Splish-splahsh, dude was not taking a bath.
He emptied his bladder into something other than a urinal.
This boyfriend's aim was not true when he peed into a Tupperware container and pissed off his girlfriend.
When he was confronted by Redditor "i_like_stormy_days", he became furious over something he failed to comprehend was wrong—not to mention unsanitary—and lashed out at her for "overreacting."
The girlfriend took to Reddit and asked AITA (Am I the A**hole) for getting upset.
The Original Poster (OP) wrote:
"Last night my partner had a uni exam that went quite late. I cooked dinner and we ate it upstairs in bed."
"This morning I saw that he peed into one of the tupperware containers we keep food in after finishing his dinner. I told him it was absolutely repulsive because that's where we keep food."
"He said it shouldn't matter because it's just salt water and he'd wash it out. I told him it was disgusting and he should throw out the container or mark it because I dont want to use it anymore."
"He BLEW UP and told me I was overreacting and using anger to get my way. He then scrubbed the container and mixed it in with the other Tupperware so I couldnt mark it."
"Now we aren't speaking. He says my reaction was way over the top and all guys do this."
The OP did mention this was common practice for the boyfriend since the location of the washroom is "far away and cold where we live."
She added that he had peed into "various containers" a few times but always into "throw away containers (or so I thought)."
"I say its gross that he peed in the container and even grosser for trying to hide it from me so that I have to use it."
"So internet people, AITA?"
Anonymous strangers on the internet weighed in by declaring:
- NTA - Not The A**hole
- YTA - You're The A**hole
- ESH - Everyone Sucks Here
- NAH - No A**holes Here
Guys seem to have a poopy track record.
"One time my ex boyfriend thought it would be acceptable to wrap a wooden spoon ( THAT I USE FOR COOKING) in a plastic bag and use it to break up a big poo."
"Refused to accept that it was gross cause he wrapped it up. So I get it. Guys are disgusting." – Danarya27
But not so fast.
"As a guy I kinda feel the need to point out that this is not a guy thing, just a him thing, same with the original post, its not something all guys do, its just him."
"Its probably obvious but I had to say it anyway...." – dat_unlucky_derp
While this guy agreed to a point about the things guys do, the Tupperware urinal was where he drew the line.
"GOD, This can not be said enough."
"Yes, us guys are disgusting with our ball scratching, navel lint picking, dutch ovening, and whatever else we do. but this is next level disgusting and F'KING LAZY!"
"And to top it off, he gaslight OP. Holy f'k. I want to apologize on behalf of all civilized men."
"Ok, I have peed in an empty coke bottle or something, but never in something that would be reused. Let me say that again.... NEVER something that would be reused."
"Even the excuse of the bathroom being 'very far away and cold' isnt good enough to make me want to pee in a food storage container." – Fixmy59bug
Maybe mom knows best.
"If this happens again, ask his mom if he used to do this as a child, the embarrasment should make him change his ways NTA." – sixflowersofphantasm
This Redditor questioned the boyfriend's tolerance levels and then suggested for the OP to destroy the evidence.
"NTA. Urinating in food containers was a thing you expressed to be gross, then he mixed the tupperware containers up so you have to perpetually wonder which one's the pisserware? Yikes."
"Can he hold his bladder to get to the cold, far-away bathroom, does he have a medical issue or is he a sloth?"
"Good god, what else is he pissing in. What else. Set it all on fire." – antipatico_6
"It gets worse when you realize that most plastics are porous, and will probably still contain a good amount of residual piss even after cleaning."
"Not even respectful enough to use a glass jar... NTA." – Schwa88
"This is how relationships turn toxic, too. He intentionally mixed up the Tupperware so she'd 'have to' use the peeware."
"If she threw out all the Tupperware (a not totally redic reaction if you really don't want to use one someone peed in, which is pretty reasonable) he'll freak out and call her a crazy b*tch for throwing away all the Tupperware. It's a no-win situation." – scotty_doesntknow
His reaction was very telling.
"I would have just thrown out all the tupperware at that point. I dont negotiate with terrorists."
"And if you wanna be immature like that I can match you, f'k talking it over if the other person doesnt even seem to care about your feelings."
"If I was a woman who was ok with cooking in the same pot that I boil my menstrual cup in(I'm not, I stole one of my moms very old sauce pots and replaced it, now said old pot is kept in my bathroom away from other cooking pots), I wouldn't be offended if my partner was not."
"It's an easy fix, I'd simply say 'ok I'll just sanitize it in this pot only and keep it separate.' No big deal."
