Bachelor and bachelorette parties receive mixed reactions and for good reasons.
While some people are going out to celebrate their upcoming wedding days, others use the opportunity to do everything they think they'll be trapped out of doing once they're married, cringed the "Am I the A**hole?" (AITAH) subReddit.
Redditor Foreign_Slice8964 was enjoying a quiet bachelorette party when countless posts appeared on social media of her future husband's much wilder bachelor party.
But when his behavior became increasingly lewd and unfaithful, the Original Poster (OP) decided enough was enough.
She asked the sub:
"AITAH for breaking off my wedding because of my fiancé's bachelor party?"
The OP's future husband behaved questionably at his bachelor party.
"My fiancé and I have been together for two years."
"It was our wedding eve and I was having my bachelorette party and he was having his bachelor party."
"My bachelorette party was just a little thing with some of my girlfriends and family at my home with drinks that the family put together for me."
"On the other hand, my fiancé's bachelor party was at a bar with a huge party (which is perfectly fine with me)."
"Halfway into my party, my friend ran up to me with a video of my fiancé getting a lap dance from one of the girls there. Then she showed the next video (these were on Snapchat stories), and that video showed my fiancé licking a mixed drink off of a girl's breast. Then there was another video of him making out with a girl and then another girl right after her."
"I was upset and confronted my fiancé about it when he got home the day of our wedding."
"He got all defensive and said, 'It's what guys do on their bachelor party nights. It's the last night we have to be single, babe.'"
"He was hungover and I was furious because I understand, but you don't just go making out with girls and licking drinks off their breasts."
What the OP witnessed next was the final straw.
"I just decided to try to forget it and go on with the wedding, but when he was in the shower, his phone kept going off."
"We have a rule where we don't go through each other's phones unless there's a reason and we have to let the other person know if we are going through them."
"I wasn't going to touch it but it kept going off with people sending him photos on his phone from the night before, so I decided to look at the videos to see if I missed anything."
"His phone was full of photos of my fiancé in bed with TWO girls with NO clothes."
"I turned his phone off, went in the bathroom, and I told him the wedding was off and that I needed time to process what happened."
"He asked why and I said, 'Look at your phone and see.'"
"He then changed the whole subject and went insane over the searching phones rule."
"I told him boyfriends don't f**k other girls just because it's their last night as not a husband."
"He cussed me out and then begged for me to keep the wedding on."
"I walked out and said no."
The family lashed out at the OP for canceling the wedding.
"It's been two days now, and his family is upset with me because I called off the wedding too close to the wedding and ruined their son's day."
"Everyone who was at my bachelorette party is on my side, saying it's his fault and he needs to realize he's in the wrong."
"Should I talk to him about it and reschedule the wedding? I do love him, but I'm not sure if this was a red flag that can lead into the future with him."
"AITAH?"
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You're the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Some confirmed for the OP that this totally qualified as cheating.
"You know what I didn't do at my bachelor party? Cheat on my wife. I wasn't even around women; a bunch of my friends and I just got drunk at a bowling alley and it was a blast."
"This type of behavior isn't something that just happens once. He's done it before and he'll do it again." - McbEatsAirplane
"NTA, he CHEATED on you under the excuse that 'It's just what guys do' at their bachelor parties (which, it's not if they have any respect for you) and is lovebombing you and gaslighting you into staying."
"If you marry this man, he will 100% cheat on you again, and again it won't be his fault but the fault of the situation (ex. You didn't pay attention to him when he needed it, he had a stressful day at work, he was drunk, etc.)."
"He will continue to do this until you eventually leave him or make yourself settle for him. This will not be a happy and healthy relationship for you and will only benefit him in the end, so get out while you can." - PenWeary
"I've had two bachelor parties. I never slept with or even kissed anyone else, although the first one did include a trip to a strip club, with full knowledge and permission from my fiancee and agreed upon things that were okay vs not okay to do there. I've also been to a bunch of other people's bachelor parties and none of them have slept with anyone else either."
