No matter how hard we try, we simply can’t please everyone.
Even so, that doesn’t stop us from trying as hard as we can.
Going to almost foolhardy lengths to make sure everyone is happy and content.
Only to find ourselves met with complaints.
Redditor throwaway19100220 recently invited her family out to dinner.
Upon receiving the original poster (OP)’s invite, her cousin requested a different restaurant.
A request the OP flatly refused, causing some internal drama throughout her family.
Wondering if she was being unreasonable, the OP took to the subReddit “Am I The A**hole” (AITA), where she asked fellow Redditors:
“AITA for not picking the restaurant my cousin wanted?”
The OP explained why her cousin demanded a different restaurant and why she refused this request:
“I (25 F[emale]) just recently received a great promotion at work, and I’m really excited about it.”
“Because of this, I decided to invite some family out to dinner to celebrate.”
“I chose a steakhouse and when my cousin, Aria (32 F) found out it was a steakhouse called me to let me know that I had to pick a different restaurant.”
“When I asked why, she explained it was because she was vegan, gluten-free, and also has a few allergies and couldn’t trust that they wouldn’t cross-contaminate her food.”
“I explained to her that there were vegan and gluten-free options and we could let the restaurant know of her allergies so everything would be fine.”
“She refused, saying it doesn’t make a difference, and told me if I didn’t pick a different restaurant, she wouldn’t attend and hung up.”
“This has happened in the past as well; whenever I want to go out to a restaurant, whether it’s for an event or a birthday, she has an issue with it and has been doing this since I was younger.”
“I remember when I turned 16, she told my parents that I had picked a restaurant she couldn’t eat at.”
“Because of this my parents let her pick where we went for my birthday and she picked one of my least favorite restaurants and I had no fun.”
“To be honest, I don’t really care if she attends or not so I texted her and let her know that I wouldn’t be changing the restaurant.”
“Because of this, she’s been going absolutely feral and texting others to not attend because I’m being inconsiderate.”
“I’ve been asked if maybe I can change the restaurant for her preferences, but I denied it.”
“AITA?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation, by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
The Reddit community unanimously agreed that the OP was not the a**hole for refusing to change the restaurant to accommodate her cousin.
Everyone agreed that since the family dinner was celebrating her promotion, she had the first and final say regarding the restaurant, with many also agreeing the OP’s cousin needed to be put in her place and learn she can’t always get what she wants:
“‘She’s been going absolutely feral and texting others to not attend’.”
“I do not understand this dynamic.”
“Very often OPs mention family members are calling nonstop and making demands.”
“I truly believe you (and others) should not give a flying f…”
“Don’t wanna go?”
“Then don’t go.”
“Not your problem and absolutely not everyone else in the family’s problem.”
“NTA.”- n2oc10h12c8h10n402
“NTA.”
“It’s your celebration.”
“You get to decide where to hold the party.”
“You shouldn’t let one guest dictate where you can eat.”
“There are options for people with dietary restrictions.”
“Many restaurants do have vegan and gluten-free options these days.”
“She can also ask about bringing her own food.”
“You offered to contact the restaurant beforehand and see what they could do to accommodate her.”
“That’s all you had to do.
“If she doesn’t feel this is enough, or she doesn’t want to attend, she isn’t obligated to be there.”
“Given the way she’s acting, I wouldn’t invite her to future events.”- Wild_Ticket1413
“Stop inviting her.”
“The dinner is for you.”
“Go where you want.”
“NTA.”- Hawaiianstylin808
“NTA.”
“I’m a vegetarian and gluten-free, and if I’m invited to a restaurant to celebrate someone else’s special occasion, all I need to know is that there is at least one veggie/gf option on the menu for the main course and for dessert.”
“More than one is nice, but not essential if it’s someone else’s party time.”
“Admittedly, if I’m picking the restaurant for my celebration, I’m going to pick one where there are lots of vegie/gf options on the menu, but for someone else’s pick – all I really care is that I’m not going to be sitting there with a sad salad while everyone else is having a really good meal.”
“But also, if someone picks a restaurant for a party where I know I’m not going to be able to find anything to eat, I’ll just let the host know I won’t be able to attend – no big deal.”
