacted poorly to her stopping him, the Original Poster (OP) wondered if she should have let it go.
She asked the sub:
"AITA for pointing out to my boyfriend that I make more money than him?"
The OP's boyfriend joked about getting divorced a lot.
"My (26 [Female]) boyfriend (28 [Male]) are on the same page about getting married and having kids later next year."
"But recently he always jokes around about me only wanting to marry him to take half of his assets when we get divorced, etc., etc."
The OP tried to be understanding.
"Two of his close friends went through all that and I understand where his concerns were coming from."
"I always explain to him calmly that I don't want to get married to get divorced, or sometimes I just laugh at him."
"I love him to bits and I let him know that I don't want this issue to become a bigger problem someday."
"Even I suggest prenups, but he doesn't believe in prenups. He said I still could get more money, especially if we have children together."
But eventually, the OP heard enough.
"And now it happens more often and sometimes he said it with a serious face, afraid that he will be left with nothing if we don't work out."
"Today he did it again and that was the last straw."
"I immediately snapped at him by saying, 'Well, if that's the case, it should be me who should be worried, since I make three times more than you.'"
The OP's boyfriend didn't appreciate that.
"He just went quiet and he went outside."
"I sat down, thinking maybe I was a bit harsh on him."
"Was it an offensive thing to say to a man?"
"AITA?"
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You're the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Some thought the boyfriend had no faith in their relationship.
"NTA, OP, but he's showing you that he's gonna create a self-fulfilling prophecy no matter what."
"If you're intent on marrying this dude, prenup time, but honestly, I'd reevaluate whether you want a partner who's so insecure and is telling you that he doesn't think you're gonna last." - lilmxfi
"I think his comment about the kids shows some of that character 'but if we get divorced and have kids you would still get money out of me' obviously?"
"If you have kids, you're going to keep financially supporting them. He's more worried about his money than all other aspects of his life and arguably not ready to be a father." - jess-the_mess
"He does not think that your relationship is 'for keeps.'"
"And take it from someone who's been there: Nothing you do is going to take away that fundamental insecurity he has about relationships, and that insecurity may be what keeps this from being a forever kind of relationship."
"Get a pre-nup. Protect yourself. If I'd done that, I'd be in a much different and much more positive situation than I'm in now." - FeuerroteZora
"NTA, get a prenup. You make 3x more than him? He constantly jokes about being taken to the cleaners? Yep, he is definitely a prenup kind of guy." - Asleep-Hold-4686
"It goes beyond being fully happy in my experience - pragmatical issues need to be addressed in a pragmatical way. If you want your relationship to last you absolutely need to sort out stuff like this before you get married because they only fester and get worse in time if you don't."
"I'm talking from experience, both direct and indirect. A prenup is not a bad idea in general (and in this case, I'd want one anyway), but neither a prenup nor rose-tinted glasses and being in love are going to carry this relationship over the years."
"And this kind of stuff has a way of popping up again and again, just like in this case. Sometimes people claim it's 'just a joke' to get away with it and being passive-aggressive about it will only make it worse."
"Sitting down and making sure you're on the same page where it matters and being able to talk these things out together before getting married really is the only way to figure out if they can make it as a couple in the long run." - SeldomSeenMe
One Redditor pointed out that the boyfriend was avoiding a prenuptial agreement.
"That's why he keeps saying he won't do a prenup, he's worried she will do one."
"He sets up this whole thing, 'you are marrying me for money,' just so she will offer a prenup and he can say he doesn't 'believe' in them. (What does that even mean, he thinks they don't exist?)"
"So now she thinks she will be a 'bad' girlfriend or wife if she wants a prenup."
"He's emotionally manipulating her and I bet if she sat down and really thought about it she could come up with other things he's acted that way about. So now, he's set her up to not ask for a prenup because that's the groundwork he's laid."
"And then he's using the 'I'll get mad so she will back down and apologize' manipulation when she finally tells him the truth."
"He baits her and baits her and then gets mad when she takes the bait, now she's on the defensive, she feels like she has to apologize for him being an a**hole when he set up the whole thing."
"Just another manipulative a**hole thing, you see it all the time. Now she's not only a 'bad' GF for wanting a prenup but now she feels she has to apologize because he was such an a**hole that he goaded her into standing up for herself."
"She's the bad guy for standing up to him over his s**tty behavior instead of him being the bad guy for his s**tty behavior."
"I bet whenever she gets mad over anything crappy he does, he throws a fit and gets mad back at her, but worse."
"Then she feels bad, backs down, and begs him to stop being mad, and then he never has to answer for his original crappy behavior."
