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Guy Balks After Brother Demands To See What His ‘Sl*ttish’ Girlfriend Is Wearing To His Wedding

Ryan Snaadt/Unsplash

What to wear at a wedding?

Such an uneasy question.

You want to look good but you never want to upstage the bride.

It can be especially difficult when you’re super cute and everything you wear is gorgeous.

What does a pretty guest to do?

Case in point…

Redditor WhyTheDramaFFS wanted to discuss his story for some feedback. So naturally he came to visit the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit.

He asked:

“AITA for refusing to show my brother and his soon to be wife what my gf has chosen to wear at their wedding?”

The Original Poster (OP) explained:

“My (m[ale] 30) brother (m 32) and his fiancé (f[emale] 26) are getting married at the end of the month.”

“My girlfriend (f 32) is my +1 we’ve been together for 6 months and she’s great.”

“Yesterday I was at my brother’s to help him set up new shelves in the kitchen.”

“That’s when he told me his fiancé had a request.”

“The fiancé asked me what my g[irlf[riend] is planning to wear on the wedding because ‘honestly she’s dresses provocatively and she might wear something inappropriate.'”

“She asked me if it was ok that we showed her (the bride) my gf’s outfit for approval.”

“I’m aware about weddings demanding a certain dress code and that there’re a lot of rules involved, but I was a bit shocked about her request.”

“I thought it to be a bit disrespectful.”

“My gf is a very beautiful woman who loves fashion.”

“I haven’t noticed that she’s ever been inappropriate.”

Maybe she likes the mini dress and and the low back occasionally but it has been in the right environment like on a night out or a date with me otherwise she’s very modest, barely wears makeup.”

“Plus she’s knows fashion and she’s probably aware of the rules of weddings.”

“I didn’t feel the bride’s request was OK so I told her no way that I’m going to ask my gf that.”

“The bride got a bit sulky and didn’t talk much to me the rest of the evening.”

“I went to my gf afterwards for dinner and while we were preparing we started talking about the wedding.”

“I asked her if she had bought something for the wedding and she said she didn’t have to.”

“She had a lot of dresses and she already chosen one.”

“SHOW ME! She did.”

“She’s chosen an olive green mini dress with high collar. It was perfect.”

“I texted my brother and soon to be wife that the dress was modest so they could chill.”

“This morning, the bride called me asking me to send her a pic of the dress (huh?)”

“What are you still going on about! NO! I saw the dress. it’s perfect.”

“You should take my word for it.”

“She was raging mad crying that I’m trying to ruin her wedding.”

“Are you going to ask all 150 guests to send you pictures of their outfits for approval?”

“No! Only your gf because likes wearing sl**tish outfits. I hung up.”

“I texted my brother that my gf didn’t need to come to the wedding since the relationship was new and when they sent the save the date I was still single so it just said +1.”

“He texted me back saying I’m a D. Soon to be sister in law also texted calling me a D.”

“Here’s where I might have been an AH. I could’ve just sent a pic to calm them down but I didn’t because what they’re asking is a bit hurtful .”

“And even if I did it behind gf’s back to avoid hurting her feelings its still disrespectful to sneak around.”

“They should have just trusted my judgment so…”


Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA?:

  • NTA – Not The A**hole
  • YTA – You’re The A**hole
  • NAH – No A**holes Here
  • ESH – Everyone Sucks Here

Redditors declared our OP was NOT the A**hole.

It’s a tricky situation.

Let’s hear some thoughts…

“NTA! You did right.”

“As a woman, I would be very offended if someone took a picture of my outfit like that and “approved” it behind my back.”

“You respected your GFs privacy while attempting to diffuse the situation with the bride to be.”

“It’s not your fault that they disagree.”   ~chromatographic87

“Yeah I’m sensing jealousy from the sister in law.”

“The fact that she chose his girlfriend specifically and didn’t ask any other guests tells me she views his girlfriend as someone who could potentially get a lot of attention on her wedding day.”

“Some brides literally can’t stand anyone standing out besides them.”

“Lol I didn’t care at all at my wedding.”

“It never occurred to me to ask anyone to send me pictures of their outfits.”  ~ Leila3907

“NTA. But you should have had a conversation with your brother asking why she has such low self esteem that she needs to ask you that.”

“And you were right to call her out on her behavior. She’s being a bridezilla!”  ~ Safe_Frosting1807

“NTA. I actually think your instinct is right and it would have been disrespectful to actually send a photo without your girlfriend’s knowledge.”

“But the text seems just within the boundaries especially since it sounds like you were trying to protect your girlfriend by shutting it down without involving her.”

“Where you entered very very NTA territory is when you said ‘okay she won’t come.'”

“That’s basically the ‘problem’ solved right there.”

“Brother/SIL got their way and somehow they’re still acting like you’re the A**hole.”