"Cheating on their soon-to-be wives isn't something 'guys do,' it's something the stereotypical toxic bro character does in movies. There's a reason for that. If he thinks it's okay to cheat on you the night before your wedding it is definitely not going to be the last time he cheats on you." - Chaos-1313
"NTA. '...It's the last night we have to be single...' so, according to him, you guys haven't been in a relationship this entire time?"
"Hopefully, you can get some refunds on short notice. It really sucks this happened, but it's best you find out now." - LTColeShinySides
"LOL (laughing out loud)... Should you go through with the wedding? Do you... want to sign up for a lifetime of being disrespected and cheated on?"
"Sure, go ahead with the wedding. A guy who would cheat on you before the wedding isn't going to stop because you have a party. It wasn't his 'last night' to be with someone else. His last night to be with someone else was when he committed to you, the wedding is irrelevant." - ResurrectionScary
Others agreed and urged the OP to move on... and to get tested.
"Get tested for STDs. A guy like this did not just cheat on you on his bachelor party night." - MaryAnne0601
"NTA. Why the heck would anyone marry someone who just cheated on them multiple times in one night? It's not a last night to be single, that's absurd. He was never single."
"I think you've dodged a gigantic bullet here and I'd also go get an STD check." - Outside-Ad-1677
"Him getting a lapdance and going to a strip club ALONE would be enough for me to call off the wedding. Much less him being sexually involved with other people."
"He CHEATED on you. Even before you saw him with two naked girls, it was cheating. I'm glad you decided to take out the trash by kicking him out of your life. Please get tested!"
"Also, the 'it's my last night being single' mindset is toxic and disgusting as f**k, to be honest. If you're about to get married, there is nothing single about you." - livingstone97
"At first, I was like, oh whatever, he licked drinks (I'd be p**sed but could work through it), but then it just got progressively worse and his response was insane as he was gaslighting you for breaking the phone rules when he literally cheated on you…"
"I don't understand why guys say 'it's my last night being single' when b***h, you weren't single ever since you started dating me, so men who do that before marriage are VERY LIKELY to do it during marriage. You just dodged a bullet there."
"His family and friends have no reason to be upset with you if they know the truth. If they don't, I think it's fair to tell everyone and anyone to shame him because cheaters don't deserve to get away with it."
"Def tell him to pack up as your planning to do and kick his a** out, you deserve so much better girl and I know you're going to get that one day soon! Get tested, so there aren't any surprises to ruin your new, happy life." - Capital_Team_3352
"Just one data point: I, as a guy, had a bachelor 'party,' and it was absolutely nothing like that... no infidelity or anything even remotely close to it."
"Holy S**t about him in bed with two other women! I would ay he's the a**hole based on your story."
"I would not allow him to have the high road with his family if they are giving you s**t. Tell them what you found on the phone." - Chulbiski
"NTA. It's not his last night of being single if he's been in a two-year relationship and is ENGAGED. He is the epitome of NOT SINGLE."
"HE CHEATED. I would get an STD test. You've no idea how far he went."
"Love to see that you're canceling the wedding and kicking him out." - 1ofdwights70cousins
After receiving feedback, the OP stood up for herself.
"I've thought about it and read the comments, and I'm going to have a talk with him to move his things out of the house. I am the one who bought the house and pays the bills on it."
"I don't want him in my life and the comments made me realize it was a huge mistake to even think of putting the wedding back on."
"Thank you for your advice."
The subReddit was disgusted on the OP's behalf for how her ex-boyfriend had treated her and how little he valued their relationship.
It was clear that he thought very little of faithfulness in their relationship, and it was best for the OP to walk away and start fresh before she had to file divorce paperwork.
Woman Breaks Up With Boyfriend Who Worried People Would Think She Was Trans For Using Stand-To-Pee Device
Content Warning: Transphobia, Transphobic Comments
There are countless different reasons that a relationship might end, and a red flag could arise at any time. Some of these might have been learned in childhood and could improve over time.
Transphobia is absolutely a red flag that should be acted on immediately; however, with no option to fly again, pointed out the members of the "Am I the A**hole?" (AITA) subReddit.
Redditor funnelfuss was in the car with her boyfriend when they got stuck in a traffic jam.
She really needed to use the restroom, so since she had a device with her to make the process easier, she decided she'd step out of the car.
