We've all had one of those nights when we were utterly exhausted, and if a spill or a mess happened in the home, we were much less likely to want to clean it up, hoping that we could just do it tomorrow.
But if an accident happens in the bed, that kind of mess really can't wait, no matter how tired you are, pointed out the members of the "Am I the A**hole?" (AITAH) subReddit.
Redditor Hour-Possibility2219 was alarmed when she woke up to wetness in the bed, soon to realize that her boyfriend had an accident in his sleep.
But when he was so tired, he didn't want to clean it up and just wanted to throw a towel over it instead, the Original Poster (OP) was disgusted and forced him to clean it up.
She asked the sub:
"AITAH for how I responded when my boyfriend peed the bed and did not clean it up right away?"
The OP recently woke up to a very unpleasant surprise.
"My boyfriend (27 Male) and I (23 Female) just moved into a new house and bought a new mattress."
"Last night, I woke up to a wet feeling under my arm and hand. My boyfriend was already up and in the bathroom."
"When he came back, I asked him if he spilled something in the bed or knew why it was wet."
"He told me that he thinks he peed the bed. I asked him again and said, 'Wait, are you serious??'"
"And he said, 'I think I peed in my dream and peed in real life.'"
"We are both half awake at this point, and I'm just surprised that he actually did wet the bed."
The OP was quick to start cleaning up the mess.
"I asked him to go grab stuff to clean it up, and he told me that it was fine."
"I asked him what he meant by that, and he grabbed a towel, laid it on the wet spot, and got back into bed to go to sleep."
"I pulled the covers off of him and told him that he needs to go grab stuff to clean it up because I don't want it to get stained, and it's a new mattress, and we don't have a mattress cover for it yet."
"He told me that it was fine and that I was overreacting. That statement naturally p**sed me off, and I told him I'm not going to sleep in his piss and that's not fair to me."
"He told me he'd clean it in the morning and that it's not a big deal and doesn't warrant the reaction I have."
The OP was furious with her boyfriend by that point.
"That was not the solution I wanted, so I took all the sheets off the bed and threw them at him and told him to sleep on the couch."
"It was very irritating hearing him tell me that I'm overreacting because I asked him to clean up his pee in the bed we both slept in."
"He then knocked on the door ten minutes later, asking for a new blanket because the one I gave him smelled like pee."
"AITAH?"
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You're the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Some reassured the OP that she was not being unreasonable or "overreacting."
"I hope OP told him, 'So you don't want to sleep with the smell of your own pee, but you expected me to sleep IN YOUR PEE?!?' What a tool!" - Corfiz74
"NTA. That's disgusting, and it's really concerning that he thought it was at all appropriate to curl up and sleep in a puddle of pee." - Allaboutbird
"Got to tell you that lack of concern on his part tells me this is a more regular experience than he is letting on. His reaction would blow my mind. NTA." - whatsmypassword73
"I feel like I'm taking crazy pills, but was he really going to be okay with sleeping in dirty bed sheets until someone, doesn't matter who honestly, had to insist that it was insulting to them since they partly owned the bed and sheets and NOT simply because they were COVERED IN P*SS?"
"The personal standards of this man are questionable. Glad the relationship can find a respectful conclusion, but no one should be okay with sleeping in their own p*ss." - MeaninglessDebateMan
"As an adult with frequent incontinence, I clicked on your first post fully expecting to defend your boyfriend. Based on the title of your post, I expected a really insensitive reaction to an accident that he almost certainly couldn't help, and was likely embarrassed about."
"After reading the post, I think you handled it really well. I was shocked at your boyfriend's choice to go back to sleep and clean it in the morning. Pee soaks into fabrics really fast, and could quickly penetrate deep enough that you would never get the smell out."
"You definitely did not overreact, and I hope he shows more concern for your belongings in the future. Mattresses aren't cheap."
"Interrupted sleep sucks, especially if you have trouble getting back to sleep, but that obviously needed to be dealt with immediately."
"I hope he shows more consideration for your feelings when he's fully awake than he did here. Being upset that you didn't want to go back to sleep in a bubble of his pee is crazy." - Inevitable_Chaos_22
Others urged the OP to get a mattress cover as soon as possible.
