One of the toughest challenges facing a couple is when they make the monumental decision to move in together.
While the prospect is romantic, the reality of a couple adapting to each other’s lifestyle could be a litmus test for the longevity of a relationship.
Redditor FBM1990 is a 28-year-old male who lives with his 24-year-old girlfriend, and things have not been exactly smooth sailing for him.
He had so many questions, he visited the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA) and asked:
“AITA for refusing to abide by my girlfriends overly strict house rules?”
The Original Poster (OP) wrote:
“I live with my girlfriend.”
“Before living together, I lived alone and so I became adjusted to living on my own terms, it’s been tough to adjust to having someone else to mind regarding manners and house rules, but it’s impossible to adjust when my girlfriends rules are this intense.”
“I get no shoes in the apartment rule, but my girlfriend says no feet on the couch pillows, no sitting on the couch after the gym before having a shower, no leaving dishes in the sink, no leaving any food wrappers out, and the most annoying, no drinking straight from the carton.”
“I get that the carton thing is rude in someone else’s house but I live here, and I don’t get the rule considering my girlfriend and I make out so what does it matter?”
“I get that no food wrappers out can attract bugs but I’ll throw them away within a day or so, why does it need to constantly look perfect when we hardly even have guests over and this is my one place in this world to just relax?”
“We share rent, this is my home too, so I told her I’m not going to follow all these rules because I feel a prisoner in my own apartment. AITA??”
Strangers online were asked to declare one of the following:
- NTA – Not the A**hole
- YTA – You’re the A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everybody Sucks Here
If he came to Reddit looking for solace, he certainly didn’t find it in the thread he created.
“I expected her rules to be soo crazy, but no…”
“YTA. You sound like a complaining 13 year old.”
“Let’s break down her rules for fun:”
‘no feet on the couch pillows’
“Reasonable. Why would you put your feet on something you also put your head on? Putting your feet on couch pillows (not the couch) is just weird. Get your own foot pillow.”
‘no sitting on the couch after the gym before having a shower.’
“Reasonable. After the gym, you’re smelly and covered in sweat. Again, why is it so hard to take a damn shower first? It’s just hygiene.”
‘no leaving any food wrappers out.’
“Reasonable. Food wrappers would attract all sorts of pests. After 1 – 2 days?? Does hygiene mean nothing to you? (Spoiler alert: Yes.)”
‘no drinking straight from the carton.’
“Reasonable. It’s rude, it ruins drinks, etc.. YOU KNOW THAT. Get a damn cup.”
“Your general sleazy attitude seems like trouble, honestly.”
‘I’ll throw them away within a day or so, why does it need to constantly look perfect when we hardly even have guests over
Within that day, it’d attract all kinds of bugs before you throw it out. The house doesn’t need to “look perfect,” it needs to be hygienic.’
‘this is my one place in this world to just relax?’
“It’s hers, too, and she doesn’t want a stinky house.” – justbrowsing987654
“Yes this is exactly what i wanted to say!”
“Also Lol i think OP is going through and downvoting everyone’s YTA comments. That’s dedication. Maybe he can take some of that energy and put it into being a better boyfriend/roommate.” – almostaliveinside
“Literally my kids follow these rules.”
“Throw trash in the bin”
“Shower if you got messy outside playing (and chuck your messy clothes in your hamper)”
“No feet on the sofa”
“No drinking from the carton, grab a glass”
“scrape your plate and put it in the dishwasher”
“These are kid rules. I can’t imagine his gross bachelor pad, full of old takeout wrappers, smelling of stale sweat and the milk full of backwash.”
“Edit : Haha, not they don’t have to be planted on the floor, but they can’t walk across the sofa, wear shoes on the sofa, or put their gross sweaty smells like crocs feet on my nice white sofa but they can lounge and put their feet up or sit cross legged or whatever if they’re clean.”
“We just keep the rules simple so they understand them but no one is saying how they need to sit or they can’t lounge and watch TV :)”
“Also, because I’m a child of the 80s and turned into my parents I have a nice (white) sofa in the living room which I’m more fussy about (No, you can’t eat fries and ketchup in there) and a really cozy den with a leather sectional that’s built for abuse. Any dirty sweaty people can go watch the big screen and throw popcorn around in there)”
“These rules are for smelly boy childs remember, 7 and 10, not full grown adults.” – Dark_fascination
“Ya, I was ready for her rules to be ridiculous and vote in his favour. But most of these rules shouldn’t have to be spoken rules in the first place, since they are basic common sense things. Throw your trash in the garbage can, don’t make the couch smell like BO, I’m actually angry at the idea of someone putting their dirty/sweaty/stinky feet on a pillow I use to lay my head on.”
“The only one he might have a leg to stand on is dishes, but based on the other things, I wonder if her timeline about the dishes is like, put them in the dishwasher before bed, or something else equally reasonable.” – Ancient_Potential285
“OP, YTA. This post is exactly right. Your GF is only asking for very BASIC hygiene. Be grateful that she didn’t break up with you once she found out she needed to teach you common sense cleanliness.” – KhaleesiXev
“This is absolutely a maddening habit. My husband, after several severe medical issues, seems to have lost the bit of his cognitive abilities that reminds him to throw wrappers away (I mean cracker sleeves, cheese paper & wrap) when he finishes with it.”