But when her boyfriend panicked and thought people might mistake her for a man, the Original Poster (OP) realized that her boyfriend was not who she thought he was.
She asked the sub:
The OP had to use the restroom while stuck in a traffic jam.
"My (26 Female) boyfriend (25 Male) and I got stuck in an insane traffic jam. My boyfriend was driving."
"We were at a standstill. Found out later on, they had closed the highway."
"I had to pee really bad, like bad bad bad. I saw that a couple guys had run to the side of the road to pee, and I decided to do the same."
"It was super open, with a few bushes by the side of the road, really not much cover."
The OP's boyfriend became uncomfortable when he realized she had a pee-to-stand device.
"I have a stand-to-pee device in my car, but when I grabbed it, my boyfriend got all weird."
"He said people would see me pee standing up and think I was Trans."
"I said no one would think that, plenty of women have pee funnels, and that also I didn't care. I have no beef with Trans people!"
"He said I should squat, just to put his mind at ease."
"I said I didn't want to get my butt and c**ch out on the highway in front of everyone, or get pee on my shoes, and I just wanted to be quick and clean."
"He said he didn't want people to look at the girl he was dating and think she was Trans and that I should squat, like GIRLS do."
The OP decided she was over it.
"I was dying by this point. I couldn't hold it anymore, and I really didn't want to show the world my butt, so I ran to the side of the road and slipped the device into my jeans and just peed standing up with my back to traffic."
"No one could see anything; it just slides through the zipper. But I guess maybe if someone was looking, they would be confused? But also, who's LOOKING?!"
"When I got back to the car, my boyfriend wouldn't talk to me. He says I disrespected his feelings. But it was 100% an emergency, and I don't get what his problem was."
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
Some reassured the OP that there was nothing wrong with using the restroom how she wanted.
"OP, don't think for one more second about this. Your boyfriend is being ridiculous."
"As if you will ever see any of those people again! Plus, holding it in for too long can cause a whole host of issues."
"It's actually genius that you have something like that in your car, just in case. I'm going to order one too now! NTA." - m_alice88
"'Honey, please show all these strangers your c**ch and a** so they know I'm not gay, mmmm'kay?'"
"A weak man, a very weak man." - lefteyedcrow
"You must have a she-wee! Those are so great for women."
"Tell your boyfriend to get over himself. You had to pee. He does not understand that squatting can suck and leave you exposed."
"If he is that upset you did this, rethink this relationship. I would find it hysterical."
"NTA." - Oktodayithink
"NTA, OP. You just needed a makeshift restroom."
"Your boyfriend apparently thought that it was normal for people to stare at strangers who are trying to pee to evaluate who they are, who they're with, and what the status of their relationship is."
"You know, to pass the time while in gridlock traffic." - Pixichixi
"You did nothing wrong, OP! When you have to go, you have to go. It's healthier to go."
"And don't apologize! We're so wired to reduce conflict, even to the point of downplaying how we feel to keep the peace or end the silence. Don't do it."
"It's a him issue. He thinks his feelings on this are more important than your discomfort about showing your naked body on the side of the road. If he can't figure that out for himself and apologize, it would be a dealbreaker for me." - lelawes
Others agreed and pointed out that the ex-boyfriend was very transphobic.
"NTA. Your boyfriend is clearly transphobic. That is 100% on him. And who cares if people think you are Trans?"
"'He said he didn't want people to look at the girl he was dating and think she was Trans.' And you don't want people to think you're dating someone bigoted and hateful." - GreekAmericanDom
"He may not consider himself transphobic ('I don't hate Trans people! I just don't want to be associated with them or have anyone think I'm with a Trans person!'), but he absolutely is, probably with a healthy side helping of homophobia."
"Why would he care, unless a) Trans women are not women in his eyes, or b) it somehow would be emasculating or embarrassing to his ego to be with a Trans woman."
"Also, you're in a traffic jam. Who the f**k is even watching close enough to care, and who of those people matters enough to give two s**ts about what they think."