"Get a waterproof mattress cover. I had to get one because I had an elderly cat who would sometimes pee on my bed. The way he was so blasé about it makes it seem like he's done this before." - Newlron5613
"A waterproof mattress cover is truly worth a ton of gold sometimes." - Nicknamewastoolong
"I have one just because I am a woman and have gotten my period toooooo many times in the night whilst sleeping. Literally 20 to 30 dollars at Ross or Amazon and it has saved my mattress from period blood, a spilled soup (dinner in bed while very ill), and my female dog getting overly excited and peeing on the bed just last week." - yoinkss
"Gross, and also get a mattress cover immediately. You're obviously NTA." - BobVsBart4ever
"Get him to buy you a new mattress, and let him take that one with him as he's leaving your life." - Aggressive_Bat2489
After receiving feedback, the OP shared an update in a second post.
"Thank you guys for the quick replies. After he left for work today, I really couldn't get the situation off of my mind. I thought I'd see what y'all had to say."
"He got back from work today with flowers and my favorite ice cream. He told me he was thinking about what happened last night all day and that he was sorry."
"He apologized for dismissing me and that he was disrespectful."
"I told him that the only issue I had with the situation was him telling me I was overreacting for me wanting him to clean up the pee in the moment. That wasn't fair to me, and expecting me to be okay sleeping in his pee wasn't, either."
"He did order a mattress cover that will be here tomorrow. So until that's on the mattress, I don't want him in the bed with me. I think making him sleep with those sheets and blankets did jolt him awake to realizing the gravity of the situation."
"I'm still a bit hurt from how he handled the situation selfishly and was inconsiderate. But he seems pretty remorseful so we'll see how we both feel later. That's it for now, thank you guys for your advice!"
Fellow Redditors reassured the OP that they or their partners didn't always think clearly, either, when they were tired.
"My husband is a totally different person when he wakes up in the middle of the night. He's grouchy and kind of a jerk."
"When he's properly awake, he's the kindest, most thoughtful person I know. The fact that your BF thought about it all day, realized he was a jerk, and apologized is such a good sign. Sometimes people are just not rational in the middle of the night." - saltandlimes
"My husband won't even remember what happened later. We can have a full-blown conversation where I'm asking, 'Are you sure you're awake?' and he responds to me like an a**hole, saying yes, he obviously is."
"Later, I find out he 100% wasn't, the way I know he actually is awake is when his tone changes back to normal instead of annoyed." - Grouchy_Anteater_605
"I do not condone what he did, but when you hit a certain level of exhausted, your thought process suddenly becomes, 'I don't care, I just need to sleep.' Again, don't condone what he did nor how he reacted, but I understand, having been that tired myself." - JenovaCelestia
"To be honest, I think the main reason he reacted as such is that he was tired. Doesn't excuse him being dismissive, but I think he was probably not fully awake, and if he wasn't with you, probably would've just laid down a towel and gone back to sleep (and regretted it in the morning lol). Glad he apologized." - cuted3adb0y
"I am so sorry, but I laughed out loud at 'he wanted a new blanket because the one I gave him smelled like pee.' You shouldn't have to handle your partner like a toddler, but it's satisfying to read that he actually learned something from it." - lydocia
While some of the subReddit could understand being incredibly tired and not thinking clearly, they were thoroughly grossed out by the fact that the OP's boyfriend expected both of them to just be okay with sleeping in the mess.
Thankfully, the OP's boyfriend apologized and ordered the mattress cover, which suggested that this was genuinely an accident and not something that would be repeated for years to come, especially if the two of them were to get married.
Woman Breaks Up With Boyfriend Who Worried People Would Think She Was Trans For Using Stand-To-Pee Device
Content Warning: Transphobia, Transphobic Comments
There are countless different reasons that a relationship might end, and a red flag could arise at any time. Some of these might have been learned in childhood and could improve over time.
Transphobia is absolutely a red flag that should be acted on immediately; however, with no option to fly again, pointed out the members of the "Am I the A**hole?" (AITA) subReddit.
Redditor funnelfuss was in the car with her boyfriend when they got stuck in a traffic jam.
