Many would agree that the biggest downside of being a bridesmaid is having to wear a dress that not everyone loves.
Sometimes that also includes make-up and hair choices that they would never normally wear.
Like ever.
Bridesmaids go through with it, nonetheless, to show how much they love their friend about to enter her next chapter.
Even if they secretly (or not so secretly) can't wait to get out of those dresses or change their hairstyles.
Redditor formallyacowfrog was recently a bridesmaid for a good friend of hers.
A friend who wanted her bridesmaids to wear their hair in a very specific way.
Although this hairstyle differed from what the original poster (OP) usually wore, she went along with it.
When she reverted to her usual hairstyle shortly after the wedding was over, the OP's friend was less than happy to see this.
Having some doubts about her behavior, the OP took to the subReddit "Am I The A**hole" (AITA), where she asked fellow Redditors:
"AITA for buzzing the hair I grew out to be my friends maid of honor while she was on her honeymoon?"
The OP explained why her change of hairstyles was not appreciated by her recently married friend:
"I (24 F[emale]) like having short hair, I always have short hair."
"Anyway, my friend (23 F) got engaged, and we were looking at hairstyles for her wedding."
"She had a vision board (not that she had called it that) full, that she had clearly already spent months, if not years, knowing her curating."
"All the hairstyles were long and similar, with a few short ones like mine, which she had clearly added at the last minute."
"I could tell by the way she talked she was less than enthusiastic about the short hairstyles despite trying to be (even her husband's hair is past his shoulders)."
"So I told her I'd grow it out and get extensions, I was curious how it'd look long anyway, I first cut it when I was 9."
"For me it was always temporary, but as the wedding got pushed back (2 years) it got longer, down to about my armpit."
"While it was long, I had fun with it, I learned braids and intricate styles."
"Anyway, the wedding happened at the end of February, I had the same beautiful updo as the other bridesmaids, and I decided the experiment was great, but I was going back into my comfort zone and buzzed it all off."
"I would have had no regrets if that was the end."
"I posted on Instagram a picture of my new hair and captioned it 'wedding over, hedgehogs back'."
"I got a DM from a few people asking if my long hair was for the wedding. I mistook their concern for curiosity and told them, yeah, my friend likes long hair."
"I saw her the next week, and she was furious at me for telling people she was a controlling bridezilla over something that was my idea."
"She was unaware that I was keeping my hair long for her and thought I had genuinely just liked it."
"I cleared it up with people, but they don't believe me they think she's pressured me into saying that."
"It's a mess, and my friend isn't talking to me."
"Who's the A**hole here? What do I do?"
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation, by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You're The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
While the Reddit community generally agreed that the OP wasn't an a**hole for cutting her hair after the wedding, they were a bit more divided as to whether or not they thought she was the a**hole for her behavior.
Some felt that she wasn't an a**hole for cutting her hair, and didn't necessarily do anything wrong, but should have chosen her words more carefully, and definitely should have considered clarifying the situation on social media:
"Just make a post saying 'for anyone concerned, I was not asked to grow out my hair, I did it as I knew it would make my friend happy, even if she would never ask me herself. It was a fun experiment, I enjoyed the different things I got to try, but at the end of the day, I missed my short hair and was excited to share that it's back'."
"For anyone who is calling bridezilla or such, they obviously don't know you or her."
"People are going to draw whatever conclusions they want and nothing you say will change their minds."
"NTA."- Sunnyok85
"NTA."
"You were giving a gift to your friend because you care about her."
"Similar to bridesmaids wearing a dress they despise because the bride picked it - but WAY more thoughtful."
"You are a very good friend."- lorindaja
Others, however, understood why the OP's friend felt her post illuminated her in a negative light and felt the OP should have realized this:
"YTA."
"You wanted to vent about your clearly unresolved emotions about leaving your hair long - instead of processing it yourself or discussing them with your friend like an adult, you wrote a cheeky caption and got the fawning you'd been hoping for."
"You're only confused as to why publicly pinning your friend's wedding as the reason you changed yourself is weird and rude, because there have been repercussions for you too. This is sneaky, full stop. you deserve her cold shoulder."- West-Sound405
"YTA, not for cutting your hair, but for posting what could very easily be interpreted as a backhanded caption towards your friend."- SaladSlut123
"Gentle YTA."
"While you may not have intended it, you implied you only kept your long hair for the wedding and now your friend is catching unnecessary heat, when you well knew you could've had short hair for the wedding and chose to grow it out."- -ciscoholdmusic-
"You are not AN a**hole but soft YTA."
"You grew your hair for several years to help your friend have her dream wedding aesthetic."
"That's a great friend."
"I do think it would have been nice of you to add something like 'friend was totally cool with me having short hair, for the record' on the original post."
"This situation seems pretty predictable without that."- OkayDay21
"YTA."
"Because you made the whole haircut post about the wedding."
"Obviously, people are going to think you've been desperately waiting to have it all cut off, and it makes it look like she pressured you."
"I understand if that wasn't your intention, but you should definitely do what you can to put it right."-Weary_Comparison_928
"NTA for buzzing your hair immediately after the wedding."
"YTA for your post and replies on social media implying that your friend was a bridezilla who made you grow it out."- DameChungus
"YTA."
"You decided to grow it out bc you felt she wanted it."
"Then posted a picture of the cut and blamed the long hair on her."
"You're not wrong for cutting your hair, you're wrong for the caption."- whatever3232
"YTA a bit."
"The way you phrased the caption reads as if you were required to grow your hair out for the wedding."
"Not as if you suggested it yourself."- Own_Device_1142
"Leaning YTA."
"I don't believe that you 'mistook their concern for curiosity', it reads a little like you're playing dumb on that."
"And the fact that people don't believe you when you tried to clear it up does make it sound like you were inauthentically following up. like reinforcing the 'bridezilla' thing by making it seem like she wanted you to do damage control."- coolguy4206969
"YTA for making your friend look like one."
"If you had replied to DMs with something along the lines of 'sort of - I was curious about long hair anyway and thought she might appreciate it', then it would have been fine."
"But you made it sound like your friend made you grow your hair out for her wedding, which wasn't true - you made her look bad, and she didn't deserve it."- ProfessorLopsided787
While others could see the point of view from both the OP and her friend:
"NAH."
"It would have been better for you to tell the DMers that this was a fun experiment for the wedding."
"I can see why people misinterpreted your words, but this was totally unintentional on your part and doesn't make you an a**hole."
"It's fair that your friend feels hurt that people are thinking of her in a bad light over this, especially since it doesn't seem like she truly pressured you at all."
"Awkward stuff happens, it'll blow over."- starchy2ber
"NAH."
"You apparently didn't realize people took* your caption the wrong way, but you tried to correct their misinterpretation."
"Just keep correcting them the next few times it comes up, then let it go."- ArcanelyChaotic
The OP wouldn't be the first bridesmaid to dislike her required wedding hairstyle.
However, it's also easy to see how the OP's friend might have seen her post come off a bit too relieved.
Hopefully, with a civil conversation and possibly a public apology, what seemed to be a simple misunderstanding might all get cleared up.