“When he sees me picking it up and throwing it away, he says, ‘I was going to do that’ and I soften it by saying, ‘I was right here, no problem.’ So now I wait until he goes to bed and go around picking up the trail of wrappers. Trust me, it is annoying.”
“BUT my husband has a real medical reason for the things he is forgetting and it still annoys me (I get annoyed with him, not AT him). You, OP, are just an outrageously lazy man with slovenly habits. Learning to live with other people means learning that some people need more cleanliness than your average young men’s college dorm room. YTA.” – BothReading1229
“Food safety certified person here! When you drink from the carton of milk, the bacteria from your mouth transfers to the milk carton. Not all bacteria die in under 40°f (about 4.444°c for everyone not stuck in the past like us US folk). The bacteria can actually cause your milk to sour/spoil faster.”
“Also, a spread of germs (we are in flu season and a pandemic.). Even if you’re making out with your lady friend, she doesn’t want your cold if you have one. Which is why people don’t kiss when their sick, and why you shouldn’t drink from the carton.”
“You also live in an apartment. Even if your place is spotless, your neighbors may not be. If your neighbors get roaches, you will too. They will skitter from one apartment to the other if they feel they are threatened(like the neighbors spraying bug spray).”
“Keeping the place as clean as possible will help as they won’t smell food and think “ooh, new hidey-hole!”. This goes for your dishes too. Any form of food debris, can and will attract them.”
“She’s not asking for much, just for you to be cleanly and pick up after yourself. She’s not being controlling, she’s being cautious. Respect the fact you live with her, or move out. YTA.” – SarcastiMel
“YTA. No dishes in the sink might be slightly annoying if you’re tired or in a rush but the rest are pretty standard ‘don’t be disgusting’ rules? I personally have to at least rinse everything after I use it because touching food in the sink makes me throw an internal tantrum. You don’t seem very compatible domestically :/” – soulsearxhing
“YTA. All of those rules are basic hygiene and to keep your house from stinking and getting pests. I’m sorry you got accustomed to living like a slob, but you need to get unaccustomed real quick.” – Halfling_bard-mom
“YTA. your a 28 y/o adult. Grow up. Be clean and hygienic. You sound kinda like a slob.” – Extreme_Flamingo_940
“YTA- the rules are not strict.”
“Don’t get on the couch after the gym. You smell bad and are more the likely sweaty.”
“Don’t leave food wrappers out. It only takes 10 seconds to throw them away.”
“Don’t drink out the carton. There’s a difference between kissing and drinking after someone I’m sure your guests don’t want to swap your spit.”
“Feet on pillows are gross.”
“It’s also her place to relax and most people like to relax in a clean house.”
“You’re an adult, act like it. Her rules are perfectly reasonable.”
Dishes in the sink can also attract bugs and build up really fast.” – wolfeye18
“YTA, seriously you can’t expect anyone to be ok with you drinking from the carton you may be offering a guest a drink at some point.”
“Decorative pillows do not belong under your feet . You shouldn’t leave trash like wrappers laying around, only lazy people leave trash laying around for days.”
“Why wouldn’t an adult pick up after themselves? Didn’t your parents expect you to not live like a hoggish slob?”
“Why would you ever sit down on your couch all sweaty and gross to stink it up and possib possibly cause staining on the material, this is unhygienic and gross. Why would anyone want their furniture smelling like body odor?”
“You do share rent but if you keep acting like a teenage slob you probably won’t be for long. Clean people will not put up with slobbish filth….” – Dentalhottie
“Honestly she sounds perfectly reasonable and you sound like you’re doing your best to live up to the typical sitcom caricacture of a slobby male.”
“It also sounds like you’re doubling down on these dumb things as some kind of flex or just to be difficult, possibly also a ‘feel the need to mark your territory’ thing.”
“Evaluate why these simple courteous behaviors she requests are such a big deal for you. YTA.” – ProfWiki
“Okay, well two months ago, you brought up having a maid for your place (prior to getting a place with your girlfriend) who came in once a month to clean the beer off the floor.”
“I’m guessing your girlfriend is avoiding you being that guy in the house you share.”
“You also said the cleaning service helped your home feel more homey, so you admit that a clean home is a happy home. You just don’t like being the one who has to do it.” – Oliviarose85
“I get your frustration but honestly these rules are just general hygiene practices.”
“So she doesn’t want the couch pillows smelling like feet. That’s fair, you can get your own couch pillow for your feet.”
“No sitting on the couch after gym/before shower is also fair… Just have a wash!”
“No leaving dishes in the sink is also fair. Just wash your plate when you’re done and then it doesn’t pile up and helps both of you out.”
“Leaving food wrappers for ‘a day or so’?! Why? It takes less than 10 seconds to throw a wrapper in a bin. Job done and you don’t get nagged.”
“And finally drinking from the carton. This makes things go off a lot faster as bacteria from your mouth mixes with the liquid. So again.. Fair.”
“I thought I was about to read some crazy over the top house rules but these are just the basics my dude.”
“If she was telling you that the fridge and cupboards need to be stocked in alphabetical order, or she was making you fold your socks every night before allowing you into bed then I could understand why this upsets you.”
“You need to look at this from a different angle.” – LozRonn
Overall, Redditors thought the OP was the a**hole.
They believed the girlfriend’s rules were hardly demands.
The house rules were reasonable requests steeped in common sense and basic hygiene.