“They like the restaurant, and it’s their party, so I send my good wishes and don’t go.”- Enough-Process9773
“I had to double check the age, she’s 32 pulling this tantrum bs?”
“I cannot handle it.”
“NTA enjoy your dinner with those who join.”
“Your parents are a**holes letting her choose for your birthday and giving into her.”- Beginning_Flower_390
“NTA.”
“It’s your party but sounds like she’ll cry if she wants to.”
“When you turned 16, she was around the age you are now.”
“As you are, could you imagine making a teenage girl miserable on her sweet 16 just because you felt that entitled?”
“I’m sure you’d feel like a raging AH, and rightfully so, because that’s exactly what she is.”
“The rest of your family is used to going over backward to appease her.”
“That doesn’t mean you have to or even should.”
“If they don’t attend because she’s playing victim, then I can’t image they would’ve been the most pleasant company anyway.”
“Whoever does attend are the real ones and I hope you have a great celebration with them.”-
CrimsonKnight_004
“NTA, your cousin sounds like an absolute pill (and maybe jealous to not be the center of attention).”
“Enjoy your dinner; I guarantee you won’t miss her at all, nor anyone else who chooses not to attend in protest on her behalf.”- Libba_Loo
“NTA.”
“It’s your celebration.”
“You extended her an invitation.”
“That’s as far as any obligation towards her extends.”
“If she doesn’t like your choice, she can simply not attend.”
“Stop inviting her.”
“Stop accommodating her demands on how you celebrate your moments.”- Anxious-Routine-5526
“NTA.”
“It sounds like you should stop inviting her to your celebrations.”- kilgirlie
“If it’s the celebration of my achievement and I’m paying, I’m damn well picking the restaurant.”
“If someone does not like the food there, they should simply decline my invite.”
“I’d tell every one of them that, starting with cuz.”
“I’d also stop inviting her.”
“NTA.”- Liu1845
“NTA.”
“This is your celebration for your promotion.”
“Your cousin is trying to make this all about her.”
“She doesn’t get to dictate where you will be going for this celebration.”
“She is totally free to not attend, and really any other family that ‘take her side’ and choose not to attend, really are showing you who they are and where you fall in their priorities.”- CuriousEmphasis7698
“Let her act crazy (you have no choice), and you refuse to be bothered.”
“Family who continue to harass you, don’t let them bother you either.”
“When she and they realize she can’t mess up your plans anymore she will find someone else to pick on.”
“Whatever you do, don’t give in.”
“That would be training her that your ‘no’ is only ‘no’ until she pitches a huge fit.”
“Frankly, you’re stuck unless you want this to happen again.”
“No means no.”
“Stick with it.”
“100% NTA.”- Next-Honeydew4130
“NTA.”
“But your cousin is.”
“Go to the restaurant you want to eat at, it’s a celebration for you!”
“If you really have any interest in involving the cousin (although for the life of me, I cannot think why because they really are the AH here and have been for many years), after dinner, suggest a meet up for dessert somewhere or decaf coffee/tea or a nightcap if you all drink alcohol.”- Reddit
“Cousin thinks she’s the main character.”
“Cousin is a goof.”
“NTA.”- halez1026
“NTA.”
“You invited some family to a little celebration dinner.”
“If any can’t make it for any reason, that’s fine.”
“Tell your self-centered cousin, ‘I’m sorry you won’t be able to make it’.”
“Will see you another time’.”
“Nobody gets to dictate where you choose for your own events.”
“And any relatives asking you to change the venue, kindly remind them that this is in your honor for your accomplishments and so, you enjoy.”
“You could also remind them there are options there for everyone on any eating plan.”- ilovetab
It’s not easy to find a restaurant that offers a wide variety of choices for vegans.
Even so, everyone finds themselves eating art restaurants they’d rather not, regardless of their diets, from time to time.
If the OP’s cousin couldn’t put aside her frustrations and settle for the vegan option at the restaurant she chose to celebrate her accomplishments, then perhaps it would have been best for everyone if she hadn’t joined them.
Just as she said she wouldn’t.