A wedding is supposed to be a celebration of a couple making a lifelong commitment to each other. But the emphasis on having the perfect day has marked the end of more than a few friendships, caused family rifts and even ended a few relationships.
So one bride-to-be decided to check in with Reddit’s “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) forum to see if she was being unreasonable in her wedding planning.
Redditor acelyntono asked:
“AITA for asking one of my bridesmaids to cut her hair?”
“I (hopefully) will be getting married this October to my amazing fiancé. We’ve been together for 4 years, since we were 18.”
“Over the past few weeks, my friends and I have done a weekly zoom call to gossip and discuss details. I asked them all to send me their intended hair and makeup for the day, to which they all did and I thought it was a reasonable request.”
“All of them went for very similar, apart from Madeline. Madeline is the only one of the group who has hair past her chest, and due to the style, she wouldn’t be able to do the same style as everyone else. I gently suggested that she cut her hair to be able to do the same style as everyone else.”
“She asked if i was being serious and I said yes, that I wasn’t planning on asking but that it seemed a simple thing to do. My friends were all pretty outraged over this minor thing and now Madeline is saying she doesn’t want to even be my bridesmaid.”
Then she added:
“It’s only hair, it grows back! AITA?”
Generally this would be where Redditors would vote with one of five options: NTA, YTA, ESH, NAH or INFO.
However there was only one acronym everyone needed.
Over 200 Redditors chimed in to ALL say to acelyntono, YTA or “You’re The A**hole.”
Redditor sirharryflashman summed it up well when they commented:
“To all the brides and grooms out there: the people you select for your wedding party are most likely people you have known for a very long time. You know the colour of their hair, the style of their hair, how many visible tattoos they have, their general appearance, etc…”
“If you do not like any aspect of their appearance – DO NOT try to get them to change for your ‘special day’; simply do not ask them to be in your wedding party. YTA.”
Others concurred with that assessment.
“To piggyback on this: If you place the “visual aesthetic” of one stupid party over life long friends and loved ones, YTA.” ~ InvincibleChutzpah
People shared their own experiences as the ones getting married.
“We asked a friend to be in our wedding and he happily agreed. Big beard on the guy. His girlfriend (we weren’t close to her) told him he would have to be clean shaven for the wedding. He was sooo bummed.”
“We were out to dinner and he brought it up and asked me when I wanted him to shave and I was like !?!? What? Like I’d prefer you have it well maintained for the event like clean but what the f’k do I care about your beard lol. The relief on his face!!”
“She was bummed because she wanted a reason to get rid of the beard. Yeah he ended up getting rid of her.” ~ avocado425
“My mother in law told my husband to shave before our wedding. He didn’t want to but thought he should follow his moms advice.”
“I hadn’t seen him without a beard in over a decade.”
“I was so stunned when I saw his face I almost tripped. I do not understand her logic. My wedding dress was black – clearly, I didn’t care about wedding “rules” or what anyone else thought.”
“No idea why she thought it would matter to me. I’ve never asked him to shave.”
“I refer to our wedding pictures as the day I married his imposter. 😄” ~ followthepost-its
People told the bride to get some perspective.
“YTA – You do not ask people to change their appearance to be in your wedding. Being in the wedding party is about supporting the couple not being dolls for the couple to dress up.” ~ glom4ever
“Does anyone except for the bride even give a sh*t about the bridesmaid’s hair, makeup, shoes and whatnot? Like would people clutch their pearls if they didn’t all wear the same shade of nail polish?”
“We don’t have bridesmaids where I’m from so this whole concept of using people as props for the wedding pictures is super weird to me.” ~ DoctorsHouse
“…most brides and grooms don’t like to hear this – your guests won’t remember what your centerpieces look like or the exact hairstyle your bridesmaids have. They want to celebrate with you and then get to the open bar, in that order.” ~ Whiteroses7252012
“When I was getting married, I asked myself what I remembered from all the weddings I’ve gone to. It was:”
- “if it was way too long”
- “if the food was good”
- “if some disaster happened”
“Since the last one would be out of my control, I figured only the first two were major concerns. Then me and my spouse each picked three things that were important to us (like ‘no dancing!’ for them 😁) and that’s literally all we cared about.”
“Good food and don’t have things drag on for five years. That’s all anyone will really remember so if there are things you don’t care about, don’t worry about them because no one else will care, either.” ~ ValosAtredum
While the bride didn’t come looking for advice, they certainly got some good feedback. Whether or not they apply it is up to them.