She really needed to use the restroom, so since she had a device with her to make the process easier, she decided she'd step out of the car.
But when her boyfriend panicked and thought people might mistake her for a man, the Original Poster (OP) realized that her boyfriend was not who she thought he was.
She asked the sub:
The OP had to use the restroom while stuck in a traffic jam.
"My (26 Female) boyfriend (25 Male) and I got stuck in an insane traffic jam. My boyfriend was driving."
"We were at a standstill. Found out later on, they had closed the highway."
"I had to pee really bad, like bad bad bad. I saw that a couple guys had run to the side of the road to pee, and I decided to do the same."
"It was super open, with a few bushes by the side of the road, really not much cover."
The OP's boyfriend became uncomfortable when he realized she had a pee-to-stand device.
"I have a stand-to-pee device in my car, but when I grabbed it, my boyfriend got all weird."
"He said people would see me pee standing up and think I was Trans."
"I said no one would think that, plenty of women have pee funnels, and that also I didn't care. I have no beef with Trans people!"
"He said I should squat, just to put his mind at ease."
"I said I didn't want to get my butt and c**ch out on the highway in front of everyone, or get pee on my shoes, and I just wanted to be quick and clean."
"He said he didn't want people to look at the girl he was dating and think she was Trans and that I should squat, like GIRLS do."
The OP decided she was over it.
"I was dying by this point. I couldn't hold it anymore, and I really didn't want to show the world my butt, so I ran to the side of the road and slipped the device into my jeans and just peed standing up with my back to traffic."
"No one could see anything; it just slides through the zipper. But I guess maybe if someone was looking, they would be confused? But also, who's LOOKING?!"
"When I got back to the car, my boyfriend wouldn't talk to me. He says I disrespected his feelings. But it was 100% an emergency, and I don't get what his problem was."
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
Some reassured the OP that there was nothing wrong with using the restroom how she wanted.
"OP, don't think for one more second about this. Your boyfriend is being ridiculous."
"As if you will ever see any of those people again! Plus, holding it in for too long can cause a whole host of issues."
"It's actually genius that you have something like that in your car, just in case. I'm going to order one too now! NTA." - m_alice88
"'Honey, please show all these strangers your c**ch and a** so they know I'm not gay, mmmm'kay?'"
"A weak man, a very weak man." - lefteyedcrow
"You must have a she-wee! Those are so great for women."
"Tell your boyfriend to get over himself. You had to pee. He does not understand that squatting can suck and leave you exposed."
"If he is that upset you did this, rethink this relationship. I would find it hysterical."
"NTA." - Oktodayithink
"NTA, OP. You just needed a makeshift restroom."
"Your boyfriend apparently thought that it was normal for people to stare at strangers who are trying to pee to evaluate who they are, who they're with, and what the status of their relationship is."
"You know, to pass the time while in gridlock traffic." - Pixichixi
"You did nothing wrong, OP! When you have to go, you have to go. It's healthier to go."
"And don't apologize! We're so wired to reduce conflict, even to the point of downplaying how we feel to keep the peace or end the silence. Don't do it."
"It's a him issue. He thinks his feelings on this are more important than your discomfort about showing your naked body on the side of the road. If he can't figure that out for himself and apologize, it would be a dealbreaker for me." - lelawes
Others agreed and pointed out that the ex-boyfriend was very transphobic.
"NTA. Your boyfriend is clearly transphobic. That is 100% on him. And who cares if people think you are Trans?"
"'He said he didn't want people to look at the girl he was dating and think she was Trans.' And you don't want people to think you're dating someone bigoted and hateful." - GreekAmericanDom
"He may not consider himself transphobic ('I don't hate Trans people! I just don't want to be associated with them or have anyone think I'm with a Trans person!'), but he absolutely is, probably with a healthy side helping of homophobia."
"Why would he care, unless a) Trans women are not women in his eyes, or b) it somehow would be emasculating or embarrassing to his ego to be with a Trans woman."
"Also, you're in a traffic jam. Who the f**k is even watching close enough to care, and who of those people matters enough to give two s**ts about what they think."