"If he seriously insisted on peeing in a container, he couldn't have been like 'I'll keep it separate and wash it but it gets really cold at night and this ends being a little more convenient' I dont know, just not the overreaction he did." – Hate_Having_Needs
In an update, the OP said that her boyfriend has not changed his mind about his stance and mentioned something she did was worse in comparison.
"I spoke to him and he still thinks I overreacted. Last week I left food in the fridge too long and it went moldy. He cleaned it. He brought this up and said it's way more disgusting and unsanitary than pee."
Sorry guys, but this unfortunate situation goes way beyond asking to put the toilet seat down.
Woman Breaks Up With Boyfriend Who Worried People Would Think She Was Trans For Using Stand-To-Pee Device
Content Warning: Transphobia, Transphobic Comments
There are countless different reasons that a relationship might end, and a red flag could arise at any time. Some of these might have been learned in childhood and could improve over time.
Transphobia is absolutely a red flag that should be acted on immediately; however, with no option to fly again, pointed out the members of the "Am I the A**hole?" (AITA) subReddit.
Redditor funnelfuss was in the car with her boyfriend when they got stuck in a traffic jam.
She really needed to use the restroom, so since she had a device with her to make the process easier, she decided she'd step out of the car.
But when her boyfriend panicked and thought people might mistake her for a man, the Original Poster (OP) realized that her boyfriend was not who she thought he was.
She asked the sub:
The OP had to use the restroom while stuck in a traffic jam.
"My (26 Female) boyfriend (25 Male) and I got stuck in an insane traffic jam. My boyfriend was driving."
"We were at a standstill. Found out later on, they had closed the highway."
"I had to pee really bad, like bad bad bad. I saw that a couple guys had run to the side of the road to pee, and I decided to do the same."
"It was super open, with a few bushes by the side of the road, really not much cover."
The OP's boyfriend became uncomfortable when he realized she had a pee-to-stand device.
"I have a stand-to-pee device in my car, but when I grabbed it, my boyfriend got all weird."
"He said people would see me pee standing up and think I was Trans."
"I said no one would think that, plenty of women have pee funnels, and that also I didn't care. I have no beef with Trans people!"
"He said I should squat, just to put his mind at ease."
"I said I didn't want to get my butt and c**ch out on the highway in front of everyone, or get pee on my shoes, and I just wanted to be quick and clean."
"He said he didn't want people to look at the girl he was dating and think she was Trans and that I should squat, like GIRLS do."
The OP decided she was over it.
"I was dying by this point. I couldn't hold it anymore, and I really didn't want to show the world my butt, so I ran to the side of the road and slipped the device into my jeans and just peed standing up with my back to traffic."
"No one could see anything; it just slides through the zipper. But I guess maybe if someone was looking, they would be confused? But also, who's LOOKING?!"
"When I got back to the car, my boyfriend wouldn't talk to me. He says I disrespected his feelings. But it was 100% an emergency, and I don't get what his problem was."
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
Some reassured the OP that there was nothing wrong with using the restroom how she wanted.
"OP, don't think for one more second about this. Your boyfriend is being ridiculous."
"As if you will ever see any of those people again! Plus, holding it in for too long can cause a whole host of issues."
"It's actually genius that you have something like that in your car, just in case. I'm going to order one too now! NTA." - m_alice88
"'Honey, please show all these strangers your c**ch and a** so they know I'm not gay, mmmm'kay?'"
"A weak man, a very weak man." - lefteyedcrow
"You must have a she-wee! Those are so great for women."
"Tell your boyfriend to get over himself. You had to pee. He does not understand that squatting can suck and leave you exposed."
"If he is that upset you did this, rethink this relationship. I would find it hysterical."
"NTA." - Oktodayithink
"NTA, OP. You just needed a makeshift restroom."
"Your boyfriend apparently thought that it was normal for people to stare at strangers who are trying to pee to evaluate who they are, who they're with, and what the status of their relationship is."
"You know, to pass the time while in gridlock traffic." - Pixichixi
"You did nothing wrong, OP! When you have to go, you have to go. It's healthier to go."
"And don't apologize! We're so wired to reduce conflict, even to the point of downplaying how we feel to keep the peace or end the silence. Don't do it."
"It's a him issue. He thinks his feelings on this are more important than your discomfort about showing your naked body on the side of the road. If he can't figure that out for himself and apologize, it would be a dealbreaker for me." - lelawes
Others agreed and pointed out that the ex-boyfriend was very transphobic.
"NTA. Your boyfriend is clearly transphobic. That is 100% on him. And who cares if people think you are Trans?"
"'He said he didn't want people to look at the girl he was dating and think she was Trans.' And you don't want people to think you're dating someone bigoted and hateful." - GreekAmericanDom
"He may not consider himself transphobic ('I don't hate Trans people! I just don't want to be associated with them or have anyone think I'm with a Trans person!'), but he absolutely is, probably with a healthy side helping of homophobia."