“I could understand if your girlfriend found out and was like ‘I would have preferred to be involved/for you to handle this differently on my behalf/I’m sad about being disinvited.'”

“But literally the party calling you the asshole got exactly what they wanted.”

“I think this is the moment to loop in your girlfriend though.”

“Don’t lie and make up some other reason for her not going.”  ~ deqb

OP came back around with more information. 

“My gf wore a very revealing dress on my 30th birthday.”

“That was the first and only time my sister-in-law and my gf met.”

“It was a designer dress (MiuMiu) that cost 4K that my gf could borrow from one of her stylist friends.”

“She was so happy because she could never afford a dress like that (and honestly I was happy for totally different reasons I will keep to myself).”

“That dress is probably the start of this sh**storm.”

“I still can’t understand the bride since these are two very different occasions”

“the cursed birthday dress

“NTA – The bride isn’t worried that you GF will show up in a white dress or a provocative dress.”

“She is worried that she will look better than her.”

“A dress that is too short or neckline too low may get glances from some people but it won’t impact the wedding.”

“She isn’t close to family so she won’t be in the wedding pictures.”

“I would seriously ask my brother if he is OK signing up for this level of entitlement, rudeness, and control for the rest of his life.”  ~ FLKaren

OP has an ending for all of us as well… The update…

“I want to start by saying thank you for the NTA.”

“And here’s my update. I thought I needed to make one since a lot of things happened.”

“My brother texted me asking how I shall solve this. I didn’t text him back.”

“I was meeting my gf later that day and I thought I could call him afterwards.”

“When I was at my gf’s I asked if she accepted to be my +1 because she wanted or just for my sake.”

“She said that if she was being honest she was doing it for me.”

“She said since I’m one of the groomsmen she would be alone and she knew nobody.”

“She was a bit nervous. I told her she was off the hook and she was surprised but pleased.”

“I texted my friend (Steve) and asked him to be my date to the wedding, he was game.”

“On my way home I called my brother and told him that gf is out, Steve in.”

“He was silent for a moment and then said ‘why did you have to do this?’”

“I told him well, I’m serious about this woman.”

“If she’s to be a part of our family I don’t want her to know that your first impression of her was that she’s a sl*t.”

“I did not appreciate your judgment of her and I wasn’t going to risk hurting her feelings, not even a little bit over a dress.”

“You insinuated that she’s inappropriate, I rejected your hypothesis.”

“I tried to be nice, even if I didn’t need to, and investigated about the dress and reported back to you.”

“That should’ve been good enough. But there’s no harm done.”

“I’m happy to bring Steve with me. Do you want a picture of what he’s planning to wear?”

“He laughed! and then asked me ‘why do you have to be so difficult man?’”

“I told him I wasn’t the one being difficult. You’ve invited 150 people.”

“There’s no way in hell you could control all of them.”

“Instead of enabling her behavior you should help your wife overcome her insecurities.”

“She’s a beautiful lady and doesn’t need to feel jealous or threatened by my gf or any other woman.”

“That’s when I heard something like a banshee screaming. I almost drove off the road.”

“My idiot brother had put me on speaker this whole time and future SIL heard everything including me calling her insecure.”

“I panicked and drove directly to their house.”

“Future SIL was in the bathroom crying and my brother was furious.”

“I apologized probably a hundred time before she opened the door and let me in.”

“I swore I was joking and it wasn’t even a good joke.”

“She didn’t stop crying. I kissed her forehead and begged her to forgive me.”

“My brother told me she’ll calm down eventually so yeah I f**ked up real bad.”

“Now I have a lot of damage control to do.”

“Maybe try to upgrade their honeymoon flight to first class, or ask the bridesmaids if I could fund her bridal shower or maybe I don’t know.”

“Any advice is appreciated.”

“LOL, I see that the kiss on the forehead has caused chaos in my chat.”

“It’s normal in my culture to kiss people you’re apologizing to on the head/forehead and I may have misspoken there, it’s more on the head.”

“Nothing sexual and the fact that she was in the bathroom doesn’t make it creepier.”

“I mean it’s ok I guess if you think other cultures are creepy, but you need to chill 😂.”

“NTA and just for fun, you should show up in cargo shorts and a tuxedo t-shirt.”  ~ Glum-Experience1684

“NTA they insulted your gf and Judged her for the clothes she wears.”

“Kudos to you for standing up to your gf.”

“They have no reason to ask her or anyone else in the wedding to show them the clothes they’re wearing.”

“Seems to me the bride is insecure and scared of being upstaged.”

“If she wanted a dress code she should have included it in the invitation.”

“They owe you and your gf an apology and the bride needs to stop being a bridezilla.”  ~ Anizziepluto

Well this is quite the conundrum.

Reddit can certainly see why OP feels the way he feels.

Seems like a serious family chat is in order.

Good luck to both couples.