"We have also seen that here a hundred times and is typical for men (boys) like this. She needs to start recognizing it and stop letting it work." - CJSinTX
Though the OP wondered if she was too harsh with her boyfriend, the subReddit didn't think she had anything to worry about. Rather, the boyfriend's repeated behaviors, and joking about divorce and money, hardly cry out "excitement" or "commitment" to being married.
Woman Breaks Up With Boyfriend Who Worried People Would Think She Was Trans For Using Stand-To-Pee Device
Content Warning: Transphobia, Transphobic Comments
There are countless different reasons that a relationship might end, and a red flag could arise at any time. Some of these might have been learned in childhood and could improve over time.
Transphobia is absolutely a red flag that should be acted on immediately; however, with no option to fly again, pointed out the members of the "Am I the A**hole?" (AITA) subReddit.
Redditor funnelfuss was in the car with her boyfriend when they got stuck in a traffic jam.
She really needed to use the restroom, so since she had a device with her to make the process easier, she decided she'd step out of the car.
But when her boyfriend panicked and thought people might mistake her for a man, the Original Poster (OP) realized that her boyfriend was not who she thought he was.
She asked the sub:
The OP had to use the restroom while stuck in a traffic jam.
"My (26 Female) boyfriend (25 Male) and I got stuck in an insane traffic jam. My boyfriend was driving."
"We were at a standstill. Found out later on, they had closed the highway."
"I had to pee really bad, like bad bad bad. I saw that a couple guys had run to the side of the road to pee, and I decided to do the same."
"It was super open, with a few bushes by the side of the road, really not much cover."
The OP's boyfriend became uncomfortable when he realized she had a pee-to-stand device.
"I have a stand-to-pee device in my car, but when I grabbed it, my boyfriend got all weird."
"He said people would see me pee standing up and think I was Trans."
"I said no one would think that, plenty of women have pee funnels, and that also I didn't care. I have no beef with Trans people!"
"He said I should squat, just to put his mind at ease."
"I said I didn't want to get my butt and c**ch out on the highway in front of everyone, or get pee on my shoes, and I just wanted to be quick and clean."
"He said he didn't want people to look at the girl he was dating and think she was Trans and that I should squat, like GIRLS do."
The OP decided she was over it.
"I was dying by this point. I couldn't hold it anymore, and I really didn't want to show the world my butt, so I ran to the side of the road and slipped the device into my jeans and just peed standing up with my back to traffic."
"No one could see anything; it just slides through the zipper. But I guess maybe if someone was looking, they would be confused? But also, who's LOOKING?!"
"When I got back to the car, my boyfriend wouldn't talk to me. He says I disrespected his feelings. But it was 100% an emergency, and I don't get what his problem was."
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
Some reassured the OP that there was nothing wrong with using the restroom how she wanted.
"OP, don't think for one more second about this. Your boyfriend is being ridiculous."
"As if you will ever see any of those people again! Plus, holding it in for too long can cause a whole host of issues."
"It's actually genius that you have something like that in your car, just in case. I'm going to order one too now! NTA." - m_alice88
"'Honey, please show all these strangers your c**ch and a** so they know I'm not gay, mmmm'kay?'"
"A weak man, a very weak man." - lefteyedcrow
"You must have a she-wee! Those are so great for women."
"Tell your boyfriend to get over himself. You had to pee. He does not understand that squatting can suck and leave you exposed."
"If he is that upset you did this, rethink this relationship. I would find it hysterical."
"NTA." - Oktodayithink
"NTA, OP. You just needed a makeshift restroom."
"Your boyfriend apparently thought that it was normal for people to stare at strangers who are trying to pee to evaluate who they are, who they're with, and what the status of their relationship is."
"You know, to pass the time while in gridlock traffic." - Pixichixi
"You did nothing wrong, OP! When you have to go, you have to go. It's healthier to go."
"And don't apologize! We're so wired to reduce conflict, even to the point of downplaying how we feel to keep the peace or end the silence. Don't do it."
"It's a him issue. He thinks his feelings on this are more important than your discomfort about showing your naked body on the side of the road. If he can't figure that out for himself and apologize, it would be a dealbreaker for me." - lelawes
Others agreed and pointed out that the ex-boyfriend was very transphobic.
"NTA. Your boyfriend is clearly transphobic. That is 100% on him. And who cares if people think you are Trans?"
"'He said he didn't want people to look at the girl he was dating and think she was Trans.' And you don't want people to think you're dating someone bigoted and hateful." - GreekAmericanDom
"He may not consider himself transphobic ('I don't hate Trans people! I just don't want to be associated with them or have anyone think I'm with a Trans person!'), but he absolutely is, probably with a healthy side helping of homophobia."
