Money has a terrible way of getting in-between people, and many couples find themselves arguing about who makes more money or how the money is spent.
But some people tend to exaggerate the details, pointed out the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA) subReddit.
Redditor louisethechance had enough of listening to her boyfriend’s jokes about how much money he made.
But when he reacted poorly to her stopping him, the Original Poster (OP) wondered if she should have let it go.
She asked the sub:
“AITA for pointing out to my boyfriend that I make more money than him?”
The OP’s boyfriend joked about getting divorced a lot.
“My (26 [Female]) boyfriend (28 [Male]) are on the same page about getting married and having kids later next year.”
“But recently he always jokes around about me only wanting to marry him to take half of his assets when we get divorced, etc., etc.”
The OP tried to be understanding.
“Two of his close friends went through all that and I understand where his concerns were coming from.”
“I always explain to him calmly that I don’t want to get married to get divorced, or sometimes I just laugh at him.”
“I love him to bits and I let him know that I don’t want this issue to become a bigger problem someday.”
“Even I suggest prenups, but he doesn’t believe in prenups. He said I still could get more money, especially if we have children together.”
But eventually, the OP heard enough.
“And now it happens more often and sometimes he said it with a serious face, afraid that he will be left with nothing if we don’t work out.”
“Today he did it again and that was the last straw.”
“I immediately snapped at him by saying, ‘Well, if that’s the case, it should be me who should be worried, since I make three times more than you.'”
The OP’s boyfriend didn’t appreciate that.
“He just went quiet and he went outside.”
“I sat down, thinking maybe I was a bit harsh on him.”
“Was it an offensive thing to say to a man?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Some thought the boyfriend had no faith in their relationship.
“NTA, OP, but he’s showing you that he’s gonna create a self-fulfilling prophecy no matter what.”
“If you’re intent on marrying this dude, prenup time, but honestly, I’d reevaluate whether you want a partner who’s so insecure and is telling you that he doesn’t think you’re gonna last.” – lilmxfi
“I think his comment about the kids shows some of that character ‘but if we get divorced and have kids you would still get money out of me’ obviously?”
“If you have kids, you’re going to keep financially supporting them. He’s more worried about his money than all other aspects of his life and arguably not ready to be a father.” – jess-the_mess
“He does not think that your relationship is ‘for keeps.'”
“And take it from someone who’s been there: Nothing you do is going to take away that fundamental insecurity he has about relationships, and that insecurity may be what keeps this from being a forever kind of relationship.”
“Get a pre-nup. Protect yourself. If I’d done that, I’d be in a much different and much more positive situation than I’m in now.” – FeuerroteZora
“NTA, get a prenup. You make 3x more than him? He constantly jokes about being taken to the cleaners? Yep, he is definitely a prenup kind of guy.” – Asleep-Hold-4686
“It goes beyond being fully happy in my experience – pragmatical issues need to be addressed in a pragmatical way. If you want your relationship to last you absolutely need to sort out stuff like this before you get married because they only fester and get worse in time if you don’t.”
“I’m talking from experience, both direct and indirect. A prenup is not a bad idea in general (and in this case, I’d want one anyway), but neither a prenup nor rose-tinted glasses and being in love are going to carry this relationship over the years.”
“And this kind of stuff has a way of popping up again and again, just like in this case. Sometimes people claim it’s ‘just a joke’ to get away with it and being passive-aggressive about it will only make it worse.”
“Sitting down and making sure you’re on the same page where it matters and being able to talk these things out together before getting married really is the only way to figure out if they can make it as a couple in the long run.” – SeldomSeenMe
One Redditor pointed out that the boyfriend was avoiding a prenuptial agreement.
“That’s why he keeps saying he won’t do a prenup, he’s worried she will do one.”
“He sets up this whole thing, ‘you are marrying me for money,’ just so she will offer a prenup and he can say he doesn’t ‘believe’ in them. (What does that even mean, he thinks they don’t exist?)”
“So now she thinks she will be a ‘bad’ girlfriend or wife if she wants a prenup.”
“He’s emotionally manipulating her and I bet if she sat down and really thought about it she could come up with other things he’s acted that way about. So now, he’s set her up to not ask for a prenup because that’s the groundwork he’s laid.”
“And then he’s using the ‘I’ll get mad so she will back down and apologize’ manipulation when she finally tells him the truth.”
“He baits her and baits her and then gets mad when she takes the bait, now she‘s on the defensive, she feels like she has to apologize for him being an a**hole when he set up the whole thing.”
“Just another manipulative a**hole thing, you see it all the time. Now she’s not only a ‘bad’ GF for wanting a prenup but now she feels she has to apologize because he was such an a**hole that he goaded her into standing up for herself.”
“She’s the bad guy for standing up to him over his s**tty behavior instead of him being the bad guy for his s**tty behavior.”
“I bet whenever she gets mad over anything crappy he does, he throws a fit and gets mad back at her, but worse.”
“Then she feels bad, backs down, and begs him to stop being mad, and then he never has to answer for his original crappy behavior.”
“We have also seen that here a hundred times and is typical for men (boys) like this. She needs to start recognizing it and stop letting it work.” – CJSinTX
Though the OP wondered if she was too harsh with her boyfriend, the subReddit didn’t think she had anything to worry about. Rather, the boyfriend’s repeated behaviors, and joking about divorce and money, hardly cry out “excitement” or “commitment” to being married.