"Why would he care, unless a) Trans women are not women in his eyes, or b) it somehow would be emasculating or embarrassing to his ego to be with a Trans woman."
"Also, you're in a traffic jam. Who the f**k is even watching close enough to care, and who of those people matters enough to give two s**ts about what they think."
"Not to mention, he's being weirdly controlling about your behaviors and how they reflect on him in a scenario where arguably he's never going to interact with a single person he's worrying about." - maladicta228
"This post reminds me of the time I got dressed to go to a function. It was a casual gathering. My kid (this was solidly on their father, my ex, as he's gotten insanely bigoted as he's aged) said, 'Mom, you're dressed like a Lesbian.'"
"Me: 'Lesbians have great fashion sense, I'd love to be mistaken for one.'"
"They paused for a second and realized that I truly wasn't dressing for men (despite it being my husband's work function), and that being seen as a lesbian was a good thing. I'm so glad I raised them to think for themselves, and realize that one can be wrong, admit it, and work on being a better person every day. They've never said anything like that since." - baconbitsy
"He's so insecure (and transphobic) that he cares more about what some strangers in a traffic jam might wrongly assume about you (and thereby him) than YOUR needs, comfort, and health."
"He expected you to prioritize his insecurities (feelings) above that and then punished you when you prioritized your health."
"You sure you want to be with someone like that?? NTA." - molotovmerkin
"Your boyfriend is so transphobic that he wants you to expose your genitalia on the side of the road to prove that you're not a Trans woman because he can't stand the idea of a total stranger, in a neighboring car, whom he will never speak to or see ever again, thinking he MIGHT be SHARING A CAR (because the strangers in other cars have no idea that you're dating) with a Trans woman."
"You're NTA, but get a better boyfriend." - HighCsummer
"Literally, you have to be super transphobic to think people in traffic are gonna judge you if your girlfriend is standing to pee. Like come onnnnnn, this is some insane insecurity." - Responsible-Pickle-2
Some pointed out that not only was the ex-boyfriend transphobic, but also controlling.
"This won't be the last time he expects OP to sacrifice things or make her life worse so that she can conform to his ideal of feminine stereotypes and keep up appearances for his fragile masculine ego."
"And that he gave her the silent treatment for not obliging his transphobia and misogyny disguised as 'feelings' is also problematic." - blancamystiere
"He's insecure and transphobic. He also puts his insecurity and transphobia above your comfort."
"NTA, and honestly, you can do better than this specimen." - PetersMapProject
"NTA. Your boyfriend would have preferred for everyone to see your a** and vagina than have a random stranger think his girlfriend is Trans. He would rather you expose yourself for his personal gain."
"Get a better boyfriend." - Amaze-balls-trippen
"The transphobia? The insecurity? And the silent treatment when he doesn't get his way?"
"So many red flags!" - CarolynDesign
"He also puts his insecurity and transphobia above your comfort and safety."
"He would rather you invite unwanted attention and risk by exposing your private parts to the world than have people think he (who most of the onlookers couldn't even see) might be dating a Trans person."
"NTA. OP, he's too insecure, self-centered, and immature to be a good partner to you, given that he's willing to compromise your safety to avoid a single twinge of discomfort. Dump him." - Hari_om_tat_sat
After receiving feedback, the OP was reassured and shared some positive updates.
"UPDATE: Thank you, everyone, for helping me feel sane again!"
"I got quite a few questions about which device I use, and honestly, it's about what fits you best. There are a ton of options. It's what fits you. Check out pStyle, Freshette, and EllaPee."
"I tried peeing standing up in a toilet, and it worked fine. I think my aim was pretty good, but then I saw little droplets on the floor. No thanks, don't need that. Also, it's loud? Awkward."
"But for the outside, it's pretty fun! I drive a lot, that's why it was in my car. Lifesaver."
"Also, I guess in this case it brought out an ugly side of my (ex) boyfriend and clarified some stuff for me. A winner all around."
"And to all the commenters asking, YES, he is an ex-boyfriend now."
"And yes, there were other red flags."
"Ditched the man, kept the pee funnel. Gonna laugh at him every time I pee standing up."
There's no way to imagine just how awkward the rest of the car ride was after using the restroom and returning to the now-silent and very entitled boyfriend, still stuck in a traffic jam.
But fortunately for the OP, she learned something vital about her relationship during a moment that should have been a total non-issue.
By being concerned about this and expecting the OP to prioritize her ex's pride over her comfort, safety, and cleanliness, her ex told her everything she needed to know.