"Not to mention, he's being weirdly controlling about your behaviors and how they reflect on him in a scenario where arguably he's never going to interact with a single person he's worrying about." - maladicta228
"This post reminds me of the time I got dressed to go to a function. It was a casual gathering. My kid (this was solidly on their father, my ex, as he's gotten insanely bigoted as he's aged) said, 'Mom, you're dressed like a Lesbian.'"
"Me: 'Lesbians have great fashion sense, I'd love to be mistaken for one.'"
"They paused for a second and realized that I truly wasn't dressing for men (despite it being my husband's work function), and that being seen as a lesbian was a good thing. I'm so glad I raised them to think for themselves, and realize that one can be wrong, admit it, and work on being a better person every day. They've never said anything like that since." - baconbitsy
"He's so insecure (and transphobic) that he cares more about what some strangers in a traffic jam might wrongly assume about you (and thereby him) than YOUR needs, comfort, and health."
"He expected you to prioritize his insecurities (feelings) above that and then punished you when you prioritized your health."
"You sure you want to be with someone like that?? NTA." - molotovmerkin
"Your boyfriend is so transphobic that he wants you to expose your genitalia on the side of the road to prove that you're not a Trans woman because he can't stand the idea of a total stranger, in a neighboring car, whom he will never speak to or see ever again, thinking he MIGHT be SHARING A CAR (because the strangers in other cars have no idea that you're dating) with a Trans woman."
"You're NTA, but get a better boyfriend." - HighCsummer
"Literally, you have to be super transphobic to think people in traffic are gonna judge you if your girlfriend is standing to pee. Like come onnnnnn, this is some insane insecurity." - Responsible-Pickle-2
Some pointed out that not only was the ex-boyfriend transphobic, but also controlling.
"This won't be the last time he expects OP to sacrifice things or make her life worse so that she can conform to his ideal of feminine stereotypes and keep up appearances for his fragile masculine ego."
"And that he gave her the silent treatment for not obliging his transphobia and misogyny disguised as 'feelings' is also problematic." - blancamystiere
"He's insecure and transphobic. He also puts his insecurity and transphobia above your comfort."
"NTA, and honestly, you can do better than this specimen." - PetersMapProject
"NTA. Your boyfriend would have preferred for everyone to see your a** and vagina than have a random stranger think his girlfriend is Trans. He would rather you expose yourself for his personal gain."
"Get a better boyfriend." - Amaze-balls-trippen
"The transphobia? The insecurity? And the silent treatment when he doesn't get his way?"
"So many red flags!" - CarolynDesign
"He also puts his insecurity and transphobia above your comfort and safety."
"He would rather you invite unwanted attention and risk by exposing your private parts to the world than have people think he (who most of the onlookers couldn't even see) might be dating a Trans person."
"NTA. OP, he's too insecure, self-centered, and immature to be a good partner to you, given that he's willing to compromise your safety to avoid a single twinge of discomfort. Dump him." - Hari_om_tat_sat
After receiving feedback, the OP was reassured and shared some positive updates.
"UPDATE: Thank you, everyone, for helping me feel sane again!"
"I got quite a few questions about which device I use, and honestly, it's about what fits you best. There are a ton of options. It's what fits you. Check out pStyle, Freshette, and EllaPee."
"I tried peeing standing up in a toilet, and it worked fine. I think my aim was pretty good, but then I saw little droplets on the floor. No thanks, don't need that. Also, it's loud? Awkward."
"But for the outside, it's pretty fun! I drive a lot, that's why it was in my car. Lifesaver."
"Also, I guess in this case it brought out an ugly side of my (ex) boyfriend and clarified some stuff for me. A winner all around."
"And to all the commenters asking, YES, he is an ex-boyfriend now."
"And yes, there were other red flags."
"Ditched the man, kept the pee funnel. Gonna laugh at him every time I pee standing up."
There's no way to imagine just how awkward the rest of the car ride was after using the restroom and returning to the now-silent and very entitled boyfriend, still stuck in a traffic jam.
But fortunately for the OP, she learned something vital about her relationship during a moment that should have been a total non-issue.
By being concerned about this and expecting the OP to prioritize her ex's pride over her comfort, safety, and cleanliness, her ex told her everything she needed to know.