"Why would he care, unless a) Trans women are not women in his eyes, or b) it somehow would be emasculating or embarrassing to his ego to be with a Trans woman."
"Also, you're in a traffic jam. Who the f**k is even watching close enough to care, and who of those people matters enough to give two s**ts about what they think."
"Not to mention, he's being weirdly controlling about your behaviors and how they reflect on him in a scenario where arguably he's never going to interact with a single person he's worrying about." - maladicta228
"This post reminds me of the time I got dressed to go to a function. It was a casual gathering. My kid (this was solidly on their father, my ex, as he's gotten insanely bigoted as he's aged) said, 'Mom, you're dressed like a Lesbian.'"
"Me: 'Lesbians have great fashion sense, I'd love to be mistaken for one.'"
"They paused for a second and realized that I truly wasn't dressing for men (despite it being my husband's work function), and that being seen as a lesbian was a good thing. I'm so glad I raised them to think for themselves, and realize that one can be wrong, admit it, and work on being a better person every day. They've never said anything like that since." - baconbitsy
"He's so insecure (and transphobic) that he cares more about what some strangers in a traffic jam might wrongly assume about you (and thereby him) than YOUR needs, comfort, and health."
"He expected you to prioritize his insecurities (feelings) above that and then punished you when you prioritized your health."
"You sure you want to be with someone like that?? NTA." - molotovmerkin
"Your boyfriend is so transphobic that he wants you to expose your genitalia on the side of the road to prove that you're not a Trans woman because he can't stand the idea of a total stranger, in a neighboring car, whom he will never speak to or see ever again, thinking he MIGHT be SHARING A CAR (because the strangers in other cars have no idea that you're dating) with a Trans woman."
"You're NTA, but get a better boyfriend." - HighCsummer
"Literally, you have to be super transphobic to think people in traffic are gonna judge you if your girlfriend is standing to pee. Like come onnnnnn, this is some insane insecurity." - Responsible-Pickle-2
Some pointed out that not only was the ex-boyfriend transphobic, but also controlling.
"This won't be the last time he expects OP to sacrifice things or make her life worse so that she can conform to his ideal of feminine stereotypes and keep up appearances for his fragile masculine ego."
"And that he gave her the silent treatment for not obliging his transphobia and misogyny disguised as 'feelings' is also problematic." - blancamystiere
"He's insecure and transphobic. He also puts his insecurity and transphobia above your comfort."
"NTA, and honestly, you can do better than this specimen." - PetersMapProject
"NTA. Your boyfriend would have preferred for everyone to see your a** and vagina than have a random stranger think his girlfriend is Trans. He would rather you expose yourself for his personal gain."
"Get a better boyfriend." - Amaze-balls-trippen
"The transphobia? The insecurity? And the silent treatment when he doesn't get his way?"
"So many red flags!" - CarolynDesign
"He also puts his insecurity and transphobia above your comfort and safety."
"He would rather you invite unwanted attention and risk by exposing your private parts to the world than have people think he (who most of the onlookers couldn't even see) might be dating a Trans person."
"NTA. OP, he's too insecure, self-centered, and immature to be a good partner to you, given that he's willing to compromise your safety to avoid a single twinge of discomfort. Dump him." - Hari_om_tat_sat
After receiving feedback, the OP was reassured and shared some positive updates.
"UPDATE: Thank you, everyone, for helping me feel sane again!"
"I got quite a few questions about which device I use, and honestly, it's about what fits you best. There are a ton of options. It's what fits you. Check out pStyle, Freshette, and EllaPee."
"I tried peeing standing up in a toilet, and it worked fine. I think my aim was pretty good, but then I saw little droplets on the floor. No thanks, don't need that. Also, it's loud? Awkward."
"But for the outside, it's pretty fun! I drive a lot, that's why it was in my car. Lifesaver."
"Also, I guess in this case it brought out an ugly side of my (ex) boyfriend and clarified some stuff for me. A winner all around."
"And to all the commenters asking, YES, he is an ex-boyfriend now."
"And yes, there were other red flags."
"Ditched the man, kept the pee funnel. Gonna laugh at him every time I pee standing up."
There's no way to imagine just how awkward the rest of the car ride was after using the restroom and returning to the now-silent and very entitled boyfriend, still stuck in a traffic jam.
But fortunately for the OP, she learned something vital about her relationship during a moment that should have been a total non-issue.
By being concerned about this and expecting the OP to prioritize her ex's pride over her comfort, safety, and cleanliness, her ex told her everything she needed to know.