"Not to mention, he's being weirdly controlling about your behaviors and how they reflect on him in a scenario where arguably he's never going to interact with a single person he's worrying about." - maladicta228
"This post reminds me of the time I got dressed to go to a function. It was a casual gathering. My kid (this was solidly on their father, my ex, as he's gotten insanely bigoted as he's aged) said, 'Mom, you're dressed like a Lesbian.'"
"Me: 'Lesbians have great fashion sense, I'd love to be mistaken for one.'"
"They paused for a second and realized that I truly wasn't dressing for men (despite it being my husband's work function), and that being seen as a lesbian was a good thing. I'm so glad I raised them to think for themselves, and realize that one can be wrong, admit it, and work on being a better person every day. They've never said anything like that since." - baconbitsy
"He's so insecure (and transphobic) that he cares more about what some strangers in a traffic jam might wrongly assume about you (and thereby him) than YOUR needs, comfort, and health."
"He expected you to prioritize his insecurities (feelings) above that and then punished you when you prioritized your health."
"You sure you want to be with someone like that?? NTA." - molotovmerkin
"Your boyfriend is so transphobic that he wants you to expose your genitalia on the side of the road to prove that you're not a Trans woman because he can't stand the idea of a total stranger, in a neighboring car, whom he will never speak to or see ever again, thinking he MIGHT be SHARING A CAR (because the strangers in other cars have no idea that you're dating) with a Trans woman."
"You're NTA, but get a better boyfriend." - HighCsummer
"Literally, you have to be super transphobic to think people in traffic are gonna judge you if your girlfriend is standing to pee. Like come onnnnnn, this is some insane insecurity." - Responsible-Pickle-2
Some pointed out that not only was the ex-boyfriend transphobic, but also controlling.
"This won't be the last time he expects OP to sacrifice things or make her life worse so that she can conform to his ideal of feminine stereotypes and keep up appearances for his fragile masculine ego."
"And that he gave her the silent treatment for not obliging his transphobia and misogyny disguised as 'feelings' is also problematic." - blancamystiere
"He's insecure and transphobic. He also puts his insecurity and transphobia above your comfort."
"NTA, and honestly, you can do better than this specimen." - PetersMapProject
"NTA. Your boyfriend would have preferred for everyone to see your a** and vagina than have a random stranger think his girlfriend is Trans. He would rather you expose yourself for his personal gain."
"Get a better boyfriend." - Amaze-balls-trippen
"The transphobia? The insecurity? And the silent treatment when he doesn't get his way?"
"So many red flags!" - CarolynDesign
"He also puts his insecurity and transphobia above your comfort and safety."
"He would rather you invite unwanted attention and risk by exposing your private parts to the world than have people think he (who most of the onlookers couldn't even see) might be dating a Trans person."
"NTA. OP, he's too insecure, self-centered, and immature to be a good partner to you, given that he's willing to compromise your safety to avoid a single twinge of discomfort. Dump him." - Hari_om_tat_sat
After receiving feedback, the OP was reassured and shared some positive updates.
"UPDATE: Thank you, everyone, for helping me feel sane again!"
"I got quite a few questions about which device I use, and honestly, it's about what fits you best. There are a ton of options. It's what fits you. Check out pStyle, Freshette, and EllaPee."
"I tried peeing standing up in a toilet, and it worked fine. I think my aim was pretty good, but then I saw little droplets on the floor. No thanks, don't need that. Also, it's loud? Awkward."
"But for the outside, it's pretty fun! I drive a lot, that's why it was in my car. Lifesaver."
"Also, I guess in this case it brought out an ugly side of my (ex) boyfriend and clarified some stuff for me. A winner all around."
"And to all the commenters asking, YES, he is an ex-boyfriend now."
"And yes, there were other red flags."
"Ditched the man, kept the pee funnel. Gonna laugh at him every time I pee standing up."
There's no way to imagine just how awkward the rest of the car ride was after using the restroom and returning to the now-silent and very entitled boyfriend, still stuck in a traffic jam.
But fortunately for the OP, she learned something vital about her relationship during a moment that should have been a total non-issue.
By being concerned about this and expecting the OP to prioritize her ex's pride over her comfort, safety, and cleanliness, her ex told her everything she needed to know.